ex ou December 6, 2015 Author December 6, 2015 Was at the buffet getting my last plate containing dessert. I let Chloe pick out what to get cause I didn't know what. Got some cake but she always aimed for the ones in the middle, and I was like okay. Been thinking about making another tulpa lately. And... been working on possession once again. She controls mostly my right hand because she's right handed and I'm left handed.
ex ou December 10, 2015 Author December 10, 2015 Looked at some guides and they're quite helpful. Imposition progress is going well. Been working on seeing her in my mind's eye rather than trying to perceive her in the external environment or some shit. Possession going well too. I can let go of my body in some cases. I interact with her a bit more, which helps a lot. She helps me with my current frustration by talking to me, which helps a bit. We're planning to finally start our project for the upcoming winter break (my last final is tomorrow ツ), but she says I need to focus on the basics and starting points first rather than working towards the end product. Not very good at putting melodies I hear in my head to guitar or any other sound thingy. Had to drive to school at 5:30am yesterday, and things were really nice. Trees laying besides the freeway are like solid black and look evil as fuck and the sky was nice, everything seemed post-apocalyptic which is something I'm into. So then we're planning to go out early as fuck in the morning and get some material settled because why not. Chloe has her little stuff to help me. I have a feeling that I won't even get one song done cause... talking about it and not actually doing it is what I, and probably you, like to do a lot. This is something I sorta have to do in order to justify the recent "tragedy" (for a lack of a better word) and feel better about myself because ever since then I've been feeling real fucking bad. sublimation is key !
ex ou December 12, 2015 Author December 12, 2015 Had a terrible day at work today. I was on the verge of breaking down until I saw a figure to my right a little after some time. Whenever I go through those times I usually don't think of Chloe and get myself lost in some self-deprecating mindset, but she managed to stay by my side that time. Her figure was dark and was like on my back right side when I glanced a bit behind me. It was comforting to see that she was there. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have her, really. And... she didn't speak at all then. She was just following me like she always does.
ex ou December 13, 2015 Author December 13, 2015 Was having trouble with bad thoughts at like 10pm so Chloe kept urging me to go take a break and force. We've always wanted to go out on a post-apocalyptic adventure, and she was like why not now so you can get away from your troubles. So I did. I tried entering into the wonderland through that door thing (which has been extended to one room that represents the "outside", then a hallway for cleansing, then leading to the wonderland), but then things kept pulling me back. She tried to help me, but I ended up getting pulled underground by some black arm. I lay there and found some seed. I couldn't destroy it and figured it was the root cause of some of my problems. Eventually I got out, which then me and Chloe jumped off the rooftop and into the ocean. Chloe warned me that I might fall asleep when I start falling into the ocean, which I did. I was quite awake and eager then, so I'm pretty amazed that I fell asleep. Amazed and a little disappointed.
ex ou December 14, 2015 Author December 14, 2015 I fell asleep and had a dream. Chloe ended up being in it, then it turned out to be something I could control. Lucid, I guess. She flew me around my old high school. I was taking pictures of stuff. I was invisible to other people. One girl hung herself after saying to another guy, "Hey, let's hang!" Weird stuff. Chloe is getting some rest right now, so I can't ask her about her take on the dream.
ex ou December 16, 2015 Author December 16, 2015 Working on writing a book. Easier than music production so I'll just use this as my main project to work on. It revolves around my wonderland being the afterlife of some dude who killed himelf, and is with his "imaginary friend" to do shit. Conflict arises and you know what else, book shit. Chloe said to me how I should be more considerate about my schizophrenic brother. I was like he acts like an asshole without remorse or guilt. Then she was like but imagine having 2 or more tulpas forcing their way into your life and being completely mean to you. That's when it sorta struck me.
ex ou December 18, 2015 Author December 18, 2015 Been working on the book. Really fun to write as it's pretty much my wonderland version 2 with cameras set up. Chloe gives responses, and... yeah. Been interacting with her a lot lately. Her responses are more hers now. My mind visualizing is pretty solid and consistent now. Everything going along just smoothly, or at least, for now it is. Hopefully me and her get to go out on that 4am adventure to starbucks during my next 2 days off. We can fuck up our sleeping schedule and see how we react to one another. Pre-morning traffic highway driving is real fun.
ex ou December 19, 2015 Author December 19, 2015 I seem to have hit a plateau. I don't think I can achieve imposition with just me thinking that she's there with me. I need to find out what's really going on and understand what's actually happening, which does have it's down sides to it. Occasionally I find myself feeling a bit silly thinking of an imaginary friend walking and conversing with me, let alone letting one take control of my body. The results will come someday. Until then, I'll try to have fun along the way.
ex ou December 23, 2015 Author December 23, 2015 I did it. I woke up at 4:20am and left for starbucks at 5. Wasn't all that great as the first time I did this, but it was still nice. I just chose one random starbucks like 30 minutes away and decided I wanted to go there. It's in a really nice place, lots of professional and financially stable looking lads over here. It makes me feel so out of place. I'm still only 19, and someday I hope to join these zombie-looking dudes sometime in the future. With that aside, Chloe hadn't been responsive lately for the past couple days. She actually stopped responding then cause she was sorta mad at my focus being on my book rather than on her, how I was using her as a reason to make money rather and shit. I talked to her last night before I slept and got things situated. I vamped up my wonderland, discussed with her, all that shit. Her avoidance was more of a contribution to my creative output, as she said.
ex ou December 24, 2015 Author December 24, 2015 I'll try to keep my personal events on the low side, now. This isn't a place for me to rant about my problems. Things haven't been going my way (as usual). Chloe = supportive. I can hear her mind voice more clearly now, which helps me feel not so alone as I once did. Don't really have to work on sentience only in active forcing, my little efforts during passive seem to do the trick. And, that's it. end.
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