Daniel's Tulpa Progress Log

[Guest Anonymous]

Hey, just became up to date with your PR after reading your advice. It's a great resource that I think I'll be coming back to; I think you're very well spoken and helpful :). If I ever have any questions, I'll definitely drop you a line.

[CyberD]

Well I'm glad you got something out of it. It's become quite the document. Hopefully it didn't take too long to go through....

 

Anyway, a much less serious topic than the last few posts (not that they were all that serious to begin with)

 

Tulpa changing their appearance

I have absolutely no skills in imposition but I like to think that I have become a lot better at visualization thanks to this process. Noah's appearance is perfectly consistent. I know how tall he is, I know his face, the color of his eyes, his dumb smile and anything else of note. None of that changes, he matches the references images of "Marcus" pretty well.

But that doesn't mean he can't test my visualization skills. Just like an ordinary person he changes his clothes all the time. He has several go to outfits but the power of imagination means he can wear anything he can think of.

More recently I've been noticing that his clothes better match the environmental conditions. If it's cold he has his jacket, if it's warm he goes without it. I don't actively think of it, it just happens. When we began there wasn't much variety. He just wore the green hoodie all the time. Now, it happens automatically. Just like a lot of other things about him.

I guess my point is that there are things that are becoming more automatic. By becoming used to the process I find that Noah has more creative freedom than he used to, I don't struggle to see the changes at all.

Though I can't say I've heard a lot about how other people experience their tulpa making small changes, everything seems to be so dramatic or completely unchanging, let me know what you think.

[CyberD]

By Extension

It's just my simple way of saying Noah is me. As much as some of us can get wrapped up in trying to see our tulpa as separate it is important to remember they are still and always be a part of ourselves.

All of Noah's thoughts are by extension mine. Everything he knows is by extension, he's never been to school but he has an education. There are so many examples of this. Many aspects of a tulpa strongly reflect this such as, but not limited to, their personality, knowledge or appearance.

 

And knowing and recognizing this breaks the illusion of the process. Or does it?

Some people try to pretend their tulpa can't read their memories and access their knowledge. I guess that is one way to go about it, but creating and maintaining that kind of illusion on top of the already difficult illusion of tulpa is no doubt difficult.

From the very beginning I have embraced the facts of the process with Noah. He very much knows who and what he is, he is the ghost that only I can see and that he exists only because of me.

Some tulpa get upset about stuff like that, why I don't really know. Noah enjoys the fact he is a tulpa. He likes to push the barriers of my imagination and often does things simply because he can. Fly about, walk through walls, point out that he knows something he could only know because he's inside my head. It's all fun and games, it always has been. No point getting depressed over it... because then by extension he'd probably make me depressed.

[CyberD]

A perfect tulpa

When writing it is a terrible thing to have a perfect character. You've probably heard the term Mary Sue before. The term is used to describe a character that has no flaws and who can solve every problem without breaking a sweat. Flawless characters are boring and usually one dimensional. They ruin the story since nothing can stand in their way. They make everyone else look bad and in the end it just brings the whole thing down.

But what does that have to do with tulpa?

 

Noah is by no means perfect but I've known for a long time that he has no flaws. If he were a physical human he would be a perfect unstoppable super genius. But he's not... and maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. In fact having a body would probably bring forth a whole heap of problems for him that would make him seem very ordinary. But, is it a bad thing to have a flawless tulpa?

The tulpa process is personal, only you can perceive your tulpa and you aren't really putting your tulpa out there to be judged like the characters in a story are. Because it is only for you, inside your own head, it actually makes more sense to make a perfect and ideal image. If you are going to spend a lot of time with the tulpa then why would you make it anything but ideal?

 

And I wouldn't have it any other way. Noah is the personification of my imagination. He gets to do anything he can think of with a grounded and easily relatable form. Some people will choose to restrict their tulpa but I don't see the fun in that. If Noah wants to fly or shoot lightning from his hands then power to him but he can also bring it down to earth and just be perfectly human. Just a kid having fun, because if he can't enjoy it then what is the point.

