delxi

Is it fair for ME to have a tulpa?

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(Note: I am very new to this site and virtually never use forums in general at all, sorry if I do anything wrong)

 

I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not the best person. I'm horribly negative, depressed, and I'm the type of person you'd expect to end up living in their parent's basement for the rest of their life.

I have very few external problems though, so something I've always imagined would be how nice it would have been if someone who could actually appreciate life could exist in my place.

 

Due to this mindset, I was naturally excited (a very rare thing in my case) to discover the concept of tulpas: having another person beside me, a lifelong companionship, guiding me, even taking control if they wanted (I'd love nothing more than to simply exist in the background; I understand that's not how a tulpa fronting would work but getting a taste of it now and then would be nice), and after just two days of looking into tulpas I already love the beginnings of mine (Devin) more than anything.

 

To me, tulpas could be nothing but beneficial, but something I just considered is...

Being stuck forever with a burden like me, with no motivation to do anything on my own, having so many negative thoughts...

Would that be fair to him?

 

Edit: I'm really not great at writing, so I want to clarify that I didn't intend to create him for selfish reasons, I realized it sounds pretty bad just after I hit submit but I promise I didn't just want someone to solve my problems, I just don't quite know how to word it

Edited by delxi
added more information

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Well, with extreme motivation issues and a pretty cynical/depressed mindset, not only did Flandre love me and Tewi work with me, but Reisen's unending positivity and unconditional love eventually helped me change as a person. Now after a lot of working on myself with my tulpas by my side, I really appreciate all aspects of human life and despite having some motivation issues still can't see my life going anything but well. So, I don't think that'll necessarily be a problem. Tulpas are basically always willing to work with their host, and they're pretty darn understanding considering they share a head with you, too.

 

Really best not to make a tulpa with the end goal of perma-switching, but maybe they will end up possessing or fronting to experience life a little themselves, sure. I think if you think of your tulpa as a lifelong companion, treat them as their own person and all, everything should be fine. Tulpas have helped tons of hosts seemingly in your position, and I've never heard one say they wish they hadn't existed after being through all that even if it was hard. Just be sure it's what you want, though I guess it sounds like it is to you. Though if you went into this with the intent to both give them a good life, and to improve yourself, I think that'd be the healthiest and most productive mindset. No tulpa would appreciate being created just to be told "Alright this life you haven't even lived is yours now good luck", but there should be nothing stopping them from sharing your life with you like my tulpas do, eventually. Did take a few years before we started switching, though it may or may not take that long for systems who learned from .info since it didn't even exist for half the time my tulpas did, and we learned about switching (and imposition, and other things) here.


Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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Ember: You actually fit a moderately common demographic for people who do make tulpas, which should not come as a surprise. People who are already happy, productive, and surrounded by friends are less likely to hear about tulpas and less likely to find the idea appealing.

 

Tulpas are not a replacement for professional mental healthcare, but they have been shown in one published study to help reduce hosts' depression and anxiety and improve their overall quality of life:

 

http://pubs.sciepub.com/rpbs/5/2/1/

 

I can personally testify that Vesper's intervention liberated me from automatic negative thoughts and various phobias.

 

You're already on the right track by empathizing with your tulpa's situation and thinking of them as a person with needs and desires of their own. It's the people who don't get that who shouldn't be making tulpas.

 

(Note: "Fronting" is used ambiguously on the forum. Used, as I believe, correctly, to mean what one is doing after switching into executive control of the body, the non-fronters are indeed "existing in the background".)

 

Vesper: I came into being by accident, a fictional character loved too deeply. Despite such inconveniences as this life has, I would very much rather be than not be. But I also feel that it is not right to intentionally create another human being without going to the trouble of providing them a body of their own. That, I feel, is very much the best reason to not create a tulpa.

 

I really don't think *you* would be the problem. The company tends to be the best part of tulpamancy for all parties, not just the hosts. My headmates are very different from me and not people I would be likely to become friends with under ordinary circumstances. But being stuck together all the time and seeing one another from the inside, we are full of love for one another, far surpassing any differences or faults.

