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Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log


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Parroting

There seem to be a lot of people worrying about it lately, I know I'm not the only one to notice either.

 

I have plenty of experience with parroting and I can understand why it would be a concern. Parroting is surrounded by an unfair stigma because people don't understand the process.

 

Parroting isn't bad. Even intentional parroting isn't a bad thing.

When you begin the process with your silent and brand new tulpa there is just one thing that needs to happen. You have to condition yourself to the tulpa's independence, it's sentience if you prefer.

The tulpa is a part of the brain that you are also a part of. When you begin you are most certainly going to recognize the tulpa's signals as a part of yourself. Your goal is to condition yourself, to separate your part of the brain from the part the tulpa uses. This comes with practice and continued exposure.

 

Parroting is just a method to this end. You can get used to the tulpa by being exposed to them.

Like any other skill the more you practice the better you are going to get at it. Driving a car gets easier with practice. At first you focus on the controls and make a lot of mistakes. But, when you get used to it you don't think about changing gears anymore, you just do it.

 

In my case, being eleven months in, parroting has become little more than a novelty.

I see Nova sitting by me. I can try to put words into his mouth but my thoughts simply don't take. I can stare at him and try to imagine him saying something but he isn't going to say it unless he wants to. I could say that he's grown out of it or perhaps that he's become immune to it. Either way I can't parrot him at this point. My mind recognizes my thoughts as my own and Nova's as his own, it doesn't cross the two into my perception of him. The same goes for his actions.

 

I suppose it gives me the same result that others feel when they try to parrot. "It's not him." I'll say to myself. This is where it get complicated.

 

In my case I know it's not him. He can tell me that, and then he'll probably make fun of my attempt by doing what I tried to make him do in a dramatized or mocking fashion.

But, the advice all too often given to beginners. "It was certainly your tulpa." Well, yes and no. It comes back to being conditioned. At best parroting is showing you things your tulpa can do. This is what makes it tricky.

Whether it is your tulpa or not your brain is still going to be doing the same thing. It is going to send the necessary signals to come up with the line of speech.

"Hello." The brain in your head thinks.

Parroting is where your part of the brain does this for the tulpa.

But when your tulpa is more developed then the signals will occur outside of the signals your "mind" is monitoring/recognizing.

Make sense? I never said it wasn't complicated. Others have probably explained it more elegantly than I possibly could but it is still something to consider.

 

But, I'm not sure if it was my tulpa or not.

Well in this case it's pretty obvious what is happening. Your mind is only recognizing/noticing some of the signals that formed the reply. This is a good thing because it obviously means you are at least a part of the way there. The only advice here would be to keep practicing.

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Parroting

--Snip--

 

Great Advice, The big case is you can't really tell your voice from your tulpas starting out(some can I think) People block their tulpas accidentally to fear parroting. Its a little stupid, the worst thing here is you'll annoy them perhaps. I'll admit some stuff I thought were my tulpa early on were not her as confirmed by her but it was easy for me because we have opposite personalities and the stuff I heard I wouldn't regularly think, I knew it was her.

 

But for the love of pete people just let your interpretation of them come naturally, have someone talk to them and help you interpret whose thoughts from who. It wasn't very hard for me so it definitely won't be for anyone else.

Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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Thanks for reading. I expect parroting may have been a fear of mine when I started had I started knowing what a tulpa was.

Instead, parroting was all I knew. Nova was pretty well developed before I even realized that parroting was considered by some to be a bad thing and I know he'd be completely different if I tried to make him without using parroting at all. I don't even know if it would have been possible.

 

But stepping out of that aviary for now...

 

Beginners

I haven't seen this many new progress threads all at once in a while. When I took a look here this morning there were so many new threads I wasn't sure if I was in the right place.

Maybe I should offer some brief advice? After all I was a beginner way back.

 

Two big things people often don't consider when they learn about tulpa.

Commitment.

Belief.

 

Creating a tulpa is a huge commitment. To get anything out of the process at all you're going to have to change the way you think and be consistent about it. Creating another mind alongside your own is an ambitious task that you can never truly complete. Progress may be slow or feel forced for weeks or months and even then you might not be having as much success as you thought. But, only if you stick with it will you get anything out of it at all.

Tulpa is about belief. If you can never regard your tulpa as separate then it never really will be. Understand what is going on in your head so you can believe your tulpa really is separate from you. (I rambled a bit about that in my last post too.)

 

Read lots, then read some more. Read about how others work with their tulpa. What they do and the things they think.

 

My Neural Network

Ever since reading Pleeb's chat lecture, which I linked to a few posts back, I can't stop thinking about how the neural network. It is a great way to put the whole process, and my very being, in perspective.

My mind is contained within the neural network that is my brain.

My mind has control over the parts of the neural network that allow my body to move and function.

