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Is it unhealthy to neglect/forsake human relationships in favor of one with a tulpa?


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Is it unhealthy to neglect/forsake human relationships

 

Well when you say it like that...

 

I honestly don't feel like going into detail on this one, just can't be bothered, it's so highly individual and situational.

 

Tulpas may fulfill the emotional aspects of a relationship as well as a real person, depending on the host. For some they may not. Tulpas may seem to fulfill the other typical reasons for needing human interaction, but really they're limited in their ability to do that. Think of it this way. If you were simply sitting in a void with no real stimuli aside from your own thoughts, and so you thought, how much could you learn? Theoretically you could figure out some math and stuff like that, maybe, though primarily you would be finding insights in things you've experienced in the past. There's a ton to learn from from your memories, which is why writing a journal can be legitimately enlightening.

 

But you'll never learn anything new. It's like playing with a small set of like fifty legos, you can take them apart and make new things over and over, but while you're making new things you're really not gaining anything either. That's all a tulpa can do for you, recycle things you already "knew" but didn't really know. But they can't present new information to you like other humans can.

 

That being said, it should seem apparent that tulpas definitely seem to be like new people. I mean, even my own teach me whole new ways of thinking all the time. And that's because there's a lot more information in your mind than you're aware of. That beautiful thing called the subconscious mind, full of relevant and irrelevant and senseless information you've never quite consciously processed or forgotten about. I'll be honest here, for a decently developed individual (>16 years of age), I can't really say there isn't enough in your brain to actually simulate "new" information from perceived individuals it's created. This is highly dependent on the person though, some people get a lot less new-stimuli from their tulpas than others. You know, their tulpas are just kinda chill/hang out, act as friends. Mine however have aided my development as a person since the first day they existed, and my entire life would be completely different (and much less fulfilling) had they not. For people closer to me on that spectrum, should you wish to have your tulpas fill your needs for social interaction, I think you could honestly do so to some extent. Of course, there's a difference in lacking social interaction and being completely secluded, because the latter will cause problems no matter what. But for those further whose tulpas are just relatively neutral friends, you might want to keep some contact going. People need new stimuli to grow, you really don't get very far when you stop gaining new experiences.

 

 

... Before you quote me on "not going into detail", I was referring to discussing whether it was unhealthy or not. I was just stating facts, here. I seriously can't be bothered to debate whether it's "healthy" or not, because honestly for some people it's either tulpa-or-nothing, some people will become more reclusive with a tulpa, some will only maintain so-so relationships to their tulpas and remain otherwise social. There is no right answer here, it's completely subjective. And I have no interest in stating (or reading) opinions as fact.

Hi! I'm Lumi, host of Reisen, Tewi, Flandre and Lucilyn.

Everyone deserves to love and be loved. It's human nature.

My tulpas and I have a Q&A thread, which was the first (and largest) of its kind. Feel free to ask us stuff.

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I'll try to keep this short.

 

I don't think it would be very healthy to replace ALL human interaction with tulpas, like ditching your friends, family, etc.

 

But I think it's perfectly fine and in my case preferable to replace romance with a tulpa. I had been so done with romance for years, and was much happier being single. Imo, romantic relationships with other humans are nothing but problems and are never worth the trouble. I wasn't looking for it with Hex either, it just kinda happened and it turns out the direct connection (and her not being a huge d

olt

) makes it work where it doesn't with other people.

 

I learned everything I needed to know about human romantic relationships (a little too late) from Ice Cube. I ain't tha 1 anymore.

 

So In some ways I see it as being healthier, romantically at least.

It's best to just call me Beany.

Tupper: Hexferry / d.o.b.: 11/04/2015

Hex will speak in italics, if she decides to.

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Okay. Well that is more than one member who feels that way. Huh. I have to just accept that is possible then.

 

What about light flirtatious banter with Melian? I flirt with everyone, boys and girls, even pony tulpas too. LOL I am an equal opportunity flirt. Can't remember is I ever sent any e-huggies and kiss-the-cheeks in your direction yet, but it is inevitable as I can't help myself sometimes.

