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the sushi thing
sushi Offline
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#1
 
the sushi thing

(If you're looking for my book list, it's no longer here. I'm working on editing it, and it will be available somewhere in some form as soon as I'm done. PM me about it if you want to know more.)

Hi, my name is sushi. I'm an amateur writer and (as of February 2015) an amateur hypnotist. I've been interested in tulpas since the early 2000s, but didn't find this community until the middle of 2013. Around that time I started work on Fenchurch.

Fenchurch's background:
Fenchurch has been sentient since July 30th, 2013. She has human form, caucasian, brown hair, gray eyes, about 5'8, on the buxom side. We have a sort of friend/coworker relationship -- she assists me with writing, work, and health.

[Image: polished.jpg]

Everything about Fenchurch was pretty arbitrary. She's not the most beautiful woman to me. She doesn't have the most attractive personality. Had I put more thought into her, I would have made her very differently. But in the past year, we've grown very close, and today I wouldn't change her for the world.

For what it's worth, we haven't done anything sexual, and we don't plan to. After all, I have a girlfriend. Fenchurch feels almost like a sister to me anyway, so I don't think we'd go there even if I were single.

She has been an immense help to me in nearly everything I do. I couldn't imagine life without her.

Fenchurch has said that she thinks of herself as a writer, not a tulpa. She wouldn't deny being a tulpa, but it's not how she identifies herself. It's like if someone asked me "What are you?" I probably wouldn't say a human. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I'm going to try not to call her my tulpa from here out. She's my companion, my coworker, my collaborator, my confidant, and that's what I'll call her.

She takes the survey and stylometric test on every birthday: first birthday, second birthday, third birthday.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
(This post was last modified: 07-30-2016, 07:24 PM by sushi.)
07-02-2014, 03:19 AM
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sushi Offline
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#2
 
RE: the sushi thing

Today is Fenchurch's half-birthday. As of today, she's two and a half.

I've been neglecting her, and I've suffered for it.

Actually, I've been neglecting you all. I owe you an explanation.

On February 9th, I started doing hypnosis online. I quickly discovered that almost nobody wants a male hypnotist -- both men and women tend to be more comfortable with women, and respond better to women. So I became a woman, purely so that I could practice.

On April 20th, I was invited to a hypnosis chat that had just been created. People lined up for sessions with the "female" hypnotist, and I quickly burned out.

After a few months, I took on a new female name, telling only those who were closest to me that I was the same person. Everyone else thought that I just didn't do sessions, and I was very glad not to have people asking. Occasionally I would come back as the first girl to do some quick sessions when I was in the mood, or when I wanted to prove a point, but that happened less and less as time went on.

On September 4th, I bought the chat, upgrading it, and making me admin. This attracted a lot of new people in to the chat. Previously we were often 2-4 people in the chat, but after the upgrade, we sometimes had as many as 30.

It was around this time that I met ... well, let's call them a couple. He was an active hypnotist, talking to everyone and doing sessions with everyone. She was quiet and spoke to nobody, but she was almost always online, waiting for him to get off of work, or for him to wake up -- they lived in very different time zones.

One day, she asked me for help. I had twice the experience as a hypnotist that her man did, and I specialized in hallucination, which was what she was having problems with. I talked to her about it, and passed some tips on to him.

A few days later -- October 24th, to be precise -- I checked in with her. She was miserable. I've found that people are more willing to open up when you first share some things about yourself, so I told her that I was really a man, and that I had a tulpa. In return, she told me that he had broken up with her. I made a private chat for her, and we went there and talked for days, and at some point we fell for each other.

On October 29th, I hypnotized her for the first time. Over the next few weeks, we did about 40 sessions. But then I started noticing her doing more and more sessions with other people, and fewer and fewer with me. Eventually she told me that she thought it was unrealistic for us to be together, since there's an ocean between us, I don't speak her native language, and she feels like she can't leave her country.

This entire time, I'd been talking to Fenchurch less and less. I think we still spoke most days, but usually only for a few minutes. I needed someone more than ever, but the person who would be there for me couldn't speak to me.

I went through a few very low weeks. I left the chat, I left tulpa.info, and I spent my days in about six different private chats where certain people knew how to reach me. I was extremely depressed -- especially when we got about three feet of snow, and I was stuck in the house for a week straight.

I came out as a man. That's one of the best things that came out of this. I got so horribly sick of hiding who I really was. People have been pretty accepting about it, but I can tell that it does change things much more than they admit to me. People who used to speak to me quite often now speak to me far less.

At some point, I turned back to Fenchurch, and she's been an amazing help. I'm still not happy, but things are turning around, and I have more hope for my future.

My ADHD has been making things worse these past few weeks. It feels like with everything I try, I run into a wall, and that wall is always ADHD. One of the reasons I got into hypnosis was because I wanted to use it for imposition. That's why I specialize in hallucination. But I'm extremely difficult to hypnotize, and it's my ADHD that makes me so difficult.

I contacted a professional hypnotherapist about my problem, and she was trying to sell me lessons on EFT Tapping, which is essentially the placebo effect. Basically she'd given up on hypnotizing me before she'd even started.