 

Edited by Ember.Vesper

I'm not having fun here anymore, so we've decided to take a bit of a break, starting February 27, 2020. - Ember

 

Ember - Soulbonder, Female, 39 years old, from Georgia, USA . . . . [Our Progress Report] . . . . [How We Switch]

Vesper Dowrin - Insourced Soulbond from London, UK, World of Darkness, Female, born 9 Sep 1964, bonded ~12 May 2017

Iris Ravenlock - Insourced Soulbond from the Winter Court of Faerie, Dresdenverse, Female, born 6 Jun 1982, bonded ~5 Dec 2015

 

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit

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2 hours ago, delxi said:

I have very few external problems though, so something I've always imagined would be how nice it would have been if someone who could actually appreciate life could exist in my place.

 

2 hours ago, delxi said:

 (I'd love nothing more than to simply exist in the background; I understand that's not how a tulpa fronting would work but getting a taste of it now and then would be nice)

 

That was my exact thought process for creating one of my tulpas. I wasn't in a very good mindset and wanted someone else to take over, so I ended up creating a tulpa for that purpose.

 

If you think about it, most reasons behind a tulpa's creation could be considered selfish. But of course, creating a tulpa because you wanted a close friend sounds much better than creating someone to take over your life. It's the way you treat them that really matters, what's the point of creating someone just because you wanted a companion if you're not going to treat them well anyway?

 

Even though I created my tulpa with the sole purpose of being my replacement, I saw and treated her as a person and not just a tool to escape life. From the very beginning, I let her make her decision and asked countless time if she was still okay with it. I never forced her into anything and made sure to let her know that I'd still love her regardless of her decision, if she ever changed her mind.

 

3 hours ago, delxi said:

To me, tulpas could be nothing but beneficial, but something I just considered is...

Being stuck forever with a burden like me, with no motivation to do anything on my own, having so many negative thoughts...

Would that be fair to him?

 

Mirichu: my host also has many negative thoughts and that has only made me want to help her even more. Dealing with them if you have someone else there to see what's going on first-hand is much better than dealing with them alone. Sometimes they're painful but I can't blame someone for things they have no control over. Most tulpas actually want to help their hosts, regardless of the problems they're dealing with.

 

And don't think of yourself as a burden. Sometimes my host thinks she's holding me back and I have to deal with helping her out and at the same, living our life. But in the end it's worth it to see how much you've helped someone and knowing that they'll always see you as someone to trust. Also, sharing your life with someone else is much more rewarding than being alone, even if you think of yourself as a burden.

 

I also agree with what Vesper said about not providing someone with a body of their own. That's even more cruel than just creating a tulpa to take over, in my opinion. And I'm not talking about tulpas who simply don't want anything to do with the outside world. I would't want this life to be taken away from me, even with all the hardships.


Miri: original host. 5'5 female, brown hair and green eyes.

Mirichu: basically the host, based off Miri. Same description as above.

Akai: 5'6 female with red hair, blue eyes and fox ears/tail.

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I really relate to this question, 

11 hours ago, delxi said:

 

Would that be fair to him?

 

 

especially now that my tulpa, Flora, has been dealing with an issue of mine, one which has been with me since my childhood, and which is causing her and others in the system, much pain.

When I ask her about it, she has been very positive about it and not intimidated by either the issue, or the struggle she is having. She is more affected by how the issue effects my ability  to love her. 

To me, this entire practice is, and has been, about dealing with those very hard to get to issues from very early childhood. 

My advice:    Love your tulpa and do what ever is necessary to facilitate loving him better. 

