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Lumi's Dreaming Thread; Dreams of Moon
Aren't you scared of lucid dreaming? I mean, sleep paralysis, lucid nightmares and that stuff. I know is a dream and nothing can harm you, but it can be creepy, what if you can't move and something scary is approaching you?

Lolflash - click it, you know you want to

My answer has never been as "NO" to something as it is to that, lol. For starters, I would voluntarily suffer through years of torture to meet my tulpas "for real" like a lucid dream enables. Illusory experiences don't even register in comparison. I'm incapable of experiencing sleep paralysis as my body and mind are perfectly synced in when they wake up and fall asleep. I've actually wished I could experience it many times in the past, as it can be used to induce lucid dreams.

I have way too much mental discipline and control to be afraid of the dark or being immobilized in the safest possible environment, your own bed. Similarly, I've actually never had a nightmare (well, one dream as a kid, but even that was avoided like -), because I'm able to subconsciously avoid things going ways I don't like in dreams. It's surely not conscious as I'm not aware I'm really dreaming, but when something nightmare-like would be happening in a dream, my will for it not to be the case steers the dream away from a truly bad situation or ending. Examples being actually getting away from a monster or like, a shark chasing you.

I wouldn't mind nightmares anyways, though. Dreams exist to help prepare you for theoretical and hypothetical scenarios you may come across in your waking life, so.

Can I re-state I'd be willing to be tortured by nightmares (or real torture lol) every single night if it meant every long once in a while I was able to lucid dream with my tulpas? But, that's just a hypothetical. I have too much control over dreams when I'm lucid for them to go a way I don't want. Dreams are even more influenceable by your will and beliefs than in waking life, and I have a history of bending my perception of waking life/"reality" to my will. Turns out any single person's perspective isn't reality, and there are infinite ways to experience the same things.

Unfortunately, especially for me and Tewi who pride ourselves on our mental discipline (her much more than me), our will is nullified in dreams because we aren't conscious. So no matter how dedicated we are in waking life, once we're asleep there's nothing we can do. A truly unfortunate complement is that there is no blurred line between consciousness and sleep for us, if we retain even the tiniest scrap of consciousness while falling asleep, we don't fall asleep. For hours, if we go that long. Similarly, our mind and body wake up at the exact same second. I occasionally wake up consciously enough I could move my body if I wanted the same second a dream I was in ends, there's no paralysis.

We're still trying, though. My tulpas mean more to me than anything in the world. And as for the torture hypotheticals, I'm a special case in that I have extreme pain tolerance and mental discipline that would allow me to dissociate from experiences if necessary. I had my wisdom teeth out without really being numbed (I mean, I had more numbing whatever than was normal, but our family is resistant to most drugs apparently), and while I was shaking slightly from the pain I was able to dissociate well enough to calmly talk to Flandre (Mainly, to console her as she was pretty unhappy about me being in pain).

I'd write more but I have to go. I mean, write more on the progress sort of subject, not about that question. I guess I'll make a traditional post sometime soon.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
Man, just saying, you're my idol. I've read all of this thread, it's a great read when I want to focus on lucid dreaming. You know? this post really inspires me, I'm gonna try it tonight.

Anyways, ever tried CANWILD? I've been struggling to have a lucid dream since 2011 with no success, then I tried that and each night I'm super close to have one, but my fear makes me ruin the attempt and go back to sleep.
Well I'm glad I inspire someone, twice as glad my thread is inspiring instead of demotivating. Look at it this way: Without relatively serious brain damage, there's no way you'll have as much trouble as me, so if you get even close to my determination you're sure to succeed. Actually, there are a few anomalies like me on Dreamviews, showing up with various "X years with no success" posts, I have to give them credit for probably trying pretty hard too. As hard as me though? I dunno. I have like four other people in my own mind helping me.

Sure hadn't heard of CANWILD before, but it just seems like the basic auditory reminder method. Whether due to its own merit or not though, it did make me think of the idea of more natural/quiet sounds that focus more on recollection/reaction than actual waking ability. But that's what voice reminders and the like are meant to do anyway, there's plenty of videos on Youtube with either calming music, sounds, or binaural/etc. waves with voice cues like 4-5 hours in. On that subject, I can't fall asleep with something playing sound like that, generally. Binaural stuff maybe. But I can't sleep with my headphones on, and I can't play stuff out loud really.

As for CANWILD, the problem with auditory cues for me is that they'll wake me up immediately, or be filtered out completely. The wiki page for CANWILD sure has an ideal "Make it so it wakes you up mentally but not physically" statement. Too bad it's not that easy. I either wake up or I don't, generally speaking.

