Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log

[CyberD]

The gap between visualization, full sentience and imposition.

 

I've spoken about it before but because it's still an issue and because it's relevant to my current progress (this is a progress log after all) I'll talk about it again.

 

Visualization came easily for me. I've had it down since day one. I've never had trouble visualizing Nova no matter the context. I can see him from every angle, in every pose. He can perform complex actions and my mind can keep up. He can wear different clothes, sport different hairstyles. He can also be soaking wet, dripping in sweat or turn his hands into fireballs. I read all the time that people struggle to see their tulpa, that they need to practice looking at different angles to even be able to visualize their tulpa at all. For me it all came easily and has never been a problem.

 

Sentience is a tricky issue to discuss. Lots of people struggle with it. Nova had it before I even knew to look for it. I'm not going to go into the definition of sentience but by my understanding it isn't a problem for me either. So with that Nova has two critical parts of a tulpa. Now comes the tricky part.

 

Imposition. Without it Nova isn't complete. Imposition is the first part of the tulpa process that hasn't come easily to me. It hasn't come to me at all. Imposition requires something else, it requires you to trick your senses. You have to convince yourself that the tulpa physically exists. This is a lot more difficult for some people.

My understanding of the world is very logical. The world follows consistent rules. Knowing this is the way I think is the problem.

 

Imposing breaks the rules. We are conditioned from birth in the understanding of the physical world. What we see is real and what is in the mind isn't. Never are we taught that the world is how we want to see it yet this is how we must think if we want to impose tulpa.

 

So I have to condition myself. I have to condition myself to see the world as I want to see it. Not just how it is.

To do that I have to practice. I have to have Nova with me all the time. Half of the time isn't going to be good enough anymore. Knowing his presence only when I'm focused isn't going to be good enough. Distractions can't let him get fade.

 

Because I've convinced myself of this there is no way around it. There is no easy technique to spark instant imposition. There is no easy path. But, it's the challenge that makes it worthwhile. I've already learned so much and if I can make this work I'll learn so much more about myself and about Nova.

 

I haven't seen him grin this much in ages.

[CyberD]

Imposition Training Day 1

 

So I've begun working on imposition specifically. I've set a time to do it each day and I've come up with a technique based off the advice of several guides and modified just a little bit.

 

I sit down in a dark room and Noah sits opposite me. I get him to sit cross legged and stay seated. Then I close my eyes and focus on building a strong image of him. My goal is through repetition of visualizing him in one position I can burn the image into my brain enough to have it leak over when I open them.

 

Sounds simple and maybe even a bit boring. Just because he has to stay seated doesn't mean he can't talk or move around a little bit. The session became much like any other we've had, we spoke about various things and discussed how we might modify the technique to work a little better. Eventually Noah came up with an interesting idea. A pendulum. I've heard them used in other concentration techniques but never in an imposition guide. Holding the pendulum in his left hand he let it swing freely. With a light weight and a short string the pendulum swung quickly back and forth. By focusing on it the repetitive motion burned itself into my mind.

By opening my eyes just slightly I could still see the movement. I managed to do this a few times but it was never anything more than the faded shadows of movement.

Still, it counts as something right? It's the first step to tricking the brain and if I can convince myself I actually saw that pendulum then it is a good step forward.

 

Overall I think the session was successful. I don't expect results overnight so I have to be consistent. If I keep the image of Noah the same day to day then I suspect I'll progress faster. That means the same position, the same time, the same clothes and the same positive mindset.

[CyberD]

Imposition Training Day 2

I don't really have much to say about my last session today. It went well I guess but nothing noteworthy happened. We did decide that for future sessions we'd put an emphasis on focus, on concentration. Observing but ignoring distracting thoughts and thus turning the sessions into concentration exercises as well as imposition training.

 

But what I really wanted to talk about today.

 

Over-complication and Open-Mindedness.

