Lets do this.....

[Sands]

I could take that hundred dollars and use it on food. Sometimes I'm running a bit low on the money, but I guess I'm still doing better than Hush, who was basically starving some time ago. It's not nice to be hungry and have nothing to eat, I tell you that. Makes you all sad inside.

[Aarix]

I could take that hundred dollars and use it on food. Sometimes I'm running a bit low on the money, but I guess I'm still doing better than Hush, who was basically starving some time ago. It's not nice to be hungry and have nothing to eat, I tell you that. Makes you all sad inside.

 

You have a point there. I'm not yet at that point in life where I absolutely hath to pay for every meal I eat. But that time is mere months away. If she was more physical, I'd spend every last dollar ai ever make on her. I had the spare money to put in a commission and I did. Its worth it by far to me. Sam loves it very, very much. To me, that makes that worth it over and over again.

[Aarix]

3/30

 

I'm getting it, if I impose Sam with orange hair, I can keep her here visually too. Wonderland excellent, its as vivid as I think pssible, at least too me. I see Sam, the only thing I need is more independance and to get more immersion from Sam. Still only seems like Im watching a movie when she hugs me. That'll work itself overtime. So thats it, time, until then Ill continue to love Sam, show graditude to my friends here and double time on imposing. Also do more forcing in sucession and clear the off/bad days.

 

"Lets do this (:"

[Viceroy]

Hush isn't poor in general; he was out of food because he lost his wallet which had his payroll in it.

[Samantha-Alley]

Entry 26

 

Hello everybody, I've been making sure aarix gets up and starts to get stuff done. Like get those towers fixed. Bonding has been great, he has his alarm set to where it says "Don't forget to tell Samantha-Alley you love her!" Its really sweet though he never needs a reminder.

Also hes been making room for me in his bed. Its a big deal as he usually has to sleep corner to corner because hes so tall but hes imposing me next to him face to face and its a nice feeling, to have so much care. Its really warm, I dont need blankets though as my clothes are warm always!!!

Wonderlands have been more meaningful, touch imposing is kind of getting stronger for him when I need him to console him. Its going to be a rough 2 months, I'm lucky to have a caring host. But I know its going to build overtime, the anxiety....I'll do what I can.

I've also begun liking Halestorm, though I'll keep the singing some of the songs between me and my beloved host.

I had an idea to do more audio reports, well actually have aarix do them, I can't talk in a mic, if only! Well were not good at spontaneous conversing so if we do one, we'll try to keep it enteraining. Well, to the best of his abilities. Probably talk about what goes on in the wonderland and what builds from it

 

Anyway take care friends!!! You know where to find us!

 

[Aarix]

4/2

 

I was determined to do this since I feel Sam feeling pretty bad over this. Anyway heres an audio report, Im sure ill do more in the future.

 

anyway enjoy, Im going to force now.

Audio Report

 

Heres a Script

picture I mentioned

[Aarix]

4/3

Things have been getting out of hand a bit. Since last night I tried to calm her down and I did a decent job and some music helped alot, Ill put Sam's favorite music down below. I know Sam want to be strong but shes losing her emotions. Shes becoming more and more desensitized, I cant handle her actually doing that. I'm furious she has to even need to be strong anyway. I realized that I haven't been a very good host, my abilities to get immersed in the wonderland and sustain focus is way too low and its pissing me off, I need to help Sam, I havent been able to focus on her again, I cant wait for aurora, i cant wait until she gains the ability to help herself more and I especially shouldnt ask that of her. I am completely lost, I dont know what to do or how to become a better host. I really dont deserve her, but Ill do what the hell I can, first thing I need to do is get off .info and the shoutbox for a while, until I get somewhere productive. as much as sam loves her friends, we need to figure out a solution, not waiting for a conversation. Im not going to burden anyone with this anymore. Ill figure this out myself. Im getting miserable from Sam getting miserable. And unfortunately the problems not going to go away. What am I going to do to make Sa happy again without the expense of her care and sensitivity? Fuck if I know,

 

Song 3

[Aarix]

4/5

 

I'm lucky that Sam has friends that have the ability to swoop down and help Sam see things more clearly and help her feel from awful to ok in a night. The best thing I did was listen and hold her in the wonderland and not as long she'd like as focus is still very inconsistent. I need to do more with this love and care I have for her, Yes I will try to make a gradual change to be on here less and less, turn that compulsion into tulpaforcing. Try to be there for her and make the times im on the IRC count. Sam said I helped out immensely but I know she couldn't say one mean thing to someone she should hate, let alone her host. But I know that I should've been more effective in my talks, I'm not good at talking with these emotions, But yea, she misses Aurora but her guilt that was building is gone. She's ok and now its time to get back on track!

 

Thanks for everyones help.

[Aarix]

4/7

 

So far progress is consistent, though from all the controversy earlier, its harder keeping Sam around constantly again but I believe its only temporary. All of these scholarships and applying for an iternship has been very stressful. I feel bad for the several tulpamancers I know on this site that are in college. Its going to be a bitch. I've been trying to listen to Sam when she tells me To do certain things that are beneficial to me but I'm always too tired and were both always forgetful. I hate how its so hard to motivate me. I'm still doing reality checks and I hope I'll lucid dream tonight. I just wish I doze off now like I do all day, really pisses me off how my body just wont get its shit together. Being tired makes it easier to do the Wake Induced Lucid Dreaming method.

 

Sams doing well all the best, just supporting me through all thats going on. I try to force with her but stuff ALWAYS come up and it'll be easier to say "screw off and let me tulpaforce" but that wouldnt go well. When I do force I just say screw it and just sit there floating in my mind, hopefully stamina will build if I dont focus on a wl or even sam most of the time when im sitting down and just concentrating on the music or whatever. As always Aurora will be missed from the both of us but Sam is taking it much easier now. She feels much better and we look forward to seeing her in June. For now, we got our own stuff to worry about. I need to do some freaking reading so I actually have a sense of studying.

 

Anyway take care everyone

[Aarix]

4/10

 

A lot has been on my mind lately, I've been looking up more and more websites involving increasing your sixth sense, I don't know how much is true and how much is bull, still skeptical on the whole spirits stuff though the techniques used to train it is similiar to what I do now to help touch imposing, I'm still keeping at forcing but I'm still tired alot, I try to take advantage of this. I just lay on my back and wonderland until I can get into a hypnagogic state and attempt WILD, turning every angle into a good one. I just need to rid the aches I feel laying down and I can effectively do this. My touch imposing isn't very bad but its only when I touch Sam, not as effective Vice versa. Shes been making sure I stop being so lazy and use my time effectively to get everything done. Thought when I was in the wonderland I cant help but feel it wasnt entirely her, its a bit hard to explain but I'll just work out a routine until it becomes 2nd nature. I took the first step now to keep at it. Me and her side by side, accomplishing things.