Tali's Record and Progress

[Mudgeon]

So, as a short precursor to explain how I got to making a Tulpa; I've been aware of Tulpamancy for a few years now and even attempted to make a Tulpa a while back, but I ended up losing time to force because of IRL circumstances and eventually gave up on it as a whole. The idea stuck with me, but I never ended up trying again out of fear of letting another Tulpa down, especially when I wasn't able to keep up the first time. I decided to wait until I knew I was invested enough in the idea to keep up on forcing at least until the point where I would be able to create a Tulpa that could engage with me enough to keep me committed to it, and until I was in a situation where I had the free time to dedicate at least an hour or two per day to forcing. Both things kept me away from the idea for a while.

Come a few months ago when I got out of schooling and had some time between then and getting employed, I found myself drawn back to the idea of Tulpamancy, but I was still fairly hesitant about it because I worried I'd burn out too quickly and leave another Tulpa unformed. That's part of why I'm creating this thread, so that I have something to keep up actively and a form of evidence that I'm getting somewhere. That alone wouldn't convince me to start on something as big as this, but lurking here and reading through the other progress reports (especially Determination - SImmie's Journey! it was the first one I read and it was very inspiring) has been motivating and after some deliberation I decided to try again.

With that aside, I've been forcing my Tali, my Tulpa, for about four days total now. At the point I am now with her I only receive faint, sparse bursts of feelings that can be a little difficult to discern from general mental noise, although I am hesitant to write anything off even when I'm this early in. Forming her personality has been a long process that I still wouldn't consider myself as done with, since I've been trying to be as thorough as I can in the early stages. I started with narrating to the general idea that I had of Tali in my head, and then moved onto more active forcing by forming her personality with a few different exercises I either heard about elsewhere or picked up on my own. I would say the most definitive proof of her existence that I have right now is a general warmth I feel when I offer her the focus I can manage through the day or during active forcing sessions.

I'm still working on learning to narrate more when I'm doing other things and I don't expect a lot to happen right now, but I'm hopeful for the future and my ability to keep at it until she's at the stage where I don't have to worry about her slipping my mind. Right now I'm working on finishing the last parts of the groundwork of her personality, and then I'll move onto other forms of active forcing exercises like developing a wonderland.

I do already have a persistent piece of imagery I have in mind for what I'd want a wonderland to be like, that being a flat grassy hill with a twisted oak tree and a river running along its edges. I'm not quite sure where the idea came from in my head, but whenever I daydream it's a location that serves as the central point of my mindscape, like a core that everything else revolves around. I think I'd want that place to serve as the base of our wonderland too, if what it is doesn't already serve that purpose. Beyond that, I don't have a strong idea of what I'd want the place to look like, and maybe I'd want to hold off on making anything important beyond that until Tali can tell me her preferences herself. I know it can be changed later, but it feels right for a place for us to be designed by the both of us instead of just me.

I'll keep this updated with any new progress I make, and of course I'd love to hear from anyone more experienced in this sort of thing than I am!