Jump to content

Sock Cottonwell's System Sketchbook


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 101
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

This is some good art *crosses arms, closes eyes and nods*

 

I'm not going to listen to you guys since you are all probably just talking to yourself and don't really have a tulpa like me.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Marilyn_Sheet_B.png

 

This is Marilyn...or at least, a sketch sheet dedicated to Marilyn. She's a figure that just kind of appeared one day, while I was meditating about a year back. She just appeared in my mental vision as a fuzy figure, and approached me while I was trying to clear out my mind. Since I didn't have the ability to attend to her at the time, I first set her in a different landscape to visit her later, then trusting her with Sheryl and her friends when Marilyn said she felt lonely. The Milkies took too her immediately, treating her like family, even making uniform for her to match theirs (Shown above). They were close enough that when Marilyn left for a while with another head person, the Milkies were notably depressed, and would often ask me to relay messages to her from them.

 

Marilyn is one of the figures I spent the least time with. Others would call her a NPC, though like others similar to her, she shows surprising proficiency in communicating ideas, and saying things I really don't expect of her, which was reiterated when I decided to sit down and have a conversation with her. Here are some points that stood out to me:

 

- Her first comment was about how she felt shocked when the session first start. Not out of surprise of me talking to her directly, which I've done every so often, but that she felt a rush of "energy" when I began to type to her. She said she wasn't used to it, and I could even not a sense of surprise when I started addressing her. She said it was too much for her at first, but she got used to it a little afterwards.

 

- Related to the above, since I was typing the conversation, I would address her by typing, and would sometimes repeat the question to ensure she got it. She referred to this as "listening to you say it twice." Once quietly, and once out loud.

 

- She thanked me for drawing her, saying that since my memory of her was weaker, she couldn't always hold herself together. Adding to that "But you always knew me".

 

- She expressed concern about me returning to my habits of trying to forcefully and extremely change myself, as I had done for the past year, saying that she wanted me to stay the same. When I asked her a bit more about it, she then said that she didn't want me to be ashamed of her, because she wasn't ashamed of me.

 

She then dropped this unexpected line, which I will quote:

 

I came, because you wanted to protect and love something. It was when Midori wasn't around, and you would sometimes search for a replacement. You, inside you, wanted someone to take her place, but was afraid of getting in trouble, so many, many girls formed. I'm one of them.

 

This above line is her explaining when she first became a thing, before I initially encountered her. I know I've run in to figures who reported histories of sorts before I met them, as well as those who only report being in the dark. What makes this one odd to me, though, is how it seems like she's directly explaining a trend in my head folk, that being that many of them are female children. This wasn't on my mind when I was speaking to her at all, and when she said it, she spoke in a rather stilted fashion, stopping and starting every few words as if she were struggling to say it. Yet at the same time, the information seemed to come easily to her. As well, unlike the previous comments she made which were purely mindvoiced, this comment was partnered with a notable impression on my ear, as if she were trying to make me hear what she was saying through that. After saying this, she told me that she felt tired, and wanted to rest, so I let her, and she left with this:

 

Don't be ashamed, because everyone needs a friend.

 

The information above makes me look at the inner dynamics I have in a bit of a new light. I mentioned in my progress report that I stopped practising tulpa development altogether for like a year. I can confirm that, despite trying to cut ties as much as possible, I often found myself looking for outward replacements for the experience, while at the same time being super careful not to imagine things too much lest I make another thought person. But, when I finally did come back, starting with Yoko, and Midori coming a bit later, I then noticed a flood of thought folk just around in my perception, some just seeming to pass by, others addressing me directly. Marilyn first came to me during this "transitional" period, giving more credence to me of her words. This was on top of other things happening, and looking back, it really did seem like I made a huge mental mess that I needed to clean up. Welp, it's a work in progress, and I have a hopeful attitude about it. This post is getting long, so I will end it here.

 

(I was going to post a link to the journal entry, but the sap of it hurt so bad, that I couldn't bare to post it. I know I can be sappy but YEOW...!)

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh boy. Art AND a story to go with it! This is the real deal here! (On a side note, how many entities are in your minds cape that you were wanting to draw? As I can see, there's probably a lot.)

"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh boy. Art AND a story to go with it! This is the real deal here!

 

When you dig deep enough in to yourself, you tend to come out with stories to tell. I've been trying to be more open about the stuff that goes on inside, since before I had it on complete lock down. For a while I wouldn't even mention anyone that wasn't Midori or Ellenore, my first two.

 

Though non-internet related stuff threw some wrenches in to my internal plans, and some of the stuff I was planning on writing on to the site, like my direct conversations with my in-folk, had to be put on the back burner. I have a few of them at the end of my progress report, though.

 

(On a side note, how many entities are in your minds cape that you were wanting to draw? As I can see, there's probably a lot.)