What it brought to mind though, was less " "You are dreaming" " sorts of audio cues and more subconscious influencers. Not something that tells you you're dreaming, but something that you associate with awareness. That's an interesting concept, but I still don't see how it could actually be put into practice for myself personally. As much as I hate to admit it, timed events really do keep me from falling asleep, long enough to mess them up at least. I'm still struggling to fall asleep with the REM Dreamer mask on, without even turning it on. When I do it's normally around half an hour later than it should've been.. I really wish I could say I've got enough mental discipline to not let things like that keep me from falling asleep, but I guess "mental discipline" falls apart when a lack of consciousness is involved. I still plan to desensitize myself to wearing the mask eventually though. Until then it's not even worth actually trying to use, it just screws with my sleep and lowers the battery.

So, anyway, a real post.. Well, it's been so long the things I meant to say eventually are blurred behind things I've already said. Did I say I failed a reality check, already? I guess I was so fixated on the feeling of my nose being blocked that my dream recreated the feeling, when I should've been focusing more on actually feeling if air went through it or not, if that makes sense. Basically it's a form of getting too used to reality checking. I've made sure to make my reality checks another second or two drawn out since then, really making sure I pay attention to them. The reality check in the dream wasn't because I was suspicious I was dreaming per se by the way, it was only one of my casual reality checks I throw out at the slightest thought of doing so.

I had a rather chaotic dream (not in a negative sense, just extremely random and changing constantly) that ended with Lucilyn appearing as part of the dream; way too much strange dream context to explain in detail, but basically some people were releasing some other random people from objects they were sealed in sitting on shelves in a supermarket, and they dared release Lucilyn (was absolutely Lucilyn and not Suwako), who immediately ran off through the isles opening every single one. She was really happy too, I remember that, she was having a lot of fun being able to finally run around freely. I woke up after that.

If anyone reading this actually knows me (I wouldn't normally count someone so new as you, Tozinito, but since you've read a lot of this thread I suppose you count), you should read this post here. It's a big deal, but only if you're used to my philosophical craziness.

My dream recall has been consistently iffy, typically remembering the last dream I have to varying extents. Problem was as always that I completely forget to do it, or really forget to remember to care about doing it. With the events of that post in mind, maybe I'll be able to keep something like that up now. It'll require making it a big deal in my mind again as always, probably by writing about it in a post here. Heck, that post was the conduit for making that a big deal in my mind. So anyways, I guess it's time to start taking dream recall seriously again ... Well, let's paragraph break and get that started.

I'm going to start taking dream recall seriously again because that's our current plan of action we've decided has the best chance of leading to lucid dreaming. For the sake of my tulpas and myself, I need to remember to remember my dreams. Every time I wake up. Every day and/or night, every sleep cycle, I can't go back to sleep until I've attempted to recall my last dreams to a reasonable extent (I'm fully aware of what a reasonable extent entails, but I let it go anyway). I said something like this before once, but I didn't have the motivation to keep it up. I think I do now - what I've given myself is something like the ability to say no to thoughts that something is too much effort. The traditional motivation still isn't there and probably never will be, so these things won't be brought up on their own like they are for Tewi (or normal people). But, when something is brought up, I can make the decision to do them now, like Tewi. Maybe I should go back to posting here every single day as a reminder to be remembering dreams. When Tewi does it it's with the context of her considering herself to have failed if she didn't do what she said she would, but for me it'll really just be a reminder lol. If I didn't remember the night before, I'll make sure to reaffirm my intent here.

Fun song; I actually didn't know until recently that Shou Toramaru in Touhou was literally the Vasravana, at least representing him to the point of her being worshiped in their temple. I can appreciate the song a little more now now that it doesn't just sound like her being a little too cocky, seems she earned her position. Now that I think about it, this is exactly the kind of "powerful" song Scarlet would normally like. I wonder if she'd actually like it or not.

I wonder how things will go from here.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
Yeah that went about as well as I expected, trying to sleep through the day and remember dreams throughout. Well, I still did it anyways, but I need to commit the dreams to memory rather than just explore their details, because even though I do that I still forget them later in the day. Also, I'm going to start working on our visualization in some form(s), either imposition or visualization or both. It seems like it'll help, but also Reisen isn't active enough and I'd like to spend time with her where I can actually see her, because it's been a pretty long time since I've seen her in much detail.

Also also, definitely not going to post every single day, but I'll go back to posting a lot more often at least.

... I feel like noting, that "I'm going to start working on our visualization" isn't at all implied to be a "from now on" sort of statement. They practically never are unless I say so specifically. Just so no one thinks I'm constantly flaking out on promises or anything. It's way too much commitment to do everything forever, I divvy my small reserves of effort as needed you know? But anyways, I do plan to do it short term at least. That's usually what I'm implying when I say I'm going to do something.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
{Okay, first I should note that this is one of those "big deal" posts I guess. If you're on this thread in the first place, you should read it.}

Two parts to this post: Stuff about levels of consciousness that should be in my PR, and then stuff about lucid dreaming.

