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14-3-2013

 

We worked on visualization with Rasznir's number visualization guide. I had her draw numbers. I imagined a giant touchscreen where she could just tap the screen to clear the screen. At first we tried having the numbers in different colors as well, but that was too difficult. I think we didn't even reach 10 before I lost focus and had to start over.

 

For those of you who haven't read Rasznir's guide, you ask your tulpa to draw numbers on a canvas or giant sheet of paper and you have to visualize them drawing the number. If you lose focus, start over from 1.

 

It wasn't as easy as it sounds. My focus kept shifting from Latias to the number. I either concentrated on the number and forgot about her, or concentrated on Latias and forgot the number we were on.

 


 

15-3-2013

 

We continued the number visualization while lying in bed this morning. Still can't get past 10 (I don't think we've even reached it yet).

 

I had an argument with Latias today. She complained I kept forgetting about her. Which is true, but I told her maybe I wouldn't keep forgetting about her if she'd say something now and then, instead of being a silent observer all the time. It's me who's supposed to be the quiet one, and she's supposed to be the outgoing one.

I shouldn't have said that. As much as I'd like her to talk more, I don't want to force her to be someone she's not. I apologized and promised to try to pay more attention to her.

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16-3-2013

 

"Today I narrated...It was fun." - Flexionsensor

 

Yeah, that basically sums up today.

 

We tried a little experiment. I programmed my computer screen to flicker every 5 minutes and I'm supposed to say something to Latias when it flickers. It wasn't really much help, just very annoying.

  • 3 weeks later...

Surprise! I'm not dead!

 

A couple of days ago, I tried self-hypnosis to help with forcing. What happened was I spent more time for the hypnosis than actually forcing. We ended up talking for a couple of minutes after my attempt and then I fell asleep. I think I would have been more productive had I just skipped the hypnosis and used that time to talk or visualize or something.

 

Then yesterday I decided to give it another go, but with Latias doing the hypnosis. I had to prod her when she faltered, sometimes outright parroting her voice. Just like before, I ended up falling asleep with more time spent on the hypnosis than on actual forcing.

 

About the hypnosis itself: it did have some effect. It made me relaxed, which is the main reason I fell asleep afterwards.

 

Note to self: don't stay up until 2 am writing a progress report complaining about how hard it is to stay awake.

  • 3 weeks later...

Note to self: don't stay up until 2 am writing a progress report complaining about how hard it is to stay awake.

 

It's midnight. I really should start taking my own advice.

 

My visualization skills aren't very good, so I had the idea to use narration to compensate for it. I'll describe the scene in a first-person internal monologue style. Like a book: you visualize a scene from a text-only description.

 

I'll try it tonight.

I like how your time is exactly 12 hours ahead of mine.

Where the hell do you live?

"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."

 

Guest Anonymous

I like how your time is exactly 12 hours ahead of mine.

Where the hell do you live?

 

Right under you silly.

I live in the Philippines.

It's inconvenient. Most people online are either from Europe or the Americas and most are asleep when I'm online.

 

Actually, that's not true. People should be asleep when I'm online, but I still see some activity at what would be 3 am for them. Seriously, doesn't anyone sleep anymore?

Seriously, doesn't anyone sleep anymore?

 

Of course not.

It's overrated.

"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."

 

  • 2 weeks later...

Suddenly I have over a thousand views...

Hundreds of people. Watching. Silently judging me.

 

I tried Fede's tones a couple of days ago. I found that I didn't get distracted from forcing as much. Actually, if was the first proper forcing session I've had in a while. Usually I get restless and keep moving my legs. Distracting, to say the least.

 

Other news, other news, other news...oh! Here we go!

I finally got the nerve to let Latias chat on IRC as a form of narration. She still doesn't speak much, but she'll generally respond with enough prodding. Having others talk to her on IRC apparently was sufficient prodding for her to talk. Mostly one-word responses like "yes" and "hi" (and slightly more articulate in my head) but it's something. I think her responses are clearer when on IRC because the message has to be thought out in words, not just ... well...thoughts.

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