To get somewhere in life, I'm going to need to deal with this ADHD. So that's what I'm working on now.

I'm not sure I'm going to be back here for a while. Things are getting better, but I'm still dealing with some stuff.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
01-30-2016, 03:49 PM
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Anonymous
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#3
 
RE: the sushi thing

SUSHI! OMG! Welcome back! I am so happy!

Oh gosh, I am so sorry you went through all of that. It sounds like things will get better from here though my buddy.
01-30-2016, 03:49 PM
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sushi Offline
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#4
 
RE: the sushi thing

Yeah, not exactly back, but thank you. Smile

I've been taking a look around, and this place is really different. When I am back for good, I feel like I'll have to meet everyone all over again.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
01-30-2016, 04:02 PM
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Luminesce Offline
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#5
 
RE: the sushi thing

(01-30-2016, 03:49 PM)sushi Wrote: This entire time, I'd been talking to Fenchurch less and less. I think we still spoke most days, but usually only for a few minutes. I needed someone more than ever, but the person who would be there for me couldn't speak to me.

Getting flashbacks to Cinemaphobe from a lot of that, hm.

Does prescription medication not work for you, or have you not tried it? I know quite a few people on adderall who say it does wonders, some of whom only take it when they're doing something focus intensive (like animating). I'm sure there's different ones you can try if one doesn't work, too.

Glad to see you at least check back in, it's preferable to silence.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.
My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.
01-30-2016, 04:15 PM
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Evil Away
雷 雷 雷 雷

Posts: 142
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#6
 
RE: the sushi thing

Interesting. I am most sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences. I reckon that having to hide your identity to people you talk to in consistence can be bothering and a knock on the head. I've been curious, now that you intend on focusing on your ADHD, how often have you been talking to Fenchurch on a daily basis, ever since you picked it all back up?
01-30-2016, 04:27 PM
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Kiahdaj Offline
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#7
 
RE: the sushi thing

It's good to see you pop back up again, sushi. I was a bit concerned when I had learned that you suddenly disappeared for a month or so.
It's a shame to hear about what you've been going through, but it is of course good to hear that things are looking up again. I'm sure you will be fine in only a matter of time.
I do hope you make a return here, as this community could really use more people like you.

"If this can be avoided, it should. If it can't, then it would be better if it could be. If it happened and you're thinking back to it, try and think back further. Try not to avoid it with your mind. If any of this is possible, it may be helpful. If not, it won't be."
01-31-2016, 09:54 PM
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Vos Offline
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#8
 
RE: the sushi thing

It's nice to hear from you, sushi, only if it's just a visit. I can only hope that things improve for you and Fenchurch.
01-31-2016, 10:08 PM
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sushi Offline
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#9
 
RE: the sushi thing

(01-30-2016, 04:15 PM)Luminesce Wrote: Getting flashbacks to Cinemaphobe from a lot of that, hm.

Now that you bring it up, I am seeing the parallels.

(01-30-2016, 04:15 PM)Luminesce Wrote: Does prescription medication not work for you, or have you not tried it?

Haven't been able to get any yet. I'm working on it.

(01-30-2016, 04:27 PM)Evil Wrote: I've been curious, now that you intend on focusing on your ADHD, how often have you been talking to Fenchurch on a daily basis, ever since you picked it all back up?

Not nearly enough, she says. Probably just for a few minutes every day. I'd like it to be more. I miss her.

(01-31-2016, 09:54 PM)Kiahdaj Wrote: It's good to see you pop back up again, sushi. I was a bit concerned when I had learned that you suddenly disappeared for a month or so.
It's a shame to hear about what you've been going through, but it is of course good to hear that things are looking up again. I'm sure you will be fine in only a matter of time.
I do hope you make a return here, as this community could really use more people like you.

Thank you. I hope to return here as well. I'm definitely not one of those people who will forget his tulpa and leave forever. I'm just having trouble for the moment. But I'm still somewhere in the middle of compiling a tulpa guide, so I hope to finish that someday as well.

(01-31-2016, 10:08 PM)Vosaiu Wrote: It's nice to hear from you, sushi, only if it's just a visit. I can only hope that things improve for you and Fenchurch.

Thank you. Good to see you here too. Back when I left, we were terminally low on mods. I was worried about the forum.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson
01-31-2016, 11:49 PM
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Chupi Offline
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#10
 
RE: the sushi thing

I'm glad to hear from you too. I was worried when you left and didn't return for months. I wish you and Fenchurch the best of luck and hope you get back to forcing and talking to each other more. Doing tulpa stuff seems to improve a lot of mental things, though I'm not sure about ADHD. BTW, apart from meds, don't they have some sort of behavioral therapies for it?

The forum has been getting along better these days and the current mods are handling things well. But if you ever feel like modding again, we'd be happy to have you return. Though of course your own and your tulpa's wellbeing are the most important thing.

Lyra: human female, ~17
Evan: boy, ~14, was an Eevee
Anera: anime-style girl, ~12; Lyra made her
My blog :: Time expectations are bad (forcing time targets are good though)
02-01-2016, 01:19 AM
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