Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon

[TB]

Good luck

 

You tried Effexor? I'm so sorry

 

And lol I value people having fun too but when I'm drunk playing League I start taunting people lol. I wish I could be motivated to talk in league without drinking. Still on antabuse so can't do that anymore right now and hopefully ever. Also rather than motivated it is more like not inhibited.

 

Also you never tried the lithium? What made you decide not to try that again?

[Luminesce]

I tried basically every common antidepressant in my young teens and none had any effect that I could tell (though life was pretty blurry at the time), and then recently we tried prozac at psychiatrist's suggestion before trying lithium for a while. None had any effects on us whatsoever. The only "medications" left (which to be fair have the highest chance of working) are ketamine and magic mushrooms/psilocybin (which while different have very similar effects in allowing the brain to break down and reform more positive neural connections), which I'm not really up for yet. Well, ketamine costing $200 per treatment here certainly doesn't help. So we've been back to just working really hard CBT/personal-development style, and it's been helping a decent amount, though I don't really believe it'll ever actually fix my brain at the core (dampened emotional & serotonin/dopamine effect and all), though I am hopeful that I can function significantly better than I currently do by defeating a lot of negative thought patterns.

 

I've done a lot of work/learning with Blender and Substance Painter the last few days as intended, so this trial I mentioned isn't off to a bad start, the framing of not thinking about working as a temporary thing before getting back to entertainment, but rather entertainment as a temporary thing before getting back to working, is pretty interesting and possibly helping a fair bit.

[Lucilyn]

probably anyone who cares about this thread should read this PR post https://community.tulpa.info/topic/10758-full-promises/?do=findComment&comment=399759

 

 

anyways, Lumi switched with me only halfway through the day yesterday and yet I still had a whole night of positive and detailed dreams lol

 

I barely even did anything yesterday but apparently it's just me that gets dreams like that, even if I wasn't especially thinking or doing lots of active or positive things

Feels kinda unfair! to my systemmates, I dunno how it's just exclusively me being switched in that causes interesting dreams

 

doesn't mean I remembered to focus on remembering them, but the possibility was there at least

[Lucilyn]

the bias is real, I get all the dreams

 

THAT ASIDE EVEN, today (went to bed super late lol) I woke up after only 2.5 hours or so because someone was getting ready to leave, and then I went to the bathroom and back to bed

and I had a lucid dream that lasted so long, I never even reality checked it was just obvious, but I didn't try to do anything just kinda feeling like remembering/experiencing it was all that I needed to do for like practice's sake

 

but because it felt so long I actually started talking to our brother about how I was lucid and how this dream had been going a while (it probably wasn't really that long, but for 3 hours into sleep??), how I didn't even need to reality check, and maybe I recounted some of what had happened to him I don't remember

 

funny thing, we've verified before but I'll do so again, you can absolutely forget lucid dreams, I mean even just for this one I don't remember all the details at the start or end even though I was lucid for them, but also we've had two or three short lucid moments in dreams since that last post and we very nearly forgot each of them entirely (our dream recall normally sux though so)

 

definitely need to practice dream recall for lucid dreaming

 

 

uh, anyways we looked into getting an ADHD diagnosis because we realized we have one or two of the core symptoms (mainly streams of thought drifting off topic rather quickly and remembering we hadn't thought about what we were trying to, which isn't that big a deal but it is an obvious symptom) in case an ADHD med might help with our motivation problems (there are people who have reported it doing exactly what we need it to so)

and we actually scored comfortably past the minimum (though the test was silly and mostly about school habits/performance, not focusing just on your own brain/daily habits like it should)

 

we tried concerta and adderall so far and they didn't really help anything, but while we tried adderall up to the highest safe dose for our first month prescription of 40mg and still nothing, we're thinking recently maybe we've just had too-low a dose of all the antidepressants/etc. we've tried because we're so overly tolerant to drugs, and want to explore higher doses of anything we take now before saying it for sure "does nothing", so while doc proposed vyvanse as an option in the past (it's different from adderall, and from concerta) we're probably gonna try a higher dose of concerta first (or just ritalin, the non-extended release form of what concerta is)

