Ashmo

Ashmo's First Tulpa

Recommended Posts

I'm not sure if any non-white color would be okay, really.

But I'm not trying to shake the baby or anything--if that's working out for you, then by all means.

 

Makes you wonder why I even mentioned it, huh?


"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I don't want to give anyone a headache if they honestly want to try and read it. I eyes have problems with a lot of shades of yellow text, so I get where you're coming from.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just want to say that exposure to Rocky Horror is the appropriate punishment for misusing the word "gay". Since he seems to like horror movies, maybe you should play the whole thing for him. Though it's not really worth watching if you can't catch it in the theater, in my humble opinion.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's worth it if you have a group of friends who know how to act at the right times, but very true. Unless the show is live or being seen in a public setting, it loses some of it's luster.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I didn't write a progress report yesterday. There wasn't really anything to report. Aside from Bud continuing to grow in size. I don't even know if I should consider it deviation because he just feels as if he's growing like he should be. He still hasn't spoken any more. Aloud or in mind-voice. I'm still getting emotional responses, which seem to be fairly accurate as long as I stick to asking direct, yes or no questions with him.

 

Seeing as I didn't have work yesterday, I spent a lot more time actively forcing than I normally do. I'd say almost 4 hours over all (spread out through out the day). Normally I only active force for about an hour. I know I should do more, but almost 80% of my average day is spent passive forcing.

 

I know I should actively force more often every day, at least double it, but I still have the trouble of my mind wandering...honestly though, I think I might have fixed it with everything I did yesterday. My mind still wanders, but instead of leaning of my forcing, I use those thoughts as narration for Bud. Kind of showing him some of my past experiences and how I remember them happening. How I felt, or why I acted the way I did. I know Bud will understand me in a way no other ever can, but I think things likes this will help him in his development in understanding me.

 

He's moved up to food from his "bottles". I "replicate" things I've eaten since he first started as an egg. I'm still infusing it with personality traits. More so suggestions than anything else. I think of a trait I'd like him to understand more and concentrate on that trait and what it means to me, forcing it into his food for him to eat. Just like I did with his bottles.

 

Today was a busy day. I let him know that this morning when I first got up. He was a little confused on why I was up so early, I think he forgot about me telling him about work beforehand. But I explained it again, letting him know he was more than welcome to join me, as long as he didn't take up too much of my concentration while I was actually working.

 

The strange thing about when I'm at work is, I never actually feel him there. Even when I try to passive force or just narrate to him. He doesn't exactly feel real at those times. I know he is. I don't have doubts like that anymore. And stranger yet, the times he does feel more real, it feels likes he's pulling away. Trying to divert my attention from him. Because he isn't vocal yet and he can't really give me a detailed answer, I don't know if it's because he doesn't like being around while I'm working or if it's some other reason.

 

I got a bit of time to myself while I was on lunch today. I used it to active force before I had to get back to work. It was a little bit harder to "find" him than normal. Again, I think it was because he knew I was at work. Once I did find him though, I was surprise at what I saw:

 

He's huge! At my last guess, I would estimate that he was a little under 4 feet tall. I'm only 5'1 myself and I'm pretty good at eyeballing length and distance because of my height. "How many me's is that? 4? Alright, that's a rough 20 feet." I'm rarely wrong. I'd have to say he's a little over 7 feet tall now. As if physically, he's full grown. This was completely unexpected. I don't know if my longer active forcing sessions from yesterday did it, or if it was because of the fact that he and I were out of contact for nearly four straight hours. Maybe some combination of both???

 

The nubs on his back are still there, longer but they have this...unfinished look to them. I think my friend, Marie, was right and he might be growing wings of some kind. The articulating bits are the same size as before, but more, thicker parts have grown. I can't even call them nubs even more because of how large and long they are now. 10 inches or so, with the thickest part being about the size of my own wrist. He can't move the thick parts yet, and they seem to be a bit uncomfortable for him because they are coming in more. When I spend time with him tonight I'm going to try and see if I can ease his discomfort. I feel bad he's having a hard time with them.

 

The reason why I think they might be wings is because there seems to be a membrane of skin fusing to the growths from his back. It's all still colored like his natural skin color, which is a shade of red very close to his fur color. It's very warm to the touch and feels like a fine, soft leather. The expensive kind that has been worked and worked until it's supple. I haven't pushed on it too much, because he really doesn't seem to like it. I assume it's because of the discomfort he's feeling from all of it growing.

