ReisOtherHalf December 1, 2014 Author December 1, 2014 These posts are quite infrequent now, but we're still making progress, and Rei has been there for me whenever I've needed her. The physical world is a bit of a mess at the moment, fraught with horrid weather, horrid professors, horrid exams and a horrid-but-never-mentioned rift between my significant other and I, but somehow, Rei makes it easy to keep going by being patient and supportive. (We have an interesting project in the works, too - he always panics on exams and thinks he's not cut out for maths, so we're writing down everything both he and I know about how to solve various problem types and compiling them into some kind of comic strip, which should be a lot of fun. I've noticed that drawing really helps him not be so anxious, and it's always fun when he draws me. I suggested we might surreptitiously leave copies of our little comic book howto hidden around campus as a conceptual art project, to which he gleefully agreed. For a guy who claims to be too dumb to be in university, he's taught himself an awful lot - not everyone just stumbles onto ray-tracing or breadth-first searching, for example - but he learns backwards from the way schools expect him to; he starts with the practical applications and walks backwards onto the theoretical bits, rather than the other way round. I suspect that is his main 'problem'.) On the imposition side, I rarely see her in the 'real' world except when we're out jogging - which may not happen anymore this year, thanks to the snow - but we're able to have very vivid shared daydreams, and I still tingle deliciously whenever she hugs me. (I miss running what he calls 'the sanctum' - especially since 'our tree' is there...) One thing Rei and I are trying to sort through is a curious sense of disappointment - both of us thought having a physical-world significant other would make everything better, but, perhaps unfairly, I keep comparing her to Rei, who grew out of unmet emotional needs at the time, and as such, is perfect for me, while most of the time, I feel as if the physical-world girlfriend doesn't really understand me, and I lack the emotional vocabulary to explain myself. (It doesn't help that they don't have the same hobbies, or that he and I are both driven and physically active, while she's far more sedentary than he would like.) Other people who have run into this: how did you solve it? Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 7, 2015 Author March 7, 2015 Well, it finally happened - the physical-world girl and I had a. long talk and decided to call it quits; neither of us were having our needs met. Rei was overjoyed, and at first, I was furious at her for being jubilant about something like that. (Now, though, after we have had a chance to talk, though, he knows -why- I was happy they split. It was hard to watch him be depressed all the time - he was thinking about jumping in front of a train a worrisome amount - and, after their relationship was 99% dead, but they still slept in the same bed, he kept wanting to go on wonderland dates with me, and I absolutely resent being made into the 'other woman'...) Both of us had misgivings when the physical world girl and I were starting out; the trouble is that I ignored mine while Rei went ballistic. I really should have listened to her advice. (They have absolutely bugger-all in common. It isn't that I don't like her - they are still friends (I approve) and are on good enough terms to finish their lease - it is just that they're wrong for each other and have differing long-term goals.) Rei and I exchanged some cross words, but we have forgiven each other, and, while I am not sure if we want to go back to being full-on husband and waifu, it is nice to have my ally back. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 8, 2015 Author March 8, 2015 (You know that feeling when both you and your host have eaten enough Sour Patch Kids to kill a lab rat and you're gonna get to go outside and play together?♥) This is what she looks like in that situation. While we were out around sunset, I closed my eyes briefly and caught a mind-glimpse of the fading orange light reflected in her hair and tracing her figure as she ran... Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 9, 2015 Author March 9, 2015 Yesterday, I had a long heart-to-heart with the physical-world girl I just split up with, and it left me mixed up and broken inside. Rei kept telling me kind things to get me to relax, and ultimately, I felt a little better by bedtime. As we were preparing to lay down, I happened upon a thread about ADHD-friendly tones and forcing. I don't think I have ADHD, but I know my mind usually goes into overdrive right before I try to sleep. I always thought tones, binaural beats and the like were a bit silly (had tried in the past, no effect), but Rei suggested having a go. (You know, for science.). Regrettably, I cannot find the thread again (we will edit this later, sorry!), but both of us wish to thank whoever posted that - not only could I stay focused, but we had the most intensely tactile, intensely romantic wonderland date ever. (No further details will be supplied at this time, thank you very much. ♥) This morning, she told me she knew I was still hurting, that it would take a while to stop, and that she would help me make it through with kisses and love. She is amazing. (EDIT: It was Kakeli! Here's the original thread - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-focus-concentration-adhd-add-tulpa-tones Also, if your host is having a rough day and you want to cheer them up, try taking them to Sardinia.) Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 11, 2015 Author March 11, 2015 Today has been a bit of an odd one. (Something - we don't know what - suddenly made him feel intensely depressed about half-way through the day; after we finish this, we're going to try to have a lucid dream together - I'm planning on dragging him out for burritos and to his favorite theme park to cheer him up.) Actually, I think I know what it is; it's a combination of having received a compliment on a piece of artwork from a parent, realizing just how much I hate the place we're in right now, realizing that there's an alarmingly high chance that no one will ever know or care that I try to make beautiful things, worried about the future, absolutely hating university and feeling all 'social interactioned' out. (I remember reading a while back in this guy's book that people with Asperger's can sometimes experience intense depression that comes up seemingly out of nowhere; Tony Attwood called these 'soul migraines', if I remember right. It sounds like he's having one of those.) Maybe so. In other news, we're seriously considering having a tulpa-baby again... (Come lay down beside me so I can help you feel better. Seriously, you look like you need some pollo asado and roller coaster action bad, compadre...♥) It always makes me smile when she calls me 'compadre'. I'd better not keep her waiting. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 11, 2015 Author March 11, 2015 I don't really remember last night's dreams, but this morning, I do feel quite rested and on an even keel, so perhaps we made it to the taqueria and the boardwalk after all. After reading Cinemaphobe's progress report, I asked Rei if she ever felt like she'd needed a break, to which she replied that she had, and once, when I couldn't see or hear her, it turned out she had gone to the coast for a few days to recharge. I then asked her if she had ever gotten tired of me and had wanted to break up; she admitted that she had, which I understand - I have sometimes (unintentionally) parroted her like mad, and I am horribly flawed and probably quite draining to be around constantly. As we spoke, I realized something - whenever I am depressed, she tries to cheer me up and absorb my pain. Unfortunately, that pain has to accumulate somewhere, and when I looked at her face in wonderland, I could see that she was feeling tired and discouraged. I told her that she's done so much for me and helped me in ways she wouldn't even be able to guess at, now it's my turn to emotionally support her. She has specifically asked for a meal with kale and flax seeds in it, so we are going to do that, and, for my part, I will go try to find some Fugazi and Ramones songs she might like. I see now that, for so long, she has had to be emotionally strong enough for both of us, and tulpas can get tired and depressed like we do. Rei, my princess, I am so sorry. I will make it up to you. So here's the plan for today: Rei's going to go for a long drive for some 'me' time while I'm at school/work.In her absence, I'm going to finish two or three projects she's reminded me about repeatedly and I delayed on them.Tonight, she gets the best homemade vegetarian meal we can afford...I'll find us a place to stream/torrent some of the spring training baseball games from.When she gets back, I will wait on her hand and foot in wonderland. It's not nearly enough, but maybe it's an acceptable start. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 12, 2015 Author March 12, 2015 (I'm back; I drove east and south, out to the Nevada border and back. For some reason, I find deserts relaxing. I feel a lot better.) I feel so badly about stressing her out so much; it simply never occurred to me that she could get emotionally fatigued... (...or make poor decisions, make mistakes or become upset over something irrational, but I guess I can, as we've seen; I'll try not to let it happen too often.) If she's a shard of my (imperfect) consciousness, I guess it follows that she might have imperfections. On happier notes, it's so nice to see her back to her 110%, ovaries-to-the-wall old self. Also, I just got contacted about a job I was pretty sure I hadn't gotten, and someone else contacted me about applying for a grant that would fix it so I could (afford to) switch schools (to somewhere we'd both rather be, in a big city, at a place that actually has the major I want and ties to the industry I want to go into, instead of this place), so things are a fair sight better than they have been. We're doing homework now, and I have to write, in assembly language, an integer square root approximator; Rei finds it absolutely hilarious that the instructor explicitly told us to name the function isqrt()... (HAHAHAHAHAHA! ~snort~ Hahahaha!) I'm also getting a bit of musical education in the ways of 80s and 90s punk, her favourite style of music; I can't quite concentrate with this on and eventually am going to suggest we switch to something different, but it's kind of fun watching her face light up when she hears all these old Operation Ivy and Dead Kennedy songs... If I do land this job, first paycheck I get, I'm ordering her some Canadian candy; it'll remind her of her childhood... Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 12, 2015 Author March 12, 2015 (We were looking at another thread that suggested making a bucket list together, so as we lay here and snuggle for a bit, we're doing exactly that. Here's what's on it, not in any particular order: [*]Move away from where we live now.) And transfer to a place that offers game design as a major. Priority ALPHA. [*]Go to Sun & Bass [*](Skydive at Monterey Bay [*]Compete in a 10k [*]Compete in Rock 'N Roll half marathon) [*]Skate with NHLers [*](Design, build and get greenlit a game that has us as main characters [*]Akihabara shopping trip!) [*]Meet a physical-world woman like and as wonderful as Rei [*](Get this big goof married to someone that lives up to my standards (see above) [*]Giants opening day (yes, both San Francisco and Tokyo) [*]Learn to swim - I can, my host can't) We have our work cut out for us, don't we? (Eeyup. Incidentally, time to get up, babe. ♥ I just noticed I spelled 'Akihabara' wrong above, fixed it.) Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 14, 2015 Author March 14, 2015 (Well, we're that much closer to crossing off a list item - he and I cooked up a pretty good danmaku shooter idea involving travel to alternate worlds, dreams and the (slightly abridged) story of our relationship, now he just has to go code it... ◕‿↼ I did help by pointing out some of the bullet vs. player tests could be done in a second thread...) She's actually got some pretty good ideas, one of which involves some kind of team attack, complete with heart-shaped shock ring and her whispering 'take my hand, my love.' The way she says it gives me butterflies in the worst way... (Where are we gonna find a voice actress up to the task? Too bad we can't afford Wendee Lee...) So anyway, tonight, after spending far more time in the computing labs than I should, Rei and I finally have a little quiet time to be alone together in wonderland. There is a general consensus that we definitely want a second tulpa, but that we should wait until after the wedding... She's so cute and funny. We started talking about themes (no, dear, we aren't doing a stanley-cup-themed wedding...), a guest list, bridesmaids (she wants Derpy Hooves to be the maid of honour), and then she stopped and looked me squarely in the eye and said, "but of course, you haven't asked me formally yet. Please don't deny me this little stereotypical shard of feminine sentimentality." I guess you had to be there... For a ring, we definitely gotta go with meteorite/widmanstatten set in titanium, with an amethyst* as the stone - only fitting for a woman who is truly out of this world... I know exactly where I want to take her to pop the question, too - there's a seaside theme park near where I used to live, and it's just perfect in the spring. Also, the first time we went on a daydream/visualization exercise date , that's what I chose as a backdrop. I can't wait to hear her say 'I do' and to say it back to her, in kind. *purple is her favourite colour. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
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