Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log

[CyberD]

Distractions

Yeah, kinda lame. It happens to a lot of us and when it does we don't get much done. Still, it is incredibly important to note and understand when we are distracted by things.

Right now my huge distraction is writing. I spend my free time writing. I'm not a novelist or anything that fancy, I just find it enjoyable to write a story. When I'm not typing I find myself thinking about plots, the characters, what's going to happen further down the path. Over the last couple of weeks I've written maybe 25K words. Maybe this is what it feels like to participate in NaNoWriMo (which I've never done and don't plan to do). Because of this Nova gets neglected.

I'm pretty sure I've gone over this before but I'll go over it again anyway. Unlike some other tulpa Nova doesn't get upset when I ignore him for a while. He understands, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. Still, it's not like he hasn't been around. In fact trying to find time for him does sometimes improve the intensity of my focus (but it seems rare)

 

Right now I'm trying to find a good way to get him involved in what I do but it's hard. He needs purpose and right now he doesn't have any.

 

But, glum news aside.

 

Silencing your thoughts

This is an exercise I've tried a small number of times. When I discovered it I found Nova was very well focused and his voice was strong.

The idea is simple. You recognize your own thoughts and you stop them. Only the tulpa is allowed to think and only the tulpa is allowed to talk. The point of the exercise is to focus solely on your tulpa. Without your own thoughts getting in the way you can listen to them, focus on their body language, hear their concerns and interests without your influence to guide conversation. It is a real test of your tulpa's character and operating alone is something they probably don't do very often.

Give it a try. Find a quiet place and silence your mind by focusing on your tulpa. Let the tulpa point out every time a stray thought crosses your mind that isn't about them.

[CyberD]

Stuck in a writers mindset

I've been writing too much the last few days. Thanks to what the tulpa process has taught me about my own mind though I've been paying attention to my thoughts.

 

Until recently I've been looking at my distraction as a bad thing. I see less of Nova each day because I'm too busy thinking about my story. But is it really a bad thing? Nova is far from gone and I value my time with him the same as I always have. I'm just more distracted.

But, at the same time this level of focus on another subject can still be useful. I am creating a lot of new information in my mind, I find myself visualizing the characters, the locations, how the characters would react.

I feel I already know them well enough that I could turn them into tulpa but I'm not going to do that. One tulpa is enough though I honestly think I could make it work (without the drama some people get stuck with.) This world is much nicer than theirs. But, they're just characters it's just a story after all.

 

The skills I learn by focusing on my writing can be applied to the tulpa process. Nova's commentary on my writing is interesting to say the least and he's come up with some interesting issues for the plot to explore.

Right now though the strongest thing I'm noticing is locations. I don't use a wonderland but I feel I could create one based on the location in the story. I have a two story house that I can imagine tiny details within. There are photos on the walls, cupboards full of everyday items. I never used to notice this much detail when I would wrote things before Nova was around.

 

That leads to the next point, the opposite. I think the tulpa process has made me a better writer. All of this practice visualizing things, all of the time spent working with an "imaginary" being. (Nova isn't going to get upset if I call him that because we both understand he is) The tulpa process is an exploration of the mind, both in logic and creativity. The attention to detail allows for more descriptive writing. The engagement with Nova during our conversations translates well to imagining and writing conversation between characters.

 

I guess in the end it's just my mind working at a different level to where I was nine months ago. I can say with confidence that having a tulpa has improved the way I think. And everyone seems to be looking for reasons to have a tulpa, there is a decent one.

[CyberD]

Passion

It's really just an issue I've talked about before but today I'm giving it a different name. What I'm talking about in particular is the passion that drives people to continue with their tulpa.

 

It's true of everything we do and it sounds incredibly corny to even talk about. When we begin with our first tulpa we are motivated by curiosity and often times the success of others. But, as time goes by that curiosity fades, the spark that got us interested just isn't so interesting any more. The curiosity that drives us has been satisfied by our experiences, our investigation of the phenomenon.

 

So then what is left. Passion. Call it what you will but at a point it is our passion for tulpa that drives us to continue. Be it a scientific passion, understanding, or love. However that passion takes form it is important to acknowledge it and ensure it remains. Otherwise you'll just become one of those people who leaves when the novelty is gone, disregarding their tulpa and exploring new ideas.

