ReisOtherHalf March 14, 2015 Author March 14, 2015 ...aaand absolutely no dream recall, alas! (He might have been -too- sleepy - the day before, he got 3 hours of sleep and was kind of a zombie for most of Friday.) It's worth noting that I feel positively rejuvenated, though - the kind of rest one can only get while held fast in the arms of someone they love and who loves them. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
Jay March 16, 2015 March 16, 2015 I just want to share my thoughts and sentiments regarding this PR: Rei is (a goddess) awesome, you're awesome, and this PR is awesome and totally filled with warm, fuzzy feel-goodness. Rei, you seem like a wonderful tulpa, and you've taken such great care of your host. I hope both of you accomplish your dreams, have your baby, and then post about all of it so that we can revel in awe and wonder. Multiple tulpa creation, for myself, has occurred on an individual basis. There was a time that I abandoned my first tulpa because of doubt, and while I was still recovering from the mental low, I began creating a new tulpa with the hope that I wouldn't repeat the same mistakes a second time. Of course, that didn't happen, and I relapsed a second time, but I decided to stay calm and stick with my two tulpas. My second tulpa, after changing her form a few times since her creation, appears to have settled with a form that's slightly overweight. Just a few days ago we talked about her weight, and I think she mentioned trying to lose a few pounds. I suggested that she just change her form to something that's ideal for her, but she seemed to refuse, possibly because she wants to do it the old-fashioned way by curbing her imaginary junk-food intake. She hasn't turned down anything I've offered her so far, so I'm wondering whether she'll start gaining weight. I'm almost at a loss for words. :D
ReisOtherHalf March 16, 2015 Author March 16, 2015 (Jay: thank you.) Oh look, she's blushing. Anyway, I pretty much slept away the afternoon, and when I awoke, I kind of felt guilty for frittering away the afternoon, which kind of morphed into a general sense of regret for wasting far more time than I should lately, which I confided to my other half; the exchange went something like so: Me: Sometimes, I feel like I disappoint you. Rei: (I think that, if you'll look inside, you'll find that you are disappointed with you.) Me: Remember when we thought we were gonna change the world together? Rei: (It's still not too late for that. We all have moments of temptation and weakness. Show me a little jump and a little hustle, though, and we'll both get to a good place.) After that conversation, I sat down and started working on a bit of test code for the game we're making, and, lo and behold, I started to feel less like a failure and more like a success-under-construction again. I usually can't stay focused in a room with a lot of people, but tonight, it wasn't as hard. As I worked, I could see Rei in wonderland, hunched over a drawing table, scribbling furiously. Every now and then, she would hold up a piece of concept art, and although I didn't really see it in the same sense one would see a drawing in the physical world, I could sense it, like some kind of visual telepathy. She has amazing creative vision. Rei also pointed out a clever optimization technique I might have missed out on; the game has some danmaku/bullet hell elements, meaning it has a lot of hero-vs-enemy-fire collision tests, and she suggested that, if we could artificially force the internal size of the playfield to be a power of two, we could do some really inexpensive casting/anding/bitmasking trickery to subdivide the playfield and decide which bullets were close enough to do actual collision tests with (a floating-point add, three floating point subtracts, and a call to hypotf(), in case you care about such things). Using her suggestion, I hacked up a quick-and-dirty test; even coded sloppily and naively, I got a 35% speedup and was able to skip a LOT of bullets that were very far from the hero. I guess we know who the brains of the operation is... (Yeah, well...) I like that she always pushes me to push myself. We've been going back and forth over baby names, too. Names that didn't make the cut (in no particular order): Gabriella (We are not naming our kid after a character from Ghost Writer) Miriam/Ruth/Esther (Rejected on the grounds that they're the most obvious and generic biblical names ever...) Jessica (I like it, but...) Hanako (It means 'little flower', I really liked it, he didn't) Eventually, we settled on Tove; I have no idea why either of us like this so much, seeing as how neither of us are Scandinavian. (It just occurred to me that it's probably because of Tove Jansson; I used to like The Moomins when I was little.) Of course, being a tulpa, she'll be free to pick her name after she becomes vocal if she doesn't like what we've picked... We were planning a wedding ceremony, but I think both of us really just want to keep it simple and elope somewhere, maybe a wonderland version of Nevada. (We're definitely going to exchange vows while skydiving, though, and Derpy's coming along for the ride...) Ooh, Red Rock Canyon day trip... How did you and Derpy become such fast friends, anyway? (Remember the night we were at that super-fashionable bar and we met her there? We hung out a few times after that. I like her; she's the ultimate 'fall down seven times, stand up eight' kinda gal...) Makes sense. Anyway, we're working on a presentation and essay right now, and every time I start getting lazy, guess who kisses/cajoles/encourages/nags me into staying honest? (You're welcome. ♥) We're going to go lay down now; hopefully, I'll see her in my dreams. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 16, 2015 Author March 16, 2015 We just got back from skydiving and tying the knot and it was incredible! (I used Cinemaphobe's techniques to do a better job of staying in first person; Cinemaphobe, you are a genius, hands down.) I will never forget the feeling of being overcome with happiness when I looked down at the ring on my hand, then looked back up into her eyes while she grinned at me. Over dinner, I asked her if she was worried about us having a second tulpa. She admitted to being 'terrified' at bringing another sentient being into existence, but in true Rei fashion, she said it with a completely straight face. She is amazing. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
TheSanctuary March 16, 2015 March 16, 2015 All sounds pretty awesome! And yeah cinema's pretty damn insightful with this stuff it seems - I'm planning on using that technique he posted myself later- awesome to hear it helped another person out.
