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Ashmo's First Tulpa

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Bud and I are at another down slope of activity again. Partially do to my own laziness (though we are talking at least a few times a day, everyday) and partitally do to his feeling od spaciness. I don't know how else to describe the feeling. He was so /there/ a couple of weeks ago. To the point where he even felt quite independent. Now he feels like he's regressing a bit. I know logically that that's not actually happening as long as we keep working together, that it's just my brain taking its time getting used to him in its own way, but it's still a bit discouraging.


Of course I'm trying not to make him feel like it's his fault. Or that he's doing anything wrong. I feel him trying and I know I am as well. This is just part of the seemingly natural cycle that the process takes until he's fully himself. I know and understand that but its still a bit hard to have him so present at one moment, for over a week and then to take what feels like several steps back.


We're both trying to not let it discourage us too much though. We picked up where we left off with the first Harry Potter book and he's really enjoying that. We both are.

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There are some PRs you read because they're helpful and informative, and others you read just because you can't wait to see what happens next. This is definitely the latter.


Your approach to this whole thing is awesome, and I'm dying to see what comes out.



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Oh wow, and here we thought no one was reading our progress report anymore. Not that we write for the reads or anything, it's just very nice to know there are still some eyes out there reading about our journey.


I think he's more pleased than I am. No one has really commented since he really started gaining his own sentience.

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  • 1 month later...

Is it just me or do comments on PRs tend to drop off after the first week or so?


I also heard you were sick?

I reread parts of the PR.


Also, are you reading the book to him, or is he sort of possessing you?

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  • 2 months later...

I'm going to answer the question in the post above mine before going into lengthy depths on what happened during our long absence from here.


I read to him, mostly. Recently I've been getting a feeling that's almost like he's "in" my eyes and reading for himself. The latter has become our standard way of doing most things. I don't know if it's true possession, since we don't really practice it, but it's a feeling that he's in the conscious part of my head and experiencing things as I am.


And now...


It's been quite some time since we've come here. I've noticed that some things have changed, but haven't browsed enough yet to see if it's honestly made an impact on the community. I want this place to go places, but it just feels as if we keep finding more and more lonely teenagers who want fuck dolls and imaginary boy/girl friends. I feel like I've finally crossed over into being one of those jaded members who learnt what they could and jet off because of internet bitches and it saddens me a bit.


Saddens Bud more so, I think. He wants friends "like him". He has Mar's tuppies. Ha-tui and Zane adore him, but I still find him shy to talk to people or their tuppers when I'm their personal friend. He's come a long way though. Even talking to Bree now. Not often, but when he has an opinion, he'll tell me to tell her, or even go as far as asking me to proxy it to her inbox when we are both doing things on the computer together.


Bud himself has made quite a few advancements. I almost always feel him now. Even when I'm not able to focus him. He creeps into my thoughts at work (never in a bad way) and gives his own opinion on things. He likes when I'm in Petcare and we can play with the animals. He also really like when I'm in the salon because I have more time to talk to him. Bud has also recently (not actually recently, but by my journal keeping standards) come to the conclusion that he likes boys, but can appreciate women aesthetically. He's not quite homoflexible, like I am, but it was something neither of us saw coming.


It was actually really funny how it happened. We were playing Pokemon: Fire Red (a game that we both can't seem to want to finish as long as we have Soul Silver in our grasps) and he was wandering around the cave that leads to Lavender Town. One of the NPCs that attacks you for a battle came up and she said something along the lines of "not trying anything in the dark". Upon reading this he instantly scoffed and said, "Silly girl, I like boys."


And that's how Bud came out LOL


We haven't been working on imposition like we were when he was first created and he has faded quite a bit from my reality. Neither of us mind that much, I know we will go back to it, Bud wants to be able to fully think for himself before he begins to interact with the real world (yes, we know he can't "actually" do that with out possession or switching, but when I was overlcocking my wonderland it gave him the feel of being in the here and now).


We have been going back to our wonderland before bed though. It's changed. He doesn't really care for the cabin anymore and we simply make a new place every night. Sometimes we go to places we've already visited. We've both been on a "zombie survival" kick lately, so we normally spawn in our last location and continue on from there. We've made it as far as Needles, California. We started where we live now, here in Kingman, and he seems to have a bug up his ass about making it to the ocean. I personally don't think there will be any boats or ships left, and that we might be walking right into a death trap, but we'll see what our minds collectively create for us when we get there.


All in all, things are good and we are keeping ever vigilant in our journey. It's both easier and harder than either one of us thought it was going to be and we like it.

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Nothing new to really report other than my more recent activity on here has helped me remember to give Bud more honest attention rather than letting him remind me that he's there when I get too busy. It's refreshing.

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Why hello there, strangers! I'm glad to hear everything is going well with you two. Your zombie survival scenario sounds like fun, and I mean to do some wonderland overclocking myself -- how did that work out for you? Is Bree still forcing? And how did your friends get into it? Did they learn about this through you, or you through them?

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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My friend Mar had been doing it without even knowing. I, by chance, started talking to him about it because I thought that Zane and Hai were tuppers in the least. It was like I pulled the blinders off of him and he realized that Chandra was also a tulpa. The three of them make a nice balance for him.


Bree seems to kind of let it drift in and out of it. We don't talk about her's much.


Overclocking isn't that big of a deal, it's basically like working on imposition while passive forcing. At least that's how it is for me. The dizzy spells and headaches have finally stopped completely now too, so I'm able to do it more constantly.

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And another bout of down time in Bud's activity level. I'm getting used to it. Or rather, I am used to it? I know when he gets back it will be better, he will be more mentally fit than he ever has, like always. It's just always so hard to force, in anyway, with out him fully there. My mind wanders more, I still get a tinge of headache when it's just me in my head, and I seem to get a bit irritable sometimes.


Lately I've been trying to switch back and forth from actual meditation and active forcing to try and prevent those things from happening. Meditation, easy. Shifting back to forcing? Not so much. I know the shift in my mind between the two is simply that, my personal mental shift, and I should be able to fix this. It's just proving more difficult than I thought it would be. I just need to keep on keeping on.


In other news, we ordered out 3DS so we can finally play X (and get Y later on). We're both super excited!

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Forcing last night was rather interesting, to say the least. I enter wonderland, not really expecting to see Bud because he's been inactive, and I'm surprised to find that it wasn't our last location. I find myself in, for lack of a better phrase, a Japanese style garden and I'm greeted by Bud, who has his wings completely tucked up and away, and he's wearing a man's kimono.


He beckons me to sit at the table with him and proceeds to serve me tea. I asked what this was all about and he simply told me he thought we needed a break. It's almost like it was a dream. I know it wasn't, I was fully awake, and everything began to fade as it always does when I'm drifting off into real sleep.


Today, he's quiet again. I'm going to make more room for active forcing tonight to see if I get something of the same result. It was just so strange...and yet normal all at once.

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