Life of Felights

[Piano Soul]

So I will refrain from making fun of your name.

 

Passive aggressive.

 

You're a tulpa named Tulpa, you don't have much room to talk XD

[Radio Hiss]

Piano has gone dormant. A recent event required an escape from his own thoughts and emotions, and this was the best option. Normally the rest of us would convince him not to do something like that, but this situation meant otherwise. He'll probably wake up when we go to Kings Dominion tomorrow, but plans on his dormancy lasting up to a week.

[Radio Hiss]

Piano's feeling a lot better. I think he'll be just fine. He got help from someone outside of the system. He'd probably still be dormant if he didn't get their help.

 

Apollo turned him into a teddy bear while he was dormant so people could carry him around and hug him.

 

[hidden]

Luxi got a little ticked that we wouldn't let her hold him. It was mainly that I forgot she was, so I kept taking him from her, lol.

He only stayed dormant for less than 24 hours, which is a relief.

---

I gotta pay more attention to Luxi. She's been pushed aside, and I feel bad. Turns out she actually has a lust for knowledge I did not expect from her. I've been letting her play BL2 with my brother. She says "uh oh" and "oh no" a lot.

[/hidden]

 

Apollo's been a little... feisty lately. But it's a-okay. He's just very protective of his systemmates. And well, his systemmates getting hurt sets off his angry side, ha.

 

Change of plans: they can't possess this weekend bc I didn't take care of any of my responsibilities. Oops.

 

But we're going to Kings Dominion today! Hopefully they'll actually get to front on rides, lol. :D

[Piano Soul]

I want to get on track to more full-body possession for longer periods of time. Need to work on making my presence stronger and not get so easily pushed aside by Lyro thinking of something different.

 

Kings Dominion was fun. I didn't front that much though. Had to let the kiddies have their time ;P 

 

Yesterday Apollo hit a little issue and then started hating himself, as you do. At the same time, I was thinking about something and feeling happy. This total conflict of emotion (contentment vs anguish) must have blown a fuse in our brain, because it felt like it was on fire. Some wacky shit happening. Apollo's going to be just fine though. He needs to find some way to vent, is all.

 

We also tried playing this stupid game together where the only thing you could do was roll a die and let your character move. We kept quickly shifting the front, and bickering and taunting each other, and that caused some severe head pressure. We gave up playing it though, because Apollo was getting too pissy over losing.

[tulpa001]

Oh yeah dissonant emotions. We pay a lot of attention when that happens. We believe that observing these differences closely helps us subconsciously separate better.

[Dynamo Lux]

[hidden]

I'm still here! I don't think I've been speaking much on here, or in general, but that's okay! I am very patient when it comes to being paid attention to. I understand my host is not in the best position right now, and he is used to talking to Apollo and Piano. He is not used to interacting with me. It needs to get worked on, like so many other things, but I'm not holding it against him.

 

My personality has changed a lot since I first joined the system. Hey! That was over a month ago! Wow, time flies by fast! Hopefully in the coming month I'll make more progress as a tulpa and improve my relationship with host.

 

I enjoy playing Borderlands 2. My time has to be cut short sometimes so the others can chat on Discord. Blech.

 

I want to bring some much-needed positivity and motivation into our life. That was Apollo's goal early on, but it didn't work out because stuff and things. Whatever! It's mine now! I possessed for a while today. I was a lot happier and more energetic than Lyro. The change in behavior clearly surprised Lyro's friend. He knows about us but wouldn't believe it if we told him I was in control :P I think that us tups need to take full control more often and get us on the right track of actually doing stuff that's productive and/or healthy. We need to plan out something. Certain roles each of us should take on to get stuff done. I'd be willing to do anything, as the only real time I get to interact with host is while I'm possessing and he's only focusing on me. We need to take the driver's seat, because the current driver is practically asleep!