 

I have another long day of work a head of me tomorrow and the day after that. I just hope that he can become more comfortable with me working.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I "replicate" things I've eaten since he first started as an egg.

 

I do the same thing.

 

It's impressive how much he's grown. I guess he can't curl up between you and your girlfriend anymore.

 

And of course it'll be interesting to see how those "wings" turn out.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

He's disappointed about that. He's so big he can't even fit on the bed any more to curl up at our feet if he tried. I have a feeling he's going to try to figure something out though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yesterday was a long day. We catered a high school reunion out in the middle of no where. And when I say no where, I mean we drove until we were in the middle of the desert, and then we turned onto a private, dirt road and drove for another 15 minutes or more to really get to the "middle" of this no where. Even though it was long, it was very easy. 90% of the day was set up and take down. Which of course, gave me ample opportunity to passively force through out the day.

 

I think he's a little people phobic. When it was just the four of us that are the normal crew on the rig, I could passively force just fine. It wasn't hard to find him and it didn't feel like he pulled away like I normally get when I'm working. Even when it was serving time, I still felt him there, almost as if he were looking over my shoulder and watching the whole time because the serving was so easy.

 

Normally when we carter an event, even when there is only about a hundred people like there was yesterday, everyone piles into a big line and you're pressed to serve everyone as quickly as possible because there are so many waiting behind them. But yesterday, because everyone in their group was so busy catching up because they have seen each other since the last reunion, we only had at max 5 or so people come up at a time. That and I think they were honestly being polite because they saw how hard we were working to get their food to them on time and everything.

 

What I enjoyed most, was even while serving, Bud felt like he was right there with me.

 

also he's stopped giving me headaches when I smoke at work. But it's only when I smoke at work. I try not to allow myself to smoke at home unless it's catnip or mugwort, and he's become my enforcer of that rule. I also smoke less on the job now that I have him. Out of an entire 13 hour day I only have four cigarettes.

 

I was too tired to active force at all once I got home last night. I came in, had some left over pizza and a beer and I don't even remember my head hitting the pillow.

 

I didn't dream last night. I want to say it's because I didn't force like I've gotten used to doing, but it's probably because I was simply so tired. I didn't wake up until half passed one and I feel like I should sleep more. I'm on call today. I SHOULD have worked 9 to 3 but Vicky told me last night because I was so beat to not worry about getting up to the fair and I'll just be on call for second shift or clean. My boss and his wife are the coolest fucking people in the world.

 

Bud really likes them too. Since Bud has become a bit more sentient I feel him pushing me to really listen any time Royce says anything. I always listen to Royce, he reminds me of my father in a lot of ways, but Bud likes him so much that I feel like I need to be extra attentive for the both of us.

 

I'm going to end this here. Ever since I woke up this morning I have the nagging urge to read Harry Potter, lol. With everything I read at one time, I still think it's Bud's favorite.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So when the site went down, I lost my 6th page of PR. Shui, being the superhero that he is, just so happened to be on my page when everything went done and was able to save everything for me. I'm just reposting what he saved for me. Thank you again, SOOO much!

 

Post: #51

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

Nothing really to report on today other than a weird little thing.

 

Bud now refers to Breanna (my girlfriend) as "mom". Neither of us know exactly what to make of this. Breanna thinks that it might be a bit of myself projecting because of the fact that we want to start a family together but aren't exactly in the right place for that yet. That and Bree has a very motherly air about her.

 

I honestly didn't think he thought of her as more than my girlfriend (though he adores her) until I was half looking for her around the house today and he chimed in out of nowhere, as he seems to like to do, "I think Mom's getting ready for work". I froze and it took me a moment to process he was talking about Breanna. He was right, which I already know that means on some level I knew or suspected that, but it took me off guard that he called her mom.

09-16-2013 07:22 PM

Send this user a private message Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Shui Online

In aqua scribis.

Registered

 

Posts: 381

Joined: Jul 2013

Warning Level: 0%

 

Post: #52

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

That's neat. I mean I can see it happening. He was essentially raised from being a baby by you two. How do you feel about it though?