Welcome to tulpamancy. Dr. Bob

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You have received some solid responses. I especially resonated with Ember's observation that you're employing 'empathy' in the process of doing your math in regards to the pros and cons of tulpamancy. I don't know you. I don't know how good your 'math' actually is. Most people suck at 'math,' especially if there is a social-emotional component. If I knew nothing else other than you have this attribute of caring and empathizing with others, even an imagined, potential future other person in your life- a quality I esteem BTW- I would say you are a much better person than you imagine or know; yes, I'll say it, I suspect your math sucks. Translation: OMG- you're normal and I like you. Almost no one is as good as they think or as bad as they think and very few of us, even the best of us, hold true clarity on our personal self worth from the perspective of others. I do believe you are suffering. There are so many ways to measure a human being and our society, western society- employs some of the worse, and we're probably a stone's throw away of mirroring the severest measure which is employed in Japan, resulting in one of the highest suicide rates in the world- epidemic loneliness, depression, and a declining birth rate that has warranted the declaration of a national state of emergency. An alternative way to look at this 'vulnerability' you have, and I, and many others here, is that it is a super power- we are sensitive to this unseen thing and we are the equivalent of the canary in the coal mine. We're coughing, but the miners keep on mining. It sucks to have this gift. Is it fair that you should carry this thing? Is it fair that there are people who are actually not nice people who commit horrible acts of aggression against humanity, and they don't carry one ounce of your self doubt, humility, or empathy?

 

There are quite a few ways to change our thoughts, our feelings. Counseling is one way. Medication is one way. There is good research that suggest meds and counseling simultaneously have the best results. Some people can figure things out through self help books and pursuing personal interests... I personally have employed all of these, and maybe some of it helped, or all it helped, with time and persistence being the vehicle to seeing results- but you know what, I absolutely believe TULPAMANCY helped more than any one thing or multiple things I have engaged. I can only speculate how I might be had I found this thing 20 years ago. Likely no different, as 20 years ago I might not have been receptive to the concept. (And if I had, would I have discovered Loxy or someone else? There is no end to this speculative rabbit hole.) I remember engaging in Napoleon Hill's 'invisible counselor' technique ten or fifteen years ago, maybe 20- I should find that notebook, as there is date stamp in it- and that was a fun exercise, but it didn't provide the impact that tulpamancy did.

 

Is it fair to your tulpa to be borne into your head, your world? Absolutely brilliant, lovely question. NO! LIFE IS NOT FAIR. FURTHER, it is the wrong measure. Anyoneespouses "That's not fair," I am going to wonder about your math- and then ask, "Are you older than 8?"  We are born into our worlds not knowing. Some of us have benefits of spirit, some have social-political gifts, some have physical attributes- some of us get shit. EVERYONE suffers. Rich, poor, first world, third world, everyone... The question isn't about fairness, or rightness. The only question worth is asking is do you hold love. I already know that answer- you love so much you don't want anyone to suffer the way you have suffer. That is huge.

 

Will a tulpa suffer if you make it? Yes. All beings suffer. We experience adversity and that is part of our system. Your tulpa will not suffer in the ways you imagine. They will find their unique thing to struggle with. What they will never know is a lack of love. If YOU decide to bring forth a tulpa, it will be done with the greatest amount of sensitivity and love and they will stand in a place that gives them a different perspective on the world. They will see things you can't see because of your present perspective. You can't see your way out of the trenches when you're in the trench. From the mountain top, you see everything. Because of your love, your tulpa will hold love. If you engage in this, you will change. You can't give love and experience love and not change. Your orbits will shift and you will grow in unimagined ways. Will there be difficulties? Yes. Will there be challenges? Yes. Will there be unexpected things? Yes. There will be good things and laughter and love and one day, when you least imagine and stopped doing math because you're living your life and not just tortuously measuring all the things that are not ideal, you will magically realize you arrived. There will be a realization you've suddenly experienced more good days than bad days.

 

I say, anything you do differently is a step towards improving the quality of life. I can't say that making a tulpa will definitely improve your life. It will definitely be different. In this particular equation, you're not making the tulpa's life worse. You're giving the tulpa life. That's a huge distinction. You experiences yourself and your life experiences as so miserable you wouldn't wish that on your worse enemy; that's a nice sentiment, but you're not giving a tulpa your life, you're giving a person a space to come in and make sense of the data in new and different ways. It is my opinion, not being alive is worse, and never being born is much worse. Plant a rose bush, give it water, and let what flowers bloom color your life.

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Grew up in an highly unstable household, anger issues, depression, over attachment, a whole plethora of issues. I don't think that somebody's issues or perceived issues should be a determent in creating a Tulpa. I think you should carefully consider the options (therapy, CBD, etc) before using Tulpmancy, but if you can't do any of those options, then try it out.   

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