 

still need to fix our motivation/effort issues before we can commit to stuff like lucid dreaming again, only thing we've been able to do a lot of in all this time is learning C++ for Unreal Engine, though even that is usually only week-long daily practice bursts every month or so lol

Edited October 16, 2024 by Lucilyn

[Luminesce]

(ADHD meds just weren't really right for us, they stress our body's circulation and the only positive effect is relieving depressive moods, but nothing past just that, and I think significant exercise can achieve the same effect)

---

 

So, I can't explain or excuse why we haven't been trying lucid dream supplements, or why we stopped after taking the ones we had only a few times (only success was a big fancy post on the next page)

(when getting that link I accidentally found the wrong post, in LOTPW, but the following posts (next page) were like system lore so I want to link it anyways)

But to not explain and not excuse, after Tewi basically decided we were never going to (naturally) succeed at lucid dreaming while our motivation issues remained unresolved, it just hasn't felt right to focus on lucid dreaming. Wouldn't feel right until we did ......... or ran out of things to try entirely, which is where we're at now! Actually, I'm writing an unrelated post at the same time about the very last thing I have left to try for motivation here

 

But yeah, got the modern successor to Claridream Pro, Dream Leaf Pro (for as long as it lasts, seems like after 8 years this one may be disappearing soon as well) - nearly had a stroke as the MOMENT I finally decided to buy them, after all this time, they went out of stock on Amazon, possibly permanently - but I managed to buy them from the main website. As far as I'm concerned this may be the only time I can even buy these, afterwards I'd have to take like.. mugwort pills or whatever. (Can't fall back asleep after making & drinking a whole cup of tea, so)

 

I read back through some of those old posts and, man, I just can't be bothered to care or take warnings from past us lol. I don't feel like eating anything with them, I don't feel like waiting until I'm not sleeping in the middle of the day, and I DO feel like I'll be able to just wake up and take them without thinking too much. Maybe. One of those times it sounded like we really did nothing wrong and still couldn't fall back asleep, but I've got 30 of these things so whatever. Could be the best day(night(day)) of my life, whatever. I'd like to hold on to the "Yeah, I'll do it" vibe so I didn't read too much of the old posts lol, I know caring too much interferes with our sleeping immensely so hopefully we can just chill... and then suddenly accomplish the most important thing in our lives and celebrate after the fact

 

I mean, not much more to say, feels like I should write a bigger post, but I've also been thinking recently I should write smaller posts so I guess I'll take it!

[Miri]

will watch your career with great interest

 

I'm curious, how do you think lucid dreaming will affect your life? as in, why do you hold it as some sort of 'this will fix everything' holy grail?

[Luminesce]

I didn't ever say that, actually said the opposite, that we've been trying to pursue a fix-everything before returning to lucid dreaming

 

As for why I want to? I love my tulpas extremely dearly and want to hug them and see them real, and while our imposition skills are alright it obviously does not compare to a vivid lucid dream, which is very close to experiencing something like it's reality

My tulpas exist in my head in the first place, so it makes sense to me to see lucid dream interactions as just an enhanced version of interacting with them (our visualization kind of sucks, and even when it's okay it still feels boring, so we never really do it - we do imposition to talk/hug somewhat often though), only downside being the instability/inability to stay consistent that dreams have, but if it were literally perfect I think that would be a bit much

 

Yeah I dunno, it's mostly just that I can't think of anything better, it's so far up there. Enjoying life with a significant other would be better than vivid-lucid-dreaming, but even supposing I could find someone I really liked who liked me, my motivation-effort issues are still crippling and I can't imagine being at all as good for the potential person as I would want to be, which would be very depressing, so I haven't really considered trying to find someone. Still an option if I can ever fix my issues, but considering I'm out of options to try, I won't hold my br-lucid dreaming :P

 

(As life goals go, lucid dreaming with my tulpas is my #1 "For me"/internal goal, while making as much money as I can to donate to improving the lives of people living in poor conditions (namely third world) is still my #1 "For others"/external goal, followed by making fun games for people)

 

Ooh, post #777, that's special

Edited November 15, 2025 by Luminesce

[Miri]

