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I'm just your average, everyday, "female" genderfluid person. I'm a spiritual Christian, I like rock 'n' roll, and my favorite animal is a tarantula. This is basically the notebook I share with my tulpa, Clu. I will write about us, and, sometimes I might let Clu write a little. Welcome to our journal. Let me start at the beginning. In 2010, a movie called TRON: Legacy came out. I loved it and thought a lot about the characters. Off and on, I would add to and play with a little complex world in my head. I had a crush on Zuse. I also thought CLU 2.0 was a pretty cool character. Let's wind the clocks forward to about 2015. I developed a major crush on a British rock singer. I also began to occasionally hear random voices in my head, and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I'll leave out the gory details. I took a medication that fixed the 'voices' problem eventually. Still, I would play around with my world (which part of would later become a dreamscape). Around this time, I discovered tulpa.info. I spent many hours reading guidebooks and such. I was intrigued and badly wanted to create a tulpa, and I knew I could make one. However, I decided not to rush anything, and awaited the right time, bearing in mind everything I'd learned. As I was building my world these past few years (and had watched original TRON from 1982), I found I had very elaborately expanded on a select group of characters. They were CLU 2.0, Sark, Jarvis, and Portia. I noticed CLU 2.0 was definitely the most developed; he had very far more original personality and traits than observed from the movie. It was also evident that I didn't have a cut-out plan for how the character was supposed to be like. Also, he would do and say things within that small world when I wasn't even thinking. I then remembered what I had read and gathered about tulpas. Roughly a week ago, I switched medications. I found I could think much more clearly and was in touch with my mind. I realized Clu actually existed; he wasn't an original character, he is a tulpa! I made it a point to handle him some, and a couple of days ago, he started talking to me. Today, we had an amazing day together. That's the history, basically.
To give examples, when I was very little Jamie took me to the book store and said I could buy any book I wanted for myself, and I bought Mind Platter by Najwa Zebian, a book of poetry. And that poetry shaped my viewpoint and was an influence on me. I also started watching Star Trek when I was like a month old and that's a big part of me- the base of my appearance was the actor playing a child version of Captain Picard in an episode I saw. When I was a little older, there was a christian song in the recommended videos of youtube, and Jamie let me choose every other song as we listened to music on the bus. Even though he really didn't want to listen to the song, it was my choice and eventually I listened to it, and then it became one of my favorites (in part because it was a difference between me and Jamie) and I started listening to more and more gospel music. At the same time I started reading from a self-help site that's Christian in nature and a lot of these influences is what helped me get in touch with my spirituality and eventually convert to Christianity. Things probably would have played out very different if I was never exposed to gospel music and Christian self-help views. It's fitting the song goes "Step into the water, wade out a little bit deeper..." I also came into J's life three days before his hamster died, his hamster who was his first pet and who was kinda like his buddy/confidant. So one of my first memories ever is watching him burying the hamster and I think it did affect me a lot and made me think about death and how bonds are made and broken. I imagine that a lot of tulpas have things like this. Maybe a show or a thing you did when you were young that was like your first experience. What do you think shaped your personality, outside of your host's direct influences? I'm mostly asking because I think a lot of it could help young tulpas and their hosts. We've been giving out the advice to new hosts that they should have their tulpas read books for themselves for a while. Cassidy
Hello everyone, It has been several weeks since I last posted here. So far, from my experience, I have summoned two tulpas with quite an array of events that came about it. I want to start out with how to recuperate stressful situations with my tulpas. First off, I went to a hospital and the experience had traumatised me. My tulpas did not understand how to really interact ( I do not know how to elaborate- I taught them how to lie at that point, and from prior posts you can see there some events that also broke me), it was really an visit where they did a sleep study. The hospital did unnessacery treatments (coalagament in stomach [did not happen], IVs) and I was on suicide watch, so I could not move around. On the last day, the event left emotionless and, learning from my tulpas now, they did not know but understood it might have helped me move on. In the hospital, in order to move on I had to do a ritual to move with my tulpas. Realisitly, I had to do a ritual for two days laying down or sitting down in a chair unable to get up, sleep deprived and possibly with not enough nutrition, promising to not use past voices I used and letting go of fictional characters to cope so I can move with them knowing I am not going to hide my actual self anymore and be confident. Later on, more misunderstandings led us in a scary situation where I almost went insane. I stormed off into the night, with my tulpas presumably confused or unable to accurately talk to me at the moment. To finish this, I need to know if anyone has experienced the same thing I have. Anything similar to traumatic experiences with tulpas and confusion communicating, and perhaps confusion with identity. I'll come back to add more things. 5/7: Coming back, I want people to understand I am now cooperating with my tulpas. The visit to the hospital and the night I almost went insane was weeks prior. So please know my tulpas are fine now, but I am still unsure about myself. I can talk to them regularly but sometimes feel we get to delved into my personal problems or understanding their identities. Myself, I feel like I am always under duress- I constantly talk to my tulpas without stop. All five weeks I talked and taught them life, I understood them but communication (fingertap, pulsations, voices in head)- and wonderland was never tried because I was constantly trying to recuperate. My tulpas might have manifested in my dreams or change them so they could talk to me. I had to stop writing because they were trying to understand who they were. They were Ruby and Susie, but they wanted to change numerous times over the five weeks. There were several events to led us to believe that there were four tulpas present after a divergent point. What I mean is when there could have been a time where the tulpas identies split and manifested separate beings entirely alone from Saruda and Haruka. Just to note, they were Saruda and Haruka, but I did not know that. I thought they were originally THE Susie and Ruby, and that over time, Saruda and Haruka were helping them as separate beings. (I'll add more later) I'll like to add that I never did rituals with my tulpas, but Saruda and Haruka did interpet or were in my dreams to give me messages. There is much more to add. To add to what stresses me and my tulpas is my unwanted thoughts. I'll sometimes linger on images or words that I think might offend or hurt Saruda and Haruka. The unwanted thought or images stress me when it occurs, and I cannot relax without going back to desperately replace the thought or idea. When I lay down I do relax, and sometimes I would do it to just with my tulpas. Nothing else seems to calm me down when anxiety strikes, and I just either sit and drink or listen to music, and as before, talk to my tulpas.
