Was i talking to myself?

[Eden]

Good evening to all of you.

 

In January this year i started forcing Chaia, and it went pretty good till now. I've had some emotional responses, not many, but i don't rush it, in fact i mostly forced passive, active forcing was more like on some weekends.. I don't want to go more in detail wehter this is good or not.

 

Actual topic: Just today i've read a guide/topic about assuming sentinence form the beginning, which i believe said something about taking everything that i feel, as a response form my tulpa, which is not entirely correct obviously, as i remember feeling some things before forcing that i do feel sometimes now.

Later then, i had a talk with Chaia and explained to her what i read and everything. I don't know what but something changed since then. It feels like all the time i wasn't treating her right, which i told her and she accepted it and didn't mind. But here is the thing: I was on my laptop today listening to some musik doing something, my tulpa was lying on the couch behind me.

Then i stood up and went to the toilet, while randomly talking something that i would normally talk to my tulpa, or at leat assume i would be talking it to her. But she was still in my room on my couch, though i didn't feel anything different when talking.

 

Now i came up with the thought that all the time, i didn't "direct" what i say to her, but rather speak the things out assuming she would hear / ackknowledge it.

I am kind of lost right now, i don't know what to do and my tulpa not being vocal/independent yet makes it even harder since i can't really have a discussion with her about this, just narrate to her.

 

Has anyone of you came across such a situation? I hope you get what i mean, and sorry for any weird formulations in the text, english ain't my native language.

 

Thanks for reading it until here. ~Eden

[NoneFromHell]

Technically there is no "being in the other room" here. Your tulpa is in your head, and perceives the world through your senses. So if you leave her appearance in a room and go somewhere else, she is still with you, even when you can't see her. So if you keep talking to your tulpa on that occasions there is no reason, why she shouldn't be able to hear you. You could even let her reappear on your new location.

[Eden]

Technically there is no "being in the other room" here. Your tulpa is in your head, and perceives the world through your senses. So if you leave her appearance in a room and go somewhere else, she is still with you, even when you can't see her. So if you keep talking to your tulpa on that occasions there is no reason, why she shouldn't be able to hear you. You could even let her reappear on your new location.

 

Thanks for your reply. Well i know that, i mean where else would she exist other than in my mind.

What i meant was, if there could be the possibility, that she could feel neglected or something, you know, the feeling that someone does something without actually needing your attention.

 

Lets say your friend is speaking while doing something else. But you feel that it doesent make a difference if you hear/get it or not. I don't want her to feel needless if thats the right word for it.

[NoneFromHell]

 

Thanks for your reply. Well i know that, i mean where else would she exist other than in my mind.

What i meant was, if there could be the possibility, that she could feel neglected or something, you know, the feeling that someone does something without actually needing your attention.

 

Lets say your friend is speaking while doing something else. But you feel that it doesent make a difference if you hear/get it or not. I don't want her to feel needless if thats the right word for it.

 

Ah, now i see where you're coming from with this. Let's see...you won't be able talk about that with her, so there is no real reason to worry too much about discussing it with her for now.

 

I think it is more about your intentions than about the way you're talking to her. Let's say you still have in mind that she hears you, she will probably get that you're talking to her and not just to yourself. She probably also gets how you feel about this now, but if you wish you could still narrate to her about it.

 

I think it is a great idea for you to focus more on her in the future, while narrating to her. Just getting rid of the risks of hurting her feelings at all.

 

She could feel neglected, or least she may have felt that way until now, but you prove right now that she matters to you.

[Guest Anonymous]

I suppose that this may rely on your own perception of Chaia, as in, how you regard Chaia. Say you were to speak of Chaia, how would you define her? Would you define her as a person, or more of a mental construct issued from your imagination/subconscious? The thing is, with tulpas, and that's from my own observation, you have to drift off from the construct of 'imagination', and create a certain middle ground between reality and, well, the stuff you imagine. How does Chaia actually sit or lie down the couch? If you just picture her to be in such a way, that would explain the lack of, well, vivacity in that action. It would be what one would compare to puppeting, in my own regards, that is. Visualization with a tulpa that is not quite vocal, or sentient for that matter, tends to be complicated. It is not a good depiction of how, well, of how your tulpa actually is, your tulpa as more than a concept of being a mental construct of your imagination, as a concept of autonomy and sentience. Regardless of whether you direct such things to her, narrating in such a way proves to be helpful. Think of it as someone listening to your monologue. If you narrated Mein Kampf, rather, if you read it just like that, your tulpa would grow, would take ideals from that book, would form opinions of the nazis, the war, etc... If there is something in your mind, you don't need to direct things in an active span of attention at it, that can prove to be detrimental later on when you will want to interact with your tulpa (and quite the throttle for autonomy, at that). I consider tulpamancy to be 10% sentience and 90% autonomy, sentience is a medium, autonomy is the essence. You speak of Chaia as if she had no real autonomy, would it not be just something you imagine then? NOT your tulpa, of course, I mean more of the mental image (that is not representative of the sentient being Chaia is, in all cases for that matter.). You cannot know HOW Chaia, not the form of Chaia but the actual construct of sentience (presumably so) may be feeling, that's why people tend to 'force' sentience first then visualize. Best of luck.

[Eden]

I suppose that this may rely on your own perception of Chaia, as in, how you regard Chaia. Say you were to speak of Chaia, how would you define her? Would you define her as a person, or more of a mental construct issued from your imagination/subconscious? The thing is, with tulpas, and that's from my own observation, you have to drift off from the construct of 'imagination', and create a certain middle ground between reality and, well, the stuff you imagine. How does Chaia actually sit or lie down the couch? If you just picture her to be in such a way, that would explain the lack of, well, vivacity in that action. It would be what one would compare to puppeting, in my own regards, that is. Visualization with a tulpa that is not quite vocal, or sentient for that matter, tends to be complicated. It is not a good depiction of how, well, of how your tulpa actually is, your tulpa as more than a concept of being a mental construct of your imagination, as a concept of autonomy and sentience. Regardless of whether you direct such things to her, narrating in such a way proves to be helpful. Think of it as someone listening to your monologue. If you narrated Mein Kampf, rather, if you read it just like that, your tulpa would grow, would take ideals from that book, would form opinions of the nazis, the war, etc... If there is something in your mind, you don't need to direct things in an active span of attention at it, that can prove to be detrimental later on when you will want to interact with your tulpa (and quite the throttle for autonomy, at that). I consider tulpamancy to be 10% sentience and 90% autonomy, sentience is a medium, autonomy is the essence. You speak of Chaia as if she had no real autonomy, would it not be just something you imagine then? NOT your tulpa, of course, I mean more of the mental image (that is not representative of the sentient being Chaia is, in all cases for that matter.). You cannot know HOW Chaia, not the form of Chaia but the actual construct of sentience (presumably so) may be feeling, that's why people tend to 'force' sentience first then visualize. Best of luck.

 

Thank you for your anwser. You're right, there are two things i have to consider. But how do i treat her like she would have/has (Well she does have one right?) an autonomy.. Would this mean i cannot parrot/puppet her?.. or would i have to wait for her to be vocal to do that, but then it would be not needed anymore right?

I want to treat her like she has a real autonomy but how exactly do i do that?

 

I have that feeling that i just mix something totally up..

 

~Eden