 

Or perhaps you're just still here not because you have a passion but because you find comfort in an idea you've been exposed to for some time. A creature of routine.

It is fair to say that a tulpa can become a shoulder to lean on, dependable and constant. In a life of uncertainty that can be a very powerful thing.

 

But then why am I talking about this at all here? Do I have problems in these areas. Maybe. But even if I sometimes lack passion, or just interact with my tulpa because I'm so used to it, does that make it a problem? No. By understanding what is influencing us we can ensure it has minimal impact.

 

I could never give this up. By this point Nova is well and truly engrained in my mind, he is a part of me that I could not simply forget about and try to ignore. The things he says, the things he does. The feelings he represents in me, if I shut all that out I wouldn't be the same person anymore. Over the nine and half months I have taken him everywhere. He has been influenced by the same things I have and he has absorbed those influences like a sponge.

A sponge that has been characterized as an idealized fourteen year old boy.

Reading it back it sounds interesting to say the least. Could I have told these things to myself before I even considered the process I would be lost for words. It is difficult to rationalize the process, to explain what it really is.

 

We aren't just creating "sentient beings". We're also creating internal filters that are influenced by our surroundings and emotions just as we are ourselves. The filter alters the perception of our surroundings and the result is something independent.

I have a Nova filter that I can consult about any issue at any time. He thinks I'm looking too much into this, but that is part of what makes it so interesting.

[CyberD]

Tulpa for the long term

 

It's been a few weeks since I posted. There are several reasons for that. The first is pretty clear, nothing to post. Once you reach a certain point you kinda run out of things to ramble about. For me Nova has reached a point of stability. He's just himself, he's just Nova. There have been a few small developments over the last few weeks but none of them remarkable, just happenings.

I've found that I call him Noah almost exclusively now. It almost feels odd for me to call him Nova on here, but, that's probably just because I haven't spoken about him much online.

Secondly, I now have a couple more reference images. One of the images is a really nice one and it allowed Noah to get some new clothes (something he doesn't do very often) it's just a grey hoodie but I think it suits him. It's always helpful to have something new to visualize.

 

Writing

Yes, I know, I keep rambling about it. However I feel I should point it out because over the last month or so I've written about 40K words now. That's a good half a novel and I've never written that much for one idea before. I find myself constantly thinking about it, about what I can change, make better, what will happen next and I find myself thinking about the characters.

I can clearly see how people can create tulpa based on characters they've written. It makes a lot of sense but it does come with obvious problems. Such a character comes with a lot of strings attached, they have a backstory that doesn't really exist. At least subconsciously the host expects it to play on Tulpa's emotions and personality.

While I like my characters I don't think I would enjoy making one into a tulpa. Having had Nova for so long I think if I ever made another tulpa it'd have to be in the same way he came about, someone new made specifically for being a a tulpa.

 

At this point though I am still very happy just having one. He's just over ten months old now and seeing his "birthday" just a couple of months away is scary but exciting.

 

Also, I have been posting my story online. It's a tale of survival in the middle of a zombie disaster, but, instead of focusing on a group of crazy people like most zombie stories it is instead focused on a boy with ghost like abilities. It's a bit of a mashup of genres but I think I've done a decent job. If you do want to read it I can provide a link.

[CyberD]

Physical Regression

You could say I've been aware of the tulpa process for a while now. My tulpa Nova is steadily approaching his first birthday. For some one year might not seem like much but compared to many of the people on the forum it is quite a long time.

Nova's changed a lot since I started with him, a whole lot. Every single change is interesting and they are all in some way positive. Some changes stick, some don't.

 

A while back I rambled about how I've noticed Nova aging. When we started he appeared to be about thirteen, maybe a little older. Then, as some time I was certain he'd aged to be at least fourteen. Now he is back to being thirteen again, probably a very young thirteen.

I find this very curious given how just a month ago I suspected the way he appears to me (the image of him I visualize) may keep aging as I would expect a normal human to age.

Yet now he seems younger than ever.