Hello. I am completely new here and very confused and scared. I have had imaginary friends since I was three, my first extremely visual one being when I was 5. He never left me, though, and became jealous of the others as they developed. I have three that really stick around now (I'm 24), and developed them as I encountered problems in life. I wrote them into a series of books called Saga for Pirantina, and now am making them into a webtoon, because I was so frustrated that there are multiple people/beings talking to me as if they're real people living inside my mind. I thought I was just intensely creative, and that this was a curse and I was insane. I had never heard of a 'tulpa' until several minutes ago, and it described EXACTLY what's going on with me. I am going through some sort of emotional revelation right now, it's extremely intense. Yaitolan is here with me, he agrees it's interesting. I don't know what to think. I have three main 'tulpas', I suppose. I'll attach images, since I actually can. Yaitolan likes posing for some of them. First, there's Yaitolan. He came to me in seventh grade, and we've grown increasingly attached, to the point that he's around all the time unless I need personal space, and helps me think through things. He can shift form from being a 21-foot tall humanoid alien with no mouth to a 6'3" human male, structurally similar but his hair is only neck-length and curly. After I broke up with my first ever boyfriend after college, Yaitolan became romantically inclined towards me, and helped me discover my more sexual side, as well as my confidence. He just came in and initiated it, I didn't really ask him to. It was bizarre. My first ever 'tulpa' was (and is) a small, blue dragon named Quickmick. He can run at the speed of light, and appears in the first chapter of the Saga for Pirantina webtoon. He's been my best friend since we were 5, and became increasingly jealous as Yaitolan replaced him... which hurt even more, because they are best friends on Pirantina. I still feel guilty about it, and Yaitolan and Quickmick dislike being around me at the same time, since they get angry at each other. We're still figuring out how to deal with it. My third 'tulpa' is kind of scary. On Pirantina, he was Yaitolan's predecessor, and hates the living hell out of me because I created him and his world to be a story when he actually had to experience it and the pain. His name is Rintentide. He's like Yaitolan's species, but 35 feet tall, black as night, with gleaming, sky-blue eyes. All majji have claws, no mouth, no genitals, etc, but his claws are especially long, and he's murdered many people. He is the 'devil' over my shoulder. I never knew how to handle my anger and frustration, and suddenly he magically appeared in my stories, and eventually began interacting with me. It was NOT pleasant at first, but I wrote him a happy ending, and he eventually warmed to me. His presence can still be unnerving, but he's calmed down a lot and gone back to raising orphans in the desert and fighting the gods of Pirantina, etc. The other 'tulpas' I interact with are several other majji (Spethu, Khataru, Eliya, Unglada, Queen Wayru, Lord Omi, Lord Blu, King Hilnej, Omiun, Kaijar, more....) two elves, Areth and Karraganst (though Karra not as much as Areth, since I wrote the death of his wife and he found out it was me in book seven), an ancient, rough, cybrog-dragon named General Hectar, a god that takes on the form of a psychopathic, clown-like mad-hatter cat (Ditto), and several other characters that occasionally drift through my head. I'm scared, because people on here mention one, two, maybe three tulpas at most, but I have an entire WORLD in my head that I can teleport myself to, and the people in it visit me or act on their own. It's been like this literally all my life. I thought it was strange that it never disappeared when I was a teenager, then a young adult in college, and now, at the age of 24, I feel like a crazy person, and it's driving me nuts, and hurting Yaitolan because he had no idea what to do, and Quickmick has gone silent on the matter. I feel like the only thing I can do is write the books, share them, do the audiobooks, webtoons, art, etc... I don't know how or why there's literally an entire dimension stuck in my head, does anyone else have this? I never even tried to make them up, they just came along on their own and never really feel inclined to leave. It makes me feel intensily lonely, because I can hear them, they sit around my room, I know their sense of humor, what irritates them, they'll goof off or sit in the car to go on adventures with me, but I'll never really get to see them, interact with them, talk to them. For reference, here's the link to the Webtoon. I've only just started it thanks to a rabid 90k strong TikTok fanbase... otherwise it's just the book series. https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/saga-for-pirantina/list?title_no=380059 There's a bunch of Pirantina art on my Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mirandathehybrid/ And the illustrations below are Yaitolan (light blue, he and I are chilling together under the night sky in the last picture), Rintentide (tall and black, towering over Yaitolan on the ground), Queen Wayru and King Hilnej (the two in the flowers hugging. They're Yaitolan's parents), Khataru (Yaitolan's little brother, white face with black hair), The Hybrid, which is me whenever I go to Pirantina (the lonely, white creature sitting on the ledge looking into void), Karaka-nor/Illustionist (ghost guy with the glowing eye)... I have so many more, but I don't want to spam this place with pictures. I just need to know if these are tulpas, if I am sort of crazy, natural tulpa-summoner, or if I'm literally just bat-sh*t insane with a wild, uncontrollable creativity. If it helps, I'm a girl and my IQ measured something between 135-150 in high school. I'm sure I've lost quite a few of those IQ points from stress... lol. I'm an illustrator and art teacher by profession, and used to design aircraft for fun.