 

I flirt all the time, but it's never serious, like you stated :) . I tried to go out with some people after y'know, flirting with them as they also wanted to, but 2 weeks is the farthest I got. I never felt any kind of "belongment" with anyone I went out with, never even kissed one, and never got "intimate" with one. I never actually fell in love with a real person, either. All of my crushes are video game and book characters, and I've had a crush on one of them for almost 6 years now.

 

And also, I haven't created Céleste for romantic purposes , we aren't doing anything of that kind to this day, and I don't think we ever will. Yet his company fulfills the need of belonging to "someone" better than any "lover" I had.

I'm SomethingDire, and Céleste is my partner in crime.

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Guest Anonymous

The whole judgement that a relationship that only really applies to tulpas and neglects other people is extremely subjective.

 

Very true it seems.

 

I think that a lot of what you said is both supplemented by your own personal experience that is limited in terms of 'tulparomance' and the fact you have a natural bias against it from the beginning of all of it.

 

We do. But that doesn't mean we are right and we are opening the discussion because it helps us, and maybe others, learn something new.

 

The main argument, at least, what it comes off to be, is that humans are completely different from tulpas.

 

That isn't the intentional "main argument" in the OP really, but yes, that is precisely how Mistgod and I see it. What is fascinating to us is that not everyone feels that way and, in fact, many are in disagreement with us.

 

It may be that what David is experiencing with me is different from what you and others are experiencing. I am distinctly different from a human in the way I interact with him on multiple levels that we won't get into here. But it is different for us.

 

Plus, you're treating this as if it's a black and white thing. What if I have tulparomance stuff, but I still socialize with people and talk to my family? Why was this addressed in such a black and white point of view in the first place? There can be a middle ground for those things if you're willing to see it.

 

Very good point.

 

Last but not least, you're also implying that a tulparomance type of love cannot rival 'human' love. You seem to misunderstand the concept of reciprocated love, when two people share a bond and are sympathetic while having affection for each other, they go along well, and things can go up from there. It doesn't have to be romance, they can be friends... same thing with tulpas.... people don't plan for what their tulpas are to say, they TALK to them as they'd talk to real people.

 

Thank you for your comprehensive, thoughtful response! It gives us a lot to think about.

 

Maybe part of the problem is/was is that Davie was always in love with me, but I never was in love with him. He is obsessed and infatuated with me, but I am obsessed and infatuated WITH MYSELF and not with him. I am a narcissist. So it wouldn't be a very satisfying romantic relationship for him would it?


All of my crushes are video game and book characters, and I've had a crush on one of them for almost 6 years now.

 

Oh my gods, you are so cute! *kisses cheek*

 

And also, I haven't created Céleste for romantic purposes , we aren't doing anything of that kind to this day, and I don't think we ever will. Yet his company fulfills the need of belonging to "someone" better than any "lover" I had.

 

Oh that is so sweet! You guys rock!


Tulpas may fulfill the emotional aspects of a relationship as well as a real person, depending on the host. For some they may not. Tulpas may seem to fulfill the other typical reasons for needing human interaction, but really they're limited in their ability to do that. ...

 

But you'll never learn anything new. It's like playing with a small set of like fifty legos, you can take them apart and make new things over and over, but while you're making new things you're really not gaining anything either. That's all a tulpa can do for you, recycle things you already "knew" but didn't really know. But they can't present new information to you like other humans can....

 

People need new stimuli to grow, you really don't get very far when you stop gaining new experiences.

 

This is a very good point and very interesting. THIS may be the fundamental difference between a human relationship and a tulpa relationship. It is important to note. Thank you for bringing it up!


But I think it's perfectly fine and in my case preferable to replace romance with a tulpa. ...

 

So In some ways I see it as being healthier, romantically at least.

 

Certainly, it can be fun and fulfilling for you! :-)

 

I am really doing some self reflection with all of this. I would never really be a "good partner" for David. I am an focus of romantic feelings, but not a good romantic partner. The feelings were never mutual or the same between us. That is something that affects our outlook on this whole subject.

