Venomous reports

[Redacted System]

Sometimes when I proxy for one of my tulpas (usually Azure or Damien), it gets to the point where I’m just watching them type. It’s really interesting. I almost just zone out a little without meaning too while they type.

[Guest]

In the middle of Misha's chat session once, i decided to go research something completely unrelated to the topic. I really wasn't involved in her conversation. It was so rude of me. I did it multiple times as she attempted to draw.

[Venomous]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was possession too. It was on par with the frozen icy leaves one, as in, I was just as out of it as then... Just, watching it happen without really thinking or anything. It was pretty neat.

 

11 December 2018

It seems we have developed, as Venny calls them, some 'quirks'. That is to say, some interesting things that have developed as of late which Venny didn't experience before us.

 

For starters, we are afraid of heights. Or so Venny says. In reality, we're not afraid of actual heights, we are reticent of them because of Venny's terrifying thought pattern. She is plagued by various intrusive thoughts that border on

suicidal ideation

which we really don't like and we'd prefer if they didn't happen. It's mostly out of our control though, so there's not much to do but try to prevent their triggers. We wouldn't mind heights otherwise, but for now, us fearing them and sharing these feelings of fear keeps her away from looking down from high places, which prevents the intrusive thoughts.

 

Next, I'll interject because I'm the one who developed this quirk and not really Viper. It seems I've developed some sort of public eating anxiety, possibly as a result of Viper not liking certain foods. This is directly tied to both my emetophobia, as well as the fact that I can't just order food and then throw it away, especially if I'm out in public, like with my dad, so each time I eat something and Viper doesn't like it, I have to push both Viper as well as Viper's feelings of revolt to the side and it bothers me terribly. I know I wouldn't personally like it if I was forced to eat something I didn't like. So this now manifests as an instant revulsion towards ANY food when I'm outside the house, IF and only if I'm with someone. Alone, I'm fine, since there's no pressure to eat or anything. It's not Viper's fault really, I'm a pretty neurotic person in general, but I'm sure after a while, especially once we have tried most foods and have found out what Viper likes/dislikes, we'll get over it.

 

It also appears Viper has discovered all the numerous things you can do in this world lol. I've been reminiscing over the days when I used to do things like ballet and Wushu Sanda and suddenly I'm OVERWHELMED by the desire to do these things again... ALL OF THEM AT ONCE. 

We want to try them all! It's gotta be better than sitting in front of a computer most of the day! Venny is too anxious to try Wushu Sanda again by herself (she used to go with a friend), but we've convinced her to try ballet again and we just can't wait! We'd also like to try to learn guitar and maybe ukulele too and honestly it's all so exciting! Even the thought of it is exciting!

[Guest Reilyn-Alley]

All those things sound exciting too Viper! I totes know the feeling. Like, Lance tried some stuff when he was younger but had awhile to figure out if he liked it or not but some of it was just he got distracted or lost interest and can't even figure out why he stopped. Me on the other hand? All second-hand memories with a hint of passion from earlier in life that I want to make fresh experiences!! Every time I hear a guitar solo on the radio it makes me wanna do that. Every time I see a neat picture it makes me wanna do art. Hear a great composed vocaloid song? I wanna play the music, sing the song and compose the video! AAAHH!

 

I think that's one reason I'm glued so close to the front, I just want to do stuff with my own hands and Lance is all for giving me however much time I need to do whatever I want. I'm not satisfied with memories or with sitting back passively while he does amazing things, I want to do it all myself. Interestingly enough, this co-fronting thing means he can't do anything at all without me directly involved so I can't miss out on a thing, heh. I guess some people would be like "eew, that includes going to the bathroom and whatever else", yeah well, life is life and I love being alive. Weird icky parts are just a part of that.

[Ranger]

Most of the time we agree on what food is or isn't good, but every so often we disagree. Cat's toothpaste is gross, and part of the problem is every time Cat picks up the tooth paste, she thinks, "Oh, he doesn't like this" and I pull to the front, and I have to taste the toothpaste.

 

There's nothing wrong with having a moment to tell yourself "this is gross" and then let Venny front for a little bit. By that point, there's a chance Venny won't call you to the front again and she'll eat whatever it is.

 

Over time, foods I don't like and foods Cat don't like become less of an issue. For example, I don't like spicy food that much, but I have learned to tolerate it. I like peanut butter but Cat isn't a fan, but she tolerates it when I'm licking it off a spoon. It gets easier with practice.