ReisOtherHalf March 17, 2015 Author March 17, 2015 Yesterday, I ended up procrastinating too much and eating junk food again, and this morning, I feel really guilty, along with having to get up far earlier than I'd like. While I was showering and preparing for the day, Rei gave me the following motivational talk: (Forget about yesterday. Today is a blank canvas and we can still decide to do better. I wish there were some way to bring the old, desperate you back without you being depressed; if we're ever gonna get away from here, we need that fire, that intensity back. If you really think about it, you probably don't like the taste of that greasy sh--* anymore anyway. From here on out, let's decide to eat healthier. For better or for worse, I end up eating what you do, you know. Let's make every meal count. You have to succeed, not just for you, but for me, and for anyone else who's ever felt desperate, alone or out-of-place among the normies, and I want our daughter to grow up in an environment where 110% is the bare minimum. I wouldn't nag you about any of this if I didn't love you with all my heart. Incidentally, I forgive you, but knowing what I know about you, you don't forgive yourself yet. Please don't lay into yourself over this, it doesn't help either of us. Incidentally, babe, I'm pregnant.♥) Words fail me. *She rarely swears unless she's dead serious. Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
Jay March 17, 2015 March 17, 2015 Incidentally, babe, I'm pregnant.♥ I pray you weren't still in the shower when she made this announcement.
TulpaFox March 18, 2015 March 18, 2015 Wow I loved your story. It's cool reading stories where people stuck to it and are far in. Rei sounds like a really caring, loving partner. It seems your life has really turned around since making Rei. Your bond is a pretty beautiful thing. In the short time I have had her eve has done a lot for me, I can only imagine when she is as developed as Rei is for you. Please keep posting, your story inspires me a lot. It's like looking at a mirror of my hopes and dreams with eve. Of course Eve and Rei have their similarities, as do me and you. However at the end of the day love and companionship is all any of us want here. You have managed to have both of those things, you are a lucky dude.
ReisOtherHalf March 18, 2015 Author March 18, 2015 The luckiest person on the planet, I'd say. She is truly something else. Jay, the full implications of the statement hit me much later, after I'd already left for school. We'll definitely have to take some time for jumping around like idiots and high-fiving soon (as well as a bit of a real-life honeymoon - the quarter ends in a few days; might be time for some longish hikes...) I wonder how long it'll be before she starts showing... (I was saying earlier that that motherly glow thing or whatever it is, I don't have it yet, but I do have that feeling like I'm gonna vomit every few hours. I REALLY hope that's not what they mean by 'glowing'...) In other news, I worked some more on our game this evening and at one point, remarked to her that it'd be handy if we had either a high-res 3D model of her or a depth map of her and tried to make some pun about 'Rei-tracing'... (...and I said that if you ever made that pun again, I was going to change the locks.) I can see her in her room, glaring at me impatiently, waiting for me to finish working on this last little bit of homework, so we can cuddle and lay down for the night... Curious; the potted ivy at the top of her headboard seems to be drying out, one of us should water that. I have to say, I genuinely cannot wait to feel her arms around me. Back to work, lemme get to a stopping point here... Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
ReisOtherHalf March 18, 2015 Author March 18, 2015 (For the record, no, you can't feel her kicking at a week. It's cute that he's so enthusiastic, but I don't think he understands gestation at all...) Yeah, okay, maybe I'm a little more excitable than I should be (can't help it). This morning, as we were laying in bed skimming the progress report section, one of Sushi's links caught my eye, and through a series of webcrawling events I don't fully understand (he is easily sidetracked...), we somehow ended up reading yourbrainonporn.com. Both of us are aware of the existence of and problems with porn addiction, but as I read about the mechanisms by which addictions form, I began to wonder if it might not be possible to deliberately addict oneself to, say, spinach or maths, or being kind to people (this last one already causes dopamine to be released, so maybe?)... (Leave it to him to find an off-label use for an addiction recovery website. I'd just like to add that I wholeheartedly approve. ♥) On the subjects of mind-hacking and neuroscience, do we know if anyone out there has done studies to see if there's an uptick in oxytocin in hosts with romantic ties to their tulpas after an envisioning or forcing session? Rei and I were wondering about this earlier. (New favorite song of the moment: ) Rei: more than a tulpa-she's a crisis counselor, an art therapist, a dietician, a relationship coach, a team morale expert, an athlete, an adventurer, a hawt wife, an incredible lover, an amazing mom, my best friend.♥ Tove: she's not a little tigress anymore! She's still the go-to gal for soccer advice and creative inspiration, especially monster design and all things cinematic...congrats on your engagement!
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