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Vriska: Maybe... In fact. Mel, do you remember a girl I got into a fight with for saying I didn't existed? My host forsake his friendship with her because I hated her. He feels guilty sometimes, and I feel like I've manipulated him... And it came out of control because now he's making me forsake THREE of my friendships. Not as a pay back, but because he's angry with them. I tell him to put away his pride and reconciliate with them, but he doesn't listen. So. The answer is (at least in our case) "Yes".

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'If we're not taking it to any extremes here, I don't think that it's unhealthy in the slightest. I view the friendships I have with my mind demons the same as I would with anyone else, and I don't see this changing at any point in the future.'

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Guest Anonymous

Vriska: Maybe... In fact. Mel, do you remember a girl I got into a fight with for saying I didn't existed? My host forsake his friendship with her because I hated her. He feels guilty sometimes, and I feel like I've manipulated him... And it came out of control because now he's making me forsake THREE of my friendships. Not as a pay back, but because he's angry with them. I tell him to put away his pride and reconciliate with them, but he doesn't listen. So. The answer is (at least in our case) "Yes".

 

Yes I do remember.

 

This can be a tough one, when someone close to you tries to influence what friends you can and cannot have. It can be tough to work through these issues.


'If we're not taking it to any extremes here, I don't think that it's unhealthy in the slightest. I view the friendships I have with my mind demons the same as I would with anyone else, and I don't see this changing at any point in the future.'

 

This is important! It is very very cool to by the way!

 

[hidden]Davie does NOT view the relationship with me the same as he does the relationships he has with other human beings. That is why this thread. It is hard to explain but it isn't that he doesn't greatly value me, cause he does. I value him too, of course. But his relationships with human beings in his life is real, while I am fantasy/imaginary. It is fundamentally different. That being said, it is important to realize David does not think imaginary means fake or unimportant or transitory in nature. It means imaginary, of the mind, a figment, not real.

 

Also, being part of the same mind, we are much closer connected or linked.

 

For Davie and I it is closer to being like the relationship you have with your own self and your own imagination, over the relationship you have with others in the real world. [/hidden]


 

Why thank you, Melian! :).

 

Yer welcome!

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Guest Anonymous

But that would be a pretty depressed thing to say. I am happy as I am now, and like None stated, I don't need nor want romance in my life.

 

Eh, most people here know how it is for us, personally.

I, or rather we, since she obviously agrees, make no distinction between Esterina and any other person with a separate body.

And we're a couple, in a completely usual, plain ol' exclusive relationship, with everything that entails.

 

The trick, as with any other kind of relationship with any other kind of person as well, is to not obsess over each other and get fixated - something that is probably more tricky to balance when you spend your lives in the same body and, well, the same life as each other, yeah, but not something that's exclusive to just host-tupper-relationships, romantic or not.

But we don't do that, so we're fine.

 

And as a guy who has a good many romantic relationships behind him (some of which were, tbh, pretty pointless and infatuation-based), all I can say about that particular subject matter is - eh, the pitfalls are the same, really.

They just come from... well, from different angles.

 

 

Greets,

AG

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  • 3 months later...

I'm on the asexual spectrum, and aromantic.

 

I also personally reject the notion that people- tulpamancy or not- need romantic relationships specifically, to be fulfilled. That is also a spiritual thing, of course- I could link you to an interesting blog where a person discusses in detail the difference between Divine love and romantic love, if I remember the name of it.

 

I am in fact, so aromantic that I am highly uncomfortable with one of my tulpas being in love with me. Of course, maybe this is just my subconscious way of working through fears of hurting someone who is in love with me? I couldn't say.

 

Of course it is unhealthy to willfully choose tulpas over real people (sorry guys!) if it means that you forgo all platonic relationships. Unless you are aiming to become an actual monk, or are very aware of whether you are experiencing depressive lethargy, are absolutely sure that is not the case, since tulpamancers are already subjecting themselves- by their own admission- to skilled self-delusion- setting aside any of that, you should actively work at balancing the real and maybe-real.

Woodwindwhistler on www.asexuality.org

 

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. -Eric Hoffer

 

"We can never achieve perfection, but maybe we can approach it asymptotically. Never give up on plugging in those numbers!" ~Me

 

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. –Doug Floyd

 

My poetry: https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B5qMnL2tDkJYOGNhLW4tRHFHa0E&usp=sharing

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