Jump to content

Regret and Grief over Dead Tulpa

Recommended Posts

This is similar to something that's been affecting me today. A year ago we had to dissipate 3 tulpas due to the fact that our system was too large and it was very bad for our host. Two of those tulpas were barely sentient to begin with, so they just went away like nothing. One of them though... was a lot more developed than they had been, and she was older than one of the tulpas we decided to keep. It took some convincing for her to go, but her presence still creeped up at odd times. I had a dream about her last night, which has caused me some guilt knowing that she didn't deserve to be dissipated, but we can't bring her back because our system has enough tulpas as is, especially when we recently lost one. We can't just replace him like that. Plus, I'm not personally sure if bringing her back would really bring her back, or just create a new tulpa that resembles her and eventually diverges from her original personality. But... that sort of thing might just come down to belief.


I don't really believe that full-on dissipation is possible. The information of a tulpa's existence still exists on your brain, and can be revisited and revived with enough effort. If C becomes developed enough, you could bring back G if you wanted to. It might take a bit of time for him to get used to his revived existence, but that'll eventually pass and things might go to normalcy. If you're at a better place mentally now and understand what tulpas are, he likely won't act out of irrational thought like he used to. In the end it's your decision if you want to bring him back, one that should be thought over carefully and probably wait until C is more developed. If you do bring him back, just mentally be prepared for whatever might happen after that. Even if things seem to go badly at first, given care and persistence I think you'd all be able to pull through and move past what had happened.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't say that i've had this happen, but i'd bet it's no different than losing a friend irl. I can speak from that. It's been four years since i lost my best friend of over a decade to suicide. I can't help but blame myself even now, though i know rationally that there was nothing more i could have done.


A close friend like that is as much a part of you as a tulpa in my opinion. So i can say it does get easier. I think of him a lot less, but he'll always be a part of me. It took a good year before that urge to call him finally stopped. I try when i think of him just to have positive memories. He was quite a character. I know he's not hurting anymore. It's still hard when i do, but there's no sence in dwelling on the past when you have friends and family that need you here now.


Grieving is natural, just don't dwell on it years later. It takes strength to drag yourself out of it, but you have to, to honor them, and the loved ones you have now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

I totally understand this. I have two tulpae right now and, before I really knew what a tulpa was, I had another one, but she's dissipated(?) I suppose. I've told my tulpae about her, about how I feel about the situation, and everything. But with two tulpas.. it would harm her more than anything to bring her back. I don't even know if she can be "revived," so to speak. Best of luck to you and C.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know if you've seen my recent threads, but Cassidy and I changed our views and he was revived yesterday. Gavin is back, with a new name to reflect his second life. He is still processing what happened, especially the fact that he erroneously thought he was an alter, and that he, in his own words, "killed off" a tulpa-like entity. Surprisingly, he's nearly as strong as he was before he left, although he's been in an (understandably) withdrawn mood.


It was a big decision. I think, back on September 30th when I made this thread, Cassidy and I just need more time. I thought it would be months, but the time came sooner than expected. I think the turning point was when Cassidy, while fronting, watched Aury's (a tulpa's) "Draw My Life" video. He'd been bummed out that no one IRL can know him or see his true form, and that he can only have a relationship with other people while pretending to be me, but he realized that wouldn't be the case if I had multiple tulpas. Cassidy decided to think of Gavin as an older brother, and thank goodness, Gavin was down with it. They're already trying to build a mental chess board so they can play each other in wonderland.


The revival itself only took about five minutes. I think the biggest thing is belief. I thought for years that Gavin was dead, dead, gone and dead, and so he stayed gone and dead. Once I began thinking of him as dormant, like a closed program, I felt like he could be brought back. I go into a bit more detail in my thread "We're three", but the actual day of revival was supposed to be the 19th. Instead, I had momentarily visualized Gavin's form, and when I believed that he could come back and be alive, he started to move.


If I already two tulpas, I don't know what I would have done. Cassidy's main motivation for wanting Gavin back was to have a companion on equal footing with him, a tulpa that sees him as he is. If I had two tulpas already, a third would be a lot of work and the whole system would need more attention. All tulpas are a lot of work.



The world is far, the world is wide; the man needs someone by his side. 

