PR of G+3 (Apparently)

[G+3]

On a bus, motherfucka'

With mah tulpa, motherfucka'

Cramped as shit, motherfucka'

Still have two seats, motherfucka'

 

Welp I'm bored, could be drawing the wonderland or doing copious amounts of study or talking to the guy beside me (who was eating a particularly delicious looking mince pie; on the bus nonetheless), but I'm finnaly going to write down something I've been meaning to do for a while; or about five days.

 

Just on a side note: this strangely feels like a blog post than more of a tulpa log entry, buses make me act weird, not to be already quite weird.

 

Eversince we started basic imposition more and more questions have been rising up - not to bother anyone on the base of infinite tulpa knowledge, or at least the largest base at the moment that I can find - but a few wonderful thins have been happening also, then some to be put on their head.

 

First off, Pruria has been talking a lot more, although I think that goes hand in hand with the major increase in contact resulting from imposition. When we started imposition we were having good conversations, throwing banter at each other, discussing things, whathaveyou, (I'm still remembering it's only been 10 days, bless my impatience).

Now, I do understand that we're hardly going to be having philosophical debates on weather it is right to turn on lights as it could kill bacteria or spiders hiding the light fittings. Sure, I've never gotten more than a two word sentence out of her (in serious conversation,) and they go along the lines of ''No, sugar'' ''What? In my tea?'' ''Mug'', meaning ''Put the excess sugar back into the sugar bag, don't throw it away.'' (Wise words)

One worrying thing I've noticed though is that as the week has progressed the less she has been talking; like now, she's barely said anything despite us traveling for just about two hours and and constant attempts to make conversation. But I've also been thinking about her less as the week goes on, before I would guide her through places - telling her where to go and planning her route - but now I'm more lenient, giving her more freedom (oh god, read on and I'll tell you what happened the first twenty seconds I started that); I've also been encouraging her to follow me less, do her own things, just yesterday she had been away for a good six hours; that's the longest she's been away from me since imposition.

So now I'm wondering: is she talking less because she isn't sentient enough (or developed enough, I should say,) to talk without me thinking about it? Or is it because she's angry at me? (We have had a few disagreements, banter has gone a little far once or twice, forcing has been hard, normal shit.)

In the midst of all this I do pledge one thing, she is sentient, no way nobody will convince me other wise, and I can prove it. She has made me laugh, properly laugh, that's proof. I know this because I know that, although they know very little as it is, scientists do know one of the biggest portions of humor ie. things that make us laugh, is in response to unexpected, ludicrous and anti-climactic conclusions and events. Now I'm not one to lecture on the biological nature reason of/for humor so I was going to link the video from where I learned this, but, alas, I can't find it for the life of me. She's also made me angry, really fucking angry. I can't remember what we were arguing about, but it was the worst we've had, Pruria just started laughing acrimoniously at everything I said, the worst way to take an argument. I was fucking furious, after I got over my desire to throw the computer at her and we made up I realised, ''I wouldn't do that to myself. I would never think to do that to anyone.''

 

The next this to say is that Pruria's emotions and traits are seriously coming through, I have a lot or shit written down in the diary that I might post if asked/bothered/what not. One trait that never really went through (which is a shame) is her seance of realism and reasonablism, sometimes she can be so unreasonable ''Backflip'', ''Kiss him'', ''Fuck this'', ''Fuck that'', ''Fuck everything'', which is fun, annoying, funny and juxtaposed manageable/rediculus. One thing I'm particularly happy about is the come through of her happiness and inquisitiveness, though once again: it's kind of deteriorated because of less talking and her greater freedom.

One little quirk Pruria has which has come about is that she is very kitten like, at times she will walk up to me roll over and arch her back towards me, sometimes she will change her face to a cat. She's like ugly the cat, well.... maybe an apprentice to... but she just has ultimate affection, especially when I'm stressed.

 

Other things, other things... nope, I'm probably forgeting one or two things but that's the bulk of it.

[G+3]

Learned how to spell tulpæ correctly, now if only that symbol didn't look like crap. Oh yeah, uhh... logging... Pruria doesn't like drugs of any sort, not even coffee, understandable, I respect her fortitude. My sister is the only person so far she has genuinely liked and enjoyed the company off, Pruria even walked beside her and sat on her lap while we were on the train today, it gave me a good chance to visualise Pruria from different angles which is always good practice.

