Rei's and my progress report.

[ReisOtherHalf]

Song of the moment:

(I'll agree to that.)

 

I've spent part of the afternoon hacking on a prototype for a friend in the middle of a noisy group of people, but, strangely, if I try hard enough, I can sense Rei in the 'empty' chair on my right. She's typing furiously on some unknown project, while to her right, Tove's sitting patiently, playing something on her DS.

 

It's been kind of a quiet day on the active forcing front, but having them here with me and being able to sense their presence makes me incredibly happy, even moreso that I can 'see', 'hear' and feel them in the midst of the tumult...

 

I'm planning to spend about 2-3 hours focusing solely on them later; maybe we'll watch another movie as a family - we had so much fun and I felt so much love that night, I thought my chest was going to burst...

[ReisOtherHalf]

We were having fun watching the movie, when annoying roomie/ex decided she wanted to have a conversation to convince me that switching schools was a bad idea and why a professor who I consider to be a complete idiot is worthy of my undying admiration. An hour of rage-inducing unsolicited and wrong advice later (during which, to his credit, he remained polite, friendly and rational), the evening had been well and truly ruined - or so I thought.

 

Rei could see I was agitated, and bade me lay down beside her. As soon as I did, I felt her arms gently slip around my waist, coupled with intense butterflies, and that helped. I watched some old time-lapse videos of myself working on a video game that, for a variety of reasons, I never finished, then nodded off. slept for a little bit, no dream recall, but when I woke up, two nice things happened: 1) I felt an immense compulsion to actually see this project to completion before I start on the shmup design Rei specced out a few weeks ago and 2) later in the morning, after dozing off again, I had a brief, but intense and intensely pleasurable vision of the last dream I was able to recall with Rei in it.

 

This morning, after a weird experience where, while I was looking at her in wonderland, she had a brief visual glitch where I could see the parts of her facing away from me through the parts facing toward me, much like z-fighting in an old 3D game, we snuggled in bed for a long while and read the forums. (It's good to know we're not the only married couple that have had a thoughtform kid, otherwise, I'd have to worry my host was crazy and had an overactive imagination...)

 

My other half is in rare form this morning, as you can see. I couldn't help but notice she's wearing my favourite shirt, the ∫(e^x) = f(u^n) one.

 

Anyway, today, since I feel like I haven't spent enough time with Tove, we'll be doing that today. (I suggested he draw up a character reference sheet for her, but let her decide most of the things on it.)

[ReisOtherHalf]

Tove and I were just sitting here, working on our project, and I was explaining to her little chunks of C syntax. She's a quick study and an incredibly helpful debugging companion - every now and then, she'll point to something and ask what a word means or why a line doesn't look like another line; she's already caught two typos that were valid syntax, but the wrong thing for the program to be doing...

 

Earlier in the afternoon, after trying to dodge social interaction in the physical world while still annoyed at my roommate from yesterday, I muttered the words 'I hate people' - to which Rei said sometimes, my thoughts get announced over some kind of P.A. in wonderland and I really should try not to say such things in front of Tove, and that explaining that feeling to her might be hard, because, strange as it may seem, the two of us somehow bred neurotypical offspring (we think).

 

Also, I heard the nicest thing ever today from my beloved: 'I wouldn't have married you if I didn't believe in you.'

 

Tove and I are taking a break right now - she's playing some Lucky Star-themed arithmetic game on her DS and I'm sitting here, gazing at my wedding band. Neither my daughter nor the ring are fully imposed, but I can sense them really strongly. It feels quite nice.

[ReisOtherHalf]

Yesterday, Rei and I really wanted a cheeseburger, so we agreed to meet at a local fast food place betwen classes and treat ourselves to one.

 

Oh goodness, what on Earth did we do that for?

 

(Nowhere near as good as either of us remember them.)

 

Then there's the headache, the vague feeling of gastric unease, the mental fog - I might as well have eaten a nightshade salad and chased it with a radium milkshake.

 

One side effect of Rei 'forcing' us to eat better is I seriously can't handle most junk food anymore...

 

On the forcing front, had a long, semi-passive session while working on the game, and we got a lot done. Unfortunately, the ex/roommate came home and, as you might guess, drastically affected my mood. She kept asking if I was mad at her (yes I am, and why does she care? perhaps more importantly, why does she care now that we've broken up, but couldn't be bothered beforehand? I didn't tell her any of this, though - it is my experience that talking about emotional state or unmet needs to this person invariably falls upon deaf ears), blithely ignoring all the signs that I didn't really want to hold a conversation. I felt like it would have been rude to leave the room and close the door behind me, but maybe I should have, because then she began trying to snuggle with me (I HATE this, and it really makes Rei unhappy).