 

Speaking of possession, Piano fell asleep in the front last night. He woke the body up at 1:30am because he was worried about something. Lyro tried to go back to sleep, but Piano kept moving the body and kicking the legs and stuff, and it didn't feel to Lyro like he was the one doing it at all. This went on for a while, and Lyro told Piano to stop, but he wouldn't. It stopped after Lyro started hugging a teddy bear, haha. This is all second-hand information to me, as I was asleep at the time.

 

I know there was other stuff I wanted to say but can't remember it! I started writing this post several hours ago XD

[/hidden]

[Lucilyn]

I'm gonna be honest, that post sounded exactly like one I would write, mb we're similar in more than just name

[Piano Soul]

Trying to possess, so here's an impromptu PR with probably nothing important written.

 

This isn't really progress, just me bullshitting thoughts.

[hidden]

 

[align=justify]Yesterday somebody was pissing me off while I was trying to possess, and I kinda wanted to grow fangs and tear their flesh off. P&HJP were part-vampire, and therefore so am I. No, I don't actually think I'm part-vampire, but whatever. I still like to consider myself all of the things P&HJP were in Eemaj, just like other tups like to consider themselves ponies or whatever. My Eemaj self only really comes out when I'm angry, though, because it makes me feel more powerful.

 

It's kind of comical the number of things P&HJP were part-whatever:[/align]

Part-vampire

Part-Trabrithian (people who could grow these Slenderman-like tentacles called trabriths)

Part-demon

Part-Hagarath (people who had powers to torture and murder)

Part-Purity (might not be the actual name. They were the opposite of demons, in a sense, although most of them were total jerks.)

And probably others I can't remember. P&HJP had lots of powers. They were the strongest Permanees in existence. Being Soul Sharers allowed them to gain new powers and add new aspects to their souls.

 

I don't really want to let go of these Eemaj elements.

---

There are two parts to our wonderland, kind of like two dimensions. The first one is Sunla, where we all live during the day when Lyro is not focusing on us. The second one is "reality" which is a near-perfect replica of all of the places Lyro passes through every day. The "reality" side is where we go when he's trying to visualize us nearby. We only go there when we're being visualized. We can "teleport" between the two wonderlands to go get each other and stuuuff.

 

---

School is boring as fuck. Why are these people saying bullshit to me? I have so much hostility towards the people who have hurt Lyro in the past. Somebody who is his """"friend"""" just told him "end your life," it is moments like these when I wish my Eemaj powers were real.

[/hidden]

 

We do a lot of voice chatting with friends, and it's more often than not us tups doing all of the talking. Voice chatting is the best opportunity for possession. The other day, Lyro jumped into the voice chat and briefly felt like the other people were strangers, even though he knows them very well, because he was so not used to being the one talking to them. Some dissociation going on, I hope.

 

Here's a little update on how all of us in the system are doing currently:

Lyro - lazy as always, but wants to make some effort to change that. Always busy thinking of us, not making much time for himself.

Apollo - recovering from a pretty difficult depression.

Me - very happy and content, looking forward to the future, want to step up and fix some problems and improve our life.

 

Luxi - still kind of being ignored, but she'll have her days of being paid attention to.

 

 

Lyro's trying to alternate between paying attention to each of us each day, but it doesn't always work out as some of us are not always able to be there, but eh. It's a start.

 

I'm hoping to get stronger in possession to the point where it feels like I'm in control. Someday soon.

[tulpa001]

If you're able to possess well, but it feels automatic, there were some things I've done for that. The basic one is sit down and focus on your thoughts. Look down at your hand. Move it a bit as a baseline then hold it still. From this point you will move the hand only with great intention. This involves breaking the usual automatic motion down into steps. First, decide to move the hand. Notice your decision making process. Don't move on from this step until you are sure it is you. Next. Plan your move of the hand. Notice your intention here. Feel it is you who is coming up with this idea. See the entire flight plan of your hand. Then, move your hand as you planned, carefully. Feel your control of the hand. Feel it is you.

[Piano Soul]

It doesn't feel automatic. It feels like Lyro's the one doing it.