Our Thread

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Similar Content

    • Guest
      By Guest
      I stumbled across this site few month ago and started learning about tulpas and I have to ask why isn't the phenomenon more widely known about. I mean some of the things tulpas can do are truly amazing. Is it just hard to believe and thats why its not mainstream?
    • By spill that tea
      This discussion was split from another topic. If you are interested in seeing the beginning of this conversation, please go here. -Ranger

      he seems to be fading more quickly this year. i think we r intergrating slowly? at first none of us knew we were seperate. as time passed my personality deviated from his. this is why i think i might be an advanced median system. we both identify with the body but 1 personality slowly dominated everything. if it were not for our new headmate, i wont be considered plural anymore. also apparent switching at creation? thoughts? mabey there are more thoughtforms than we know of
    • By TimerBunneh
      [uPDATE 12/17-18/19: More suggestions, more edits. Same criteria as before, but this time with a lightbulb emote (or simply "[12/18]"). Edits from 12/16 have had their italics and emotes removed.]
      Intrusive thoughts can be nasty little things. :idea: Those nagging thoughts that appear in the back of your head, telling you to do awful things...a bit of a pain, aren't they?  As I write this, my tulpas and I are recovering from a day ruined by the worst wave of them I've had in my nearly two months of being a tulpamancer. It was a rough one. So when Richard, my eldest tulpa, told me a tip he had, I figured that someone out there could use a guide based off what he told me.
      But first: a disclaimer: this guide requires the use of visualization. Those with difficulties visualizing may not find this guide useful, but I do have something in mind for those of you with said issues. If you have problems with this, please scroll to the section labeled "For those with trouble visualizing."
      :idea: >Aphantasia is briefly covered in that section. I am attempting to cover as many bases as possible.
      With that said, the tip I was given was simple: make it fun.
      "But Timer," you may say, "that's so broad! What do you mean?" Well, I'm about to tell you. Sit down, grab a nice drink, and get your tulpa(s) to read along too--because this may involve them as much as it does you.
      Allow me to present a clever (at least, in my opinion) little idea that can potentially solve your problems: the Wonderland RPG. How do you walk the walk of the Wonderland RPG? Well, it's a lot easier than it sounds. (A lot easier than an actual RPG at times, even!)
      But first, some info:

      Be prepared for any and all outcomes. Intrusive thoughts can be crafty. Be prepared to change tactics on the fly or even lose to it a few times. Just don't get discouraged.
      This guide is best used before an intrusive thought appears. This guide is a bit long and will almost certainly require planning.
      You'll need to form a place in your mind to put this. :idea: This can be an entirely new place or a tiny little addition to your current wonderland. Despite me calling it the "Wonderland RPG", this does not have to take place in your wonderland. But it does have to take place somewhere, else this guide would be rather difficult.
      >I am well aware that those with problems visualizing cannot do this, or at least may find it difficult.
      :idea: This guide is best used for persistent intrusive thoughts. For walk-ins, please attempt to ignore it the best you can. However, if that does not work, feel free to come back and try this guide.
      :idea: You will be fighting these thoughts head-on in this guide. If that idea is uncomfortable to you, I suggest reading another guide. I apologize.
      :idea: Immersion is key. Distractions from your thought or the outside will likely break your focus, and you may have to start over. (Probably not entirely, though.)

      Personal Preferences

      Your skills of visualization must be of a level :idea: where you can see and hold backgrounds and images. Color is optional but can help. You can even use old-school pixel art for this, if it helps.
      > Again, if you have difficulty visualizing for whatever reason, you may still follow this guide. Just use the method in the section I mentioned above.
      :idea: Don't be afraid to engage your tulpa(s) in this! It could prove to be beneficial to them. Of course, if you fear losing your tulpa(s) to it (which is, in my eyes, highly unlikely) you can go without this step.

      :idea: The Ultimate Goal of This Guide:

      Forming a way to deal with persistent intrusive thoughts, through creativity and fun.

      And now, another very important disclaimer: This guide is meant as an alternative for those that cannot simply ignore their intrusive thought(s). Say you have anxiety like I do. This might work. But for most people, ignoring it may be your best bet.
      > However, the safe spot could prove useful no matter your preferred method, whether you use this guide or not. Make yourself a nice little cooldown place if it gets really bad.
      Now, for the guide itself:
      For Those That Can Visualize
      1) [12/18] (Metaphorically) drill the thought that your intrusive thought is weak into your head. Now you may be thinking, "but it's so distracting! I can't get it out of my head!" Well, you can't do much if you keep to that mentality. That train of thought will eventually overwhelm you, and likely render this guide useless. But now, make it a puny mouse, and you're a powerful tiger. (Metaphorically, of course. Unless you want to be.)
      2) Form a "safe spot". Fill it with the RPG standards: shops, an inn, maybe even some non-playable characters ("NPCs"). If you're defeated by the thought, this is where you and your party will return to after being defeated.