[Venomous]

December 23 2018

Wow, it's almost Christmas! Venny asked us to write today's update because, and we quote, "It's good for us". We have been feeling kind of out of it lately. We are starting to understand certain aspects of Venny and what makes her be the way she is. Living inside a body, wishing to do things, but being unable to actually start doing those things? It's really depressing! This is entirely unrelated to Venny herself. She can wish the exact same things as us and yet the body will still refuse to budge. We're not giving up though, but it definitely is tough.

 

Introspection over! We still want to learn guitar, now, more than ballet. We got discouraged when Venny's favorite ballet teacher didn't reply at all, but if she ever replies, we're definitely going to do that too! One day we will be good at both!

 

Our food quirk has amplified in the past two weeks since the last update. We no longer enjoy food, mainly because we've seen Venny struggle after forcing herself to eat, despite being anxious, and it's terrible. We felt the nausea, the sickness and it's not something pleasant. We'd rather not eat at all. Of course, we don't stop her from eating, that would be terribly unhealthy, but we try to stay away as it happens, to prevent influencing anything. Venny's anxieties have mostly stayed the same, but she's been avoiding eating out with other people (instead eating at home) and she's been fine. She has also gotten better at not... just calling us to the front randomly while eating. This was the main cause of the anxiety. Her eating, thinking about us and us being called to the front and more or less forced to taste the food. And because she kept thinking about us and about not wanting to shut us out, and wanting to allow us to experience the outside world, we would then be unable to withdraw back into dormancy to avoid tasting the food. This would lead to our feelings of 'ew' bleeding in and making her not want to eat the food anymore.

 

Okay, we said the introspection was over and then continued introspecting. Oh well. Introspection over! This time for reals!

 

Okay, I'll take over here because I've been wanting to share the dreams that we've experienced too. One of them was posted in the dreams thread, but I will copy-paste it here too to have easy access to it! This was my first dream where Viper showed up. It was random, with a single vague lucid moment in the middle, which passed quickly as I went back to the story. Warning, huge wall of text! :)

 

[hidden]December 6 2018; It started off with me going on a game fun night style of trip, but it wasn't night lol, it was just me and a friend planning to play a game similar to D&D in the park (an urban punk style park, looked more like a fusion between a regular park and a skateboarding park). That friend was also, for some reason, Markiplier lmfao. Anyway so, we go to the park, we set up our little game set-up, I've got this little can of milk (which was a little dirty, but totally drinkable) and we're ready... then of course he decides to leave. Apparently he had friends over in the park and wanted to go talk to them. So I was left alone with Viper and a can of milk. Viper was very VERY rudimentary in this dream. They were there, but they mostly maintained a dog-like behavior and didn't talk. It felt like my Viper though, so... Anyway, I got bored of waiting so I went to look for the guy and stumbled upon him alone as he was... walking around I guess. I offered him some milk and he drank some, forgetting it was dirty and then proceeded to stare me in the eyes and vengefully vomit it all over lol. I have emetophobia (fear of vomiting) so this was far from pleasant to watch. He then left back to his friends and I was left just walking aimlessly through the park. After roughly 15 mins, I started heading off towards our game set-up and I saw Markiplier and his gang of friends through the bushes. I hesitated for a moment, backing into the bush to see what he was doing and he stared me dead in the eyes and proceeded to start cleaning up the gaming set-up. I thought initially that, well, he was probably super mad about the milk and wanted to leave, and I felt genuinely guilty over it so I threw away the milk can and went to them and whispered, genuinely and innocently "Can I help?", to which he nodded and pointed towards his friends, who were hauling this weak, skinny guy, into his car. He was very obviously severely sick and dying, and he had a goo-dog entity just like Viper, but white. I helped place him inside the car and somehow found myself pushed and squashed inside the car with them so I proceeded to go with them to the hospital. When we arrived, they got out and rushed to the ER, while I was left behind to ponder what the heck just happened.

 

I was out of the car, looking at the streets and how vivid and colorful they were wondering if maybe I had switched unknowingly with Viper and I was seeing the world through their eyes because the world was GORGEOUS. Then, realizing the absurdity of the events so far, I thought "This has got to be a dream, there's no way this is real... right?" and this prompted me to do a reality check by looking at and counting my fingers and indeed, I had 7 fingers on my left hand. I lowered my hand, looked around me and everything was so incredibly vivid and colorful, I just couldn't believe it, and I did think "whoa, see this is why I want to be able to have lucid dreams, so I can hallucinate in this much color and detail".