 

There's a lot, but the exact number

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Marilyn.png

 

Polished up another sketch on the sheet, and have isolated it and the last colored image from the sheet. I wanted to get more movement in the next image I polished, and I think I had some success here. I'll work on it more later.

 

=======

Drawing Notes:

=======

[hidden]

-I considered a bit about the general aesthetic of what I draw. My impulse led me to think that I put too much weight on pretty/cute looks for my own good. But, there's also this to consider, that I likely would have had some issue getting back in to drawing, if I had tried to pursue an aesthetic that I was less attached to.

 

- Going from the above, the idea behind these images is not only to symbolise what is in myself, the thought person this form belongs to, but also to make something that I actively enjoy looking at, and like to look at a lot. In this sense, I feel I have been successful so far.

 

- I wanted to see more motion in this drawing than the other ones I've done thus far. I made sure to pose Marilyn with more gesture in the sketch, as well as exagerating the way her dress flowed, to give a greater sense of action, rather than a static standing pose. I've had idea of how to get more in to the habit of infusing my figures with gesture and movement, including having the figures do simple, mundane actions that are usually taken for granted. Since a lot of movement comes from those, rather than over-the-top poses and such seen in comics and cartoons.

 

- Her hair is still rather difficult for me to get down. I may have to do some tweaking around with it until I get comfortable with the black mop.

 

- I always like putting an element of softness when dealing with this sort of drawing. I don't like the idea of having an open mouth not having any sort of effect on the rest of the face. I understand this is done to ease animation, thus why I have more reason not to do it in a static image.

 

- I like having thick lines with these drawings. The usual styling for this sort of cartooning is to have tin, rather delicate looking linework, but I feel stronger outlines work better for the way I draw.

[/hidden]

 

 

========

Marilyn Notes:

========

 

- Marilyn told me that she was there to make a boy happy. But she also wanted to be happy herself, and what made her happy, was having people around who loved her. May it be the Milkies, or Platinum, or myself, she likes being around people. That's why, when she first emerged, she regularly complained of being lonely.

 

- Marilyn says it's sometimes difficult to keep herself together. But, having friends who remember her helps, as well as my own memory of her, which she latches on to.

 

- While less directly related to Marilyn herself, my mind returned to the idea that this exercise requires me to sometimes take a child-like mindset. I can't be as quick to question and regard things as false, though at the same time I can't be moved by every single thing that happens. I guess it is a balance that is needed, leaning more toward being child-like and open.

 

- While I was thinking about Marilyn, I came to the idea that she, and especially her inspiration, were stereotypes, or more specifically, and anime archtype. I quickly noted that she felt stung by this, and reports that she still does as I type this. But, I also said to her that stereotypes are a base for the rest of the person to grow from. Likewise, that I found it better to be upfront and honest about where her personality comes from, since a truth that stings is still far better than a lie. Besides, it's a stereotype I actually like, or else she wouldn't be around. I also noted how quick I was to try and comfort her when I noticed the "sting", being concious that I do not like to see/hear/feel my girls get hurt, even the "lesser" ones.

 

- More and more I'm considering memory to be an important factor of the process. I feel that the reason why I can call up a person from my list of names, and get a response from them (May it be joyous greeting, confusion, or any other response), is that I remember that they're there. I believe there's more to it than that, but having a solid memory, or training said memory up, seems to be very helpful. (I'm reminded of a comment Lacquer made about me calling them "Memory Maidens". I still chuckle about that).

 

- Surprisingly, I don't go on wonderland adventures at all. More often than not, I'm not really able to, or I just don't think to go in to my landscape. This may seem odd, since I have so many folks I interact with as illustrated in this thread, but I haven't been able to sink in to my head and see the "sights" as it were. I have an impression of where the girls live, and I also have a "private" hub space ("private" because said hub not only got regular passerbys, said passerbys soon either set up shop and stuck around there, or door to the bigger landscapes were opened), but I haven't gone and sat in there.

 

- Speaking of the above, Marilyn herself actually did go on adventures. Nothing I actually day dreamed (I've only day dreamed about Kellogg, recently), rather, she would send me little messages every so often about were she went, with her friend Platinum. One more memorable scene was when Platinum and her were under a tree with striking red leaves, though I believe the tree originated from a dream I had, and stuck in mind since. From what I remember of them, Marilyn and Platinum would just wander about, looking at the sights, and sometimes getting in to fights with monsters. I never asked too many specifics about it, though recently Marilyn has said she wanted to cool down for a while, and stay in one place. At which point she and Platinum went in to a then empty room in my hub and stayed there, until Marilyn went back to stay with the Milkies.

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Kellogg_Act.png

 

Here's a quick sketch of Kellogg. The reason is that I wanted to draw Kellogg.

