Ashmo

Ashmo's First Tulpa

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I decided to (mostly) active force in the shower today. Bud and I found and onsen deeper in the forest that had a natural waterfall. So I imagined myself in my wonderland while I showered. I also found out that Bud's aversion to water is actually just cold water. He enjoyed the hot springs quite thoroughly. I may start taking all of my showers in this way because of how it felt to "active" force while actually doing something. It wasn't really that difficult, I did use the closed eye method, but basically I imagined the waterfall's surroundings to be roughly the same as my shower. I was even able to "see" my soap with out opening my eyes. It was quite fun and I'm thinking of incorporating it into other tasks. Nothing drastic, of course. I know I'm not actually "seeing" anything. The things in my shower were stationary and I was probably more so feeling them out than anything else, but it was still and interesting experience.

 

Bud also lifted off with his wings. It wasn't today. A couple of days ago, actually. I can't believe I forgot to write about it. He forced them down and lifted up, but the strangest thing was he didn't exactly come down right away. He hovered for a moment. He even seemed like he knew he could do it, which only surprised me more. After a few moments I was like, "Ya gonna come down now?" He gave me a little shrug, pulled his wings back and gently floated back down until his feet touched ground again. It didn't hover off the ground to high, only about a foot and a half or so. Maybe two feet? Which is exactly why I use the term "hovered" instead of "float". He hasn't done it since.

 

I went for a bike ride for the first time in almost two weeks. Partially because it was time to stop being lazy, but mostly because I promised him last night we'd go for at least one. This was the first time I didn't impose him in a backpack, riding with me. He's big enough to run along side me now when he wants. He even flew a little, although it was still very close to the ground and he cheated by pushing off with his feet from time to time, but I'm glad to see him getting used to his wings.

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So...Bud desperately wants a kitten. He hasn't actually "said" anything, but I keep getting images of kittens. Of him holding a kitten, of me having a kitten here in reality. When I try to talk to him about it directly, try to explain that I don't think he's ready for a kitten, and he knows I myself can't get one yet, he then sends me flashes of Renfield from Dracula.

 

Seward: --Something larger perhaps?

Renfield: Oh yes...a kitten! I beg you. Something I can teach, something I can feed! No one would refuse me a kitten!

 

XD

 

I'm not willing to create a second tulpa. Bud isn't even finished yet for one, and I don't personally even know if I would want more in my head than him and myself.

 

I've considered creating a servitor for him, but yet again, I don't think he's developed enough yet. And I don't want to run the risk as accidentally creating a second tulpa.

 

I might be able to get an actual kitten, but it won't be until I have the money to make sure I can get it fixed once it's old enough. I'm going to starting passive forcing more when I play with my rat, Steve and see if that helps curb Bud's wants.

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What you're doing in the shower sounds cool. (How often do you get to use a sentence like that?) It reminds me of this, particularly some of the posts on the second page.

 

And with Bud flying, I've had a lot of flying dreams -- most of them were back when I was sixteen, but I still get them sometimes. The weird thing is that there was definitely a period where I had to learn to fly in my dreams. (I still haven't mastered it.) But what Bud is doing sounds almost exactly like what I was doing early on, except that I didn't have wings.

 

Edit: Oh, and maybe you could have a wonderland kitten. I have a few animals in the wonderland, and my tulpa loves playing with the cat. I don't really think of her as a servitor or a tulpa. She's more of a named part of the scenery, if that makes sense.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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What you're doing in the shower sounds cool. (How often do you get to use a sentence like that?) It reminds me of this, particularly some of the posts on the second page.

 

And with Bud flying, I've had a lot of flying dreams -- most of them were back when I was sixteen, but I still get them sometimes. The weird thing is that there was definitely a period where I had to learn to fly in my dreams. (I still haven't mastered it.) But what Bud is doing sounds almost exactly like what I was doing early on, except that I didn't have wings.

 

Edit: Oh, and maybe you could have a wonderland kitten. I have a few animals in the wonderland, and Fench loves playing with the cat. I don't really think of her as a servitor or a tulpa. She's more of a named part of the scenery, if that makes sense.

 

Actually(!) the overclock method is where I got the idea for the shower method, though I realized I was kind of doing it anyway before I read the guide for my bicycle rides.

 

Also, I have wonderland animals. There is this gorgeous 9 point white tail buck that's running around weaving been tracking. I've been teaching Bud how to bow hunt, but just with targets. We haven't been on any real hunts yet. There are also a lot of rainbow trout and catfish in the river we fish in, and game rabbits running around. There might be a few other kinds of fish in the river, but that's what we've caught so far. I was thinking of giving him a wonderland kitten, but at the same time, I kind of want to make him earn it. He catches the wonderland bunny rabbits from time to time and tries to play with them, but he's so large and opposing he terrifies them.

