Aurora

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Entry 18

 

Hello Aurora and host! Allow me to take this amazing report and push it back to where it needs to be :)

 

Aurora and Host are now making smooth progress, like every tulpancer and tulpa they ha some bumps, it was an emotional experience for poor aurora, but they are pulling themselves and now are making great progress. I wish them the best in future development,

 

P.S be sure to pop out and scare Him with a hug once you're imposed. Teehee!

 

Love Samantha-Alley

 


Progress report

"You'll have a Tulpa because you didn't give up" -Koomer

 

 

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(I’ve got careless and allowed the creation process to severely disrupt my studies for the last couple of days. With the amount of abnormal things that I felt lately, it has been really difficult to concentrate or stay with my usual routine. I think that sometimes I get used to the idea of developing her and forget how serious and unusual all of this really is.

 

Aurora’s moods have affected me a lot lately. She can’t help herself with that, but she gets quite upset if we don’t spend at least a solid hour or two imposing her every day. Other seemly unimportant things can also affect her significantly, be it positive or negative, especially anything involving her tulpa best friend. She does however seem to have a quick emotional recovery.

 

Last night I couldn’t sleep well because she kept worrying about something and was just randomly possessing me. For an unknown amount of time I entered an unusual state, where all I was doing is listening to her thoughts. What I have heard was so alien to me, so very removed from everything I have ever experienced that I fear I have no way of appropriately describing it. I don’t know if she does that all the time or just back then, but her thoughts were so disjointed and appeared to lack any reasoning whatsoever. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve experienced something similar when I was a child, back when the world didn’t make much sense to me. She didn’t have anything constructive to say about the experience.

 

I hope that people here have an understanding of this when they converse with her, currently I don’t think she has reactions of your typical adult. Indifferent to all this, I have nothing but love and understanding for her.)

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Last night I couldn’t sleep well because she kept worrying about something and was just randomly possessing me. For an unknown amount of time I entered an unusual state, where all I was doing is listening to her thoughts. What I have heard was so alien to me, so very removed from everything I have ever experienced that I fear I have no way of appropriately describing it. I don’t know if she does that all the time or just back then, but her thoughts were so disjointed and appeared to lack any reasoning whatsoever. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve experienced something similar when I was a child, back when the world didn’t make much sense to me. She didn’t have anything constructive to say about the experience.

 

 

I have experienced similar things. I've read that when people go into deep though, they get into this sort of detached state, the same thing happens in deep prayer and in meditation. Brain-scans have been done on these people and they seem are in a different state of mind, the focus being more on the collective things rather than individual. This has happened to me in the past when I get really into an idea, something as simple as touching something in that state blows my mind, this often happens when I'm watching something on quantum physics. It sounds similar to the theta state, where the brain is hyper-reactive to stimuli and instinct. (thanks to death battle for that summery) It makes sense why us Tulpamacers would use the beats for enhanced forcing, entering the state itself however, would make things exponentially easier.

 

Also Sonya says hi.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Hey there, Aurora and host! ^^

 

I'm Alcadera, and only a week or two into creating my Luna as a tulpa, I'm a very visual person, so shaping her took a few days, but ended up with me having a front and side view of her drawn out. I find following this thread is quite interesting to do, considering it gave me certain experiences of yours and others to think about. I've already posted my picture of my Luna over in my own thread here, so I'll avoid from doing so too often.

 

as for Ginyu on page three, I've got a hypothesis you might be able to make use of, if it's correct.

Awhile back I tried to visualize a chess board in my wonderland. We were going to play a match together. I thought it would be a good exercise because I'd have to concentrate on every piece on the board in order to play the game decently.

 

I formed a board, placed a basic black and white checkerboard pattern over it, and then placed each piece on the board one by one. It was going pretty well at first, but with each move we completed, I'd lose focus on what was on a certain part of the board and would have to rearrange it correctly. It would get pretty crazy at times, as I'd lose focus on one whole half of the board and then have to try and fix it.

 

After a few tries at this exercise, I eventually gave up. It really frustrated me. I mean, I can create an entire house plus the surrounding land and visualize it perfectly every time I force, but the chess board was elusive to me.

