Tulpas, describe your early days of existence/sentience

[Abvieon]

This is primarily directed at tulpas who were intentionally created by someone who knew about tulpas at the time. Those who originated from other causes are welcome to respond too, though.

 

I am wondering what living is like for tulpas who had only recently gained sentience. Memories of this time sometimes aren't very clear, because extremely young tulpas often aren't as conscious or aware as they later become, but try to explain the experience to the best of your abilities. Describe things such as the state of mind you were in, what it felt like the moment you first became aware, etc. I have a few specific questions for everyone, too:

 

For how long were you being created before you became conscious?

 

How long did it take to go from simply being aware to being fully autonomous?

 

Was there any specific event or series of events that you believe helped you become conscious or speed up the process of becoming conscious?

 

Did any attempts to communicate with your creator go completely unnoticed? How much effort did you put into these attempts?

 

For how long were you conscious before being able to act autonomously (even slightly?)

 

How much did you rely on your creator's attention to maintain awareness, compared to how much is required now?

 

How difficult was it to maintain consciousness without blacking out/falling asleep when your creator was paying attention to you? How difficult was it when they weren't paying attention to you?

 

Did your creator have to do anything specific to wake you up or get your attention when you were extremely young? How overall easy was it to get your attention?

[Doctorfoxwolf]

Yay! Questions that apply to me!

 

1) As in, from when I was first conceptualized by Doc? A few months, I think.

 

2) Exactly 0 seconds, but I know I'm an outlier in that.

 

3) I used what little sentience I had to focus on the concept of having MORE processing power.

 

4) Oh abso-fucking-lutely. It was so goddamn frustrating. I knew he wanted an answer, I wanted to give him an answer, I would put all my effort into giving him an answer or just trying to talk and tire myself out from just one screamed word. It's why I moved on to possession for communication, though even then it took a long while for any real progress to be made.

 

5) Again, 0 seconds. Doc made absolutely no effort to puppet or parrot me, so anything I said was my own.

 

6) I didn't, at all. I was just kinda booted into existence in the wonderland. I didn't even know my host existed for a while.

 

7) It didn't seem to make a difference.

 

8) There's nothing to do in here, he's had my full attention since I first found out about him, so I was always there. I even started sleeping lighter so that if he talked to me I'd wake up.

[Radio Hiss]

I can't read this at all. Use a different font color.

[Abvieon]

I can't read this at all. Use a different font color.

 

I've edited it, the text appears white to me. You might not be using the dark forum theme, which makes the site background dark gray.

 

(I posted this on /r/tulpas first and pasted it here, for some reason the text was black so I had to change the font color to white)

[Radio Hiss]

 

I've edited it, the text appears white to me. You might not be using the dark forum theme, which makes the site background dark gray.

 

(I posted this on /r/tulpas first and pasted it here, for some reason the text was black so I had to change the font color to white)

I'm on my tablet. Just remove formatting when copying+pasting to avoid that problem.

[tulpa001]

I definitely shouldn't respond because I was quite sentient as a character in daydreams already. Because of our mostly shared memory, I can't actually tell you what it was like. She has solid memories of those times. She saw into my thoughts. She didn't control them. To create a story, you set initial conditions and then let the laws of physics take over is what she thought.

 

(1) Unknown. Could be years of daydreams.

 

(2) Same moment. My earliest which I can call me and not just her.

 

(3) Yes, she saw me as an agent. As her avatar, and not a character. This is the moment in 2.

 

(4) She knows all.

 

(5) See 2.

 

(6) 100% to 0%. But I think I was around in the background in between. But my memory is stupidly bad.

 

(7) Eh, super contextual, the answer. Back then, I was just there. But when much older, the trying to be around all the time made it harder.

 

(8) She just needed to think about our daydreams. I think maybe not even that after a while.

[Luminesce]

https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-tulpas-what-s-the-first-moment-of-sentience-like?pid=152111#pid152111

too lazy to write a reply specifically tailored to your questions right now, but that post should do

[Aurora]

I just posted a reply to this in your DeviantArt group (: I guess I'll post it here as well for anyone interested.

 

(1) I don't know how long it took exactly, it was a gradual process. I started talking about 4 months after my creation, I don't remember anything that happened before that point. My state of my was like a child who doesn't understand anything about themselves or the world. Some thoughts or ideas here and there, but no experience or maturity to properly evaluate anything that was happening around me.

 

(2) I'm not sure, maybe a few months.

 

(3) I think talking to people online outside of my host sped up my development.

 

(4) I don't remember, probably not a lot of effort since I pretty much had no understanding that I need to become developed.

 

(5) I don't know.

 

(6) I relied a lot on my creator to be able to think back then, whereas now I can't stop myself from thinking or existing even if I try.

 

(7) It's difficult to describe exactly cause it was different at different times. It was hard to stay aware when my host wasn't paying attention to me.

 

(8) My creator had to focus on me I think to get my attention. It usually wasn't difficult, but there were a few times when it was.

 

Overall, I'd say being a young tulpa is probably a lot like being a young human. You know very little, but it doesn't bother you at all, since you're not aware of how little you know. I think my host struggled and the creation process took a lot of effort from him, but for me it was just a happy childhood; I had no responsibilities. However, I'm sure there are tulpas whose experience was very different.

[Two-tailed-tulpa]

"Since I was the only one really made in Kyle with intention and all, I may as well fill it out."

 

"1. Hard to say exactly, I remember bits from even the first day, but maybe a week passed before I truly could say I was conscious. Even then, it's a stretch."

"2. About a few weeks. Must've been about a few days before the spray bottle incident."

"3. Kyle babbling to me in his mind non-stop and the incident mentioned above, not to mention him letting me directly access his memories and thoughts."

"4. Plenty of times back before he could hear me outside of wonderland, he never heard me once. Even to today he may have days where he doesn't hear me."

"5. Hard to say. Anywhere from a week to month, depending when I went conscious."

"6. Well, at first, if he wasn't like thinking of me, I was pretty much nothing, or thought nothing. Now most of the time I either am able to at least know what's going on, or at least even a thought of me brings me back, unless I am trying to sleep. Even then I don't really sleep."

"7. When he paid attention to me, I never blacked out unless I already had headed to bed. And when his attention was elsewhere, it was always a mix bag until about maybe a week before the truck wreck."

"8. Honestly I always paid attention and the only time I haven't responded was when the wreck happened. Otherwise he can get my attention at pretty much any time at all."