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That reminded me of a quote from The Little White Bird, which is a sort of semi-prequel to Peter Pan:

 

The rabbit, terrified but uninjured, cowered beneath him. Porthos [the writer's dog] gave me a happy look and again dropped into a weighty frame of mind. 'What is the next thing one does?' was obviously the puzzle with him, and the position was scarcely less awkward for the rabbit, which several times made a move to end this intolerable suspense. Whereupon Porthos immediately gave it a warning tap with his foot, and again fell to pondering. The strain on me was very great.

 

At last they seemed to hit upon a compromise. Porthos looked over his shoulder very self-consciously, and the rabbit at first slowly and then in a flash withdrew. Porthos pretended to make a search for it, but you cannot think how relieved he looked. He even tried to brazen out his disgrace before me and waved his tail appealingly. But he could not look me in the face, and when he saw that this was what I insisted on he collapsed at my feet and moaned. There were real tears in his eyes, and I was touched, and swore to him that he had done everything a dog could do, and though he knew I was lying he became happy again. For so long as I am pleased with him, ma'am, nothing else greatly matters to Porthos.

 

Bud seems much more intelligent than Porthos, but because of his size and gentleness, I could almost imagine that being the scene.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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After my bike ride today, we actually made what I would like to this is great progress in the wonderland. Bud out grew his burrow some time ago and had since then been sleeping in a field of soft wheat grass. Being that autumn is upon us, I saw fit it was time to make him a more proper shelter.

 

The river bank we spend so much of our time together at sits nestled between the bottom of two cliff faces of red slate. I liken myself to somewhat of a hybrid between and earth and fire "bender" in my wonderland, and so a forged him a home cut out of the stone wall. It's a dome shaped tunnel right now. I may add "rooms" to it later on, if he wants. I gave him a large fire place complete with a hearth made of the different round stones that are often washed up on the shore. I "metal bended" a wood burning stove for him--he likes cooked food more than raw.

 

While I was busying myself with this, he went off (on his own!!!) and constructed a front door out of wood. We decided on a level with latch and chain for it's closing mechanism. If you want to enter from outside, you pull the little chain that will lift the latch lock on the inside, while if you wish to open the door from the inside, you simply lift the latch. There are two windows that look out from either side of the door. I super heated some of the sand from the river bed and bended it into smooth panes of glass while Bud made the frames. Both window and the door are arched. Like the dome ceiling but with a slight point to the top. The windows twist open, so the mass stays in the center while either side has an open space. It doesn't make much room for a useable ledge, per say. But something tells me that Bud is still a little ways away from baking pies anyway, lol.

 

I sculpted shelves and some furnishings for him like a dinning table and chairs that are scaled to his size. Once we start hunting larger game than fish, I plan on tanning hides with him to soften some things up. He didn't want a proper bed. He ended up gathering a bunch of grasses and other soft foliage for his sleeping material. To each his own.

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The big toe on both of Bud's feet have grown into large claws. Like a velociraptor. He hasn't deviated in his appearance in so long that it really took me by surprise. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by such things. He's changed so much since the beginning. I just thought he was done physically, lol.

 

I pierced his ear yesterday. Two holes in the left ear. He gave me a flash vision of what he wanted, I saw myself piercing his ear for him and then I simply did just that. His mane has grown out lately and I've taken to braiding parts of it. He's starting to look more like some tribal creature now.

 

I've encountered a bit of a problem lately. I really like story style role playing. Mostly because it helps with my writing and I can't honestly find anyone to LARP with me or do table top games, but I've noticed on days I do a lot of forcing, both active and passive, I'm zapped for creativity to get any replies done. Yet on days that forcing takes more of a back seat, I can bust replies out like it's not a problem. Sometimes I barely even feel Bud there. I don't quite understand it.

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That's really cool. I like the changes to his appearance.

 

Personally, I'd like to find a group to LARP with, or run a tabletop game too. I was going to run a D&D campaign with some guys at work a few years back, but it never went anywhere. D&D's not my favorite, but it's something. Would have been cool if we could have.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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I was into D&D for a bit, I really miss it, but the most fun tabletop I've played was Orcs and Elves. It's a lot like Risk but on a much bigger scale while the board would be a field of battle instead of the world itself. If that makes sense?

 

I was really into the World of Darkness LARP games though. I still have about 30 of the books and continue to collect them when ever I can come across them.

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I never actually played WoD, tabletop or LARP, but I collect the books too. I'm weird in that I like Mage, Wraith, and Changeling (the Dreaming) the most.

 

I've never heard of Orcs and Elves. I'll have to look that up.

 

My cousin and I used to play HeroQuest, which was something like D&D-lite. Both our sets have been utterly demolished over the years, so we reassembled one from craft supplies. We only see each other once a year though, and neither of our girlfriends likes the game, so we usually don't even end up playing then.


"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

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