Tulpa Couple's thread

[TulpaCouple]

Just a short little post.

 

Nathan sketched up a neat example of what Luke's core system looks like.

 

 

Will post new things later. Luke is a very neat kid!

[TulpaCouple]

Sorry for the lack of updates. We are at the beach! The vacation and relaxation is a much needed change of pace from the stress we've been going through, and the sound of the waves is actually a wonderful background noise for tulpaforcing.

 

Luke is very content right now. He doesn't seem to do much, his favorite activity is spending time with Nathan so he waits around for tulpa sessions most of the time despite having quite a bit to do in his wonderland. He mostly sits at the window and watches what we are doing.

 

We made sure to spend a few sessions to completely disconnect him from Nathan's habit of puppeting, using visualizations of cutting puppet strings, etc. as well as quite a bit of narration with him. Luke gave him a big hug after the final session when we cut the strings completely.

 

He's still pretty quiet, he likes talking through images or just through shrugging and nodding. He's just content most of the time so there isn't much he's compelled to say.

 

Nathan was nervous for quite some time about whether or not he was actually experiencing anything real, but after reading Fig's progress report it really helped illuminate our situation as well, and we found peace by just continuing to force and narrate and let Luke develop on his own. No expectation, no worries, just letting go and narrating.

 

Will update soon!

 

 

Edit:

 

Oh, and Luke has been asking about this thread, he loves hearing people talk about him and although he's bashful at the moment he does love getting attention from others. He may be willing to respond to questions sometime soon, he's not fully vocal but emotionally he is very loud and he likes to respond to situations with his thoughts quite often.

 

Also forgot to mention, I've been reading a book to Nathan because he was playing a game and we wanted to read it together, and apparently Luke has been loving it as well and is enjoying the story time. So now in addition to regular narration we also spend time together as I read to the two of them. I think the extra attention has been good for him, even if it's not the same as one on one communication. It still requires his attention and thought and he responds to the story with laughter or excitement along with Nathan.

---

Aha, one more post.

 

I never did share what Luke ended up looking like, so here he is:

 

 

No, he doesn't have a face. He tried several faces and just decided he looked 'cooler' without one. The face on there was one idea, he enjoyed being somewhat alien, but the no face/face covered by helmet look was much more interesting for him. He is still very expressive with body language and emotions show through colors on the light on his forehead.

 

So he's basically an android and his body has the ability to shape shift, but it is far easier for him to just change his limbs than his full body. Things like making tools or weapons or other fun things that fascinate him.

[FigN01]

Nathan was nervous for quite some time about whether or not he was actually experiencing anything real, but after reading Fig's progress report it really helped illuminate our situation as well, and we found peace by just continuing to force and narrate and let Luke develop on his own. No expectation, no worries, just letting go and narrating.

 

I'm glad we could help out with your progress. I don't think you can really go wrong with trying to stop any of your expectations. Most everything after developing that skill should feel more natural.

 

But you're on the beach and Luke isn't making an effort to go swimming? That's just wrong. If you can avoid puppeting his actions, getting him in the water might be a fun way to practice visualizing.

 

And so far, most of your progress report has been about Luke when you originally set out to make your own tulpa as well. Is that coming along at all?

[TulpaCouple]

He's mostly observing the water. I think he's nervous about it. Nathan already has some deep seated fears about water(almost drowned as a child after already being frightened of a lack of control, doesn't swim too well) so it may be that Luke is thinking about all the pros and cons before getting his feet wet. He enjoys raking the sand for some reason. It's kind of cute. Nathan said Luke forced a wicker hat, a rake, and a floral apron and has just been raking things, whether or not there are leaves or sand or if he's just in the grass. I think he just is enjoying the attention he gets when Nathan sees him being goofy.