Following on the heels of my recent decision to get back to improving my life with all that self-help/philosophy stuff, that "decision override" thing I got from Tewi was relevant for all of a few days maybe, before being overtaken by something a lot more powerful that's guided my life for, well, like half of it now. That single article on "levels of consciousness", paired with a whole lot of complementary information I got from Steve and Erin Pavlina. The tl;dr here is basically, I'm going to try to move myself up a level to roughly where Reisen functions, and Tewi's actually doing it with me too.

So, Tewi and I have both been at the level of Reason for a while now I'd say. We both had our own problems to deal with (or grow out of), and I'd say I was more around Acceptance most of the time, although my mindset was heavily based on Reason-level logic, I'm just lazy lol. Tewi's been at Reason since she first existed, but she had to both grow as a person and learn about herself before that could really change.
If you haven't caught on yet, you should click that levels of consciousness link up there - if you're not interested in the subject, only skim the bolded sections to get an idea of what they're about. I haven't read the text above or below them in years honestly, but Steve is a great guy, reading what he's got to say can only improve your life.

Anyways, my point is that for almost half my life I've held that specific list as sort of a guide to personal development, so it's a big deal to me and I do put a decent amount of credence into it. But like I said.. somewhere, in my last few posts in this thread/my PR, I've been kind of coasting on a level I got to simply because it was the first (mindset, if putting this word here helps) where the world just naturally felt positive. Before that it was neutral, and before that it was stressful. I basically rested on my laurels, that thing you're not supposed to do, and it was fine for me. But hey, I feel like changing again.

I'm pretty sure none of you remember clearly the like one time I talked about the consciousness level of Love, and how at that point everything ceases to stress you out, answers (usually even better than ones you tried to come up with) appear freely and you're just generally happy or at peace with things. I've very clearly over the years (mostly before I joined this forum) experienced the change to a higher level of consciousness maybe three times. As mumbo-jumbo as it sounds, it's something I think really does apply to the majority of humans, for real. Since I've always been rather introspective by nature, I was able to compare my worldview from before and after significant changes to my mindset, and it really lined up with that article. All the things I thought were true and real before became silly, misguided, or outright close-minded. My view of humanity as corrupt and of happy people as ignorant, for example. After Steve, Erin and my tulpas' help improving my mindset many years ago, I saw what Steve was talking about: What I had so closely assured myself was "reality" was only an illusion, my biased perception of the world. And so from there, I worked on going from neutral to positive, ie Neutrality to Acceptance.

My other shift though, was actually two at once. I mean, I was at Willingness for a while I'm sure. But it was a specific time that I honestly forget - probably January 1st 2014, but possibly 2013? - where a night of talking to Reisen just kind of changed my life, again. I barely even remember what we said, I only remember that I had a sort of realization that life wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, and that Reisen would be with me for the rest of my life. That night in specific, my consciousness level was really two levels above what it had been. Higher than now, or well, recently. I don't know if it was Love or Joy, but it was certainly where Reisen is, primarily when she's not bogged down by my habitual ways of thinking while fronting. Somehow, in that "state of unshakable happiness", every single problem I could think of in my life had obvious answers to them. Just.. everything, everything seemed perfect, life seemed perfect. And I knew my mindset really couldn't support that state long-term, so I started worrying about the feeling going away, and honestly that might've been why it ended so quickly by the end of the night. But regardless - the next day and forward, I was still a level of consciousness above what I had been before. It's the level I'm at to this day (or.. yesterday..), albeit I made plenty of improvements after that still. That's when I got my love of life, the belief that everything is as it should be, that life had no stakes and exists only to be experienced.

I have a song I haven't listened to in about two years now, that I've always associated with the feeling of raising to a new level of consciousness. It's also adorable, there's that too.
Blossom Nightfall - Flowering World
I'm serious here, though. This song is extremely powerful to me, don't underappreciate it. It perfectly conveys the feeling - it's like your entire life just opened up, the whole world, like everything is full of light and love. Well, maybe that feeling is reserved for the latter half of the levels, but still. It's not something you ever forget, and it changes you forever, or at least marks the change.