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

09-16-2013 07:44 PM

Send this user a private message Find all posts by this user Edit this post Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Ashmo Offline

and Bud

Registered

 

Posts: 82

Joined: Aug 2013

 

Post: #53

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

I feel fine about it. I think of him as a pseudo child, so to speak, anyway. I almost half expected it. The only thing that has really caught me off guard about it is that he hasn't directly addressed me in any form. I mean, he's talked to me, but has never addressed me by name or title or anything like that. I think I expected him to call me mom before he ever did Bree. Or at least by my name or a name I associate myself with. But he hasn't done that at all yet. It more or less feels like his attitude to it is, "I'm already in her head, who else would I be talking to" so he just simply skips over having a name for me at all.

09-16-2013 08:04 PM

Send this user a private message Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Shui Online

In aqua scribis.

Registered

 

Posts: 381

Joined: Jul 2013

Warning Level: 0%

 

Post: #54

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

I was thinking about that last night. You're both "mom", so if you could both hear him, there would often be no way of telling which one he meant. I was thinking that he might choose to use "mom" for just one of you based on that.

 

Then I got to thinking about it a bit more, and I realized that you can tell based on context. Because only one person can hear him, he's either talking about mom, or he's talking to mom. The mom he talks about is not the mom he talks to, and the mom he talks to is not the mom he talks about. So really there should be very little ambiguity, except maybe when he's proxying.

 

On an unrelated note, I had a dream that my last post in this PR had been edited to say something offensive, and I couldn't change it back. So if you have any unpleasant dreams about me, it wasn't me! Smile

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

Yesterday 07:59 AM

Send this user a private message Find all posts by this user Edit this post Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Ashmo Offline

and Bud

Registered

 

Posts: 82

Joined: Aug 2013

 

Post: #55

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

Actually Shui, now that you mention it. I had a very strange dream last night involving Breanna being pregnant and all cars were control by Wii style remote control steering...anyway, I was trying to drive to the hospital to pick her up from the doctor (don't ask me why the appointment was there, it was a dream) and you were in the care with me! Which I know must sound bazaar, seeing as we don't know what one another look like or anything like that, and I can't honestly say I actually saw any of your features. The shadows always seemed to hide you just right, in that not creepy yet still slightly hidden way dreams seem to do sometimes.

 

Most of the dream was actually about you and I complaining about cars these days because the controls had a lag on them to the point where people were driving extra slow because they couldn't properly steer for turns at the right time and everyone kept bumping into one another. Parking lots were the worst!!!

Yesterday 12:42 PM

Send this user a private message Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Shui Online

In aqua scribis.

Registered

 

Posts: 381

Joined: Jul 2013

Warning Level: 0%

 

Post: #56

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

Heh, that's really cool. I mean I guess it's not too surprising, as I was reading your PR right before I went to sleep, and coincidences do happen. But I'm glad your dream wasn't unpleasant on my account. Smile

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

Yesterday 12:53 PM

Send this user a private message Find all posts by this user Edit this post Quote this message in a reply Quote this post Report this post to a moderator

Ashmo Offline

and Bud

Registered

 

Posts: 82

Joined: Aug 2013

 

Post: #57

RE: Ashmo's First Tulpa

I've had the headaches for a little while now. It starts out as head pressure then turns into a small, more annoying than anything else, isolated headache. I was expecting that, at least to an extent.

 

What I wasn't expecting was the nausea or dizziness. I don't know what to do to make it stop. Other than stop forcing for a while. Which I do not want to do. I'm going to go get some orange juice later today, or have Bree pick it up on the way home from work.

 

I wouldn't mind it so much if I weren't getting so dizzy. Of if the headaches weren't getting worse. They are still mostly an annoyance, but where they were maybe a 2 on a scale to 10, they've crept up to being about a 4.5.

 

In positive news, Bud's wings have grown out. I'd have to say they span a little over 12 feet. Nothing about him is small any more, lol. Save for maybe his voice. He doesn't sound like a toddler anymore, like he did when he asked me to tell him a story, but he still certainly sounds young for his size. Their still the same red of his skin. Thick and leathery, but soft and very warm. He's always very warm. Like his blood runs hot.

 

His wings remind me of the style of wings from the Disney's Gargoyles show. He can even fold them over his shoulder like a cape. Which is where the strange claw like thing comes in handy. He uses them as sort of a clasp. I have a picture of fan art of the TV show for a reference.

 

http://i42.tinypic.com/sljl2a.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.