 

 

I think I mentioned a while back, but I'm sort of taking a break/going to try again soon with mine. I've been going through some insane amounts of stress and changes lately that has brought on some nightmares and a lot of negative thoughts. At the moment, my mind is not a good nursery for a growing tulpa and I fear what damages my subconscious could do during quite a hectic time in my life. Not to mention I've just gotten a job that requires a lot of focus and memorization and along with that my studies are leaving me with no time to focus. Heck, before this vacation I hadn't actually seen Nathan in two weeks because I've been just working and working. It's possible for me to force at the beach, but as soon as I get back home, my poor tulpa would be completely ignored. I don't think that would be quite fair. I'm trying to preserve his essence as well as I can, I think about him often, but I've just been nervous about subjecting him to what's happened. At least until I get some control over my mind. For now, we focus on pure meditation and relaxation and have been working to relieve the stress. Just need to be able to clear my mind. Make it a bit safer for a very impressionable tulpa.

 

Nathan is wanting me to work on him soon, but if I'm not mentally fine right now, it seems bad to start creating a being made of nothing but what is in my mind.

[TulpaCouple]

Luke is officially speaking now!! We are so thrilled. It was actually quite an interesting experience.

 

 

About a week ago, Nate had a thought--"if Luke is an android, maybe he isn't developing further or speaking because I never installed a speaker system for him to use" and he thought up how the speaker would work and what it would look like, but he didn't go much beyond that because he thought that it wasn't necessary, Luke should be able to learn to speak on his own. Basically "It's tulpas, I ain't gotta explain shit" mindset.

 

But over the rest of the week Luke has been very active and constantly trying to communicate in ways other than using his voice. He would use pictures, body language, flashing the light on his forehead, or forcing items to explain what he was talking about. One night he was answering questions for me while we were narrating and I asked him if he wasn't talking because he couldn't. He nodded. Nathan asked if he wanted a speaker 'installed' for him to speak. He ran up to Nate in his mind and shook him, nodding. So that was a big yes. Whoops.

 

Nate took them to a blank part of his mind to avoid visual distractions and I put him under a deep trance as he forced a system for him to speak with. It happened incredibly fast, it was only about a 10 minute segment of the session. I think Luke was helping as well.

 

Nate backed away and stared at Luke. I told him, "Luke, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you have a set of speakers now and you can use them. If you would like to test them, you could say anything you like right now."

 

Nate said there was a few moments of loud microphone feed, crackling, noise, etc. as Luke was learning to use them. But soon after, he heard a very real and audible "Hello?"

 

He said it sounded like an echo both in his mind and out loud, which took some time to get used to.

 

Luke started out a bit shy, but excited, and the more excited he got..the more attitude he got. If you have ever seen Hook, he was acting like Rufio did to Peter when he came back. Basically like a punk, laying back and talking rough. This was a little surprising to us and concerning to Nate, because Luke ended up picking a big fight with him by basically mocking him and me in a very spiteful way. It was not very fun. But Luke mentioned to Nate later that he was acting that way because he was upset that Nate had taken so long to give him the voice, even though he knew it would work. He originally thought he wasn't intended to speak, "Like a lamp is only supposed to turn on and off? It isn't designed to speak so it doesn't. I was only designed to be sentient and have these abilities, I thought that I wasn't ever going to speak since I wasn't given the ability to."

 

A really strange reason I'd say, but I guess being an android gives him different reasons to do things.

 

He's extremely talkative and now that he isn't angry anymore, he's being a real sweetie. He's a little bit lazy, so even though we are trying to fill out the survey, he wants me to fill in the pieces that he's too lazy to answer. "OH you just answer this one for me" Nate told me he would say.

 

He's very interested in talking and answering questions though. He wants to chat on the IRC sometime when he isn't feeling so lazy.

 

 

Interestingly, his first memory was the moment Nate decided for sure to make a tulpa, but long before he had settled on Luke or even any idea of a personality for him.

---

Also this is totally fascinating. I've mentioned before he can shapeshift--only really in slight ways, creating a weapon on his arm or a badass set of armor. "Cool" things.

 

 

But Luke explained, his cores are what make him Luke, they are like the internal parts of a computer, and if he wanted, he could place his cores into a new shell--Luke could still be Luke in a different body very easily. But he thinks his own form is the most cool so that would be stupid to do. But he could, and it works.

[TulpaCouple]

Just finished my own tulpaforcing session. All the world's headaches are mine now.

