She's gone

[Guest Exiled Eagle]

Some of you may have seen my previous post. Despite my best hopes and encouragement from others, it only got worse. Progress slowed to a halt and I had more difficulty connecting and narrating to her. I couldn't stop all the doubts and bad thoughts and I guess it was just too much.

 

Today, my tulpa, Cortana, left. It was just one of those moments where I just...knew. She was gone. I visited our wonderland (a cabin in the forest) and no matter how much I called her name, she didn't show. I briefly toyed with the possibility that she's still there somewhere, but I don't think anything I can do would repair the damage, not after what happened.

 

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm just...numb. I won't say I tried so hard to keep this going. In fact, I say the opposite. I didn't do enough and because of that, she's gone.

 

Have any of you ever lost a tulpa? How can you deal with and recover from such a loss?

[Hush]

I'm so sorry dude... I don't know the feel, but I can imagine... From my experience, belief is a huge thing, perhaps you cannot find her because you believe she's gone?

[Chupi]

I haven't had any truly go away, but:

• I suggested this to someone.
  
• Bluesleeve's essences method can be used to revive a tulpa too.
  
• My first tulpa ran off twice. First time was before we had any vocal communication down, but I was able to feel a connection to her. She got mad, I felt a strong negative feeling, then was forcefully ejected from the wonderland. I was able to return in a fly-on-the-wall sort of view-only mode, and saw her sit there a while and then run away. I got back into the wonderland fully and broadcast my voice across the whole wonderland so it would reach her wherever she'd gone. I also sent a protective sort of love so that she wouldn't be harmed by anything that might be in the unexplored area she'd gone into. I then talked at her for a good half hour, trying to guess what she was mad about, apologizing for it, promising not to do it anymore, and telling her I wanted her back. Eventually I guessed right and got the feeling back again, at which point I could teleport her back to me.
  
• Second time was after she could send me some thoughts if I concentrated on hearing them. This time was a lot more straightforward since I could ask her questions. However I did misunderstand her and thought she wanted to be teleported back when in fact she wasn't ready yet. This resulted in me trying to teleport her, and instead getting a very blurry and lifeless form that was very clearly not her, on examination. I did end up talking her into coming back, then I was able to teleport her properly.
  

[Pleeb]

This happened with Chess before, the Bluesleeve thing helped. Actually, it was RIGHT BEFORE Chess's rant (where she talks about this sort of thing, it's in the following link). If you've not read this yet, please read my Major Update, even the nested pastebins, etc; it's a bit of a read, but it will be worth reading, esp with how your situation sounds.

 

Here's one method you could try for finding your tulpa, aside from bluesleeve's method:

Go to the wonderland, and tulpaforce a portal, with the intent that the portal will lead to your tulpa. Understand that when you walk through that portal, it will take you to wherever your tulpa is, on the other side. Don't try to hold any expectations as to where the portal will lead. Create the portal, and step through.

[Queen Chrysalis]

[[ I felt pretty guilty when I first found out Chrysalis had dissipated from being sentient, but every now and then she wakes back up, so... ]]

[Aeiou]

Had emma disappear on me once, it was a very unpleasant feeling.

 

I imagine you're not feeling the best right now :(

[fennecfoxx]

Wait for her. She may return.

 

If she hasn't come back after a couple days or so, I'd recommend following some of the above advice.

[Oguigi]

I don't have much to add since all the wonderful members have given some great advice.

 

please do not give up. the very fact you posted here tells us that you still want this to work.

 

and you been thinking about her a lot. fueled by all this attention am more than sure that she is very much alive and kicking. i Know you can still find her, and get her back.

 

you the full support of myself and this community.

[Knapp]

This happened to me, I know how you feel. It took a lot of searching but eventually, I did find him. Tulpae doesn't just disappear like that, she's still there somewhere, I promise. Unless you tell yourself she's gone, she won't be. You can try doing what I did: I imagined him, his form, his essence, everything that is Philip "teleporting" to a spot in front of me. It looked like a small tornado of black smoke solidifying. It took a few sessions, but eventually I succeeded. I've asked him why he was gone, but he's not given me an answer until now: "I was lost." The whole time, I believed he was still there, listening, so I kept on talking to him. I'm so glad I did, it was very frightening for him.

 

"She needs you, please don't give up on her." - Philip

[Queen Chrysalis]

[[ (Telling yourself she's gone doesn't guarantee she is.) ]]