 

Although she wasn't conscious before Midori, Kellogg been on of the folks who's been with me the longest, being a figure of daydreams since my teenage years. Unfortunately, I cannot remember many of her exploits prior to the series of events I call "The Bizarre Hotel", where she was a homeless bum, and went in to an abandoned house to escape the rain, only to find herself in a bizarre limbo-like place with equally bizarre tenants. She has many similarities to myself not too long ago, being very lax, laid back, to the point of being lazy. She has a tendency to wander, a trait that stuck with her from her time as a character, and a hunger for adventure, which she made clear as she's told me a few times that she wanted to go on another adventure.

 

Fortunately for her, I've found myself day dreaming about her recently, in a scenario where her, Ellenore, and Midori are a trio of sisters, and Kellogg herself ended up with a very special sort of machete, another older subject of daydreams, called a "Raqusheeth". The knife itself has a dull blade, so dull in fact that it can't even cut sheep's wool, or wet cardboard. The catch is, that the knife can seemingly cut everything else with extreme ease. The goal of Kellogg's journey in the daydreams is to return the knife to it's home, which requires her to leave her home, and even her country. There's a bit more to it (Like the machete being able to communicate), but that's the gist of it. Kellogg seems to be enjoying it, so I'm happy for her, and it's not to see an old buddy like her around again. Hopefully, I'll write the actual events of the tale down, rather than letting it decay in my head like I did in the past

 

And just because I'm in the mood to post childhood characters, here's a little (Off-topic) bonus: Super Stupid! This character isn't of the living variety, but he made enough of an impression for me to remember him. This drawing isn't recent, so I may just do another and edit it in.

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

The previous day...

 

- Midori and Sheryl spoke with someone on irc together.

 

- Midori and Sheryl decided to switch clothes, and wanted me to draw the results

 

- Midori and Sheryl discuss who I liked before they came along, how they still consider each other "twins" of sort (Sheryl considers Midori older for obvious reasons, Midori considers Kellogg older, and Ellenore is in a strange limbo of being a 'big-little-sister' with Midori), and how it feels to have people who were around longer than them. They then discussed who counted more as a "little sister", coming to the idea that Marilyn fit it the best, then made sure to ask me to post the conversation online.

 

[align=center]Mido_Sheryl.png

 

And the results of said events are shown here.[/align]

 

It's been a long time since I've noticed interactions that were this level of..."anime"? Maybe more "meta-anime". That's the sort of vibe I get from it. No one directly involved had a school girl uniform on, but that particular cliche would not have been a shock in there.

 

Much of that day was a quiet work day, where I hopped around communicating with different residents whenever I was reminded of them at the time. Some I was reminded of through seeing their image in my picture archive, others I came to through association, others yet I made active efforts to keep their name in mind, and some just popped up to ask me to draw them. Suffice to say, a lot of work was done to ensure that their name triggers memories of their person, if not their presence. Since I listened through this book, my mind's been geared even more toward improving the ability of my memory to retain and recall information. I already had it in mind before, but the methods described in this book requires a fair bit more legwork to get your brain muscles all nice and ripped. A strong mind is required for this practice, yes?

 

For the past while, my mind has been a bit on the idea of attachment, how attached I was to certain things, and whether it was right to be attached to such things. The idea of attachment is something quite relevant to me, as attachment is one of the things that are reflected in the make-up of my group. Old attachments from days gone by, attachments that sprung up seemingly in an instant, attachments that I would deny to save face, lots of that. I don't think yet have anything too profound on the subject to say at this time, but it has come somewhat regularly to my attention, in how I see myself attracted to things, how I react defensively to some things I like, etc. Maybe more will come as I become more aware. Until then...

 

Peace

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

Chalk_Gentle.png

 

This is Gentle.

 

I've mentioned her occasionally in my Progress Report, with a conversation with her here. Since then, I've felt a bit of a stronger attachment to her, thought I still haven't spent too much time with her. As well, I've been wanting to do another chalk-style image, and since she was one my mind, I picked her to draw, so here it is.

 

While I was drawing, I asked her what sort of pose she wanted, with which she had trouble with. She wasn't completely sure what kind of personality vibe she wanted to put out there, describing herself somewhere between Kellogg and Midori. She put the idea into the phrase "disaffectedly cutesy". As such, I went with this, though I don't feel I got it quite down yet. I may simple need to be more bold with the posing, not be afraid to make a mistake along the way.

 

Peace.

Sock Cottonwell's

Sketchbook, Journal, and Ask thread.

Peace

Link to post
Share on other sites

This style I'm not as much of a fan... the whole "fuzzy" look doesn't appeal to me.

"Try to get a better understanding of things before making your judgement." -Khan, Metro 2033

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...