Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon

[TB]

Good luck

 

You tried Effexor? I'm so sorry

 

And lol I value people having fun too but when I'm drunk playing League I start taunting people lol. I wish I could be motivated to talk in league without drinking. Still on antabuse so can't do that anymore right now and hopefully ever. Also rather than motivated it is more like not inhibited.

 

Also you never tried the lithium? What made you decide not to try that again?

[Luminesce]

I tried basically every common antidepressant in my young teens and none had any effect that I could tell (though life was pretty blurry at the time), and then recently we tried prozac at psychiatrist's suggestion before trying lithium for a while. None had any effects on us whatsoever. The only "medications" left (which to be fair have the highest chance of working) are ketamine and magic mushrooms/psilocybin (which while different have very similar effects in allowing the brain to break down and reform more positive neural connections), which I'm not really up for yet. Well, ketamine costing $200 per treatment here certainly doesn't help. So we've been back to just working really hard CBT/personal-development style, and it's been helping a decent amount, though I don't really believe it'll ever actually fix my brain at the core (dampened emotional & serotonin/dopamine effect and all), though I am hopeful that I can function significantly better than I currently do by defeating a lot of negative thought patterns.

 

I've done a lot of work/learning with Blender and Substance Painter the last few days as intended, so this trial I mentioned isn't off to a bad start, the framing of not thinking about working as a temporary thing before getting back to entertainment, but rather entertainment as a temporary thing before getting back to working, is pretty interesting and possibly helping a fair bit.

[Lucilyn]

probably anyone who cares about this thread should read this PR post https://community.tulpa.info/topic/10758-full-promises/?do=findComment&comment=399759

 

 

anyways, Lumi switched with me only halfway through the day yesterday and yet I still had a whole night of positive and detailed dreams lol

 

I barely even did anything yesterday but apparently it's just me that gets dreams like that, even if I wasn't especially thinking or doing lots of active or positive things

Feels kinda unfair! to my systemmates, I dunno how it's just exclusively me being switched in that causes interesting dreams

 

doesn't mean I remembered to focus on remembering them, but the possibility was there at least

[Lucilyn]

the bias is real, I get all the dreams

 

THAT ASIDE EVEN, today (went to bed super late lol) I woke up after only 2.5 hours or so because someone was getting ready to leave, and then I went to the bathroom and back to bed

and I had a lucid dream that lasted so long, I never even reality checked it was just obvious, but I didn't try to do anything just kinda feeling like remembering/experiencing it was all that I needed to do for like practice's sake

 

but because it felt so long I actually started talking to our brother about how I was lucid and how this dream had been going a while (it probably wasn't really that long, but for 3 hours into sleep??), how I didn't even need to reality check, and maybe I recounted some of what had happened to him I don't remember

 

funny thing, we've verified before but I'll do so again, you can absolutely forget lucid dreams, I mean even just for this one I don't remember all the details at the start or end even though I was lucid for them, but also we've had two or three short lucid moments in dreams since that last post and we very nearly forgot each of them entirely (our dream recall normally sux though so)

 

definitely need to practice dream recall for lucid dreaming

 

 

uh, anyways we looked into getting an ADHD diagnosis because we realized we have one or two of the core symptoms (mainly streams of thought drifting off topic rather quickly and remembering we hadn't thought about what we were trying to, which isn't that big a deal but it is an obvious symptom) in case an ADHD med might help with our motivation problems (there are people who have reported it doing exactly what we need it to so)

and we actually scored comfortably past the minimum (though the test was silly and mostly about school habits/performance, not focusing just on your own brain/daily habits like it should)

 

we tried concerta and adderall so far and they didn't really help anything, but while we tried adderall up to the highest safe dose for our first month prescription of 40mg and still nothing, we're thinking recently maybe we've just had too-low a dose of all the antidepressants/etc. we've tried because we're so overly tolerant to drugs, and want to explore higher doses of anything we take now before saying it for sure "does nothing", so while doc proposed vyvanse as an option in the past (it's different from adderall, and from concerta) we're probably gonna try a higher dose of concerta first (or just ritalin, the non-extended release form of what concerta is)

 

still need to fix our motivation/effort issues before we can commit to stuff like lucid dreaming again, only thing we've been able to do a lot of in all this time is learning C++ for Unreal Engine, though even that is usually only week-long daily practice bursts every month or so lol

Edited October 16, 2024 by Lucilyn