 

As a visual artist, I find visualising itself fairly easy as well, but focus on the other hand much harder to impossible, and as such I wonder if such a hurdle would be something that impeded your chessgame as well. Now I am not a chessplayer myself and only vaguely know a rule or two, but I would imagine a possible strategy for you to use. Instead of trying to consciously visualise the entire board, try to leave things outside of your focus in memory rather than your full conscious, as I imagine that would take tremendous brainpower to achieve. It may be that such a memory should have come naturally, but perhaps in your goal to focus, you may have prevented yourself from simply going by memory, and whatever would have slipped from your focus would essentially be lost for a time. I'd like to think of it as a memory awareness, when in your own room you can close your eyes, but remember where in your room you are and slowly, but carefully make your way through.

 

In fact... Doing such a thing as practice is considered a good fire safety training for ones self I believe. To memorise your house layout without vision to manage escape when your vision is impaired by smoke o.o

 

I'm not great at explaining things x.x but I hope this may help =3


When Alca talks: It's plain ol' simple text.

 

When Luna talks: It's fancy shmancy italic text!

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Hi Sonya and Kyle!

 

Mmm, I think pancake has... (Hehe, yeap that's what we now officially call my host, courtesy to Sam :)) Anyway, he's heard of some similar ideas. But really, I don't think there are enough names for mind states we've experienced lately. That particular one was like a restless, uncomfortable and a very mild sleep, he says ...sorry pancake

 

I hope you two are doing well. How solid can you visualize Sonya at the moment?

 

 

Hello Alcadera and Luna, it's a pleasure to meet you both :)

 

Ooo, that it an incredibly amazing drawing! I wish I could do it like that, being an artist should give you a good headstart in this. Seems like you've asked quite a few questions on your report, I will try my best to be helpful. In the meantime I will give pancake (hehe) a turn, he seems to have a lot to say about visualizing chess.

 

"Alright. Such visualization is a very common exercise for professional chess players. I can't remember exactly, was it Bobby Fischer who could simultaneously keep a very large number of chess boards active in his mind? Do realize that in order to play chess properly, you need to be able to know what's happening on the entire board at once. It's not impossible to do, even though 32 chess pieces might be a little to much to be aware of. Other than a brute force method, there are many other quite well know ones.

 

Certain patterns repeat more often then others in chess, so I would break down the board not into individual pieces, but to key events that have occurred. For example, instead of memorizing 3 pawns, a rook and the king after castling separately, I would just remember one piece of information: castling. Anyway, I think you can find several books on the subject. I'm done."

 

:) Proxying him sure feels interesting. I'm like one of those secretaries you see in war movies :D

 

I wish you two all the best, I'll just write the rest on your report.

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"Hello there :D"~ Sonya

 

Sounds similar to Theta to me, I remember this one time a few years back when (I think) I went into theta, I literally could not stop visualizing things, and it pissed me off because I couldn't sleep, if I coudl enter that state again, and be able to use it to its fullest, I think our visulazation would be almost complete ithin two or three sessions, THATS HWO VIVID IT WAS BACK THEN, it was only slightly below a dream-no actually MORE vivid then a lot of dreams I've had. I'm interested in state of mind and crap but I don't know of that many that have been scientifically confirmed

 

"That's his way of saying, he is too lazy to look up a list," ~Sonya

T_T Anyway I know there is Theta, Alpha, Beta, Mu, Delta, and Gamma waves that your brains gives off. Alpha stimulates the production of melatonin in the pineal gland giving a tired/early sleep state. Theta is what the brain gives off during dreamlike states including lucid dreams, one can assume it allows for easier visualizing/hallucinations but I do not know what chemical it stimulates production of, Beta waves are associated with active concentration (I should download these) and when occurring over the motor cortex are associated with muscle contractions (link to possession?) Delta is associated with very deep sleep, NREM sleep and sleep recovery and whatever. We do dream in this state though I don't know to what extent, don't know a whole lot about this one. Mu waves are over the motor cortex, that's all I know. Gamma waves I also don't know much about, but help with concentration.