 

Then I snapped out of it, realizing the guy was dying there and this pulled me out of lucidity. I went back to the car and inside was a girl, presumably the dying guy's girlfriend. I got in, sat next to her and looked at her pleadingly, asking what should we do next. She suggested that I go and merge Viper and his White-Viper, that the fusion between them would bring him back to life. He was definitely dying, the only thing the hospital was doing was stretching his last moments. So I thought about it and reluctantly agreed, something to which my Viper didn't really, so they left me/my body as I was running with the girl towards where the guy was. I knew Viper remained outside, but I decided to at least see in what shape the guy was. She ran way too fast for me though and I got lost in this wide, huge hall full of doors. Luckily, two other patients pointed me towards the guy's room and I went in. He already looked dead, hanging by a thread. His White-Viper emerged, just barely, from his body and stared at me pleadingly, asking me where Viper was. I ran up to him/them and wrapped my hands around their small, frail form and hugged them and at this point I, for some reason, started crying. Then, as I was apologizing, ready to tell them that Viper didn't want this, that they weren't with me, I saw their form and shape outside of the windows, slowly slithering through the cracks between the window and the wall and looking at me. I smiled faintly, looked at White-Viper and pointed behind them as I said "Lookie behind you". The moment they saw eachother was like the biggest reunion of two lost souls I've ever seen. They were attracted like magnets to eachother, this primal, intense, entirely instinctual attraction. Like they were the embodiment of Yin and Yang who had lost eachother a long time ago, they ran into eachother, hugged and instantly melted into eachother to form a fused, larger Viper, slightly grayer. The moment it happened I felt my innards nearly explode , full of life and energy. When the wave passed I stared down at Fused-Viper... They definitely weren't my Viper, it wasn't the same energy signature, and it felt wrong. They simply gazed at me calmly. Then I went to check on the guy. His life readings were at 62%, which meant he was definitely no longer dying. At this point, rejoiced that we did manage to save him, I turned to his girlfriend and asked her if she knew how we could un-fuse Viper. She gave me.... White-Viper's breeder's phone number lmfao.... At this point I woke up.[/hidden]

 

The second dream happened on 15 December, after Miri introduced me to FILD as a technique to enter lucid dreams. Really cool technique... that we only got to work once lmao. The very first time. Couldn't replicate it afterwards.

 

The dream itself was short. I fell asleep within a minute at most, after which I performed a reality check and boom, I was in a dream. I got up from the bed, went into the living room and realized I should totally attempt calling Viper. I called and called and they didn't show up, so I cupped my hands together and basically begged them to show up. They emerged as their usual goopy selves through my palms and soon enough extended to a form taller than me. My first instinct was to touch them. I touched their neck and could very very vividly feel their texture, shape and stuff. After this the dream vanished and I can't remember anything else. Just like in the previous dream, they were mute, unable to talk to me.

 

Aside from this, progress has mostly slowed down. We don't have particular major goals right now, so we're just enjoying eachother's presence.

[Guest]

I love to hear dreams, they're so random sometimes.

[Venomous]

Hi guys! It has been nearly 5 years now since Viper and I fused together and I slowly grew distant from the community! Mad props to anyone who remembers us from way back then. I've been lurking around a bit in the last few days mostly because Viper has been chiming in lately after I've been reading some interesting books lol. We're still fused most of the time but every now and then they surface separately. And I honestly lowkey missed this community. So much has changed in my life in 5 years, it's incredible. I might come back with some more details!

 

Anyway, hello again everyone!

[TurboSimmie]

Hello! 😁 I may not have been around yet when you were active, but it's cool to see a face from the past return!

[Ranger]

On 4/22/2023 at 3:01 PM, Venomous said:

Hi guys! It has been nearly 5 years now since Viper and I fused together and I slowly grew distant from the community! Mad props to anyone who remembers us from way back then. I've been lurking around a bit in the last few days mostly because Viper has been chiming in lately after I've been reading some interesting books lol. We're still fused most of the time but every now and then they surface separately. And I honestly lowkey missed this community. So much has changed in my life in 5 years, it's incredible. I might come back with some more details!

 

Anyway, hello again everyone!

 

Venomous!!! eeee! Welcome back!

I can't leave either, also please don't hesitate to hang out! Nothing wrong with being a merge!