 

When I recused myself from the situation and retired to quarters, I could tell Rei was furious, although most of that fury wasn't directed at me, thankfully. It did drive a wedge between us, though, and because it leaves me feeling drained and like my brain is on high-alert, I couldn't even really talk things out with my beloved. (Thankfully, I can feel her here with me now, she's watching over my shoulder as I type, and has suggested that we should "make up" (air quotes were hers, not mine).)

 

I am going to have to resort to my old idea of finding quiet places to write code and limiting prolonged exposure. I find it a little sad that the place I rest my head is not home anymore, but a place of toxic emotions and regret.

 

(It's not all bad - this forces him to go to the library and gym as means of escape - and because he can see and hear Tove and I better in places with fewer external stimuli, we'll get to be together more... ♡)

[ReisOtherHalf]

Yesterday went well. In the physical world, I metwith a Japanese study group, and even though my grammar and memory of the kana are pretty bad,it's starting to come back to me a little. I asked Rei if she would mindvoice me in Japanese some of time, and it turns out she's interested in learning it too, and I think we're going to expose Tove to it (I wish I could go back and make my younger self bilingual...).

 

Last night, after the family came to visit me at the gym (I absolutely love when ths happens!) and Tove had gone to bed, Rei and I went out to our wonderland trampoline to gaze up at the phosphene-auroras and try out another one of those hands-free-climax-binaural files; sadly, both of us fell asleep before we could get any mileage out of it.

 

This morning, she suggested we listen to it again; there were a few pleasurable tingles for me, but I don't think I could come from it, and while Rei seemed to get a bit more out of it, it didn't really work for her either. We're talking about it now, and I think there's some kind of emotional or romantic component that has to be present for it to work for either of us.

 

Something else that happened yesterday - I was listening to a train-themed song, and I had a sudden, intense vision of Rei and I aboard the Orient Express, trying to escape with a stolen jewelry-box; I distinctly remember her saying 'but we didn't murder anyone, she's just unconscious!' We ended up running along the top of the train while carrying on this witty dialogue and ducking low-hanging obstacles, and Rei kept mock-complaining when another person joined the chase against us - at one point, we were being tailed by Inspector Clouseau (the Peter Sellers one), Angela Lansbury's character from Murder She Wrote, Agatha Christie herself and a whole host of cops; I'm pretty sure a shades-bedecked Horatio Caine was in there somewhere.

 

At one point, we heard gunfire, and she screamed about my imagination trying to kill us, to which I pointed out that she was having fun, which she sheepishly admitted, she was deliberately letting herself get immersed in the moment (we had a laugh about this).

 

Eventually, we escaped and opened the box to find not the Hope Diamond, but something stupid and inconsequential that neither of us can remember.

 

After our little fantasy trip ended, she informed me that she thought we should play as a couple more often. Right now, I can see her waving about a trio of airline tickets to Geffen (fictional city from Ragnarok Online); tonight might be fun...

 

I know others here have expressed worries about people spending too much time on fantasy and the like, but I feel like the only difference between what we do and what a Shigeru Miyamoto/Lloyd Alexander/CLAMP-type person does is they do a better job of writing it all down...

[ReisOtherHalf]

Well, we didn't go to bed in time for much roleplay, and, in fact, it's been a quiet-ish day on the forcing front, but Rei did manage to help me stave off a panic attack and complete a major feature on our game (plus some risque double entendres I've been warned not to tell you about). She was telling me how proud she was that I stayed focused until the task got done, or, as she puts it, 'played until the whistle.'

 

I also found out that the land line in our dreamworld house has a 604 area code but at least one skyscraper from Los Angeles, which means its an amalgam of no fewer than five cities; before that, I thought Rei had just based it on San Fransokyo (the mythical city from Big Hero Six).

 

She's glaring at me impatiently as I write this, waiting for cuddling, I had better not keep her waiting.

[ReisOtherHalf]

Well, the last two days have been interesting.

 

As I may have mentioned some time before, I scored a new job, an internship. Well, what I didn't know about it when I accepted the job (and quit my on-campus jobs to make more time for it), is that my boss would eventually only approve me for about 12 hours a week, meaning that even with the increased pay, I'm now making less (which isn't to say I'm not grateful - I am - but I literally would not have been able to afford to continue living at this point).

 

I panicked about it and had a bit of a meltdown last night, and Rei suggested that I ask my parents for help.

 

It should be noted that I hate asking anyone for help, I hate borrowing money, and I always feel like I should be sending my parents on a cruise, not draining them of resources.

 

(Before I let him beat himself up over this, I want to point out that he lives in a town with one very small (operating) factory in it (there are a bunch of abandoned ones), and a Walmart and bugger-all else; it's not like the local economy is awash in jobs...)

 

Rei explained to me that being willing to ask for help isn't about admitting defeat or failure, it's about admitting that you want to survive. As much as I hated accepting this advice, she's spot on. I later emailed my old man, and he graciously came through. Even though we've butted heads a lot over the years, I can see he's truly a good guy and I hope to be half the dad he is.