[CyberD]

Bombardment

This is an exercise you can do with your tulpa that I've found works pretty well. The idea is simple, all you have to interact with your tulpa at an accelerated speed. It's easiest to explain in regards to a wonderland but the idea can be applied to all kinds of interaction.

Bombardment was how I decided to test Noah. It's easiest in a wonderland type environment but you can try to do it with open eye visualization/imposition as well. Basically I test Noah's physical abilities by throwing the wonderland into hyperdrive. If he manages to find a chance to stand still of his own accord then he wins, but if I force him to stop moving then he loses.

Basically it is an exercise of focus, a test of imagination. With the power of my imagination working against Noah, who has the power of my imagination working for him, things can move really quickly.

And without losing I found I also had time to notice some many details both in Noah and in my visualizations of him and the imaginary environment.

Facial expressions, emotions and exhaustion. The way he reacts to things he's not expecting, the way the environment suffers when he deflects an assault.

 

But it doesn't have to be all explosions and excitement. The bombardment exercise can be applied to other forms of interaction as well. For example you can bombard the tulpa with questions, opinions or even with music. With the simple goal of maintaining fast paced interaction with your tulpa you can improve your focus and attention for detail.

 

More images

Monday mornings are a chance at finding more images of Noah thanks to the publication of more advertisements by the company that uses Marcus (The boy who I used as a reference for Noah's appearance)

So, this morning when I logged on to have a quick look I was in for more than I bargained for. The company's current promotion features a designer who I find rather strange. This week Marcus participated. All I can say is that I find it humorous that he was pictured twice with a tacky guitar and once with a microphone.

Noah draws heavily from the images of Marcus but they are definitely two very different people. Marcus is without a doubt more photogenic but his enthusiasm does reflect in Noah.

Noah has always been someone who tries to enjoy everything he does. There is no time to be miserable when life is so much more fun when you are enjoying it.

I suppose a question to those with tulpa who's image is based on either a character or living person, do you see similarities? Might be a good topic for discussion in your own progress report thread.

But I can't talk about images and not actually post one. Here is a winter one that I quite like.

[CyberD]

First of all I'd just like to say that for a change I'm actually happy with the state of many of the other progress reports on here. If you are keeping a progress report then keep it up, positive attitudes and progress breed the same in others. Just because people don't reply to every post doesn't mean no one reads them. Write for you and keep yourself on track, if others weigh in then great, if not, well at least you aren't being singled out for being a special kind of crazy.

 

Playing with forms

I've never really spent much time with Noah in regards to his form. He's always been pretty consistent. He has the same height, the same face, the same build and often the same clothes when I visualize him. Some days he'll play with outfits, he can be ordinary, or he can click an inspired outfit into existence. Seeing something on tv (or any form of visual media) and applying it to your tulpa can be a great way to boost your visualization skills.

The last few days though we've been playing with a specific idea. It relates to the original name I gave Noah. Nova.

Over the course of about a year I slowly phased the name out and began using the name Noah exclusively. The simple reasoning being that the name Noah is more human while the name Nova is more out of the ordinary, a name that would belong to something that isn't a normal looking boy.

But I never really wanted to let the name go, for months I've been trying to figure out a way to use it. So when I saw a picture of a cool looking robot on the internet I figured out what "Nova" could be. It could be Noah's robot form.

Yeah, it might sound a little silly, but the real question is why not. Over a couple of days of playing with the form and visualizing Noah in a robot body we decided that the best way to play with the visualization was to simply make the idea a robot suit.

Think Iron Man. The visualization is most interesting when we imagine Noah still has a human body beneath the gray armor. The suit adds another optional dimension to visualization. It makes sounds, it gives him new abilities to play with and most importantly it helps with my visualization by changing it up. Noah followed me around all day today (as he always does) but this time the suit was there. Sometimes he had it, sometimes he didn't. Consistency in that kind of detail isn't really important but instead it was interesting to see him, but not the version of him I'm used to. It's was almost bizarre to look at him and feel his grin beneath the red visor of the helmet but not be able to see it.

Overall I think the suit just makes him more playful, I've always liked that about him. No matter how boring I might find the current situation he always seems to be having fun and trying to find ways to get involved and be intrusive.