Huh I swear I once read it from you that lucid dreaming was the most important goal in your life or something, so I assume it'd be something like 'yeah, spending real-life-like time with my tulpas would motivate me enough' maybe I made that up in my mind

 

Anyway, yeah so good luck with your life

[Luminesce]

Yeah you inferred the second part incorrectly

I might've thrown out a "Maybe it would motivate me" like 10 years ago but I never put much stock in that, it would just make me immensely happy and hopefully feel fulfilling after while awake (pretty sure), but I can't really say that would for sure affect my brain's screwed up dopamine system. It's possible, but mostly only because being in a very good mood tends to remove resistance from doing things so they don't require "effort" in the first place, but as much as I want this it's still just dreams that I'll only have the memory of after waking up, so I'm not expecting I'll just be Disney Princess-level gleeful all day forever lol.

 

Maybe though, if we use these supplements consistently and our dream recall becomes extremely good.. I think our daily mood would improve a fair bit and we might be slightly more productive because of it, but no, it's certainly never been a "solution to my motivation/effort issues" in my mind, just something I really really want to do. Wouldn't have made sense to stop pursuing it for so long in search of, well, a solution, if it were meant to be a solution itself

[LB]

good luck lumi i hope they help

 

we feel a bit bad that for us, dreaming with other tulpas has happened randomly by accident quite a lot. usually not in lucid dreams always though, or sometimes they are dreams that start partially lucid as the dream starts as we are falling asleep, but may become unlucid later, which isn't a problem for us, we just care about how vivid it is and if it is of content we desire. we don't care if we spend time with one another and aren't aware it is a dream and instead it is just real life until we wake up. we feel being lucid is over rated, as tb has frequently had lucid dreams that have not been able to change the contents to be what they want, and tons of non lucid dreams that are deeply special

 

our best way to fall asleep and most likely to have a dream with each other is doing what byakko likes to do, which is drift off asleep while wonderland adventuring. since byakko and (all of us) don't feel worthy to be as strong as our character selves fully yet, byakko kind of identifies currently as more of a tier one ascended version of her self, as opposed to tier 3 (like the difference of a pre master roshi training goku vs the ginyu force in power difference) and it applies to all of us. as such, guns can be useful and cool (when ki blasts are exhausting to fire and tier 1 ascended ki blasts aren't really that better than a ranged punch/low cal bullet/compression grenade/) and a thing the brain likes to autism about, so byakko got some chiappa rhino 30 DS pistols (think normal barrel length version of this gun is used in cowboy bepop? it is common in futuristic sci fis that try to also have an old country aesthetic at same time)

cute little version of a chiappa rhino revolver, and some custom bullpup sniper rifle (clip behind the trigger to increase barrel length without having to make the gun longer, which is useful for many reason), while i got some sort of m60 like MG and dual barrel shotgun, and we explored various haunted liminal spaces that had who knows what scary things in it. it very easily goes from just imagining it to it being real and a dream, with out even really a break in continuity. as dream goes on, it might go elsewhere and plot randomly change, but it has been a reliable way to dream with each other. 

 

so yeah, idk if it is advice at all but wonderlanding some adventure will make us fall asleep easier than just trying to lay there and relax, and it has a high chance to become a dream with same or similar circumstance. 

 

we have new wonderland home too, with the bigger tulpa family... rena and TB had a house. now that we are 7, we have up(down)graded to an RV (like a twisted metal version of RV) that is custom and a lot better than a typical real life RV. so having someone drive around while we look out window or go to bed but feel the sense of being in a moving vehicle is also a good way to fall asleep and end up where we want to be, being together in some capacity. 

 

hmm... tb as a child would fantasize about these things a lot actually lol, mild gun autist combined with having a cool vehicle to feel safe inside like a saferoom. so yeah find your calling for what fun things to do with tulpas and do it and bam... if your brain works likes ours. good luck

 

 

also we recently discovered we can have germophobia OCD even in wonderland. DX wtf is that bro, i have to wash off imaginary germs???? at least the other stuff is cool

Edited November 17, 2025 by LB