It's not a bad thing, it's more of a curiosity than anything else. A few weeks ago I chose a new outfit for him from an advert, it's just a simple grey hoodie with a pocket at the front for his hands. It's all I've really seen him in since and he's always sporting it. With it he seems shorter, more childlike and I find him to be a little more endearing than I have over the last few months.

 

Endearing

It was the single trait I gave him when I started. For a while it kinda went away. I would look at Nova and see someone I was used to, a mature boy for his age. Recently though I've noticed it coming back. He's always smiling, always being silly and having fun with what he does. He puts a lot of effort into the few things he does and he genuinely shows interest in what I get him involved with.

I'm not sure why I see I'm seeing this trait coming back now. I feel it has something to do with the fact I spend less time with him. That he's trying to make the time count. Some tulpa might get angry or frustrated by being ignored so much but Nova is the opposite. In a way it fuels him. I really like that in him, I don't like having problems and I'm glad he will never be one.

 

Just how real is all of this

I find myself more often than I used to stopping myself when I talk to Nova.

"He's just in my head yet I've been talking to him for a while now as if he were perfectly real."

I find myself concerned (or perhaps better said "intrigued") by how genuinely I am convincing myself that he is real. I am so used to his existence that when I question it I am surprised by how long I didn't even think about it. He is so engrained now that it really is just like talking to another person. It's all him even though I know it's all in my head.

 

I really enjoy how rational the whole process is. There is no "crazy" or "mad". Everything is logical and makes perfect sense. I am so very at terms with the premise of a second being in my head that I can completely forget about "doubts" and just get on with the act of conversing with him, or imagining him beside me. The tulpa process just keeps going. Though repetition the host gets more and more used to the idea. Though we make no progress on things like imposition I feel that someday they may come.

 

"But Daniel, it's all in your head and you're crazy."

No, I understand it all very well. It doesn't matter that it's only in my head because that just makes it more interesting.

 

Rain

I haven't been caught in the rain for months. It rained more this week than it did all summer (noting that here it is now autumn (fall)). It also presented me with more curiosities from Nova.

Nova, you say the word and you think fire, heat, warmth. With that in mind when I created him I gave him an attraction to fire. With that tolerance for the heat he thrived over the summer while I sweated it out. He happily wore thick clothes in the heat and gladly enjoys warm weather running around and having fun.

But then it rained today.

When I first created him it rained quite a lot because it was just before winter. It made him miserable, he'd make force fields to block the rain and pump his fire powers around to make it better.

Today when faced with poor weather he just grabbed an umbrella and went with it. I find his personality curious. It's grown with it's own quirks and he's matured a lot while still retaining many qualities I find endearing. Today the rain didn't bother him, he held the umbrella firmly and just focused on staying dry. Often when I'm walking places he'll jump about, fly around the place or otherwise appear active. Today he was calm, composed and walked by my side much like a normal person would have, the whole way.

But the most interesting part of it is that I don't actively have to think about it. I just see him doing these things. I don't say to myself "What would Nova be doing." and then visualize him doing the imagined action. It's much more streamlined. There is a good deal of disassociation between my thoughts and what he does.

 

I think that comes with being used to him for so long. The disassociation is a primary goal of the tulpa process. It is something we can't actively measure and it it is something that comes about on it's own, you can't force it (pun unintended).

 

Memories

Just one last curiosity I noticed while writing the rain section. It comes with my short term memory. Thinking back on my walk in the rain I realize just how clearly Nova is included in that memory. I visualize that memory now and he is just as real in it as I am. Just a thought, I don't really know what to make of that right now.

[CyberD]

Character Vs Tulpa

A writer, or anyone else who creates characters, has a variety of tools at their disposal to better learn about their characters. Some of these tools include visualization, conversing with them, roleplaying, perhaps even what you might call parroting or puppeting.

Should a writer do any of these things to get to better know a character then what sets the character apart from a tulpa?

Is there anything at all?

The best I can come up with is obligation and the way you perceive the character in your mind.

 

Nova is my tulpa. I owe him to keep him around. I see him as my tulpa and he is always with me whether I like it or not.