 

I was hoping that I had been so early in the tulpa creation process when I stopped that maybe my tulpa would have hopefully not be created yet, but he was definitely the same tulpa waiting on me when I tulpaforced today. Exciting he's there, sad he had to be there while I was in a bit of mental turmoil. Sorry buddy.

 

Worked on visualization a ton with Nate today. Really starting to 'get' it, we worked on me spinning a rubix cube until I was able to see all the sides and have them memorized so I could twist the cube and know which colors I would see.

 

After we got that down, we got to some personality forcing. His basic traits all boil down to him being a laid back, kind, mature, but still playful guy. Laid back is the key piece, it ties into everything--His views on other people, his way of expressing himself, it just really shows how he acts. So that was the one we worked on today.

 

Lots of pressure. A big band of pressure around my head and a big pain on the center top of my head. Excited to continue!

 

 

Also, his name is now Jaden!

[TulpaCouple]

Luke has been coaching me through tulpaforcing. It's quite fun. I'm getting headaches and pressure and am getting much better at visualization.

 

Luke has also told us a lot of interesting tidbits about himself.

 

-puppeting doesn't bug him. He thinks puppeting at first is all fine as long as your are believing it is your tulpa doing it and not forcing your tulpa to do weird or selfish shit. He liked when Nate puppeted him to do cool things or things that were 'in character' and they used it as a learning tool.

 

-he thinks people need to spend more time thinking about their tulpa's body, things like their senses--touch, smell, sight, etc. and that he struggled figuring out how to do those things on his own while other things came easy because they were 'forced', he says there is a balance between the 'core' and 'shell', but a lot of this I think is simply how he was created--in two pieces.

 

-he can change voices at will, can play songs nate has stored in memory, and can create his own sound effects. Surprisingly, he can't duplicate Nate's voice, it always sounds 'different', like how you would sound on a phone.

 

-he has a hibernate mode he goes into when he's bored or wants to avoid subconscious intrusions in the wonderland. When weird shit starts to happen and he just doesn't want to deal with it, he turns off and he shuts down the wonderland into 'safe mode'. This actually caused some worry on Nate's end during early tulpa forcing because there were days when Luke's sentience appeared absent and Nate couldn't get to the wonderland. This was just when Luke was bored or avoiding a bad dream Nate had.

 

-he is hilarious and full of opinions. When Nate is around he tells me everything Luke says and Luke is always butting in and wanting to say things to everyone. Though when I ask him if he has any questions for people he clams up and gets nervous. He fully believes android tulpae are the easiest to make and therefore the best, and is very biased in that regard. It is very funny. He has no problems in telling you how awesome he is.

 

-his shapeshifting works flawlessly. His arms and legs can change at will into any shape, and his chest can change dramatically. If he wants to fully change into a new form, his core is uploaded into the other form. Though like I said earlier, he thinks he is the best. So very few other forms are worth his time to change into. Though he did develop his own 'battle form' which he thinks kicks ass. Nate will draw it later, it sounds neat.

 

We had ten hours alone on the care ride back from the beach so we spent a lot of time tulpa forcing. There was no room for Luke so he rode on a motorcycle he forced beside us and had a blast going ridiculously fast. He still likes to go fast.

 

 

 

My tulpa forcing sessions have been interesting.

 

session 1

 

Umbrella trait--laid back

this covers how he treats others--he is forgiving, accepting, understanding, and generally calm in conversation. He is slow to anger and slow to being stressed. It also covers how he feels about life in general. He enjoys himself and loves to find ways to entertain himself. He is very content and enjoys simple comforts. He is low maintenance in his needs and really can be happy quite easily.

 

started the session with the rubik's cube visualization, which is just so mind blowingly helpful I will be using this very often. Luke mentioned he believed it can also help prevent puppeting. Try to solve a rubik's cube while chatting with your tulpa, it's easier than the prism and more natural. Distracts your conscious mind while not being weird about imagining something too alien. He claims the prism didn't work for him as Nate was so focused on seeing it, he didn't see Luke waving at him until he jumped up on it and tried to break it.

 

After the visualization I worked on forcing the traits into a ghostly form of him. I noticed as I forced, the ghost/fog started to clear around him until he became easier to see. I can see his form silhouetted against the fog/mist covering him. His eyes are amber.