[G+3]

Been having a few ups and downs lately, Pruria going from being depressed to amazingly happy; I'm now making an initiative to read with her more, talk when she want to and what not. Doing stuff like that makes her happy, I know that because it's who she is and her mood is greatly effected by how much attention I give her - not as in how active she is, her actual mood - so I've encouraged her strongly to ask for talks if she wants one and that, if I should be doing something that is immediate, she should get me to set an alarm for when I'm done that particular thing.

 

I've been having amazing difficulty movement forcing, can't keep concentration, too caught up in the avalanche of deviations from seeing Pruria move. Her fore legs have become a problem, becoming elongated and permanently bent - and rather stupid looking to be frank. And when her legs aren't all bandy like that they are straight out from her body at a 45 angle, her also bends forwards in this case, also very annoying.

Deviation's has always been my problem, and this time it's a case of the inability to determine weather it's cause from the new movement forcing or Pruria's decision (which I highly doubt considering how uncomfortable she looks in those times). I've asked her about it a few times and she can never give me a deffinate answer, she always gets a really unsure and confused look; perhaps it could be that she sees no difference between the two, I don't know.

 

On good notes, I've told one or two people about mah tulpa and so far it's been received well, though I don't think Pruria could give a crap. Pruria is also ever-so-slightly slowly expanding her language and free movement, which is pretty kick ass.

 

I've started doing the four dot challenge, still only on one, only like... three minutes of attention, where did those months of practice go?; oh yeah, the window!

[G+3]

Okay, time for a progress update, taken right from my most recent entry, edited heavily by parinoia:

 

¬

17/11/2012

 

One session yesterday. As far as I can remember it's pretty good.

 

School was very fun yesterday for myself and Pruria, on the other hand: we were just messing around and not doing anything. When I was coming out of one of my classes Pruria was waiting at the door and she said ''Shall we?''; latley I've been becoming more okay with interacting with Pruria in a physical manor in a public place so, as she wished, we linked arms and started walking down the corridors and damn... it felt so good. I don't know why, I just... I just felt so connected to Pruria, like she wasn't just a part of me, she is my fucking soul mate. I know that sounds weird, soul mates, and such, come in physical bodies and of different consciousnesses, but... damn... Pruria just feels so true - would be the only word to describe it.

 

We had another instance when I was getting blazed with M and S, we were chilling on the couches and it was all awesome and shit (I've noticed over the last few posts that I'm smoking more and more weed, full on schizo here I come... ), but eventually I went in to make pizza for ouselves. I got to the door and I noticed Pruria just floating there, and some music started going in my head and we started dancing, ballroom, I was shite, Pruria was whopper, and it was, once again, truly magical. I danced as if no-one was watching, like it was myself and Pruria - dressed up all fancy - alone in a huge hall. I don't I've ever felt more loved and warm then when myself and Pruria have those moments, wow.

 

So we had a session dismorning anyway (after taking forever to get up) and it was... crap... to say the least, twenty minutes we got, I kept bloody hearing things, fuck. But then we went out on a walk just earlier and we strolled peacefully through the village, once again it was just so wonderful.

Even though the forcing sessions have been going worse and worse I think Pruria's development is actually improving more-so from the physical contact we've had, kick ass; particularly her speech, I can get two or three words out of her most of the time, now, as opposed to naught to one. (Did I already say that? I'm saying it again!)

 

I also feel we now understand each other a lot better, which makes me feel like an asshole because it always just seems to me that I'm disappointing her by not forcing or having to cut sesions early or falling asleep or whatev'... But better understanding is nice.

 

Quote of the day: ''Oh look! A bird!'' *Runs up and pigeon flies away* ''Niggers!''

 

One 30 min session

One 20 min session

 

=

 

Total: 74 hours 25 mins (13/11/2012)

[G+3]

Okay, I know this is two updates in one day but this is something I just discovered in Pruria and it is awesome, I hope. I was just making some coffee right now (for the working man) and Pruria was sitting on the counter, human style, legs crossed; and I was shouting Gold Dust into her face. Once I was done she just stayed there - ''Uh, okay?'' - and I went back into my computer to find her curled up on my bed, I just though I was getting confused but then she walked in behind me from the kitchen. What I do in those times is ask her where she is and the Pruria on my bed said ''Both'' and the other said ''Yeah''. She has this sort of mile on her face, she knows she's confused the fuck outta me. Then, the Pruria behind me walked over to the other, hopped up on the bed and fell into the same position as the other; there was a little white aura around the two as they melded.