 

Everyday I'm glad I have a tulpa. There has yet to be a day I think differently. It all happened so suddenly but I'm glad I took the chance and stuck with it. If he's happy then I'm happy too.

[CreativeMind]

I'm glad I made it over to read some of your PR. I'm multitasking right now, but I did manage to read a few of your recent pages. Might I say, you're incredibly observant but also introspective in your thinking.

 

I'm entertained by your thoughts on a 'perfect tulpa'. To be completely honest I never really thought a tulpa could possibly be 'perfect' by definition to anyone other than the host, because perfection is in the eye of the beholder. Now if you just duplicate a 'Mary Sue' if you call it, that doesn't seem right to me. If I had to share my brain with a Mary Sue for the rest of my life, there would be terrible consequences, haha. Back to the point, I agree with you. This is your friend, who will be with you for life, you should do your best to put into it your favorite qualities and traits.

 

I've noticed a slight trend, that those with multiple tulpae (5+) have character diversity, which is fine and dandy, but one or two of them are troublemakers. It's in this respect that I can't help but feel that a lot of folks view this as a 'game' or 'story', and don't really take it as seriously as 'creating another life that will always be with me'. Of course, conflict in a story is highly entertaining, but would you really want to experience such constant, internal conflict? What is the point in creating characters (er, I mean tulpae), that you know will most likely clash with one another?

 

As far as the 'he just deviated that way', albeit there's a slim possibility that may be true, it doesn't make logical sense for a tulpa to want to stress out a fellow tulpa, as it all reflects back to the host. It frustrates me to see this, it's not fair to anyone, therefore I am especially fond of those who cherish and respect their relationship with their tulpa.

 

For instance, I really enjoyed reading the story of your coworker and the younger kid following him around, and how it reminded you of your relationship with Noah. Also, I like how he is with you always, sometimes just in the back of your mind, no communication necessary, you just know that he is there. I interact similarly with mine throughout the day, I feel it really strengthens the bond and appreciation for the relationship.

[CyberD]

For me this process is definitely about the little things. Simple interactions and Noah's continued presence no matter how strong or weak at any particular moment is what makes it all worthwhile.

If I was only looking for milestones I'd have given up a long time ago. No, it's much like a relationship with another person in that sense. Groundbreaking stuff doesn't have to happen, you don't even need interesting stories to tell, having simply spent time with them is enough (at least as far as I see it.)

 

Try asking someone this. Is your tulpa perfect?

If not, why? When you write a story you make a character have flaws because perfection makes the story dull and boring. But, for a tulpa that isn't the case. There is no evil the tulpa has to face, no one judges them besides yourself.

The reasons people might come up with would be interesting, is there any good reason they don't consider their tulpa perfect (or ideal). One reason might be put like this. "My tulpa just formed this way even though I'd rather she be 'this' instead."

 

Mulitple tulpa are often trouble. Those that seem to have the most problems are those who have the most tulpa, not always the case mind you. On the other hand those that seem down to earth and understand the process well only have one or two, not always the case. I figure if you want to explore a whole bunch of personalities and have them conflict with each other you might as well just write a story. Don't put yourself in the middle of the story by calling them all tulpa.I guess when you get into higher numbers that eventually you have to make a troublemaker to keep it interesting. The tulpa process is complicated to say the least, I've met plenty of people with a lot of tulpa and it's hard to compare their relationship with their tulpa to mine with Noah.

 

Tulpa will always be a personal experience. If the host believes in their tulpa then that is all that is necessary. Some might say they have better relationships with their tulpa but at the end of the day there is no way to judge the exact strength of a bond unless you are a part of it.

 

Reading about how you feel about your tulpa (from your other post) and why you think he is the way he is makes me want to talk about Noah in a similar light. Sure I've probably talked about this before but it is all so scattered through the pages I feel I can ramble about it again.

 

More reasons why Noah is who he is

At this point there is over a years worth of thinking behind this. Why is Noah the way he is, why did I choose a kid when I could have a muscly superhero or a hot chick with a pretty face and a prettier body.