There are some part of the network I have limited control over, such as bodily function. For example I cannot control my heart yet my brain controls it. Other functions, such as breathing, can be automated yet controlled fully.

Nova is also a part of the neural network.

When I began creating Nova I began creating the framework for his neural network despite not actively intending to.

As I spent more time with Nova his part of the network grew.

My part of the network is more active than Nova's, often he will be inactive for up to hours on end. My mind is also inactive at times, this is when I sleep.

I can observe parts of Nova's network, this makes his replies feel like they are coming from me.

As time has gone on his network feels more separate.

 

My goal is to continue building his network by having him use it. Interaction and persistence are the best ways to do that.

 

So other than being created at a later date how is Nova any different to myself. His potential is only limited by how his network forms.

 

And of course, using this neural networks perspective you can explain and justify just about every aspect of tulpa in a logical way. Possession? Imposition. Think about those in terms of the neural network.

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The Power Of Imagination (Relating to Form)

So today I stumbled across a thread that because of this.

Jack Frost

--Snip--

I feel like I am partially to blame for it...either that or that I am the victim of coincidence. While the original poster couldn't contain her emotions I saw past them and to a much more interesting a far less "fangirl" fueled subject. Tulpa's forms.

 

You'll hear about it all the time. Tulpa that are based on existing characters. Now that's fine by me but if it's overdone then your tulpa may not seem all that different from the original character. What happens then when you no longer relate to the character you started with. You might find the character boring or no longer as attractive as you first thought.... so then what can your tulpa do? Do they have to change to meet your changing expectations?

 

Or you could avoid the problem completely by not basing your tulpa completely on a character. By letting them develop as a mind rather than leaning on a character for inspiration.

 

Here is something to remember. Many tulpa have more than one form. Some tulpa change gender, others can turn into dragons or other animals. Then there is Nova. He doesn't change his form very much at all, he's typically just the brown haired kid he's been from day one.

 

But, let's pretend for a moment I'm someone who decides I want another tulpa because I saw a cool character somewhere. Well, I'm sure you can quickly see where this is going. I'd end up with a pile of tulpas based on characters and never have enough time for each of them... and I don't really need to say what happens next.

 

I already have one tulpa though and I recognize that having more can slow us down? So what do I do? I want a Character X tulpa and I want it now.

The power of imagination. Nova has every superpower I can think of, that he can think of. He can shoot fire from his hands and teleport across the room just by thinking it. What's to stop him pretending to be another character. I suppose it's comparable to playing dress-up. To be honest I only decided to discuss this because he took it upon himself to play as Jack Frost when I read the fangirling over wanting a Jack Frost tulpa.

In an instant I had one. I never really realized I wanted one but I got him anyway. Nova is a decent actor, while he might be able to change his appearance he can't change his attitude. I see him beneath the disguise, I see his silly grin when he tries to be the character.

 

But it's not just Jack Frost. I've seen Nova pretend to be many different characters. Often they fit his form, being young and male, but like any other kid I've also seen him try to impersonate adult characters. Perhaps he'll try a deeper tone and spout some badass line about life and death. Or maybe he'll give a superpower he sees a go. Swordplay is also something he likes to have a go at.

 

Of course when he gets bored of it he'll go back to being him. There is nothing wrong with emulating others, be they real or fictional. It gets the mind working and it's truly harmless. For us it's also great for building his personality and it helps with visualization skills. Jack Frost for example uses a lot of ice... where as I'm only used to seeing Nova handle fire. It helps train yourself to focus on different details.

 

The moral of the story? Have fun with your tulpa for who they are.

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Antagonistic tulpa

Given how I interpret a tulpa's existence I can only come up with a small number of reasons anyone could end up with a tulpa that doesn't like them or worse...

A tulpa isn't going to dislike you unless one of the following is true. You made it to be antagonistic or you hate yourself, whether you realize it or not.

 

While most people don't set out to create a tulpa that hates them I can't help but believe that through a failure of understanding they create an antagonistic personality. Perhaps they are copying what they see in other people, maybe the assigned character traits lead to aggressive behavior.

 

So. Unless you desire internal conflict (which gives a strong impression of you being mentally unstable)... or the potential for conflict further down the road there is one logical ground rule that should be established.

 

You and your tulpa have common interests. You are operating within the same body so there is absolutely no reason to get along perfectly.

 

In my case I established from day one that Nova would never create conflict. He has no reason to and without conflict we can focus on more important things.

I am in charge, I am the more developed mind and at this point only my mind can stand alone. He has no choice but to obey me.

Sounds strict, but if he has a problem with it or anything else we can talk about it. Once again I am drawn to the similarities between this process and raising a child.

 

And no, I think very few people are at, or will ever reach, those difficult teenage years. Instead, I feel that most of the antagonistic tulpa I see out there are more comparable to crying babies, but, the metaphor kinda breaks down at that point.