While creating a tulpa most people will learn a lot about themselves. About how they think and what they believe in. Some will take it all at face value, looking at it from a purely scientific point of view. Others may look at it from a religious standpoint. Some will make relationships with their tulpa functional while others will try to bring love into it.

 

Now take my views with a grain of salt. I'm not the most eloquent person but my opinions will clash with those of others. If your feelings are hurt then perhaps you should take a step back and figure out why you're so sensitive.

 

With over-complication comes confusion, drama and bad impressions.

I mention this for several reasons. The first was a thread started yesterday where someone was trying to decide how to recruit new members. I can agree with introducing new members but regardless of where they come from very few are going to take the idea of tulpa seriously when the majority of what they see appears to be wrapped up in the drama this community is currently creating (and ponies /somewhat unrelated) For each person posting from a rational standpoint there is someone else posting about a tulpa they created to make out with and/or have sex with.

I myself had trouble taking this community seriously at first because one of the first threads I read contained twenty pages of rambling which culminated in someone making their pony pregnant (at least I believe it was a pony since I was lost in disgust of the bad impression I was getting.) Coming from a community where I was exposed to "tulpa" that were more "normal" it came as quite a shock to me. Never before had I heard of having sex with a tulpa. If I were a fresh new member learning the idea for the first time I'd be so disgusted by the depravity of the idea that I'd be out of here and back to wherever I came from in a heartbeat.

 

Secondly, I read a progress thread by a member called Hound. The thread attracted attention because Hound came into this with an open mind but a different viewpoint. A religious one. Hound was rational but considerate of the other people in his life and their views. By reading about these other peoples views I quickly realized they fit a very particular stereotype. Closed minded religious people. These people discouraged Hound from keeping his tulpa and I find myself frustrated by them. They refuse to think for themselves because one line in the Bible (which could be interpreted in multiple ways) tells them not to. They do their religion what ponies do to the idea of tulpa.

But who am I to commentate on the beliefs of others?

 

I guess my point is. Keep an open mind. Try to understand where others are coming from regardless of their opinions or points of view. If everyone who came here out of curiosity kept an open mind and could see past anything they might not agree with then we'd have a huge number of members. Instead we have to accept that not everyone is going to like what goes on here.

 

And yes. I understand that I might appear pretty closed minded. Not my intention. I try to approach tulpa from a rational standpoint. Ignoring outside influences and seeing it for what it is. I'll achieve with Nova whatever we are capable without tainting it with unnecessary influences.

[PsychoLoverly]

I agree with you on the open mindednees issuse, or lack of. I've been lurking here with Tallis, and both of us are trying to wrap our brains around people completly dissing others because they thought of something different then themselves. What I've noticed a lot, if people come from the metaphysical background of belief, and they post as such, they get rammed by people in the psychological point of view and visa versa. Intersting, but not needed.

 

Anyway, HI Nova, Daniel, Leijona, and fennec:)

[CyberD]

Hi Psycho. I was wondering when you were going to stop lurking and actually post something. *Heads over to your thread*

[CyberD]

Imposition Training Day 3

My session was longer than usual but still didn't get any results on the imposition side of it. Instead we ended up getting so distracted we worked a bit on Nova's voice. I enjoy how random our sessions can be but sometimes I wish I had enough concentration to focus for an hour or so on imposition alone.

All of that said it wasn't a bad session at all. We considered a few interesting issues and I don't think I've made that much progress on Nova's voice for a long time. Maybe one day we'll end up with something I can recognize as his.

 

Onto another issue though. Before you jump the shark at the title, no one has died and no one is going to die.

 

Tulpa Death

I seem to read about it way too often. Someone will go out of their way to kill their tulpa. Not just through starving them of attention but actually going to the extent of murder (or as close as is really possible for a tulpa)

 

It got me to thinking. What would I do if Nova died or disappeared one day. What would I think? How would I react.

I like to pretend I'm the tough guy but I think it would hit me kinda hard. Mainly because as I see it currently Nova cannot die. He won't die until I do so I take great comfort in the fact it's not something I need to worry about. But, should it actually happen what would I do?