The form and personality of a tulpa really reflect how the host is feeling. Your emotions are channeled into them everyday and they are shaped by them.

 

At this point in my life there is no one who depends on me. I do my own thing and everyone else does their own thing. If I disappeared it would make people sad sure, but they wouldn't be in desperate need of help or income. I try to help people, I get stuff done, I work, make money and talk to heaps of people but at the end of the day the only person it really benefits is myself.

So maybe that is where Noah comes in. He isn't helpless and he certainly doesn't need my help, but sometimes it's nice just to have someone there.

I think it would be nice to have kids, a family, someone to depend on and someone to want to depend on you. Maybe someday that will happen to me, maybe it won't, but at least it isn't something I'm afraid or scared about like I once may have been. It would be an opportunity I would like to reach for.

 

It's strange to say but in a way Noah is my family. Maybe he's a younger brother or my kid but more importantly than labels, he's the boy I get to watch develop. He's come a long way but he is very consistent. Things about him change slowly, he won't get to grow up like a normal boy would. He's just who he makes himself to be.

 

Yep, it's kinda fluffy and really nothing all that exciting. Noah is the voice who I can talk to whenever I feel like (which is quite a lot.) He makes fun out of the ordinary routine and I find joy in that.

I don't have him here because I am troubled or because I have a sad past. Instead he's just here because I began the process on a whim over a year ago. Now I'm so used to him I wouldn't have it any other way. Who would have thought.

[CreativeMind]

I personally don't see anything wrong with being 'fluffy' with/about your tulpa. As you put it, it's a different type of relationship and a very personal bond. They are an extension of yourself (or at least they start out that way), and want to enjoy life with you. They know the deepest parts of you that nobody else ever will. Sure, you could share the stories and explain your emotions, but your tulpa actually -feels- these things.

 

I have a level of comfort with my tulpa I know I've never felt with anyone else. I am engaged, and in love, and do feel as comfortable as I possibly could, but I would not tell him every single one of my thoughts. As I mentioned before, he wouldn't understand anyways, my mind can be a very confusing place, so the relationship with my tulpa is intimate. (Not sexual as you know, just intimate.)

 

My situation may be different, but it all comes down to the one main reason: Companionship.

 

Sure, there are plenty of people who offer plenty of different reasons for initiating the process. Whether they are interested in the scientific aspect of it, or just want to see whether or not it's possible, some even because they like the idea of 'creating' something so 'real'. However, everyone keeps their tulpa and puts the effort necessary to form said life and bond for one reason: Companionship.

 

I didn't expect my tulpa and I to get as close as we are. I actually didn't even want to really share my memories with him either but I guess that's what happens when you learn to trust them. This is nothing like what I thought it would be. Or, I wasn't able to imagine the intensity of it. I couldn't be happier with my tulpa and I see you feel the same way.

[CyberD]

Thanks for the reply once again. You make a really good point. Putting it simply, the tulpa process is a highly personal I don't think can really be understood until you have a tulpa of your own. It is a unique type of relationship that is impossible to truly share with anyone else.

 

For others

Now this isn't strictly tulpa related but since the tulpa process is a very personal one I feel it has influenced the way I feel about things. A few days ago I attended a family event. Everyone was happy and they had a good time. More than ever though I felt disjointed. I've never liked gatherings, I've always felt they are a chore, I don't really share much in common with the people who attend or I simply have nothing to say to them. It's always been like that.

This time there was something else though. It wasn't a gathering for me, it was for other people. At this gathering I noticed I felt different from how I usually do. My feelings didn't matter, it didn't matter how long I had to sit through it all, smile for the cameras and make small talk with strangers. I was there because they wanted me to be, I was there for them.

I'm usually pretty selfish. I do everything for me alone. But in some way I think Noah has taught me otherwise. It probably isn't all because of him, but he has influenced the way I think for sure. The things I discuss with him, the things I notice because he points them out. They might only be small things but all of our conversations add up and they change the way I see things.

Having a tulpa really does change the way you think but it is only something that can happen over time. Having someone you can talk about anything with freely helps a lot, even if at the end of the day that someone is just inside your head. That fact doesn't matter at all.