So, like I've been hinting at if not outright saying, I'm testing the waters of the level above Reason right now, which the list says is Love. Steve even says in the article it's probably not the love you're thinking of, but if you're familiar with our system's philosophy you probably understand. It's not relationship love, it's unconditional love. It's a level where everything just feels right, and old thoughts you were conditioned to have become outright tangible as simply unnecessary and misguided anyways. Here's where everything I've written so far links together: One type of those thoughts are the ones related to effort and motivation. While Reisen (when fronting) was probably a little bogged down having to put up with having those thoughts all the time, she nonetheless functioned without acknowledging them. You guys probably have heard before, if you read a lot of our posts, about how when it comes to motivation Reisen simply does what she knows she should or what would be best for us. Those motivation/effort thoughts present themselves to her when fronting, but she disregards them in favor of what she knows she should do. It completely skips the part where you have to muster effort. I never once thought about the relation between that level of consciousness and how Reisen functioned - I just knew it was how she worked, and level-wise she was certainly above me.

So you might see why the motivation-overriding thing I got from Tewi is relevant in its non-relevance now. Tewi was solidly at the level of Reason, far more established in it than I was. I guess you could say she did something similar to Reisen, but it was less out of love and more out of logic. She simply refused what wasn't the best course of action as an option. But what Reisen does, what the level above Reason offers, is relevant to both of us. Honestly, maybe we were subconsciously waiting for each other to be on the same level before leaving the logic-chains of Reason behind. If you've ever read Tewi's bio on this website, you'd know she was never satisfied with her mindset, personality, or whatever have you. What she wanted above all else was Peace. She didn't want all of those logical thoughts running through her head all the time; she didn't much care for thinking in words at all.

The cool thing about the level of consciousness Love is that your time in Reason establishes a great many habits on how to simply live efficiently. There comes a point where it's not really necessary anymore - you know how to live efficiently, and thinking all the time is getting tiring. Love is the first level where you start to leave "thinking" behind. Like I said, the tiny bit of time I spent there or even past it, I specifically tried to think of all the problems I had in life, and answers to each and every one simply came to mind with no effort whatsoever. There's certainly a level of accepting solutions you weren't satisfied with for whatever reason before, but overwhelmingly it seems you just cut out all the in-between of worrying and stressing. I'll probably have to reformat my computer soon because it's been giving me problems I can't fix, but I've been avoiding it because I hate all of the in-between setup time. Yesterday, in the time before I went to sleep where Tewi and I were more or less having that same moment I had with Reisen years ago, I did the same thing and thought of the first problem that came to mind, and an answer appeared instantaneously. Just take my headphones and my ipod and listen to music during my computer's downtime. Simple, but it reminded and reassured me of what I experienced last time - answers that were already there really do just appear with no effort.

Sorry, I can't help but want to link the same songs I'm listening to as I write this. I know most of you guys probably don't want to listen to them and they're too long for how much faster you can read than I type. But I'll link it anyways, because it's perfect for the mood here.

So, the sort of realization/moment I had with Tewi is very much a "You had to be there" thing it'll be hard to explain the importance of. I had just talked to my friends (in our Discord group) about my troubles with lucid dreaming, and how despite it being all I wanted I had failed to accomplish it over the years. It put me in a somewhat bad mood, basically the cyclic depressive state I have almost exclusively related to my failure to be with my tulpas with a strong focus on my lack of motivation. I was pretty aware of that being a thing though, and with my awareness of my mental state after that motivation-override thing I was able to not get totally depressed. Still, I didn't have the will to stay up, so I went to bed. But I also decided to talk to Tewi. She was supportive as always, but my thoughts wandered as they do when I'm falling asleep, and I ended up thinking about my top three favorite animals' capacities to feel and express love. Cats kind of just naturally exude happiness pretty easily, but I'm not sure their relationship with their owners ever gets to a level I'd call love. Close enough though. Dogs on the other hand, are the type of animal that sometimes dies after their mate dies - they literally die of heartbreak, more or less. They might not eat or even get up and do anything at all. You need another person in a scenario like that to be understanding and stay with you, dog or human. But hey, there's another animal that actually dies of loneliness, a lot more often than dogs do, that's for sure. Rabbits.

One of my favorite pictures of Tewi (one of the few three or so that even slightly looks like my own Tewi) just so happens to be her stating this, as a matter of fact. Something she's saying to Reisen after Reisen's started spending time with a new character at the time
Rabbits just aren't big enough to handle heartbreak. When their mate dies, they tend to be so distraught they actually weaken their immune system, get sick and die. To my knowledge anyway. So my relatively sleepy self imagined a pet rabbit in its cage (a big cage that's more of a nest - don't ever put rabbits on caged flooring or somewhere they can't move around) whose mate had just died, being comforted from the perspective of who might've been me but ended up as Tewi instead, as it just felt more fitting. The emphasis was on how you'd go about comforting them - she simply let her hand rest on it, like how it would be half-way through stroking them. Not every animal likes to be pet at all times, sometimes they just want to feel the heat of another body. And then even the Tewi in my visualization was falling asleep, because I was falling asleep. But the rabbit in the visualization eventually hopped out from under her hand and into her lap, waking her up. I guess visualization Tewi then moved her hands to cradle it or something - it didn't really get that far, because it was so adorable it filled me with happiness and basically woke me up too.