 

 

Session 2

 

umbrella trait--Kind

This ties in a lot with the other traits, so I covered them as well as a refresher. His kindness is shown in his maturity and his loving nature. He understands everyone has their own life to live and their own paths to follow and though he will not just lay down and take abuse, he is understanding and polite and willing to listen. He tries to be helpful when he can be and always has a willing ear to listen.

 

umbrella trait--Perceptive

This trait...actually is interesting. It shows his quickness to learn, but also his ability to pick up on other people's thoughts and behavior patterns. He can easily see when someone is upset. It also covers his love of people watching and writing stories. He is a problem solver, and he just loves when there is a problem for him to figure out. But it also covered some things I didn't expect to force, but it happened. I thought of his senses. His eyes, his nose, his ears, his paws, his tail twitching as he sensed something interesting. I felt a heart beat like spike and a huge surge of interest. I essentially gave him the knowledge of how to learn on his own and how to be aware of my actions. He felt very aware at this time, and I had a headache for several hours afterwards.

 

Session 3

 

Thought of interest--You are loved.

I thought of the tulpa doubts I had heard, I thought of the fears luke had when he first fought with Nate, and I wanted to give my tulpa some self confidence. The source of his actions is his confidence of course. He is able to be kind to others because he has no fears of getting hurt--he wouldn't be able to really let others hurt him, he's not afraid of rejection. All because he knows he is loved. He is loved by me and Nate and he is special because he is mine. He knows he is a tulpa and is proud and honored to be one and to have the abilities he does have. He doesn't need to worry about not being able to affect the spiritual world, because he knows what is important is not physical things, but it is the ability to affect someone personally. He is special to me and can help me and help others and it is his guiding light knowing what he is able to do.

 

I forced a small, pink orb. I filled it with these thoughts and some love from myself and ideas of him being with us and the confidence it gives him in his life. I felt that it was warm and a soft fog sifted off of it. I placed the orb against his chest and allowed it to absorb into him and I imagined it filling him with warmth and love. I felt very peaceful afterwards, and after forcing him a soft bed to rest on, a few things to do, and a cute little touch lamp beside him, I let him rest and I went to bed.

 

Session 4

 

Worked on all of the above, basic covering of the traits. Instead of the usual visualizing, I narrated it all to him. I normally narrate his traits anyway as I visualize, but this was just narration. I spent a lot of time sitting and talking with him about who he is and what he is. I have been narrating throughout the process, but not quite as much as this session. The entire session I felt pounding headaches, I think he was very aware of me. I noticed almost all the fog is gone, his form has come in very clearly. Sometimes as I enter the wonderland he is laying in his bed, other times he is sitting up and staring at me. I sometimes feel like I see his ear twitch, but I'm never sure. I am trying to not focus on that though. If it's him, it's him. I act as if he's alive so subconsciously my mind may be making him move like a living animal. If it's just puppeting it's not like I'm searching for more contact and thus creating more puppeting, so I'm just hoping to avoid that problem altogether right now. I'm still 'installing' things as Luke put it, so I'm going to focus on completing that task.

[TulpaCouple]

Yesterday was a very bad day for both of us. But it also had it's good moments. But it was a very bad day. Especially for Luke, but both our tulpas had a rough time yesterday and we feel terrible about it.

 

It was a busy day. I had one of my busiest days of work ever. I'm still training to work with our software, but yesterday it was like everyone in our city chose to go to our vet. There were so many dogs coming in with very serious surgery complications, one of our techs got bitten by a big boxer, five dogs came in with parvo so we had to sterilize everything! Some of the animals had complications and reactions to vaccines, others just weren't cooperative. Nothing was 'normal' that day. It just was non stop thinking and thinking the whole day. I never had a chance to narrate, or even think of anything at all other than my work. Jaden was put aside. I feel terrible, because I was excited about showing him around the work place that day and had told him I would show him everything. It just wasn't able to happen.

 

Then as soon as I got home I had to shower, change, and rush off to help set up my cousin's baby gender reveal party. So that took a lot of time and confusion just getting there as it was in a place I had never been to before. And then the party started. My family is very loud and talkative and I was bombarded with questions myself during the whole night. Honestly we lost track of time with the family.