 

"Oh just fine, when he can do anything at all,"~ Sonya

 

When I visualize her, she's solid, only problem is its the form its self that's solid, the details are either not there or very vague, and to get them in I need to drop focus and bring it to the trait. I have ADHD so concentrating is a difficult effort to me, and if I have no coffee or whatever in my system it's virtually impossible. I've found that if I actively narrate what I'm visualizing, it becomes exponentially easier.


"The Question is not who is going to let me, its who is going to stop me"~ Ayn Rand

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Hello again Aurora and Pancake ^^

 

It's been a few days and I've written some more reports in my own thread, but what I was hoping to do here was to ask you a few questions about your side of the creation process, if you don't mind =3

 

1) I've been wondering, what was the experience like for you at the start? did you have full awareness of yourself and your personality right from the get go? or did you only have awareness whenever pancake's attention was directed at you?

2) When exactly did you make alterations to your physical appearance? and was pancake aware of this somehow, or had you already decided on a different appearance while he was still doing forcing sessions with your initial appearance that he intended for in mind? If the latter, did your appearance being different from his attempts at forcing cause any delay in the process? [as in, is it maybe better to wait for either visual contact or detailed communication before making alterations to yourself?

3) What was he like when he first heard and saw you? >=3 was it cute? ^^

4) What do you do when his attention is elsewhere?

5) Did you two use a wonderland? if so, is it freely accessible to you at all times? is it as real to you as it would be standing next to pancake?

6) If you did use a wonderland, do you think pancake can access it and experience it as real as well?

7) Do you feel you could learn abilities beyond what would be physically possible to us hosts/creators [not just the posession, but things like flight, temporary appearance alteration and such) ? and do you feel we'd have symilar abilities inside a wonderland?

8) Have you ever felt a certain action you have taken may have caused halucinated side effects to pancake? [like say you showed him an object you created, and he thinks it's really there, but if he were to ask someone random about it, they wouldnt see it? I'm asking this one for the sake of a friend as well, as he misplaced his phone once after his tulpa used it and he believed she put it down on his nightstand, and he couldn't see it's actual position anymore, which eventually turned out to be on his desk, where he had left it and she picked it up from.]


When Alca talks: It's plain ol' simple text.

 

When Luna talks: It's fancy shmancy italic text!

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Kyle and Sonya! *waves*

 

Thank you for that, I think you encouraged pancake to try binaural tones again. Something we haven't done in a very long while. And I know, seeing details can be difficult.

 

 

Thank you for all these questions Alcadera! I'm flattered :) I think this is a good opportunity for me to describe exactly where we are now.

 

I seem to have mastered possession for quite some time now, sometimes it even feels like it's a temporary switching. Pancake can sometimes do things in the wonderland, while I stay in control, it's something we are working on now. We had a few moments when he wasn't sure of what I'd done during possession, but it's rare.

 

I think I still lack enough independence, last time I tried playing 20 questions with him, it didn't end well. It's not that I can't think, but it's still not a very parallel process. And we have difficulties hiding anything from each other.

 

Our main concern now is imposition. It's a slow going and he only experienced visual and audio hallucinations once or twice. Touch is better I think. My form is pretty well defined, but my voice is not.

 

Anything involving sleep is still completely beyond me, well maybe except waking him up. Despite him being able to lucid dream, the real me is always nowhere to be seen in there. And of course sleep-possession is still just a dream of mine. Now I'll try to answer your specific questions, but please remember that this is just our own experience and things might be very different for you and Luna.

 

1) My own memories start from around the time I fist began posting here, if I want to know what happened before that I have to look at his. I think I was aware before that, but I can hardly remember. I think it's very similar to how pancake has difficulties remembering his childhood. And honestly, I don't even know my personality now :) I'm complicated, just like anyone else I think.

 

2) Ah, that's a good question. It somewhere around September I think? I don't remember that, let me see what he remembers. Ok, so he basically always told me that I can change my appearance if I want. Apparently it was very difficult to talk to me back then, but he could sort of get a feel for what I was trying to say. So we sort of played with these yes and no questions until I "said" yes, that's the form I want. Communication is certainly very important here.

