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[ARCHIVE] Timer's Tulpa Thread: Five Tulpas, One Host, and A Floating Island

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Update (11/3/19): I'm...not sure how to describe this. I think I'll let my log do the talking.

  • My mind was all over the place yesterday. I could not get it to calm down. I think there was even a point where I was almost entirely overwhelmed by it! Things became better, at least.
  • Speaking of my mind being all over the place, I was lost in thought when I audibly heard one of my tulpas call my name. This is a first-time occurrence and I could tell it was not of my own will. The difference was night and day, and it instantly snapped me out of my thoughts. Like...wow. The voice was echo-like and sounded distant, but I could easily guess who it was since it sounded feminine. This is because I have only one feminine tulpa out of all five--Don Juan. Knowing her, I was far from surprised. She is pretty much the mom friend of the quintet, after all :P
  • Going about the Discord again when I saw someone bring up something I found interesting--their tulpas also use head pressure in certain areas to differentiate who's speaking. While all five of mine have pretty distinct voices, I think this might help me, especially during times I start feeling doubt.
  • Speaking of doubt, my log says yesterday was the two-month anniversary of me stepping into tulpamancy. Not sure about that. I can pin it to September of this year, at least.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/4/19): Not much this time.

  • Went to the local home improvement store and decided to look at Christmas stuff on my own, tulpas in tow of course. Mamoru saw a blow-up dragon and got excited...until I had to explain to him that not only was it too expensive, but there was no place we could put it. It sucked having to tell him that.
  • Later on, I watched a video on a creepypasta that I knew scared even me...but I also unintentionally managed to scare some of them as well. Feeling bad about it, I slipped into my mindscape and--in another first--wrapped around my tulpas using wings that sprouted from my back. Two firsts in two days...now that's surprising.

Spoiler alert: tomorrow's report isn't looking too good so far.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/5/19): Remember how I said yesterday wasn't looking much better? Alas, I wasn't lying. I truly wish I was.

  • So, where did this all come from? It came from depression smacking me in the face so hard that it ruined my entire day. Basically I was trying to get some progress in on my game when I suddenly got overwhelmed by the sheer scope of how much I still had to do. Again. That overwhelming feeling resulted in a day-long depression episode. I hated it. All six of us hated it.
  • Niles...poor, poor, Niles. This was especially rough on him. Him being the main character of the game is one thing, sure. But the fact that he was actually trying to help me made things worse. I could feel him wanting to proxy, thanks to him pushing on my mind's eye. The urge was very much there. What stopped him? Me. I stopped him, because stubborn old me still can't tell the difference between what I think is proxying and what actually is proxying. I never thought my days as a roleplayer would backfire so much and so hard.

Basically I had an entire day of sadness and I was too stubborn to listen to my tulpas. I will do near anything to make today better.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/6/19): This was a better day. I am so grateful.

  • I wanted to make up for yesterday. so I decided to place myself in bed, relax, and let my tulpas take the wheel. While I didn't ask for him personally, Niles decided to take the opportunity...and I actually put up some resistance. I couldn't let go of my body fully, and I'm not sure why. Maybe I was scared, but I don't see why I could have been such. He has never once done anything wrong to me, and he didn't this time either (he mainly helped me out with what I got overwhelmed with the day before), so I wish I had an answer.
     
    I also observed that my voice gets really, really squeaky when he possesses me. Well, he is 12, but I didn't think my voice would come out like that.
  • I later opened up my body for a second time. Nothing happened. Probably a good thing.
  • You know how I keep posting about intrusive thoughts? Well, I came to an awful realization yesterday: maybe the so-called "intrusive thoughts" I've been having aren't actually intrusive. I'm letting them come in and happen. I hate that so much, and it resulted in my scape self having a semi-breakdown. I didn't snap out of it until Richard came along and hugged me, telling me that everything was okay. I wonder if he wanted me to realize that they weren't intrusive...
  • While I was still undergoing possession (I think), Niles wanted to proxy again. This time, though, we both decided against it. I think it was due to what was going on in the Discord at the time, whatever that was.
  • (added 11/7/19, because I forgot) As I was going to sleep, Niles imposed his presence in front of me. We made up for earlier, maybe engaged in some small talk, before he left for my scape.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/7/19): So, something happened that made me super excited to post this. I'll get to that. But first, everything else.

  • I couldn't think of a forcing exercise, so I jumped to more possession training. This time, for whatever reason, Mamoru took the controls. (I may be baffled by this for the rest of my life.) He thankfully started off slow--I could hear the others guiding him--but he didn't do too much. I ended up hopping back into my bed (still under his control), embracing myself, and he spoke to me through voice possession. Remember how I said my voice was really squeaky when Niles took over? This was even squeakier, like I was losing my voice. Mamoru hasn't been vocal for long though, so that could easily be why.
  • This is the part I was so excited about, though. I seem to have gotten the "entry process" down for a resistance-less, more fluid possession:
    1) Tulpa wants to possess.
    2) Tulpa tells me to relax.
    3) I put my back to a wall (or similar object, in this case it was a kitchen counter) and close my eyes.
    4) Tulpa slips in.
    5) My eyes open, and I'm now possessed.
     
