Lily's Creation & My Hopes

[Fox888]

Since 8th grade I've thought about tulpas and making my own, but I was nervous and knew it was a big responsibility. A friend online mentioned tulpas, and it brought back all my memories of when I used to browse this site. So, Easter I decided to work on Lily! I'll update here if anything happens.

[Fox888]

4/5/24

I've been working on Lily since Easter, just visioning her form and planning out a sort of outline. I know she's her own person, I just wanted us to have similar interests to start out. When I tried to force and talk to her, I have a really hard time with ADHD & Intrusive thoughts, which I didn't want to bother her. So, I've been keeping a journal where I write letters/directly to her, and read those out in my mind. I've been able to force a little, but I have to tap my finger to keep myself grounded and not to lose focus on her. If anyone has any tips or advise of what I should do, I'd really appreciate it. 

[Adagio]

3 hours ago, Fox888 said:

When I tried to force and talk to her, I have a really hard time with ADHD & Intrusive thoughts, which I didn't want to bother her. So, I've been keeping a journal where I write letters/directly to her, and read those out in my mind. I've been able to force a little, but I have to tap my finger to keep myself grounded and not to lose focus on her. If anyone has any tips or advise of what I should do, I'd really appreciate it. 

For intrusive thoughts, I get those a lot. My system members tell me they don't care about my intrusive thoughts, and they understand the difference between me and intrusive thoughts. If that makes you feel any better! 

 

I focus the best when I'm looking at something related to my system. If I'm talking to them, I tend to stay on topic more if I'm just staring at my system's notebook, or a list of their names, which keeps me constantly reminded that I'm supposed to be talking to them. So perhaps something similar to that, like a list of things you know about Lily? 

 

Best of luck to you two!

[Fox888]

18 minutes ago, Adagio said:

For intrusive thoughts, I get those a lot. My system members tell me they don't care about my intrusive thoughts, and they understand the difference between me and intrusive thoughts. If that makes you feel any better! 

 

I focus the best when I'm looking at something related to my system. If I'm talking to them, I tend to stay on topic more if I'm just staring at my system's notebook, or a list of their names, which keeps me constantly reminded that I'm supposed to be talking to them. So perhaps something similar to that, like a list of things you know about Lily? 

 

Best of luck to you two!

Thank you so much! I made a pinterest board of Lily's interests/faceclaims/fashion sense (these will be changed as she pleases), along with a piccrew of her. Looking at those while I force is a great idea, I didn't even think of it! So far the journal has been fine, but I do want to feel like I'm talking more directly to her

[ringgggg]

18 hours ago, Fox888 said:

I made a pinterest board of Lily's interests/faceclaims/fashion sense (these will be changed as she pleases), along with a piccrew of her. Looking at those while I force is a great idea, I didn't even think of it!

Nice, those face claims will help with visualization for sure.

 

19 hours ago, Adagio said:

So perhaps something similar to that, like a list of things you know about Lily? 

Good idea. Fleshing out her baseline personality helps a bunch. It’d probably even be useful later in development, too, just to document however she’s changed.

 

22 hours ago, Fox888 said:

When I tried to force and talk to her, I have a really hard time with ADHD & Intrusive thoughts

It’s usually the worst when first beginning, but you just have to stay the course and keep clear judgments. It’ll ease up later, once your mind fully settles in.

 

Think of it like cold water. It’s freezing at first, but the longer you stay in, the less unpleasant it’ll feel.

[Autumn Ren]

Sounds like a great start! Good luck!

[Fox888]

4/6/24 - Today I worked basically half the day (9hrs, oof). I told her in the morning we'd be able to talk once I got home. Now I'm home, and even if she isn't able to give commentary yet, I'm going to watch a studio ghibli movie with her! We're gonna watch When Marinie Was There, and the Madoka Magica movies! After that I'm gonna active force, and see if parroting a little helps her.

Maybe the hint of something - I took a nap after school, and forced until I feel asleep. During the dream I started doing something embarrassing and cringey, and I heard a voice that wasn't my own go "Fox!" before the dream got any worse. I was so surprised I woke up. I know it's probably too soon to be certain, but it was basically like saving a friend from doing something stupid, and I've never had anything like that happen in my dreams.

Edited April 6 by Fox888
Typo & Grammar

[Fox888]

4/8/24 - The last two days there've been house guests over, so I wasn't able to do as much as I wanted with Lily. Last night there we were finally able to watch When Marnie was There! It was really good, I loved it. It was kinda weird though, and felt like two different movies - if you watch it you'll know what I mean.

 

I put a small rubber band on my finger to remind me of Lily, and when I passive force & normal force, rubbing the band around my finger really helps me stay grounded and focused. I know I need to just talk to her in mindvoice regularly, I'm just building up the focus. --- I also played around in piccrew earlier, going through every option until I got something that felt like Lily. We decided on something that I think she likes, but lately everytime invision her she has horns and glasses, so maybe she'd like those better. We'll see later on.

 

If anyone has anymore advice or commentary I'd really appreciate it!

[Adagio]

Keep up the good work! I look forward to seeing your & Lily's progress.

[Fox888]

4/9/24 - Today was really busy at school, I barely passive forced. I basically napped for half the rest of the day after school, then did homework. I'm really worried - how much should I actually be forcing, and when should I expect signs from Lily this is all working?