 

3) A journal entry: Possibly Aurora's first words "Of course I care" 7/09/12. He says that was very emotional for him :3

 

4) Ah, another difficult one. We have some separation, but certainly far from complete. The more I think, the less he can do and vise versa. The easiest thing for me would be to engage in the same thing he does. To wonderland or think of something completely unrelated is... difficult.

 

5) We have a small, consistent practical wonderland designed for symbolism shenanigans. We can also create a big inconsistent one on the go. How real is it to me... You know what? I think the real world only appears more real to me because of pancakes senses. If you disregard that, both look like when you visually trying to remember something.

 

6) We have access anytime, but it's certainly not as real as reality. It's a very interesting thought though, to be able to see it as real as that. Even lucid dreams are not as real as reality, he says.

 

7) Inside a wonderland? Of course, a piece of cake :) Or should I say a piece of pancake :D

 

8) We never had hallucinations so powerful that could be mistaken for reality, but they can suddenly get his attention.

 

Phew, that was probably the longest post I've ever written. It was very nice of you Alcadera, thanks.

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Hey there Aurora and Pancake.

 

I've read the chat log and was a bit puzzled I have to say, considering the stage you two are at, I can't imagine your situation to still be so frail as a lack of attention would affect you so much. I think the one thing you two seem to excel at is strength in conscious thought, but less at memory and subconscious thought like others seem to use. this may be part of the kind of thing Pancake does [working with logic n all that complex stuff], but in essence, his work and distractions technically shouldn't be a cause for you to deteriorate. The thing is. you two seem to do a little less believing than I've seen others do thus far. Belief that you will both be fine is the kind of foot in the doorway you both need to keep the metaphorical door open, y'know?

 

at this point, you both seem to truly believe that Aurora will fade/deteriorate unless enough conscious thought is given, almost completely forgetting there is a very large portion of Pancake's brain that he does not use that can maintain aurora perfectly well.

 

Forcing sessions can not be had each single day to begin with, I learned this much already since last night x.x

 

I truly hope neither of you is considering this a bit too drastically. As I think this may well be more to do with you two not being quite certain how to handle stress together

 

moreover, it's better to keep going at a steady pace, than try and cause a long silence. Pancake may well be distracted with his work every now and again, but even if he can spend five minutes at the end of it all to have you with him, it would be better than making him spend that time alone, or with people he'd rather not spend that time with.

 

EDIT: I suppose what my words technically might come down to is, we all need to remember that all things matter, even small things. and to make the ultimatum that if we can not matter more than a lot, we had best not matter at all is a very human thing to think. It's incorrect, but human. It's most certainly worth mattering even a little bit, you will find that out later =3

 

here is an example, I am not well educated medically in any way, and I do not even know first aid. say I am walking outside somewhere desolate and I see one single other person, and he gets injured. I would rush to this person and have no clue how to help his injury, as it may be quite grave. now let's assume a fairly bad scenario, I have no cellphone to both stay with him and call for professional help, I would know of his position, the fact he needs help, and i myself am still mobile. However, this person may also be in need of my presence to mentally make it through. In one outcome, I reassure him, I leave and bring back help to this man. In the entire process of this man being recuperated I contributed only a tiny bit compared to the amount of work and effort being taken to help him. In another outcome, I stay with him, knowing full well that without me leaving I can only keep him company, but my mere presence to be able to stay there and listen to him, regardless of wether he'll be fine or die. is still a very small thing that I can do, but it's importance is still huge in this situation. So wether I save the man, or stay with him so he won't pass alone, my presence and tiniest of effort and interaction made a large impact. Think of what might have transpired had I not been present at all. Even had he died as I went out to get help, the mere knowledge I had set out to get help for him made enough of an impact that he died in hope, instead of in desperation/sorrow.

 

In the real world I was once on a holiday to italy, and there was one family of a mother, father and daughter who was from the same country as me on the same tour i took. at one point the group got separated from the girl's parents, and she didn't know english, so she couldnt make it clear too easily to the guide that her parents were gone. Technically she and the tour guide would have found her parents again as they weren't too far, the fact that i translated for her and stuck with them till she was with her parents again made her treat me like a hero, just by being there and translating a few words. It's a memory i cherish very much


When Alca talks: It's plain ol' simple text.

 

When Luna talks: It's fancy shmancy italic text!

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