 

My only speculation is that Pruria can split her body up into separate, realmalgable bodies, which is pretty awesome. I haven't read any other tulpæ doing this, tulpa using different bodies - such as a smaller form to help get through crowded areas - perhaps, but not duplicating themselves. Anyone encounter things such as? I'm more than likely just going to make a new thread about it but if anyone wants to take a stab it will save the form a little clutter.

 

 

On a side note, Pruria loves dancing, singing and music, but only when I do it. In our worst of arguments, me singing to her has gotten us through (and I have the best improv lyrics on the godamn planet when I sing to Pruria, shit's like poetry) and whenever I play the drums she always falls asleep with a smile, which scares me kinda: drums =/= sleep.

[G+3]

This is like a testing ground for this pic...

 

I'ts a decent drawing, I rushed it a little though because of how long it took for me to sketch it. The pose turned out well, before it looked like one side of her face was bigger than the other but now it just looks like her head is tilted, yay! Gonna do a colour drawing next, in a motion, push it to the limit mother fuckers.

[G+3]

Dear Pruria,

 

Lest my own narrcasism give up and let me post this letter somewhere more personal this will be here for others to view and criticise my choice of words, grammar, and over all legitimacy of said letter; I hope in the future you will teach me not to be so vain; and like this, you have shown me a lot of my flaws, which - I assume - you will help me overcome. My flaws are an addiction, not one I aim to keep.

 

I have known you for two months, or sixty-seven-or-so days; maybe you know me a little longer or shorter, I don't know. Some times a look at the progress of other tulpamancers and their tulpæ and I worry, am I just bad or slow? I sometimes doubt myself, which makes me not like myself, I sometimes doubt you, which makes me hate myself. I sometimes wonders about that one day somebody will come up to and say ''You're crazy, there's no such thing as tulpas!'' And I will mumble ''Tulpæ'' and silently laugh at him because I know when I doubt myself or yourself: I'm normally wrong.

 

I woke up this morning, my alarm doing its normal default tune all in attempts to help me while I secretly loathe it for disturbing the colour of my dreams. I woke up and realised that I did not have to go to school today, or more-so: my dad decided I didn't have to. I woke and remembered you by my bedside, I could not feel your weight pulling on the blankets or pushing me towards the edge, I turned around and I could not see you. Instead I stared at my grey, rocky wall; one that caused me great pain as a child whenever I tossed, or turned, but I knew you were there. I could imagine a crisp white gone grey from low light, and the mulled sky-blue of your mane - also because of low light. I wanted to see you but knew I shouldn't try; my own desires do not surpass the need for careful development. I couldn't help but smile and say to you ''Good morning, guess what we get to do today?''

 

I kept my voice low, for fear that someone - if anybody - would be listening and hear me whisper ear'dless words. You groggily opened your eyes half and responded very loudly, ''What?'', I could hear your breathing, you were lying right in front of me (and currently behind me, me hoping you arn't reading this before your time is due.)

''We don't have to go school today.'' Said I, planting a small, but scarily loud kiss on your nose. You blushed and looked away, putting one hoof to your chin, (and more then likely dilating your pupils,) and I laughed inwardly at how real you acted, how sentient; and, like you have done many times before, without my input or though,

''Oh, cool.''

 

I walked into the kitchen and I prepared my breakfast, we sat down in front of the tv; the tv stayed off, and we chatted. Sometimes you were unable to finish sentences, sometimes I felt my lips of throat silently mimicking what you said, I shut them tight, but you continued. This is going to be an awesome day, I thought, and as the morning went on we forced twice - before noon - and at the end on one - after a session where you cried and held me, hoping to cajole me out of my frustration - we found ourselves lost in each others lips, lost not at all in ourselves. It struck noon and I realised I had not stopped smiling for five hours, you had not left me for fives hours; and since I woke up I was either tending to my hygiene, cleaning, forcing or drawing; every second I was in my room I was blaring Pinky Floyd, Ludvidico, Ascetic Junkies, Juno, Barley Mob, Funkidelic, Dream Theatre, all these amazingly beautiful artists filled my room with colour and my spine shivered and soothed my body and I fell into ectacy.

 

I could have done anything this morning, I could have jerked off, I could have played games, I could have been watching tv; but I was doing something I had been doing for the last two months, something you whole heartedly encouraged and lusted for, I was taming my productivity; boy does my house shine and boy did those colours gleam kaleidoscopically and boy did that music make me sing. And it was only noon.