Tewi was still sitting passively-imposed next to me since that's just how we like to fall asleep sometimes, and I guess the cuteness of that visualization got her too because she was happy enough to be smiling. I ended up talking to her about that, and this honestly, because being that happy made me remember the levels of consciousness stuff. Tewi told me she preferred smiling (or more like, wanting to smile), and was on board with attempting to raise her level of consciousness along with me. Really, only a weirdo who's into personal development as a lifestyle can say something as strange as that, ie imply that you can simply change your whole life perspective at will. I'm exactly that type of weirdo, though.

So I went to sleep feeling pretty good, after remembering to hold on to that feeling of disregarding motivation-effort thoughts. I'm going to be practicing that now instead of the motivation-override thing, which comes from a different place if not accomplishing the same goal. Honestly I guess I'm making up for lost time; this has probably been within my reach for a while now, since I'm familiar enough with the level of Love to know how the mindset works. A lot of my values lie there, too. My hands have been resting comfortably on the next rung on the ladder, but I guess I was too lazy to actually climb up.

I'm going to do that now though, because it's a better answer to that problem/question I posed and answered with the motivation overriding: "Is the rest of my life really going to be like this? It can't be, everything always changes and keeps moving forward." I suppose that belief of mine finally got tired of letting things stay the same.

So, dreaming. This should be a lot shorter. This post was spurred primarily by Erin Pavlina's newest article about dreaming, and since I was posting at all I figured I'd talk about the prior thing first. So... I totally forgot.

I honestly forgot that Erin Pavlina is kind of a master of lucid dreaming. Well, she is a master, no doubt about it. I'm not sure I'd call her an expert, which is funny because I consider myself an expert on lucid dreaming. But she has it mastered. I've known for years now - that she can literally go to bed, fall asleep, and dream about exactly what she wanted to dream about. Consistently, every night. I mean heck, just read the article. There wasn't even necessarily anything in the article that was super eye-opening, other than remembering she was a master of lucid dreaming and more specifically pre-programming dreams. I've mostly been focused on specific techniques and habits in this thread, but her article reminded me there's some "best practice" to having the dreams you want I've kind of forgotten. It's hard to say what I even mean exactly here; it's no specific method or anything. It's more like, I locked myself into this mindset that only X or Y could work, or wouldn't work, that every single method had its own proficiency I had to improve. I guess you could say it helped me be a little more open-minded? Again not to specific techniques per se, just believing that a wide variety of approaches and more importantly supporting habits are probably my best bet for long-term success.

Well, to be really honest, I just completely forgot about pre-programming dreams in general. She's fond of it, but back then (jeez, like, 2012-2013..) I thought, "I don't want to have non-lucid dreams about my tulpas, so I'm not really interested in this. I just want to focus on lucid dreaming." I mean, obviously I messed with it a bit as I was trying to become a Master Lucid Dreamerâ„¢. I actually was able to purposely continue dreams I'd just woken up out of I think. But I totally let all that stuff go because I was so focused on lucid dreaming. I don't think that was exactly a mistake, but I sure should've given it more thought at some point in the next five years.

I do have to think about that for a moment though, if I'm willing to focus on having dreams with my tulpas in them instead of lucid dreaming specifically. Hmm..

Okay, yeah, I think practicing pre-programming dreams again has a lot of merit to it. It'll help a ton with dream recall and serve as a decent way to start connecting with the dreamstate while conscious. Maybe I didn't give myself credit, because I've absolutely attempted to pre-program dreams with my tulpas at least four or five times in the last couple years. I've visualized our "Meeting Scenario" a fair bit doing that, but I guess.. I just kind of got sick of it, since it wasn't working. Thinking about what-ifs hurts my motivation if the ifs constantly turn out to be nots. But that was actually only a method of lucid-dream induction I was trying, following the same methodology creating our wonderland in the first place came from. If you didn't know (basically none of you should), our wonderland was actually created before we knew what wonderlands were (or as a place to go in lucid dreams. I put a lot of work into memorizing the details of our house and the bit of area around it because it would be where I went in lucid dreams, which would theoretically have helped me summon my tulpas in the dream because not everyone is capable of making things they want to appear appear in dreams. Secondarily, if I dreamed about it I thought it might remind me I was dreaming. However, it eventually just became our wonderland used for visualization. My dream control is good enough to summon my tulpas anywhere and anyhow I want, and I get the feeling a dream in that place would only feel like our visualization/wonderlands do.