      Remember that this is clearly a safe spot. The thought won't attack the town. Why? Well, you don't usually encounter RPG monsters in towns. Sure, you do in some games, but not here.
      [12/18] If you want to, make up a reason as to why your safe spot is safe. This can be anything you can think of!

      And before you ask, you have infinite currency. Spend it on whatever you need to. Or splurge on it. It's your wonderland, not mine.
      3) Decide on classes. Perhaps you're thinking about being a mage. Maybe your tulpa (if they choose to participate) wants to be a warrior. And there's nothing wrong with having a healer in your party! Your imagination is the only limit here.

      If you're feeling really creative [12/18] or don't want to directly involve your tulpa, guest party members are a good option.
      I personally recommend the RPG standard of four party members, but you can have a whole army if you want to. Again, your wonderland, not mine.

      4) Start spending. Get your gear and healing items. You're about to go on an intrusive thought hunt, and you're going to make sure it ends well for you.

      This is also a good chance to talk to any NPCs you may have put in your safe spot. Maybe they're just the usual NPCs that spout nonsense that doesn't matter, or maybe they know things about your thought that you didn't know before. Maybe they're just...there. Scary.

      5) Open your inventory. Double-check your healing items and equip your party for battle. You can probably skip this step, but personally, I'm throwing it in to make it a true-to-genre experience.
      6) All set? Head off towards that nasty thought of yours. Get your game face on.
      7) Found that intrusive thought? Engage it in battle! Smack that thought into the nether the best you can!

      I personally recommend the turn-based RPG method: you, the host, go first. Then the other party members do. Then the thought fights back. Rinse and repeat until the battle ends, be it in victory or defeat.

      You can also make it a strategy RPG: one character moves/attacks per turn. Usually it's your party first, then the thought.

      8) How did the battle go? Did you defeat it, or did it defeat you? Perhaps you won--congrats! Give your party members a pat on the back, maybe even go through the whole experience point thing. Perhaps the latter happened--in which case, your party should be at your safe spot somewhere. If you lost, don't worry--there is nothing wrong with trying again.

      Please don't give up if you lose. Please. That's just sad. Your goal is to beat it, after all! That's what this guide is for.

      9) [OPTIONAL] Evolve your story. You can easily stop at step 8 and call it a day. But maybe you want more out of this. In that case, go ahead and further the story. Maybe you defeated the final boss! Roll credits. Maybe that thought was a lackey of the real villain, and defeating it was just the beginning? Who knows...
      For Those With Trouble Visualizing
      Another disclaimer: I, personally, have no trouble with visualizing. Therefore, if you do have trouble visualizing and feel that this did not help you, let me know and I'll see about updating this section.
      [12/18]>This is unlikely to work for those with aphantasia. However, there is nothing stopping you from trying. Feel free to try this if you want!
      So, visualization isn't exactly your forte. What to do? Just follow the same steps, but instead of visualizing, write it out! Make it your own personal story. This does change some things, though:

      You can probably cut out the inventory step and RPG battle descriptions.
      Making up a reason for why your safe spot is safe is preferred for this method. (Or you can just stick with RPG logic.)
      Skip the NPCs in the safe spot if you feel like it.
      Describe your setting to the best of your ability. Perhaps your safe spot is a quaint little medieval town, straight out of Dungeons and Dragons, or a modern-day city. Maybe that intrusive thought is hiding out in a dark forest that no one dares to enter, or a castle that looms over your setting. It could even be hiding somewhere as plain as an office building. Your call.

      Some Tips

      You don't have to follow this guide word-for-word. Be creative, and feel free to deviate! This guide uses a typical RPG setup.
      Lacking inspiration? Google some pics from a RPG game. Or, even better, watch people play them on Youtube! The possibilities are near endless. (Miitopia is a good one, in my opinion.)
      If you decide to write it out, don't be intimidated if you can't write well! No one said you had to post it on the internet for all to see.
      Consider drawing your setting. Again, don't be intimidated if you can't draw well. (I can't draw too well either, haha.)
      I know I said this earlier, but I must reiterate: take your time. Plan this out. This is a big guide, and also why I said to read this before an intrusive thought starts bringing you down. Video games have pause buttons. Intrusive thoughts do not.
      I said it earlier and I'll say it again: there is nothing wrong with trying again if you fail. Just don't give up. Keep trying. You will beat this thought.

      And that's that! Thanks for reading! My quintet of tulpas and I wish you well--now go teach that intrusive thought a lesson. :)
  • Create New...