Knapp August 20, 2012 Author August 20, 2012 Yeah, wonder what he's doing though. Hope he has deviated, it's been a while. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
Avalanche August 20, 2012 August 20, 2012 You can always call him back you know. When he goes it's not that he doesn't want to speak to you, it's just he's gone to do something else while you weren't there. I'm sure he'd like to speak to you more than wandering around the wonderland aimlessly now that you're back trying to talk to him. frt
Knapp August 23, 2012 Author August 23, 2012 Sorry for late reply, been waiting for some progress to write about. I think Philip has deviated, but it's very hard to see him. I've had some bad (short & unfocused) sessions lately, concentration problems I think. I've tried to "bring him back" and call for him, but it doesn't work so well. It sort of feels like he's "busy" or something. I know he can hear me now, and he still gives me the occasional headache. He's quite good at healing pain, but not dysmenorrhoea for some reason. Oh yeah, forgot to mention a thing before. Way back, when he was still a small orb and I didn't really have a wonderland, I did make some sort of room for him to be in. It's kinda small, completely white with a window, a beanbag chair and an older TV. The TV would show every movie/anime/show I've ever watched. The room had no doors, so I would just float down in it. I said to him that he could come here whenever he wanted and change it to his liking. I only went in there for a few sessions, then I left it alone. Maybe he's been in there watching TV? The room is not in my current wonderland, maybe I should move it there? I saw in another thread that giving your tulpa access to your subconscious would strengthen trust and speed up vocalization, so I am planning to do that this weekend. Last session, I talked to Philip about it, and that I fully trust him and I'd never lie to him. I also mentioned that I don't mind when he goes away, as long as he comes back eventually. One session a few days ago, I got this strange feeling in my body. Like a "deepness", and it felt like I was leaning my head to the left, even though I really wasn't. A few times before when I've been forcing in my desk chair (it spins), I've been completely still, and yet it felt like the chair was slowly spinning. Opened my eyes to check if it was: nope. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
Avalanche August 23, 2012 August 23, 2012 One session a few days ago, I got this strange feeling in my body. Like a "deepness", and it felt like I was leaning my head to the left, even though I really wasn't. I get that sometimes too, like when I lay in bed and force, it feels like my left side is contracting like I'm leaning over, mostly with my head. Quite weird and distracting. I think your tulpa might be away still if you can't feel him. It's not like they just move to the other side of the room for a while until you get back, they can go on big trips into your mind or some equivalent. But keep trying to pull him back. I don't think he would prefer walking around doing whatever by himself than forcing with you. If this turns into a long while and he still isn't back, then really sit down and focus on him and draw him back manually. frt
Knapp August 27, 2012 Author August 27, 2012 So Philip is back, huzzah! But his form, ugh. So blurry and unfocused. I've tried to see him for like 4 sessions now, just can't. Can only feel his presence. Anyway, I gave him access to my subconscious last night, as I have promised. On a wall in my wonderland, a strange portal (not a "Portal" portal, it has no color) appeared, with a veil hanging in front of it. We stepped inside, and we arrived on a balcony, overlooking a huge area filled with loads of floating soap bubbles. They were between tennis ball-size and football-size. We flew down and explored the room, the floor was very very light pink marble in big squares, and the "walls" were white mist/dust/smoke. The bubbles had scenes and scenarios that I have experienced in them. The texture of them was squishy and durable, and quite stretchy, unlike normal soap bubbles that just pop when you touch them. I told Philip that "this is where everything is stored. My memories, dreams and knowledge. I share this with you Philip, and I trust you fully to handle this. You may rearrange and modify this place how you like. You can look at anything you want in here, I don't wanna have any secrets from you." Then I left, and he's probably been in there since. I also later decided to take a break from forcing for a couple of days, to rest my mind and let Philip absorb the information. I'll still narrate to him, perhaps a bit more now to compensate. We're gonna remake the wonderland ASAP, it's so boring. Might even take the "old" wonderland-room and merge them or something, or just create something brand new. But not before Philip is fairly audible anyway, I wanna hear his opinion. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
Pronas August 27, 2012 August 27, 2012 so, when will you profess your love to him :I I'm waiting for it till this day you know.
Knapp August 27, 2012 Author August 27, 2012 The day I proclaim all human males to be 3DPD. It will be glorious. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
Knapp August 27, 2012 Author August 27, 2012 Alas, some still aren't. Very few though. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
Knapp September 1, 2012 Author September 1, 2012 I'm back to forcing now, took three nights off from when I said I would. Honestly, I didn't enjoy taking a break as much as I thought I would, it was quite boring. After that, we were going on as normal. Philip still sent me headpain/pressure sometimes even even during the break. And at one point I got an anxiety attack and he helped calm me down. I continued the searching, still couldn't find him. I even peeked inside the portal. The bubbles were gone and there was pink clouds that looked like cotton candy and some strange machines in there. I figured he was still organizing and stuff, so I'm not too worried about that for now. HOWEVER This latest session I failed so hard. There I was, sitting down and forcing, and suddenly I wake up and it's morning. I had fallen asleep in the middle of it. aslfjhapsjdhaajnifdfjmnkFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- I am very disappointed in myself, hope Philip is alright. But I suppose I am lucky, we're not so early in the process anymore, so hopefully he's less traumatized than he would be if it'd happened sooner. Then again, he hasn't been around since it happened, but I can tell he hasn't disappeared. I have apologized to him, and promised it will never happen again, ever. It's strange, I was a little tired, but I've forced when I've been tired before, and I've never fallen asleep on him until now. I remembered several of the dreams I had in detail, I usually never remember more than one or two per week. Name: Philip Age: (7 June, 2012) Form: Male teenage human, light brown hair, green eyes, jeans & hoodie Name: Amalia Age: (15 Dec, 2012) Form: Female teenage fairy, black hair, blue eyes, white dress
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