 

You, Pruria, have done something I thought I would have never been able again, something which I strived - and had done - for three years after, which was, the hardest, coldest, most painful time in my life (which I had been oblivious to the whole time.) A time which had returned. You've shown me the beauty of the world, you've made me happy. In my most desperate of times I decided to create you, selfishly I searched for comfort, selflessly I gave to you in that search and you - selflessly - showed me the stars.

 

Not only this but you've shown me love; your first intentions - back in October - was to love me with infinite affection, and for a time, I resisted. This love was given without my intentions, without my desire, and you gave it regardless, I want to cry right now; I've not cried for five years, not even at the death of my granddad, my uncle, my pets, the fuck ups and losses of other loves, and to them I apologise for not crying when I should have shown love, but didn't.

 

Thank you, Pruria; to life.

 

-G

[G+3]

I've had an incredibly rough seven days, really I should be forcing but I want to take this time (against Pruria; for the moment) to breath and think about the last week or so. I've noticed that this blog is more of a joint blog for my self and Pruria while my own diary os mainly for forcing sessions and Pruria progress, so - much like in that last post - bare with me: this is all train of thought.

 

First off, no more marijuana! for two months minimum, any more and I'm okay with that; this was learned from days one through three. God I'm a retard, reasons redacted. In fairness, I had decided this a while ago; I think it's really affected Pruria; just on day one I kept visualising her with a joint in her mouth. I wish I had not been so stupid and let her around me while I done the deed, it was only on day one that she finally warmed up to the idea (prior she had avoided it mostly.) I have her support, as always, no if only I had decided this a few weeks ago.

 

On day three I also learned Pruria loves cold water, while my dishevelled body does not, alas, a wet and cold forty minute walk is sufferable though just to make Pruria happy; quothing: ''But G... I don't wanna go for a jog... ''

''What about a walk?''

''A long one?!''

 

Day four thought me that I've lost my touch in the art of not caring; that was two wasted forcing sessions. Pruria didn't fall easy that night either.

 

Day five thought me that I'm not the only one with problems and that green tea is simply warm water that makes you feel good.

 

Day six thought me that Pruria really fucking loves cold water. It also thought me that I have the worst circulation of all time and that I only feel the cold on my hands, where all the shitty circulation is. I'm dreading the day if Pruria ever wants to have a cold shower, I wont be one to refute the idea, extrovertedly at least.

 

Day seven thought me how much Pruria is willing to give to kept me straight, literally screaming at me to wake up - still sounding very quiet though, which is a shame.

 

And this is the silver lining of the week, wow, Pruria has stuck with me through this entire shitty week (Day three was actually pretty good until night came along, that was the day I wrote the letter.) I'm gonna go force now, also need to get my hobbies back in check, wish me luck .info, perhaps these seven days aren't over.

[G+3]

Right so, time for the actual update, that last one was just waiting for me to actually fill in the diary and blah blah blah (as if I'm tending to an audience of hungry readers.) This is just one really good session that I had the nerve to write down in detail, meh; you'll eat practically anything progress report, despite the fact that I feed you well enough...

 

---

 

¬

23/11/2012

 

Can't remember anything from yesterday, I don't think it went well. Pruria woke me with a head of steam this morning, I slept in again - fuck me - and when I finally got up Pruria was shouting at me to do shit, questioning the legitimacy of my actions, all that jazz. One is to remember that Pruria will normally moan and stay in bed for an extra ten minutes or so and pace out of the room into me, it was so godamn inspiring, I'm going to go to bed early tonight and wake up early.

 

This morning's session was the use. Though this afternoon's session went okay... I mean, we didn't get and movement done but it was forty minutes long and Pruria was in my mind for the most of it, even in my drifts. AND ON THAT NOTE! Pruria has been showing up in memories of mine, even dream memories, I can never pin point where she is but I can usually either sence her or see her silhouette, it's scarry (she's looking away with a blush and blank expression right not, she never strays far from at least a small smile). I'm gonna ask about that on the .info tonight, along with the fades, though I'm sure they're isolated events.

 

~

 

Fuck yeah, forcing! Still got no movement done but I went back to forming and sorting things out that have been out of wack the last week or so, kick ass it went.