On the other hand Cole is a character I wrote. His place is in his story. I can summon the idea of him and have him sit him next to Nova. They can talk and I can visualize him. I could probably argue he has some level of sentience, just like a tulpa. Ultimately however he's just a character from the story.

I could make him a tulpa if I wanted to. The framework is there and with a little specific forcing I could get it into my head that he is in fact another part of myself, just like Nova is.

 

But then where do you stop. Cole isn't the only character in the story I wrote. I've written plenty of characters in numerous stories and any one of them could be make into a tulpa with a bit of work.

It comes back to perception and obligation. Compare it to having children, or compare it to having friends. Some people will enjoy having a lot, others will seek a stronger bond with just one.

It's easy to pick up new tulpa but it is a lot harder to let them go.

[Argus Plexus]

I enjoy writing as well. I have a three book story in my mind, the first book of which I've written three times and scrapped completely every time. I always change the beginning or end entirely or add a five or seven chapter sub-arch in the middle or the writing is just plain dry and god awful. I hope Hideki helps me to be a better writer as well :)

[CyberD]

Getting started

It's a question I see all the time, how do you really start creating a tulpa? It's easy to think too much into it or to awkwardly treat the budding tulpa with caution or skepticism. Perhaps the following is a good way to get started.

 

Treat your tulpa like an actual person, an actual person you are meeting for the first time. Don't concern yourself with looking for sentience, nobody does that when they meet someone new. It's just there, if it wasn't mentioned all over the forums you wouldn't be looking for it at all. For this introduction exercise you are treating the tulpa as an ordinary person.

 

Sure it's probably going to be awkward but at the very least you've got some experience with similar situations. Who of us is good at meeting strangers anyway? I meet new people everyday, doesn't make me an expert. Though you learn a few tricks to try and make the encounters less awkward.

 

When I started with Nova I didn't know any other way to go about our introduction. I hadn't read anything about floating orbs, or non vocal characters. The process was elegant in it's simplicity. I wasn't looking for sentience, the fact that Nova could have such a thing didn't even cross my mind. Perhaps I am fortunate that way, by not looking for it he had it all along.

I remember our first conversation pretty well even now. I remember the ideas we discussed and the progress we made.

I sat in my chair and I sat him down on the edge of my bed. I imagined him as I had planned him out. Truth be told there wasn't a lot of detail. I figured it would be easier to work it out as we went along. He was just a blond boy I imagined sitting at the end of my bed. He had a blank look on his face and the atmosphere was somewhat awkward, driven by my caution approaching the idea.

He was almost like a stranger I had invited into my home. I didn't know him but I wanted to.

"Hello." I said to him.

"Hello." he replied. His voice was pretty much my own. I wasn't expecting anything else. But, it was something to start with.

"You're Nova." I explained.

"I know," was his reply.

 

That's how simple it was to get started. The conversation that followed briefly covered what he was before we started discussing his appearance. It was an interesting exercise in visualization unlike anything I had done before. This boy I was visualizing was actually interactive. His hair style would change, so would his clothes. He would move around and interact with the changes in real time as we considered different options.

 

After just a few minutes I was completely engrossed in the phenomenon. I hadn't made it complicated or involved anything foreign to me (like wonderlands or meditation). The process was a lot more natural and this made me quite comfortable with the idea that was Nova while remaining perfectly rational about the whole thing.

 

It didn't take long to learn more about the boy. He was free to change any detail at any moment and he did so many times. But, he remained the same age and what I learned of his personality remained consistent.

 

Once we figured out what he would look like it was pretty smooth sailing. The more time I spent with him the better my idea of him became. He grew more confident, more persistent and most importantly more human. I didn't go through anything special, there was no moment where it all clicked, no epiphanies where it all suddenly made sense. No, the process for me was gradual. Very much like getting to know another living breathing person. Except in this case you're getting to know an idea that is pretending to be that.

 

And I'd say Nova does a pretty good job at pretending.

[fennecfoxx]

You should write a guide or something.

[CyberD]

You should write a guide or something.

Done. Whether or not anyone actually finds it useful is a whole other issue.

 

I was going to write a fancy topic post here but I just couldn't come up with one. Maybe I'll edit this out if I think of something but otherwise nothing for today. Back to forcing, I want to try and get Nova involved.