    This time, to no surprise whatsoever, it was Richard who took over. I'm not sure why he decided to do so, but he's actually my most experienced with it--he did it before I started doing proper tulpamancy, even. But that's not the exciting part, no. While I was chilling on the couch, still under his control, he lifted up my hand. To my complete and utter shock, it did not feel like my hand. Sure, that's what I was seeing, but it didn't feel like my hand. My hand felt like his talons, and my arm felt like the limb leading to it. It felt like him. In all the times I've done possession, I have never once felt any different from myself. This time, I did feel different. Not feeling any different from me is one of my personal peeves with possession.
  • I found myself to be oddly boisterous afterwards. I'm glad no one was home, and that it quickly wore off. Whether it was due to excitement, possession remnants, or a mix of both, it was still rather unexpected.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/8/19): Not much this time. Really. That's not good.

  • My third eye (sorry, that may dip into meta territory) was ripped wide open yesterday morning. I believe it to be a remnant of the day before.
  • Insane mood swings happened. They sucked.

That's all I have written down tulpa-wise for yesterday. I am not kidding. That is sad, to me.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/10/19): No update yesterday because the day before had next to nothing happen. This one is a little more eventful.

  • Things have been slowed to a near-standstill thanks to a charity marathon I've been hyped up for. However, I did manage to squeeze in one thing--and from the looks of the last few updates, you can probably guess what it is. I let Richard possess me, but for a reason--to help me calm down after something infuriated me. He watched the charity stream with/through me, and thought it was both strange and delightful. There was a small blend-like moment, but it was short and snapped out of. (No weird-feeling portions of my body this time, though.)
  • My dad had a fire going in the fireplace and I decided to use it as assistance for meditation. I focused on the heat and crackling that came from the fire, and I managed to slip into what I believe was a mild trance state a few times. I'm unable to figure out what was happening inside, but I did hear Richard reassure me a few times that everything would be okay. Maybe a step into a switching attempt?
  • Found a control room in an upper portion of my scape. How fitting.
  • As I was about to go to bed, my stomach started feeling somewhat queasy. As I have an irrational fear of dying, it led to me freaking out. As Richard was telling me that everything was going to be okay, I actually saw a quick flash of him appear in my mind's eye. He looked...exceptionally concerned, worried, maybe even as panicked as I was. I couldn't see the last one on his face, but I knew. I just...knew. I hate that an improvement in imposition had to happen at such a time, but it's...something. Dang.
  • Alas, I still couldn't get to sleep even after that. The stomach and muscle pains kept going. But then..I felt Niles impose himself next to me. He draped his arm over me and told me everything was going to be okay. I believed him, but still felt worried. The warmth that began to go through my body, as comforting as it was, didn't help much either. I did eventually go to sleep, but it was a rough night nonetheless.


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My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/11/19): Nothing quirky to introduce this post with...other than there's a tiny bit of NSFW that I've blacked out. Read the spoiler with caution.

  • My tulpas figured out how to
    trigger my pleasure center (or something related to it--it's, uh...down there).
    I don't like that. It's really uncomfortable. I've since told them this.
  • I tried to force my mindvoice shut to get my tulpas to have some free time to themselves, without my metaphorical RAM being hogged. Having a silent mind is insanely eerie, and really hard for me to do as well.
  • More stuff as I was trying to fall asleep: Niles appeared to me (well, not really--he imposes from behind) and said he would try to defend me from any nightmares that I may have. Alas, as much as I appreciate that (that's his role in the game, after all!) that's probably impossible or, at least, will have to wait until switching is gotten to. Man, I really want to switch, and I'm sure it'll happen--one of these days.

And, as a bonus note (since this has happened multiple times): I've noticed that when Niles imposes behind me, he does this sort of teleportation act with a flash of green light, rather than flowing out of my mind's eye like the others. I'm trying to see if this happens when he imposes from the front--nothing yet.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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Update (11/13/19): Did you miss me? The day before yesterday was another uneventful day, so it was skipped. But yesterday wasn't...yeesh. It was quite the day...

  • Okay, technically the day before yesterday had something happen. I had the worst nightmare! As a result, the morning after had the mindscape buckled down and a sort of war room appeared, situated underground. The last thing Richard or the others wanted was a repeat of times past. It's a story I'd rather not get into.
  • Yesterday proper had little Mamoru be given a title: "a being of pure innocence and uncommon joy". I believe this defines him well, as it's what I think of him when he comes to mind: his childlike personality and pure heart. How long this will last, I do not know, but he is a sweet little thing.

Spoiler alert: today seems to be rather dark.


PR Thread | Q&A Thread (Tulpas Only) | I'm on the Discord as Timer

My tulpas type in many different colors!

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