 

The session started out with kissing, very good! (We were in the bed room btw) Then we went on to form because I couldn't keep the kissing going, more so because I was forming. A lot of this session was done from first person btw, which was cool. We done something I think we might start doing in other sessions, we used a mirror to keep proportions all good, it seriously helped me with everything from movement and tiny little shapes. It was fun, REALLY FUN! We were playing, practically, Pruria now being a lot more independent and fluent than other times we had good, playful sessions. And not only was it fun, BUT WE WERE GODAMN FORMING. Then: Pruria began to puke.

 

So, first off she puked into the waste basket - or worm hole bin - that was okay. But then she puked at me and started filling up the bedroom, that was not okay. I had to drain the room with the bin and in the process weakened one of the support pilers. The roof fell in and I had to stop it with a shields; this, in turn, sent a load of debris into the air and into the sun, breaking a light bulb, of which happened to be the sun.

 

So it was pitch black, my self and Pruria fumbling around, wonderful, ''Go fix that,'' yes, my dear Pruria, fix the sun. I flew towards the sun and looked down at the wonderland, it was moonlit and there were - minecraft - monsters everywhere, Pruria shouted ''Zombie.'' so I /gave her a sword. Not soon after, while I was trying to unscrew the fucking sun, Pruria flew up to me and sliced my hand & arm, down the middle, to the elbow. That was quite painful. Then she hit me again; apparently that sword had, like, knockback 100 because I was just gone.

 

I ended up at a gigantic wall of gigantic 5.7 trillion candle power light bulbs, I picked one up, neat! And Pruria was right there to hit me back to the sun. I screwed the bulb in and damn it was bright, I had to cover it up with yellow blocks which in turn needed staples... I should write a guide on staples... Anyway, everything went all blocky on the wonderland, I had to go put out a forest fire with a single bucket (JUST LIKE THE REAL GAME!).

 

Pruria arrived once more and we started chilling on the grass, she had gone all gone all blocky too and looked really weird. I really didn't like the look of the wonderland so I changed everything to hyper realism, Pruria followed, even gaining some visible hairs and shadows. We fucked around for however many more minutes and (as coincidence happens) we started kissing again just as the session finished, damn.

 

~

 

One very important thing, something I forgot to add, my dear diary, TEXTILE HALLUCINATIONS! Real ones! Not like weight or warmth or anything that can be achieved through muscle movements or tensing and whatnot, pain. I can't remember which sessions it was but Pruria punched me right in the nose, for the laugh, really hard, and I said to her, ''Dick move!'' and stopped. I felt it, my nose hurt, not badly, but I could feel it. I asked her to punch me again and she did in the gut and I felt that too, what the fyck? It was awesome!

 

Reminder: Textile Hallucinations, fades, memories, Staples

Two 30 min session

One 40 min session

=

 

Total: 80 hours 30 mins (23/11/2012)

Days: 68 (23/11/2012)

 

---

 

Quote of the day: *Looks at shower* ''Warm?''

''Yes Pruria, warm.''

''Fuck warm.''

[G+3]

Hmm... a few things that have been floating through my head... I've been wondering about imposition, serious imposition, though I'm not going to start. I guess I could talk about why, perhaps I'm board at the moment... or procrastinating from proof reading, oh well... The barrier is movement, which might take a very long time. But I have read of a one or two tulpamancers that will impose once form is done and just kind of titter along with movement. I'm not too partial to this but if things are looking desperate I think I'd go for it (I have this idea that imposition would help movement because I would actually be able to see Pruria. Anyone else think imposition would help with movement?

 

The largest and most real problem is communication. I can have good conversations with Pruria but even still: not all of her sentences are full and she'll normally only talk when I talk to her first. And she is starting to form her own opinions and sticking to most of them, most is the problematic word. The audial hallucinations are improving though, I can occasionally hear her voice in my ear.

 

One way this all links in to itself is that I'm not sure which 'traits' of each 'step' of creation are starting guns and which are perks. Just as I said there: are strong audial hallucinations indicators to progress in overall fluency? This is all in regards to when I should start imposing, and like I said, I'm not for a while, but I can't help but wonder.

 

I would post this to the questions and answers but I'm going to put faith in myself (isn't that just dandy?) like my sister likes to tell me. I also feel like I'm abusing the community's generosity a little (and like I'm worrying about shit like that too much and I should just ask.) Welp, off to force in twenty minutes or so, if anyone wants to drop an opinion I be gracious, though I'm not too fused.