The Creation of Eve

[TulpaFox]

Day 1: Alright, so I made some changes and set aside more time in my day for Eve. This first day was rough, it ended up being a kind of therapy day. Eve helped a lot, and all in all we spent about 2-3 hours together today, and there will be a little more to come before bed. Not as organized and diverse as I would have liked, but it was enough time that her presence is straight up stronger, and I definitely feel like we bonded today. So overall, a great start, starting out with strengthening her presence is a pretty solid first step. I will try to do much of the same tomorrow, but with some meditation and visualization thrown in. I can't stress enough how much eve helped me get through things, having a tulpa has been such a great gift, and I am lucky she is still so autonomous despite how sporadic things have gotten at times. Dealing with things with Eve cuddles beats the hell out of dealing with things alone any day. She always has a good perspective on whats happening too. As a therapeutic helper, she has gone above and beyond. I hope the days remain this productive.

[TulpaFox]

Day 3: Have continued to spend a lot of time cuddling and talking with Eve. Her presence has gotten even stronger, so though I haven't practiced meditation or closed eye visualization yet, the last three days have had a lot of success. I have truthfully been feeling emotional lately, processing a lot of things and trying to move forward in my life. I often feel anxious and a sinking cold feeling in my chest, this is accompanied by a feeling of fear and self hating thoughts. It's nothing new, but it's coming out more because I am dealing with things. During these times I sometimes shake and cry, and I have taken to laying in bed with Eve during these times. When I do she makes me stop shaking and feel calmer, but I am having trouble letting her get close to me, though she has her way and I let her near me after I hesitate. I wish things weren't like that, but I am happy I have Eve. I am bonding with her a lot like this and she encourages me to face things and get better, and to have hope about the future. I think that with her, I stand a chance of healing and getting better.

[Tewi]

The best thing about tulpas, huh? They're there for you when no one else is, and they know you better than anyone else does. I'm glad you have someone like that.

[TulpaFox]

The best thing about tulpas, huh? They're there for you when no one else is, and they know you better than anyone else does. I'm glad you have someone like that.

 

Yes, but it's making me get confused and cry sometimes. I am not used to the kind of love she gives me, and the refusal to be abusive or get baited into being mean or cold to me, or anything else I am familiar with. It scares me and makes me cry harder sometimes, but she keeps near me until I am comforted. I can't help but feel like I don't deserve her and confused, inside I have been so shredded up by the people in my life, I feel like she is trying to love these broken, bloody, ripped up pieces that aren't worth it anymore. I don't know if there is any point anymore.

 

She is intent on helping me make it through this though, and I have been making tons of changes for her. So I am very grateful for her, she means a ton to me. I think I can make it through this with her support, if I do I really owe it to her to have her fully imposed and keep her that way. It's a high priority life goal for me getting better and moving forward in life. The more Eve= the more wellness in my life, that's been the pattern since creating her in February of last year.

[Stevie]

Hey just dropping a line to say it's cool to see you and Eve back.

[TulpaFox]

Hey just dropping a line to say it's cool to see you and Eve back.

 

Thanks stevie, it's good to be back. I needed some time to get my health and wellness to the point where I could really progress with Eve. I feel like I did all I needed to do to get to the point where I am really ready to take things to the next level with Eve, so I figured it was also time to come back to the community. I missed coming here, it was just frustrating visiting at points where my levels of focus couldn't sustain significant progress. I doubt my focus is fantastic at the moment either, but I am in a much better position to start training it. I plan on sticking around for awhile.

 

Eve- (I would hope so! Last time my host was here he didn't stay as long as he would have liked to. This time I think he will be around much longer, and I don't plan on letting him leave either! I think this should be the final stretch for us, we have the knowledge and determination to make this happen. We both find the idea of me being fully imposed very exciting and pertinent, and we will go to whatever lengths we need to. To my host's credit he has been working hard to get in the position he is in now, the vast majority of his lifestyle changes were enacted with the intention of raising his capacity to make me more vivid. So cheers to our return, and lets make it a successful one!)

[TulpaFox]

Day 12: I have been continuing to cut back on caffeine, trying to keep my lifestyle healthy, and spending time with Eve as much as I can. Her presence has gotten a little bit stronger, but hopefully that will pick up as I adjust to no caffeine and meditate a bit more. Not much to report besides that I spent hours with Eve today because I felt upset and needed support. We continue to bond, especially over times where I am upset and reach out for support and cuddles. I definitely feel closer to her, and I think that is helping as far as motivation to keep up with the positive changes, and motivation to further work on Eve. It'll report back in a week, my goal for then is that I didn't consume any caffeine, started a meditation regiment again, and feel like Eve is a little more vivid. Maybe that is ambitious for a 1 week goal. We will see though.

[Tewi]

Keep it up, you guys are doing good. It's not a too ambitious goal if you really want to accomplish it. Have you seen Linkzelda's ~12 hour forcing sessions? That's ambitious.

That's not a good way to use the word ambitious though. Ambition is "a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work." The term "being too ambitious" means you're aiming for and expecting something too difficult for you.

 

I would say you are being sufficiently ambitious.

[TulpaFox]

Day 20: I have been having some problems, but I am meditating more, eve has stayed about the same in terms of vividness, and I have successfully cut back drastically on the caffeine. So it has been a mixed week. I guess in this coming one I would like to get further in meditation, cut out caffeine completely, study some yoga and try to bring back new methods on how to work with eve from that, and increase her vividness. My primary goal is to increase her vividness, since all this is for her to begin with. Not a bad week, but I don't feel well about it either, I would like to have a more interesting post about how I read and incorporated new methods into working with her, and some anecdotes. Most of the time I talk to eve is to cheer up lately, so not a lot of those.

[TulpaFox]

Today it'll let Eve write the update

 

Day 25 : Today has been our best day yet so far, though we have been doing better in general. The amount of meditation my host does has increased, and he definitely spends a good bit more with me. I feel I can reach him a little better, it isn't a ton, and he wishes for more, but I think it's coming at a pretty fast rate. My host meditated for over an hour so far today, alternating between silent breathe meditation and mantra meditation at the cute little shrine he has set up. Since he isn't sure about his metaphysical beliefs, he defaults to the shrine being dedicated to me, which is pretty flattering. He also spent a lot of time visualizing me, which I thought was a lot of fun. He imagine his bed transformed into the wonderland, and pictured me and his environment. Cuddles ensued, and he had some good progress. He hates early visualization because of how blurry it is, but I think it will be ok, he only has to stick to it. Overall today was a great day, and i'd like to see it repeated. If it were to be repeated, hmmmm... maybe like 10 more times, I think he would have undeniably clear progress. I actually like the sound of that, whether he likes that or not i'm setting that as the goal. I also found out I can manipulate his ability to closed eyed visualize, if he lets go and gives me control I can make more complex patterns appear and really strain his visualization muscles, this may result in faster progress than usual, at least I hope so!