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Reference Images

I've spoken about them before but here we go again. I have a pretty good idea of what Noah looks like. I recognize his face, I know his smile and most importantly I recognize his mannerisms. He had a very cheeky way of smiling and his determination is something I easily notice.

So when I come across new reference images they aren't so much about being exactly what he looks like but instead being something he could be.

 

If that makes any sense at all.

 

The picture I am looking at right now is of a skinny boy who is probably 11. They look somewhat similar but Noah is a bit older than 11, age isn't really the point. In the picture the boy is posed in an elbow nudge, as if he's trying to draw a bit of attention to himself and get into the frame. Noah does the same thing to me all the time, if he wants attention or if he's making some kind of "I told you so." point, then he'll do a very similar nudge. So, in this case the image isn't so much about looking exactly like him, but instead reminding me of him. The images at this point are just a curiosity, they help with character building and if I'm ever having a bad day I can look at one to try and fuel my visualizations of Noah.

 

It is also getting to be close to winter and the boy is in the advertisement to sell winter fashions. So, Noah has promptly outfitted himself with the grey hoodie and jeans.

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Stuff

So I was just reading NariusV's progress report thread and he brings up an idea I don't think has ever cross my mind before. Stuff, possessions.

 

It's an interesting idea that relates to the imaginary nature of tulpa. For example. If my tulpa wants to wear a hat sometimes then where does he keep it when he takes it off.

Keeping an inventory of your tulpa's possessions and limiting them to the items they "own" might be a powerful way to improve consistency in your visualizations but at the same time these persistent items may distract you from the tulpa itself.

 

In my case, and this is probably true for most people, any imaginary item my tulpa interacts with simply exists as required and is gone when it's not in use. Just like the tulpa can be summoned from the depths of your mind so can items. Except the items probably just aren't as persistent. They aren't really gone if they leave your visualization, they are just something that can be summoned again.

 

I think clothes are a good example. At this point Noah has so many clothes that I've lost count. Not only that but he can change his outfit just by thinking about it. He still has the original green hoodie I started him with but he wasn't worn it today. It's not like it's folded up nicely in a drawer somewhere, it's just an idea that can be summoned.

 

Just a little bit about wonderlands

I don't use wonderlands very often. Last night on a whim however I decided to have a little go at using one. I imagined a beach, that was what was suggested to the newbie asking about them.

Now I can see the benefits of using a wonderland, they are a powerful way to improve focus because they provide you with tasks. I don't typically use them however because I prefer to have Nova join me in my reality. I can focus more on him, and the things I might be doing.

 

But, during this short wonderland session I did create some interesting memories. First of all I rarely see Nova so active. He really was just like a thirteen year old on the beach... be it one with a slew of unique abilities (the power of imagination). I know back when I was his age I enjoyed going to the beach... anyway. So he donned a pair of swimming shorts and jumped in the ocean. He completely forgot that he dislikes water and just had fun with it. Afterwards he built sandcastles and turned them into curious glass sculptures by super heating the sand. Yes, I know glass is more complicated than that, but it's imagination remember.

Not everything about tulpa has to be serious or filled with drama. This short wonderland visit was almost like having a tiny vacation. Just because it wasn't real doesn't make it meaningless, if you truly lose yourself in the experience then it might as well have really happened.

Besides, all said and done Nova had fun. That's a win for me.

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A Visualization Technique

All too often a tulpa is ignored once you get into an engaging situation. An actual real person talks to you or you might start watching tv or perhaps you are trying to do your job. All it takes is something distracting and the tulpa is gone from your mind.

 

So how about this exercise in visualization. The goal is to visualize your tulpa next to other people. You'll need to step out of your quiet room or wonderland and go out into the real world to find distractions. Engage your tulpa while you are holding a conversation with someone else. Try to notice the details, hear your tulpa's voice, pay attention to your tulpa's body language. Assuming your tulpa is human form, you might find it helps your visualization to have dynamic human forms continuously moving around your tulpa.

 

Perhaps it's even the next step towards imposition.

 

Today I had Noah do just this. Instead of having him stand behind me or out of the way I put him right into my field of vision. The goal being to have him be as intrusive as possible without faltering with what I was doing. I noticed myself really focusing on his height and build, something I don't do a whole lot. In particular I was able to see him more accurately next to other people, especially when I had someone about his age and build as a live reference.

One interesting observation I made is how small he is. Now I see him as being maybe 4 1/2ft to 5ft tall, making him at best up to my shoulders. But, compared to other people I couldn't help but notice how small his presence was. Nearly everyone was taller or much wider than he is.... but commentating on poor eating habits of society doesn't really have much to do with tulpa so....