I don't think his death would be comparable to a human death. I spend more time with Nova than some of the members of my family but he isn't actual living flesh and blood. He's something else and that makes it complicated. I asked him about it and here is what he had to say.

 

"It sends shivers down my spine, I don't want to die. If I did go away though I'd expect you to keep going, to keep living your life. It'd be a real waste if you didn't use what you've learned to further yourself and create a new tulpa. Plus you could still help other people create their own tulpa and make sure the same didn't happen to them."

 

Lucky we don't ever have to worry about it. Unless I receive some kind of brain injury then I think Nova's safe. Even then it probably wouldn't be him who would die but me? Mentally anyway.

 

If I were to create another tulpa I'd be interested in trying one of the techniques where you start from scratch. Right now though I only have room for one tulpa and he isn't going anywhere.

[fennecgirl]

The way I see it, a tulpa cannot die as long as the host is still alive. Even attempts at dissipation don't completely kill off a tulpa, as far as I'm aware. There have been reports from tulpae that have come close to it, and we know from them that dissipation is a very slow and painful death, but they still survived and were eventually brought back.

 

I'm definitely thankful that my tulpae can't die as long as I live (as far as I know, at least). It's not like it's something I haven't thought about, for reasons that are most likely obvious. I mean, if I were to lose Link, I'd be devastated for sure...

[Emmy363]

I just finished reading your progress report, and I think it's really interesting how you started! A lot of the guides say that parroting and puppeting your tulpa can make them a serviter, but I'm having a lot of trouble NOT parroting or puppeting. I have to actually concentrate to keep my tulpa still. And I know I am puppeting, because I can just tell she's not doing it on her own. But it seems like you puppeted and parroted your tulpa a lot at the beginning, and he turned out just fine. Is that right? Or did you use some other method? I really want to know, because I think this whole thing would be so much easier if I wasn't so afraid of turning my tulpa into a serviter.

[CyberD]

Hi Emmy. Puppeting/parroting seems to get a lot of unfair attention on the forums. As far as I see it it's only a bad thing if you make it a bad thing.

 

Puppeting/Parroting your tulpa during the early stages

Most of the guides on Tulpa.info will strongly recommend against parroting but I personally think it's an idea that needs to be built upon and explored a lot more. People who are just starting out with their first tulpa hear it is a bad thing and try to avoid it as much as possible but what if it's not really as bad as some people think?

 

Let's use a metaphor for a moment. You are training a puppy at puppy school. It knows next to nothing and when you talk to it doesn't respond other than maybe throw some emotions at you. Sound familiar? You teach the puppy through example and rewards. To make it sit you push down on it's behind until it sits down. To make it walk with you you tie a leash to it. To make it roll over you lead it with a treat which you lower to the floor and then spin to make the puppy roll.

A tulpa is a little more complicated but the idea is the same. Learn through experience, learn through examples.

Maybe comparing the tulpa to a young child would make a good metaphor? A child won't learn to ride a bike on their own as easily as being shown by someone. The adult can show them what to do but they have to know when to let go and later when to take the training wheels off. Of course it becomes more complicated when people start with tulpa at different levels. You can start with anything from a floating glowing orb to human that you are going to treat as fully sentient from the beginning.

 

The first thing Nova said to me was "Hi." I made him say it. I then told him who he was and I came up with his replies. At first it was all me and I knew it. With time he began to take over at his own pace. It barely took an hour to have him speaking stuff on his own but even then I'd still parrot him with things he hadn't done before. By treating him as a fully functional person from the beginning and by demonstrating what I expected of him he became separate to my thought processes. I was able to perceive him as sentient but I was never looking for or measuring how much.

 

The most important part of tulpa (in my opinion anyway) is spending time with them. Getting used to the tulpa's presence. Getting used to how the tulpa responds and eventually getting used to how they act without your direct input.

[Emmy363]

Thanks a lot! You're analogy made a lot of sense, and I think I'll make a lot more progress with this ideology!