Ashmo

Ashmo's First Tulpa

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I've got a couple of the Wraith books and I think one Mage book. I haven't found any of the Changeling books yet. My passion was the Dark Ages spin off of Masquerade. Back before the Giovanni killed off the Cappadocians and there was still a clear divide between the High and Low clans. And the Tremere were the most hated of them all for usurping the blood of the Salubri. Before the Camerilla and the Sabbat break offs. When everyone still believed in the word of Cain.

 

i was introduced to WoD through the Dark Ages genre and then went to Masquerade later on. As if we were playing out the times "in order". To me though, the Masquerade is so jaded. There's no flair left in a vampire's existence in the modern world where they play human and no one believes in them anyway. I ended up finding the Sabbat books and running those campaigns. Oh the chaos!

 

HEROQUEST!!! <.< I wish you could have seen my face when I read that. I've always wanted to play HeroQuest, Because it's like D&D lite. Truth be told when I was playing D&D it was probably closer to HQ rules because we went so easy on everything. I think we were just lazy, aside from everyone in the group being new at it and so none of us were sure if we were doing it right, lol.

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I've never actually found any of the Dark Ages books. But yeah, I agree, vampires sound a lot more fun in historical settings. I remember some Vampire Hunters maps on Battle.net that were the most fun I ever had in a vampire game. (That reminds me, WoD Hunter is also pretty cool.)

 

HeroQuest: you can actually find all the rules, maps, cards, and board online, so it's pretty easy to build a set. It's harder to find people to play with.

 

As far as D&D-lite goes, I really like Risus. It's pretty much the bare minimum of rules that you need for a fun game. My cousin doesn't agree though.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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There is a Tulpa Pen Pal thread floating around that I would like to see become rather active. http://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpa-penpals I think that us, as a comminuty should probably branch out find different ways to talk to one another aside from here and the IRC. For this purpose I made a Skype account. Anyone can add me if they'd like to talk tulpa.

 

TheAmazingDynoDyke

 

In news of actual progress, Bud constructed himself a bookshelf. He carved it out of the wall while I was away. There are only two books in it. World War Z and Harry Potter. I flipped through them both and noticed they are unfinished. Stopping at the parts I have stopped at in my reading them to him. I think it's cute. It also makes me want to read to him more. So he can expand his library.

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I think Bud is starting to attempt actual back and forth communication. Or I'm finally paying attention in the right way so I can hear him. I've been having thoughts that aren't exactly my "own" form of intrusive thoughts. It started about a day ago, but I really didn't think of it as anything because it was in my own mind voice instead of the voice Bud likes to use when he occasionally does speak. This morning though, Bree was getting ready for work and told us she loves us both. I felt the happy wave I always get from Bud's end and I told her that we love her too. She said that she loves of more because we're that kind of obnoxiously, can't get enough of each other, so gooey you want to puke kind of couple and suddenly I had a thought and just said it, "Well Bud loves kitties more." It didn't feel like my own thought, even though I heard it the same way I hear my own thoughts. I'm going to be paying closer attention to the stray thoughts I have and see if I can honestly establish real communication with Bud now.

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Bud is finally starting to answer me back when I talk to him. Consistently, I mean. I'm getting real, actual thought voice answers. He's still the quiet type, but he's giving me "yes" and "no" answers now instead of wonky feelings that leave me wondering if I'm right or not. He's even been saying small sentences. Most notably that he wants to listen to creepypasts on youtube. He really like scary stories. I'm so happy!

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That's really cool. Glad things are going well. :)


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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Thank you! I'm so excited! I mean, he almost seems nervous about talking. I really think he just likes being quiet.

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He's still the quiet type, but we actually talk now. Conversations and what not. I'm so happy for this, I actually cried a little. Sometimes I still think I'm parroting, not that I'm "parrotnoid" or anything. I know that this is just one more step in the process that we have taken. I'm just really happy we've reached this point.

 

I'm also excited for the new Guide Approval Team that will be going into action soon. I've been nominated but I'm not really expecting it to go much further than that. I'd like to make the team, but I also just want to do anything I can to help contribute positively to the community.

 

I'm making some changes to the wonderland. I'm adding a room inside Bud's house that goes to a very modernized library. I have to thank Enantiodromia for the idea. Bud still feels mentally rather young to me, and I think it's because he wants to learn everything on his own instead of searching through my memories and subconscious. It's really the only part of the entire wonderland that has technology. Not that I'm against Bud being around it or anything, he and I just seem to like the simple kind of life there. I haven't showed it to him yet, but he's knows about it. I'm still working on it and I don't want him to see it until I'm done. He seems excited.

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I knew I would eventually run into troubled waters, I just didn't expect them to be that bad. I have a really bad situation going on in my mouth right now. I have about 3 teeth needing pulled, 2 wisdom that are coming in very wrong and a molar that was basically destroyed because when I had braces I was never able to brush properly in the area and it was a fitted bracket so the cement literally surrounded and ate my tooth. They are all on my lower jaw, I had the same molar on the opposite side removed a couple years ago because of the decay caused from all the years of braces. The wisdom tooth on that side, though still coming in wrong, it pushing my teeth together to fill the gap and more or less coming in with out a problem, though it's coming in sideways.

 

The same thing is happening on my left side now and because I haven't been able to get the molar pulled, the wisdom tooth is pushing the good teeth down, trying to make room where is isn't any and it's plain and simple fucking my day right up. The bad tooth is cracked and has about a quarter of it missing with the nerve exposed. The wisdom tooth is growing in and pushing the healthy teeth it sits between into it creating an incredible pressure. The pain is so bad I can't see well out of my left eye at times and it's making my left ear so sensitive that any kind of sound, sometimes even touching it is sending pain down through my ear and into my mouth. I have a constant headache on that side and it hurts into my throat. A friend was able to get me some pain killers since over the counter isn't working anymore but it only dulls it to where it is tolerable.

 

Now for my problem. Since this has gotten bad, forcing has been hard. Any kind of concentration is difficult. Bud felt fuzzy, but there all yesterday. I couldn't hear him as well as I have been able to now that he's talking and i didn't think anything of it. I didn't passive force hardly at all because my head hurt and I honestly just couldn't think on it. Last night before bed, once the pills had kicked in as good as they, before they made me too tired to do anything but sleep, I tried to active force like I always do...

 

The wonderland was a bit off, but it has been lately since I haven't been able to concentrate as well as I'd like. I can't find bud though. I can't find him at all. He's just not there. I don't feel him anywhere in my mind and I don't know if the pain has made some kind of block, because honestly it hurts so bad I can barely string sentences together. This alone has taken me QUITE a while to write. Leaving and coming back to it, trying to find my thought all over again once I do. He's just not there!

 

I know I shouldn't panic, that it's the last thing I should be doing, but I've grown so used to him being with me my mind fills empty. Last night I tried to find him and all I found was one of my role play characters, John. I had considered making John or Felix a tulpa before I started on Bud's creation but thought better of it because I'd much rather have both of them as simply the characters they are, but John was there in my wonderland. I never bring my RPCs into the wonderland, but he was there, trying to console me and telling me he didn't know where Bud was either.

 

I don't know what to do. I've tried to force but it just makes the pain worse. Even with the pills, I've tried to call Bud into the front of my mind like I always do when I'm passively forcing and want him with me but i get nothing. And when I do get any kind of reaction, it's John. I don't even know why John is here. I just don't know.

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