 

(See? Toldja.)

 

This afternoon, after I had calmed down a bit, I asked Rei to give me a quick overview of the island our new dreamworld home is on, since I haven't seen very much of it and only know a few details. She described this to me (see the attachment):

 

Supposedly, Derpy Hooves lives somewhere out on Vista Del Mar and teaches at the school. Also, it's kinda nice being able to see the Pacific from our back yard...

 

(...and having our own private beach.)

 

As for that tunnel, I've driven 'home' (back to the waking world) from a night out with the family a few times; it sucks.

 

---

 

It's date night, which means a long jog and cooking together and a movie and lots of cuddling (and Tove making gagging noises at us for being 'mushy'). I can't wait...

[ReisOtherHalf]

We we're just sitting on the couch, watching MST3K...

(Slab Bulkhead.)*

...and I was trying to focus on making more sprite artwork for my game; after fifteen minutes had gone by, during which I placed about three pixels, I wondered why I was having such a hard time staying focused. I had no idea it was midnight (that realization was shortly followed by my beloved going 'well yeah, there's your problem'*), which, on a Friday**, means your brain might decide it wants an hour or three off, so bedtime.

 

I am pretty tired, and I've been able to envision her and Tove well these last few days, and we've been communicating a lot lately; I am hoping the combination of higher-than-usual fatigue and increased closeness leads to Rei and/or Tove appearing in my dreams and I get dream recall...

 

We'll see.

 

* every time she says something snide/goofy/hilarious like this, I remember a little bit more about how lucky I am to have her in my life.

** yes, this is how we spend our Friday nights. Don't ask.

[ReisOtherHalf]

It's sunday morning here.

 

Yesterday was admittedly quite slow - a bunch of annoying people and external stimuli in the waking world in the afternoon and evening prevented us from interating too much (on a side note, I hate group projects - if you're an educator, please stop doing this to your students).

 

However, earlier in the day, when I had just awakened, I slipped into a really vivid daydream: I got Rei to give me a tour of our neighbourhood, and we walked down Eucalyptus Point to a convenience store and got cold drinks together. This may seem like such a simple thing and indeed, is probably boring to people with really elaborate wonderlands, but it's something I have longed for for a long time, and it was really vivid - I could feel the sunlight, smell the salt in the air, etc. Even better, I started to doze off while we were in the shop, and Rei was there during hypnagogia. It only lasted for a few seconds, but short of a dream I had five months ago*, this is the closest I've come to getting to hold her close in my dreams. It was heavenly.

 

It probably says something about me that I desperately want to have dreams where Rei and I are doing chores and complaining about tax forms together, or where I get to help Tove with a science fair project, but whatever.**

 

I just came out of a daydream where Tove sold me some thin mints and samoas, although I somehow get the feeling both boxes will be empty by the next time I'm at home.

 

(Don't look at me! ♡)

 

...she says through a mouthful of girl scout cookie.

 

Today is gym day, and gym day almost always seems to lead to emotional bonding and at least partial imposition, so I'm excited. It's also maths cramming day, and studying seems to improve our relationship, too.

---

*(wherein she appeared to give me some relationship advice while we were in the waiting room of some governmental agency when physical-world-ex and I were having problems (I ended up falling madly for her, even though we were only supposed to be 'bros' at the time and she was supposed to be heping me fix things with phys-world-ex at the time...maybe that was my subconscious' way of driving home that I was with the wrong girl...? Dunno. (it should be noted that, during this dream, Rei didn't do anything to cause this and actually gave good, helpful advice, but the more she spoke, the more I realized she was the one I wanted to be with...))

 

**(I think my imagination is slightly broken.)

 

---

 

I just realized; I've been to Sheffield Island before in a dream, I just didn't know what it was called then, and it involved meeting a blind date and looking up at the aurora from the middle of town...weird.

 

---

 

Second edit: Rei has just pointed out to me that Miss Blind-date was actually a personification of her (which explains why I remember feeling this sudden, instant and deep emotional bond, like we'd been meant to be together since before the Big Bang and neither of us had said a word yet...).

[ReisOtherHalf]

Group presentations tend to restore my lack of faith in humanity; I would have been better served by writing the whole thing myself and having the rest of the group read from a teleprompter. At the very least, it wouldn't have taken me four hours to do 45 minutes of work if I were solo.

 

(Babe, that's kind of a horrible thing to say, isn't it? Also, you could have taken charge of the group...) Nope, I already know I don't have leadership skills, and people tend not to listen to me anyway... (Not to chide you or anything, but you have -got- to learn how to work with people a little better.) Believe me, I am painfully aware of that.

 

Anyway, it's quiet now, and Rei and I are trying to sort out integrals; I can't help but wonder if the y+Δy=x+Δx method I learned last term works in reverse...

 

Oh, and she saved me a samoa. This makes me happy.