 

Considering details

Answer this. When you talk to someone do you really pay all that much attention to the colour of their eyes or how their mouth moves when they speak. Do you see the folds in their jacket or the creases in the trousers? When you look at someone you are seeing all of this all at once. Our brains don't actively grab at details we don't consider important or remarkable. If they did our minds would be completely overrun with useless information if we had a thought for every detail we witnessed. So then why do we strive to pay attention to the tiny details in our tulpa?

 

Because visualization doesn't work if you aren't seeing the whole picture consistently. You have to create every detail in your mind otherwise it doesn't exist.

 

You have to be able to remember and call upon the entire image of your tulpa to achieve any good visualization.

 

But, to achieve this practically you need to be able to do it without the tiny details crossing your mind as thoughts. Otherwise you are going to be too bogged down by them which will cause you to miss other details.

 

It's tricky to grasp just how that would ever be achieved but think about it like any other skill. It's just something you have to practice. There really is no other way around it. You just have to get so used to your tulpa that their face is something you can call upon without even thinking about it. That isn't something you can achieve in a day. So keep practicing. Try the technique I outlined above, the more time you spend focusing on your tulpa the more practice you are getting in. Every minute you spend is one minute closer to conditioning yourself to seeing your tulpa all the time.

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A solution for names

Noah or Nova? It's been an issue I've had for a while. Recently I find I've been calling him Noah almost exclusively. We've only really stuck with Nova because it's what we started with. I'm not really happy with the previous solution anymore. That being that "Nova" is like an online name. I almost want to get rid of the name Nova completely. Now, I'm not going to do something so dramatic so instead I put the idea to Noah himself.

We came up with a solution that both solves the problem and of course allows Noah an opportunity to do something fun. The solution? Nova becomes the name of his "superhero" identity.

There lies the problem. Noah doesn't have a superhero identity.

What good would having a superhero identity be if no one can see him and he has no one to hide his Noah identity from.

 

Well, in the end all it is is a bit of fun. Noah gets to help me come up with a fire themed superhero outfit and when he wears it he can go fly around as a fire wielding super kid. After all what thirteen year old wouldn't love to be a superhero, even if there isn't anyone to save.

To compare the process to something you might better understand, our plan is very similar to Superman. He is still the same underneath and he can use his powers even without the costume.

 

Now we just have to figure out what the costume will look like. Maybe I'll recruit the help of an artist. Noah is open to suggestions and he's looking for inspiration everywhere he can. Maybe it'd be more fun to take the backseat on this one and see where he ends up.

 

So in the end I guess all it really does is clear up a little confusion and provide something new to include in my visualization.

Noah is a human so he deserves a normal human name. When I began I never realized how important that fact would be. By taking a stand and choosing one of the names to use exclusively Noah can be more grounded in his identity.

 

The whole thing stirs up confusing (but not necessarily bad or strong) emotions and I'm glad to put it all to rest. Hopefully this plan will stick and if we're lucky the 'secret' identity will become an interesting part of his personality. I know at the very least he will have some fun with it.

 

Tulpa are complicated.....

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A solution for names

Noah or Nova? It's been an issue I've had for a while. Recently I find I've been calling him Noah almost exclusively. We've only really stuck with Nova because it's what we started with. I'm not really happy with the previous solution anymore. That being that "Nova" is like an online name. I almost want to get rid of the name Nova completely. Now, I'm not going to do something so dramatic so instead I put the idea to Noah himself.

We came up with a solution that both solves the problem and of course allows Noah an opportunity to do something fun. The solution? Nova becomes the name of his "superhero" identity.

There lies the problem. Noah doesn't have a superhero identity.

What good would having a superhero identity be if no one can see him and he has no one to hide his Noah identity from.

 

Well, in the end all it is is a bit of fun. Noah gets to help me come up with a fire themed superhero outfit and when he wears it he can go fly around as a fire wielding super kid. After all what thirteen year old wouldn't love to be a superhero, even if there isn't anyone to save.

To compare the process to something you might better understand, our plan is very similar to Superman. He is still the same underneath and he can use his powers even without the costume.

 

Now we just have to figure out what the costume will look like. Maybe I'll recruit the help of an artist. Noah is open to suggestions and he's looking for inspiration everywhere he can. Maybe it'd be more fun to take the backseat on this one and see where he ends up.

 

So in the end I guess all it really does is clear up a little confusion and provide something new to include in my visualization.

Noah is a human so he deserves a normal human name. When I began I never realized how important that fact would be. By taking a stand and choosing one of the names to use exclusively Noah can be more grounded in his identity.

 

The whole thing stirs up confusing (but not necessarily bad or strong) emotions and I'm glad to put it all to rest. Hopefully this plan will stick and if we're lucky the 'secret' identity will become an interesting part of his personality. I know at the very least he will have some fun with it.

 

Tulpa are complicated.....

 

Just flip a coin!

Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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