Michen and Amantha: the Journey

[Michen_S]

~ Late September and Early October ~

 

This... was a bit of a weird period.

 

I had a conversation with Amantha in this period whilst walking down the street. During this walk, I discussed some of the things I had encountered on the tulpa.info forums with her. Most noticeably, about people mentioning tulpas starting a second social life, something I haven't really experienced. So far she hasn't actually tried or wanted that, aside from joining tulpa.info. She replied to me that building a second life was not what she wanted. Where other tulpas might want to switch to interact with the real world, Amantha still wanted to keep mostly to me. She continued by saying she was made to enhance my life, not to lead her own. That's the viewpoint she had.

 

Later on, during early October, she had made her decision. A long time ago, I would've liked it if Amantha was actually there, standing in the room with me. (This was before March.) This was something Amantha now started to share. She still didn't want to posess or switch, but she would be happy if I could hear her as if she was real, like the two times we had when I was just waking up from sleep. Fair was fair, so we started working on imposition. Neither of us realised at that time how long that road would be going to take.

[theholodoc]

......

[Michen_S]

Hi White  Knight and Emily...

 

Wrong thread. I'm sorry to ask, but could you remove the content of your post? It's hindering to us.

[Michen_S]

~ Mid- to Late October ~

 

Aside from audio imposition, Amantha now wanted to work on visibility as well. She also came up with something that might aid us on it's own. I used to play a little visualisation game whenever I was in the bus. I would imagine a random character unrelated to anything on the other half of the road, and I would try to make it avoid the traffic coming from the other side. So this is when  Amantha kicked in and asked if she could replace that random character. So that's what I did. (She did some sweet moves, too!)

 

Err... Right. Somewhere down the line we realised this was not the best idea, as Michen spent too much time looking out for incoming traffic. Sure, he was visualising me, but I wasn't present for him the way I normally was. We barely actually talked to each other during the bus trips when we did this. As such, I cut it out. I liked it a lot better when we were actually talking to each other, and the constant high-speed motion made it difficult to actually focus on where I was and how fast I had to go. I quickly found a solution.

 

I warped back into the bu and got on Michen's lap in an animal form. Not as an anthro, in his visualisation I now actually was an arctic fox. Surprisingly, during our walk together after the bus trip, this form also made it significantly easier to visualise the hairpin and the bracelet. Like they stood out more now that I was something smaller. The new form also came with different abilities, for some reason unknown to me.

 

Surprisingly, this new visualisation of Amantha also came with tactile imposition. We've already been able to impose hugs before. A few changes later and I cogeneral constant pressure from Amantha, that is, I could feel it whenever she held me somewhere and kept that up for a small while. So I could actually feel her on my lap if she was lying on there when I was on the bus. Going further though, or actually seeing Amantha imposed for that matter, proved to be a lot more difficult.

 

Audio imposition has also gained a minor boost. Due to her struggles with actually being heard in real life, I suggested we'd add a fourth channel for her to use for speaking: the tinnitus channel. You know the like, the actual constant beep in your ear when it's silent around you. I suggested her to use that to make herself heard. It... had some minor results. Work in progress, we'll say.

[theholodoc]

 

Wrong thread. I'm sorry to ask, but could you remove the content of your post? It's hindering to us.

I apologize. I have deleted the content from the post on a full edit. I do not know how to do other. Thank you, Dr. Bob

[Guest]

[Joy] We've been improving on imposition without trying. We practice visualization exclusively which is roughly 80% real now, but we're getting very faint imposition every once in a while with increasing frequency. Visualization and imposition are related, and we've been at this for 17 months and passionate about it, so it's not surprising. You're descriptions of how the imposition is progressing sounds better than ours, but we're improving very slowly too, painfully slowly. Keep at it, you're doing great.

 

[bear] Isn't it nice when you can actually hear her voice? Can you describe your feelings, and how it 'sounded' as compared to mindvoice?

[Michen_S]

Well, we're still having some troubles. More on that next PR post.

 

As for how it is to hear her voice... I dunno? Amantha's imposed voice seems to be a little higher pitched than her mindvoice, with Amantha's voice seeming to be higher pitched the "further away" the sound seems to come from (basically the pitch gets higher if it's more difficult to use the imposition channel at the given time). The emotions I feel when she imposes her voice aren't all that different from when she's using mindvoice. Though, I have to say it is taking some getting used to. The few times we've had audio imposition without using mindvoice and without any tulpish attached to the message, my head seems strangely silent.

[Michen_S]

~ Early November ~

 

I caught a cold in this period. It was very annoying, and it gave me a headache along the way. Despite me doing the best of efforts, Amantha was harder to visualise than usual. It also affected how often she was talking to me, as if it was harder to connect with her. Thankfully it didn't affect how well I could hear her when she spoke. The headache left quickly, giving me my normal thinking back, and with that Amantha came back to her full strength. I still had a bad case of the cold though. And nothing cheered me up quite as much as Amantha did in that period, simply by lying next to me whenever I was sitting somewhere that had enough space to allow her to do so. If that space wasn't there, she just lied down on my lap. All in animal form.

 

Now, that doesn't mean that that's my new standard form. It isn't. I'm still an anthro most of the time. I'm mostly just in animal form when walking next to him in public and whenever there's not enough space to hang around him as an anthro. It helps with visualisation and imposition, too. But actually, I still like the anthro form more than the animal one, so I'll remain anthro in mindscape and when the situation allows me to when practising imposition.

 

I expected news about our troubles would appear here, but that seems to be for next time.

[Michen_S]

~ Mid-November ~

 

Turns out, visual imposition is a lot harder than expected. I can see Amantha fairly well, no problems there, but it's not working. As in, I don't see her in the physical world. Merely a carbon-copy. If I actually look where Amantha would be according to my head, she's not actually there. She would also be able to do things like open doors, something she isn't actually able to do in the real world. So I started trying to place Amantha in real life. My brain... is not really helping me there. It's troublesome to focus on both Amantha and what I actually see at the same time.

 

Intrusive thoughts have also reached a new high - or a new low, depending on how you look at it. This one time, the intrusive thought mimic'd Amantha. Not only that, the intrusive thought asked me specifically to be included in a sexual fantasy.

...It just got weird. Amantha herself still does not have a sexuality of herself, and this mimic didn't even feel like Amantha. The whole thing was just off. I tried contacting Amantha for real, with no response. I just panic'd at the time, having no idea what to do. Later on Amantha did appear again for real and confirmed that it indeed was not her. She also gave some handles on how to deal with it, and some information on how to recognise these types of intrusive thoughts. Tough, even she had to agree that this type of intrusive thoughts was particularly strong.

[Kurisutina]

It's not uncommon for intrusive thoughts to persist for us. It's often just best to acknowledge that it's intrusive and wait it out. They are naturally much stronger in hypnogogia.