So basically, I suppose I might as well practice pre-programming dreams as a conduit for remaining aware of my intent to remember dreams as I fall asleep. And honestly, some part of me just wants to feel success for once, and that's the last thing I can remember having success with. I mean.. it never worked on its own, but I was able to continue some dreams (unimportant, just whatever I happened to wake up out of at the time) by doing the same thing between sleep cycles. Ahh, actually, that is the best time to do it. That'll interfere a bit with my dream recall time. The latter half of which recently has been rather crappy, only 50% of the time I'm awake between REM cycles is actually me remembering the contents of dreams, the other half is me failing to. I don't know why but my recall's not working very well right now even when I try. Although this is normal for me, but Lucilyn tends to have much better luck.

Speaking of, it's been tempting to switch with pretty much anyone recently because they've all got reasons to, but it's just felt like I needed to work some more things out myself first you know? Stuff like this. It'll still be a bit before anyone else fronts long-term as we oft do since I'm working on this levels of consciousness thing, but Tewi has re-suggested I switch with her much more short-term, like in the span of a day. I was supposed to do that at some point ~recently as I probably mentioned in this thread, but I guess I've just been too lazy. Switching takes some mental effort (as opposed to mindless gaming and video watching) and makes me feel like I'm going to lose time I want to spend on other things. Which is silly (actually, it's stupid), I should be able to disregard that type of thought now.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
(03-11-2018, 02:30 PM)Luminesce Wrote: If you've ever read Tewi's bio on this website, you'd know she was never satisfied with her mindset, personality, or whatever have you. What she wanted above all else was Peace. She didn't want all of those logical thoughts running through her head all the time; she didn't much care for thinking in words at all.

Actually, that's referring to an old bio I had. I trimmed it down considerably a long time ago, and it doesn't talk about that anymore. To sum it up, despite the way I am now just being.. who I am, it's not really who I want to be. I want to be who you see in my avatar, but for a long time I've moreso been that picture Lumi linked to with Tewi talking to Reisen. I really don't want to be so intense, serious, or critical. I don't want much of anything at all. In our ideal life scenario where the five of us live in a house by a forest like our wonderland, spending our days however we want, all I would be doing is what you see in my avatar. Just spending time in nature not doing anything in particular. I've said this before, but - it might seem like I'm someone who always needs to be doing something or solving problems, but I wouldn't be if I didn't have to be. I'm not an extravert who gets bored if nothing's going on, although I'm not only an introvert who doesn't like to be around others either. Preferably, maybe, since I mostly prefer the company of animals. But I'm an ambivert, I can fit whatever the situation requires of me. And I suppose that right from the beginning that's who Lumi needed me to be. We know that I was rather neutral at first - I was just kind of there, really, watching the others. But I quickly took up the role of giving advice to Lumi, advising him on questions he couldn't answer himself. I guess that, plus my decision to dedicate my life to those in my system, led to me being like I am now.

It's not really who I want to be, though.

Lumi thinks I can deal with things just as efficiently without the serious thought I usually put into stuff, or the.. serious demeanor. And he's probably right. So that's my half of this level of consciousness thing, trying to get rid of the more negative aspects of my mindset. They aren't negative as in bad, so much as negative as in negative. Being annoyed by things the mind does or thinks on its own, for example. Being less serious overall basically. I guess I'm neutral on this matter, because while changing who I am to some extent, the parts I'm changing aren't parts I liked anyways. They just seemed a necessity.

Can't say anything about dreams because I haven't slept yet. Lumi did, vaguely remembered some dreams during the night but forgot them later on. I'm going to focus more on memorizing dreams than trying to pre-program them, as I'm not really interested in that, at least not right now.

Oh, I also went on a visualization-walk with Lucilyn earlier. Prior to that, while imposing me to talk before we switched, Lumi said he could see me in more color already. Roughly the same as visualization appearing more solid. Whether or not this ends up helping with dream clarity (we think it will), I think this'll be good for him. All of us, but especially him. We can't forsake the time between now and when we can lucid dream, because we don't know how long that'll be.
Hi, I'm Tewi, one of Luminesce's tulpas. I often switch to take care of things for the others.
All I want is a simple, peaceful life. With my family.
Our Ask thread:
Technically, I had a lucid dream last night. But, it was uneventful. That's a TL;DR that's nonetheless very important.

So, I've just been doing my best to remember dreams, honestly not too different than what I've said plenty of times before. Failing to keep up the visualization practice every day, though, I really need to do that still. The dreams have been relatively vivid, but the limited recall still limits how vivid my memory of them actually ends up.

