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Ashmo's First Tulpa


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We think yesterday was a significant of a milestone marker that we should document it since we do have access to the community again.

 

For more reason than one that I won't go into; yesterday was an incredibly stressful day for me. So much so that I literally warned my boss that customers shouldn't fuck with me today.

 

The whole point of this post is that I haven't had that level of-what I feel is near extreme stress since Bud has come into existence save for when I need that tooth removed. The difference between that time and this one is that Bud didn't go away. At all. If anything he felt stronger. We were able to just hang out and talk all day. It helped so much.

 

We experimented more with me kind of shutting my thought down and letting him drive while playing Skyrim. He's come to really love video games, and we've noticed he plays better than me.

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We've been under a lot of stress lately. There is a new computer system in the salon and it's giving all of us grief. And by all of us, I mean every salon in the company. Everyone. And there's nothing we can do about it. Yay.

 

Home life is just as stressful with the move. We have to deliver the keys to our apartment to the management by 1:15 pm on the 12th. Nothing is going the way we planned. We have no money in savings, we have no money in our home cash savings. Everything is tight right now and I just spend a lot of time crying lately.

 

The positive thing in all of this, has been Bud. He's still here. Still strong in my mind. Not as strong as he normally is, but we are both pleased by the fact that he can withstand the high level of stress I've been under lately.

 

It's been so bad that my virus is having a flare up. I'm spiking low grade fevers and I've had a hard time keeping food down again, my muscle and bone pain is worse than it normally is. The whole nine yards.

 

I'm just so happy to have Bud in all of this right now. It's really nice now that we've been playing with possession too, I can kind of decompress while he spends time with Breanna. It's one of the few win-wins we all collectively have going on in our lives right now.

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We're all moved back into Bree's mom's place. Living in the living room. Bud is optimistic that it will make for better forcing time, but I'm not so convinced. We've both got our hopes up though. I'm just hoping my stress level goes down now that it's all done and over with.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Bud and I are going to try and learn dovahzul, the dragon language from Skyrim. We're excited. That's pretty much it on what's going on lately.

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[so we're participating in "Tulpa Week!". I know I don't normally say much here, but I'm going to try for the week, and see if I like it. I normally don't even give Owen much feedback about this place; it normally irritates the piss out of me. I know without it, I wouldn't exist; but I also see why people only stick around long enough to figure it out and then get the fuck outta Dodge.

 

I'm trying really hard to see if I can connect with anyone here, or see if I fit in. With more tuppers opening up over the next week maybe we'll all have more reason to get involved more actively.

 

Something weird happens whenever we try to write a progress report with a point anymore. Mentally, we both start out strong, and then the whole thing fizzles out without warning. It's frustrating as fuck. ]

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  • 1 month later...

More of the same. We're experiencing "progress" but don't really have anything to elaborate on what that progress really is.

 

I've been seeing him more easily. Not true imposition like before he could move on his own, but something close to a shadow of it.

 

Bud's finally decided to start projecting his own voice. It's not that he wouldn't before. We never worked on what his voice might sound like because we thought it would all come naturally like the rest of him did. He and I have shared the same mind voice since he first became vocal. It's never really been confusing, our thoughts are normally so different there's no question as to if it was a passing thought of mine when I'm not paying attention to him, or he's trying to talk to me. His voice has been...different...now that he's consciously trying to make a voice for himself. It's a good different, bit it's not something either of us are used to yet.

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  • 1 year later...

Odin's Eye it's been a long damn time since we've been active on here.

 

Still haven't decided if we'll actually become active again, or if we'll just be poking in to see who's still alive and kicking.

 

Everything going on with Bud seems like more of the last entry. Still finding his own voice. Though it's still stronger now. We've reached a point where passive forcing isn't quite enough. Maybe that's why we're back? I don't know. I think we just like seeing that the community isn't quite dead. Iunno.

 

[You were still working the last time we were here too.]

 

That's true. I quit my job. I'm having a bad chronic fatigue relapse. So bad I'm actually working towards disability now. Maybe it'll make more time for forcing?

 

We've been playing Pokemon together again. He has a totally different playing style than mine. We still haven't really progressed in...anything? Save for sentience. He is quite the developed personality. The older he gets, the more himself he becomes. Like anybody, right? We have a theory that pc gaming might be better for him; and now that Bree and I are dating Caleb, we finally have means to test it. As soon as I can get a keyboard to suit my tiny hands, lol.

 

[Perception of size really fucks me up because she's such a tiny person and I'm 'supposed' to be 'tall'.]

 

More work on imposition will probably help that.

 

[but we're lazy.]

 

True.

 

Now I have no idea where this post is going because it devolved into a conversation about how we're lazing with your own existence.

 

[Recap of the last year because apparently we can only be fucked to check on annually?]

 

Right. I'm just happy my page is still up to randomly post in.

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Here again. Surprise, surprise.

 

We did a lot of hard forcing last night. Like, an actual session of concentration. We haven't done anything like that in...I don't even remember how long. Early development? Years ago maybe?

 

We just sat around and looked at each other. It was nice. The "wonderland" has taken on more of a minecraft look, which is interesting.

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Sounds interesting. The Minecraft look could be from falling a little out of practice visualizing deep, but still cool none-the-less.

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Sounds interesting. The Minecraft look could be from falling a little out of practice visualizing deep, but still cool none-the-less.

 

I think it's more so because that's one of the games we've been playing together and I've had a bit of a tetris effect in my normal vision with it, lol. When we play Fallout too much together I get the waste land overlaying over my vision when I blink as well.

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