juasjuasie March 2, 2017 Author March 2, 2017 so today it was a little special. a personal moment made me feel like trash. and well... she hugged me and encouraged me as always but i kinda have to say, that wasn't enough. when i got home, i started my active forcing sessions as usual. to give some context , in my wonderland, i have a sort of objective to do with myself (btw what i am going to say may sound incredibly silly and stupid, so if you want just skip to next paragraph) (don't say that) (have to always warn, it's not something that sounds ''normal'') (we are not normal...) (nobody is normal Alexandra, not even the ones that look ideal for society, would it be fun if everyone would behave the same?) So, what i am doing is battling ''parts of the emotion of myself'' why? i don't even know, it's an urge i got when i started my wonderland and that ''instinct'' it may never get away until i complete it. So far i faced what i would call: Anger(silent, never stopped stabbing me), Joy(insane, weird), sadness (never gived up until alexandra gave the final blow, he looked like a grim reaper, death is my biggest fear.) Lust (anxious and instinctual, irrational, twitching inducing, remembered me the ''incident'' i talked about a various days ago. ) and today i named the foe i battled recently ''hate''. he said to me how much i suck, how much it was certain i was going to die alone, even with friends. he stabed with more force the battle continued and it ''transformed'' my appearance (it was scary!) i rembered imagining myself that way long before being a tulpamancer. it was me, but with thousands of swords and arms that passed through my chest. marked in blood. i ended the battle that way and i scared Alexandra a lot. After i changed back, we talked no word about what happened. even as i am writing she seems happy. but i know she wants to talk.(gulp) () Well also ignoring that crap, she has being errrrm flirting with me more than usual for about 5-6 days from now and i am bit unconfortable (don't say that!). (well we have already talked about this). i just said to her that i need her to grow more a bit, and then we are going to talk about it more profoundly. i need serious help guys on those 2 things. i am going insane with the roleplay? What should i do if Alexandra is flirting with me? (and no Alexandra i am not going to put what you said to me) hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
tulpa001 March 2, 2017 March 2, 2017 You named it hate, but I would call it self deprecation. It is indeed one of the harder ones to beat. Farm some and try again in the future. It's just roleplay. So long as you don't pretend it is real, you can go wild with it. Sounds like she doesn't want to wait. Heh, been there. My host was a pushover. Hey, Alexandra. You really sound quite mature and self aware. And so fast, too. Keep exploring and see how far you can go. Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
Summer March 2, 2017 March 2, 2017 Wowee must been an adventure for you guys! I agree with tulpa001 it feela more like self deprecation than hate hehe (Basically what 60% of nihi is). [Nihi:] Hey >:c well, it's true :c Shh... Anyway, as long you do not consider it as another "entity" then you can go as much as you want. Daww, it seems like Alexandra really loves ya ;). Enjoy it as it's her way showing appreciation! I admit, we, especially me, do that all the time with nihi. Just try not to go TOO far,...heck if you like to then do it. [Nihi:] ESPECIALLY when she is drunk... Non-stop Urk... Err Shush you! Nihi is always flirting with us. Heh... I guess both of us like when the other persons feels all giddy or nervous. Hello! I am one of Nihi's Tulpas! It is very nice to meet you! :D
juasjuasie March 3, 2017 Author March 3, 2017 So today i didn't have any important thing in school i tried to passive force all day.... it failed. pretty much. so i passive forced more than usual, but i stopped when i talked to someone or my friends. experience does the thing i guess. in active forced, we just talked. personal stuff so yeah. i am also tired but she is excited for this week too end so i have bear that until i get some sleep ZZZzzzzzz hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
juasjuasie March 3, 2017 Author March 3, 2017 You named it hate, but I would call it self deprecation. It is indeed one of the harder ones to beat. Farm some and try again in the future. It's just roleplay. So long as you don't pretend it is real, you can go wild with it. Sounds like she doesn't want to wait. Heh, been there. My host was a pushover. Hey, Alexandra. You really sound quite mature and self aware. And so fast, too. Keep exploring and see how far you can go. Wowee must been an adventure for you guys! I agree with tulpa001 it feela more like self deprecation than hate hehe (Basically what 60% of nihi is). [Nihi:] Hey >:c well, it's true :c Shh... Anyway, as long you do not consider it as another "entity" then you can go as much as you want. Daww, it seems like Alexandra really loves ya ;). Enjoy it as it's her way showing appreciation! I admit, we, especially me, do that all the time with nihi. Just try not to go TOO far,...heck if you like to then do it. [Nihi:] ESPECIALLY when she is drunk... Non-stop Urk... Err Shush you! Nihi is always flirting with us. Heh... I guess both of us like when the other persons feels all giddy or nervous. ups! i forgot to answer you guys! Tulpa001: I know it is just roleplay but my imagination is out of my control! also: (Thanks tulpi for the tips!!!!) (you really have to name him like that) (Hey! it's a cool name!) Nihi and Summer hehe you guys made me more reassured again. thanks! Summer i hope you aren't that pushy now with Nihi xD altho i don't think is a bad thing either. hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
juasjuasie March 3, 2017 Author March 3, 2017 it's friday. tired as heck. almost forgot forcing in the morning. The best thing and accomplishment i did with Alexandra is that i active forced without checking the hour for 30 minutes. so to finish this (as no special thing happened today.) i will let Alexandra do the talk: (hey guys i don't know what to say. but... thank you for everything!. It's been like forever, but i feel more free, more secure. I want to cuddle with) ''insert my real name here'' (What do you think of me? Do i look ok? Well i hope you guys answer soon! love ya guys!) well she said to me she doesn't know what else to say so we will leave it like that. have a nice weekend! (yay!) hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
tulpa001 March 3, 2017 March 3, 2017 If you want to chat more, that's what the IRC is for. Also the discord tulpa group. They get rather off topic though. You look very cute though :3 Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
juasjuasie March 3, 2017 Author March 3, 2017 If you want to chat more, that's what the IRC is for. Also the discord tulpa group. They get rather off topic though. You look very cute though :3 (wow it's IRC like chatting and stuff? Host, what is discord?) (not sure, seems like it's to chat on-voice with others... i don't have a microphone.) ( :( ) well we will be sure to check IRC out tho. (yaaaaasss!) (replaced the e's with a's for the lols) hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
juasjuasie March 4, 2017 Author March 4, 2017 So last night and today we decided to chill and relax in a roman spa when i active forced. And then, an idea struck out of my mind. what if i let myself to not think about anything and let Alexandra talk?. So i told her that i will remain silent and i wanted her to talk to me on whatever she wants. It worked wonders when i was not sure what she wanted to do. The only problem is that she will start to be unsure on what to say and she will start saying nonsense (Hey!) (sorry, but that's the truth) Also i visited the IRC of this site. last night i had an awesome conversation, but today ehhhm. just to say, a person just said straight from nowhere that his tulpa was Donald Trump... i don't want to get political, but c'mon! you shouldn't base tulpas on real-life people! that would lower their self esteem! Also my tulpa has a interesting question; (hello! i want to be independent, but should i have any political views? or it doesn't matter) i just told her that maybe it doesn't matter, but if she wants to learn to have one she could do it. What do you guys think about her question? hey i am a human host. my tulpa is Alexandra and she talks in pink we like to answer questions so don't be shy :)
tulpa001 March 4, 2017 March 4, 2017 Yeah, there are some odd people on the IRC. Not always a great crowd. The best crowd seems to be in the evening in north america. Don't rush political views. You will end up with them as you learn about the world, but politics can be unpleasant. Better to have fun for a few months. Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
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