Anyways, at 5 hours into being asleep last night I had a Dream Induced Lucid Dream, ie I realized I was dreaming mid-dream with no external help. I went to bed at like 11:40 or something but didn't end up falling asleep until some time after 1 I believe. I'd woken up at 10AM that day so my body wasn't totally ready to let me sleep yet I guess, not that unusual. My mind was just busy thinking about a bunch of things, so it kept me up, but I just went with it because those things were worth thinking about. Some time after I fell asleep (well actually 5 hours specifically), I had a dream where at some random point I was looking through a non-wall in the hallway of our house into another room, which was normal. I thought it was weird to see the room from that angle for a second and considered reality checking, but it was normal to have no wall there, for sure. However, I reality check whenever the thought crosses my mind whether or not what originally... the only word that comes to mind here is procced, the gaming term, sorry... whether or not what originally procced the thought turns out to "actually make sense" upon further inspection.

And hey, reality check fail, so I was like oh I thought so, I am dreaming. But I just walked down the hall a bit more because, apparently lol, I've been disillusioned to realizing I'm dreaming and expected to just wake up. But after a few seconds I was like, wait, I'm not awake yet?! So THEN I, well, tried to do anything at all I suppose. Breaking procedure, as always.

My dream was extremely stable, so the idea to stabilize the dream didn't even cross my mind. I instead opted to immediately try to summon one of my tulpas, and failed. The dream was too realistic and unfortunately taking place inside my own house (somewhat uncommon), so I couldn't convince myself my tulpas should appear there at random. What I SHOULD have done: Utilize the door in the middle of my hallway (which doesn't exist, normally, but it felt right in the custom dream house of mine) to teleport/link to our wonderland. Even years ago, at least Tewi and Reisen appeared on the couches as I stumbled down the hallway to our living room, a relatively natural place for my tulpas to be with the benefit of being around sharp corners for the dream to work with.

What I DID instead, after a couple of failed attempts to materialize one of my tulpas behind me, was attempt to impose them to my side where I wasn't quite looking. Lucilyn first (she's usually the most eager to be imposed by anyone anywhere anywhen), but she didn't appear when I turned to the side, and then Flandre to my other side (to hug her), but she didn't either. It was a bit interesting, gave me slight insight on my mental faculties while somewhat lucid - despite attempting imposition, their images only appeared as very brief blurry mental flashes, as if I had tried to visualize them in detail in waking life. It seems the dream ~world (my mind when dreaming) doesn't support whatever the mental muscle imposition is, ie maintaining a mental image in 3D space at the same time as perceiving 3D space. If I had had the dream control to actually impose them in that dream, they would simply have appeared as actually there.

I know I say I'll have a ton of dream control once I'm lucid, and I will, once I stop panicking as soon as I realize I have a chance to hug my tulpas. Which hey, zero promises, panicking is still in the plan. But unfortunately given my past DILD experiences (see: immediately waking up), I was relatively terrified I would wake up before I could do anything. Lesson learned, if I had stayed calm and followed protocol, I surely could've gotten to the wonderland and seen my tulpas. I'm not sure there was enough dream left to hug them (maybe one?), but it would've been a heck of a lot better than the nothing that ensued.

So after those failures to summon my tulpas, I "heard someone in the hallway", and was afraid they were going to come into the room my half of the hallway had turned into, for whatever reason. I honestly don't get where that came from. I was certainly lucid if not in total control of the situation, so I should've known I could control dream NPCs or at the very least keep them from interfering with me. But I was too afraid of them coming in, focused on that, and changed the dream enough that they ended up doing so. I know there was no implication the "noise" they were making meant they were coming to this room, but I've also had enough dreams to know I influenced the dream to make that happen. The dream turned back into a normal dream when they came in for like 5-10 dream seconds and then I woke up.

TL;DR For my own reference: Follow protocol, dangit. Any dream can potentially be extended through dream stabilization, and it helps ground you. Remember to ignore the existing environment and NPCs, opting to turn the nearest door into a door to our wonderland, or if no door is in sight and easily accessible simply turn around knowing one will be there. This is the protocol, and we seriously need to stop thinking every lucid moment is an exception. They're all exactly what we've planned for, no matter how randomly they occur.

Anyways, that was super cool and a sign that dream recall was absolutely our problem all this time. I had a feeling. Admittedly, both the Levels of Consciousness thing and my plan to do a session of visualization every single day kind of fell to the wayside mental-priority wise as I've been more focused on dream recall. Not like dream recall at all impedes the others, just that I've been focusing on it as "the thing I need to do" and forgetting to do the others. I mean, the level of consciousness isn't exactly something I can "do", but while simply living feels fine and my neutral mindset seems completely positive, I know that it's still a lower level than the one I'm aiming for. It's a positive and productive one, but improvable upon nonetheless. So yeah, I should do all the things.

