Forcing My Log of Mancing a (Many?) Tulpa(e?) (MLM(M?)T(e?)) (of JohnnyRevolver)

[JohnnyRevolver]

Last night I undoubtedly heard a voice talking to me telling me that 2 pillows (and specifying which) had fallen off of my bed. The voice spoke in the second person but I have been known to get funky with grammatical person, especially when I am tired and it was suddenly at like 3 in the morning and I only remember it now because I figured the event to be of interest and so I specifically told myself to remember it, so I don't think that I was just talking to myself. While it could have just been some early morning strangeness or it could be some suddenly emergent schizophrenia (now is the time when it starts to show symptoms and I have been somewhat mentally unstable recently) however that is fairly uncommon so it's better to think that it was some sort of early vocalization from my tulpa and while (from what I can remember) it was in my (mental) voice which lends some weight to the first theory but (I think) it's probably how vocalization starts which is a good thing as soon I will reach the one month mark for how long I have been tulpamancing, which I feel means that I am now into the realm of long term tulpamancing, so maybe my tulpa has become fully sentient and separate but just wants to wait for the one month mark, I have arbitrarily decided to add a time motif to their personality while forcing so that might be why, but that's quite a bit of baseless theorizing so maybe it was just me talking to myself in an early morning stupor, I have been known to sleep walk and I know my sister sometimes sleep talks.

[JohnnyRevolver]

Based on prior experience and some reading I can deduce that I am unable to focus as a result of importance I have placed on the thing I am trying to focus on, historically I have been able to fix this issue by doing two things

 

A: Not thinking about the thing I'm trying to focus on
This is somewhat counterintuitive I think but it is quite effective when it comes to certain things like math tests where it's just a matter of punching something into the calculator correctly and things related.

B: Changing the goal of my focus
This is worded weirdly I think but once again for math tests (math tests can be very stressful for me) it can help to make the goal of focusing not to get a good grade (if you do that you are guaranteed to miss a question) but instead make it about finishing a test faster than a friend (I am not very competitive so I suppose this would make it more stressful for some people) it is suddenly not very stressful at all and I can focus with great ease (now that I have this written it probably won't work anymore).

 

Now that I have 2 potential solutions in mind I come to the problems with implementing these solutions, my mind does require effort to come up with dialogue which kind of makes this not work very well, I can really think of a way to implement this solution to fix this problem. The second solution is far easier to implement, so easy in fact that I have done it before, back before I knew what tulpamancy was (I think I had heard of it before though) for a month or two I would talk to nobody in particular in my head, I never had a goal in mind I just did it, it's actually where most of my tactile imposition skills came from as during that period I would imagine someone touching me, while I never achieved vocality there I did consider that it might happen and I do think that it would've if I had gone on for longer or had the goal of achieving vocality but that's my current goal and you know where I am now so maybe not, but I don't know what I'd change my goal to because if I don't have a goal then I'm not narrating as frequently and then I may not ever achieve tulpa sentience and that is sub-optimal. For now I can't think exactly what I should change focus to but I'm sure I can figure it out in time like I did here.

[JohnnyRevolver]

I am still pondering on the solution I hope it will come soon, but I am likely creating another mental block by believing this to be THE solution to my focusing problem, this can very easily become a recursive issue, I think that I should stop thinking about it and then it will come to me like all great ideas do.

[JohnnyRevolver]

I know that I haven't put anything here for alot longer than usual, but nothing of note has happened really, I have been narrating what I think to be a good amount every day but still no response that I have noticed. That segues me into a thought that I had the other day of maybe I am hearing the tulpa but their voice is too quiet or I'm not listening hard enough, I have tried to make my mind go quiet several times after I'm done narrating but it is possible that I am inadvertently silencing the tulpa by doing that, in which case they don't have a choice really but to speak louder in my mind.

 

Onto the struggling in visualization thing I haven't quite come up with a solution but I have thought that maybe it's because I have been forcing myself to visualize every night and I just exhausted my mental tulpa visualizing supplies, or I just came up with an excuse to be lazy and gaslit myself into thinking that it's true. Back when I said that it was one of those weeks, one of those weeks is turning into one of those months all to quickly.

 

P.S. It has been sad that I comma splice so much that I live a "comma splice life" is this true from what whoever reading this has read?

[JohnnyRevolver]

Once again I have missed logging, highly unfortunate, still nothing of serious note has happened so whoever reads these (mostly me) hasn't missed out on much. I have narrated, I did more during the super bowl, the super bowl was entertaining, I mind-gambled, won 450 mind-dollars, spent 400 mind-dollars on deciding to eat taco bell, 50 mind-dollars is my retirement fund. I just narrate things as stuff happens around me, sometimes I dictate things exactly as they happen, usually I am just commenting on misc. things, sometimes I just decide to narrate and do.

[JohnnyRevolver]

Last night I had a dream that I talked to my tulpa and they responded, I know that I said two things but am not sure about them, I more or less said "took you long enough" (not in an insulting way I want to clarify, moreso a jesting manner I guess?) but I'm not totally sure if I actually conversed (however briefly) or just forced words into their mouth or even if I should care. because ultimately it is A: time forcing, which is always beneficial, however little, and B: it shows that the tulpa (or at least the idea of them) has rooted its way into my subconscious enough for me to dream of them, which is also a good sign. With these logs I will be only making them when I think I have something of substance to say, such as this, one could say that I will be using it to report progress. Another aside, once more sorry if I am incoherent, I usually write these at night, which is when I am usually most tired, except when I'm not which happens more frequently as of late, asides over, good night.

[JohnnyRevolver]

I have continued tulpamancing however I have not been narrating in my head as much as I would like, I think it's just a function of me being forgetful but I have still been struggling to visualize again, it can't be complacency because I have not grown complacent I don't think, hopefully the tulpa can achieve vocality and I can stop worrying about it so much.

[ringgggg]

Hey, as long as you're narrating you're doing good. It's when you've stopped doing it altogether for a couple days that you need to check yourself