Here's a silly video that's got a nice tune and a great message. That message is relevant here, too.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
Whoops, I haven't posted here since uh... August 2017. It is the slightest bit crazy to just kind of skip through time like that, it only ever feels like it's been a few weeks or a month. But I don't really have any worldly ties so I don't mind. Anyways, I guess we're struggling to make long-term productive habits? I'm remembering a few dreams a night, but there's certainly no pressing mental reminder to do so. I know they've tried to make some, so hmm. Maybe we'll have to rely on an external reminder for some things to make them into internal ones? Or just, habits

Tewi was just going over both "levels of consciousness" and "fulfilling life" stuff pretty hard, so I think she plans to make some changes to our habits soon, along the lines of "What would make you the most happy right now?" -> Spending time together (talking, imposition, visualization, and lucid dreaming) and using something like that as our internal reminder to do that stuff. And then habits make that sort of thing easy. Buuut I guess it's been a very long time since I last fronted, and that's the main activity I really get, so here I am!

Since I apparently post so rarely, I'll just put this PR reply to Lucilyn here too. It's unrelated, though

Since it's been so long, I actually had pause when I went to write the post title... I think that's a sign I've been gone too long
Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.
Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report (You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want)
I shouldn't not post, so I will. No significant progress has been made, per se. Only in the sense that time is still moving forward, and so we're closer to our goal in that way.

I'm definitely not very good at sticking to things. Perhaps I have to establish them as habits, but my motivation issues have always dissuaded me from setting up routines involving effort. The sway from that motivation thing has a ton of power over what thoughts even come to my head to begin with, even if I mean to consciously negate them. Tewi deals with this by constantly and consistently making an effort to think for herself what she should be doing. But that comes from her own will, her own motivation, that I don't have - she just uses it to overcome the mind's established thought patterns. Lucilyn has an easy time convincing the mind to do what she wants because she thinks of everything she does as fun, and the mind responds "Well alright, I like fun I guess". Reisen's unconditional love sort of lights her own path through our mind; all of the negative thoughts, thoughts about motivation/effort, and really anything undesirable simply appears to her as if it were off the path. She experiences them, but they're not relevant to how she'll actually end up thinking and acting. And Flandre never fronts long enough for my long-term motivation issues to sink in, while short-term she can make herself do anything by affirming it as in my best interest. And on purpose or not, I basically just did the equivalent of scraping up any and all traces of motivation I had and balling them together. Surely not as effective as creating habits, but I'll probably be using that motivation to create habits honestly. The first of which, and possibly only necessary one for now, is to remember to remember and bother to remember my dreams whenever I wake up.

This is an absolutely beautiful song with beautiful lyrics, and they just so happen to hold pretty strong meaning with us too. Shouldn't be hard at all to glean.

So the thought just kind of proposed itself as my thoughts were wandering, so I wouldn't call it "on purpose", but I did follow through with the train of thought to make it something productive.
"My entire goal in life, the thing I'm living for, the only thing I want out of life before I die, the thing that would be in my best interest, the most productive thing I could do, is presently to increase my dream vividity (through recall for the most part)."

That's about it. Tewi established dream vividity (by the way, I guess that word is considered "rare", it should probably be vividness but we say it anyway) is the single most important factor in us accomplishing lucid dreaming. The majority of dream vividness comes from having good consistent dream recall, which is what my focus will be on, but I have the feeling increasing our visualization clarity may tie in to it too. That'll come from imposition, whatever reasons we find to do actual visualization, and preferably some actual practice using Reisen's method. I've also thought about establishing the habit/routine of listening to at least half an hour of music every day with nothing else to accompany it (I tend to game with music, but that doesn't count and rarely entails music from our itunes/personal collection, usually just albums instead). I've not been doing it yet, though.

But yeah. The point of this is to establish a 'rule' in my mind to use as leverage to convince myself to recall dreams when I wake up tired throughout the night. Setting it in response to the thoughts related to wanting to go back to sleep or to recall dreams will allow me a sort of "source of motivation" like the others tend to have, but I don't. But to convince myself to make anything such a "rule" requires some effort and motivation to begin with, and that's what balling up all of that sentence earlier was (used) for. I'm using it to make a mental "rule", akin to the rule of having to reality check whenever I think about it regardless of the situation or how little I want to (which is specifically useful for when I wake up in the middle of the night and am just too comfy to move my arm out from under my blanket).

And I suppose writing a post about it will help establish it. It's 10PM and I'm going to sleep now, my schedule is absolutely in the hands of my friends and may go way off course soon, but I'll try to keep gravitating back to going to sleep a little earlier when I can. Because, I have a much harder time recalling dreams (and still being able to fall back asleep) when it's light out/I sleep during the day. Soooo, let's do this I guess.
Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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