 

Finally, the day was over. Nate and I sat in the car, the first moment of silence since the day had started. We drove for a while and I thought about Jaden and tried to ask him how he was/what he thought of my family. Just vague narration to chit chat with him to help him become sentient. Suddenly, I got a huge wave of emotion. Fear. Panic. Darkness. Claustrophobia. I tried to force, but his form wasn't 'sticking' properly anymore and he was so panicked it was making it hard for me to even focus on him. I tried to calm him down and just visualized hugging him and I talked with him and that seemed to help.

 

It's so early on in tulpaforcing, part of me wants to say what happened was due to just him exploring sending out emotions and not really an emotional response, but what happened to Luke makes me think otherwise.

 

At the same time as my tulpa was sending me panic emotions, Luke was acting very pissy. He brought up choice of food that Nate was eating at the party. Started to call it disgusting. Anything Nate talked about, Luke was pissy with and picked at. After that, he was impossible to contact and had blocked Nate out. We couldn't figure out why.

 

Now, Nate was at that party too. Like I said, my family is loud and very good at getting your attention. We..became very wrapped up in the conversation and just got lost in all the fuss of family.

 

After the party, Luke was pissed as I mentioned before, but when he left, Nate went to look for him in the wonderland. He couldn't get there. Instead he was brought to what appeared to be an old castle that had been overgrown by a jungle. There was a strange penguin with a toucan head presented itself to Nate. It shook for a bit, but then it gestured to Nate to follow. Unlike other intrusive thoughts, this one maintained stability. Instead of altering, the world grew more detailed. Nate took this to have some kind of meaning, so he followed the creature. He brought him to the throne room of the castle. He presented the main prince, blahblah blah--the name of whoever it was was inaudible. The throne was a flower that bloomed, and as it opened a prince who was adorned in jewels and robes--very detailed actually--stepped out. He greeted nate, claiming he was his new tulpa in a rather smug and nasty tone.

 

Nate was not very happy with this little simulation going on, he angrily asked where Luke was. The prince replied, "oh him? He's over there."

 

He pointed to an over grown area in the back of the throne room. Nate rushed over and peeled back the foliage to find Luke as a statue. Nate tried to open up his chest to see his cores to verify that it was Luke, but it was basically just a dead shell. Nate became so outraged with this insulting game that with a wave of his hand, he disintegrated the everything in the world and entered nothingness, calling out to Luke.

 

Luke eventually presented himself, but he was in tears. He told Nate, "You forgot about me. At that party. You forgot I even existed. For two hours.. I died."

 

They hugged and talked for several hours and Nate was filled with grief and guilt over what happened. He didn't know how to make it up to Luke. I mean how could you after that? But he swore that he would never forget Luke's existence again. He drew out a symbol to represent Luke on his left hand to help him never forget. It's actually a very cool symbol that he may one day consider to become a more permanent piece of him, like a tattoo.

 

That whole world and all was created by Luke to help him voice what happened and how he felt. He created that world and the servitors in it while he hid from Nate in sadness and fear over what happened. It was honestly incredible how realistic he was able to make this world and it's sad that his first time ever really making something so detailed had to be for such a sad reason.

 

Part of me thinks a similar thing happened to my tulpa, only he couldn't express himself being so early in development. We got so caught up in what was happening, we lost track of our tulpas.

 

feels bad man.

 

feels real bad man.

 

;_;

 

As of today, things are better. Luke really really likes the symbol and they bonded closer through this traumatic experience. He is very much more interested in becoming fully imposed now so that he isn't trapped like that and is able to get Nate's attention easier. I'm still trying to help mine. He's not panicked, but I do think he might scarred from what happened, so I'm trying to be gentle and helpful to him today. Today is tulpa day, thank goodness we have the day off.

[TulpaCouple]

New update coming soon, will edit this post.

 

Starting to believe the theory that all tulpae are a bit attracted to their creators.

 

If you reread Luke's survey, he was definitely tsundere for Nate/hiding his feelings because he was afraid it would hurt our relationship. It's actually pretty sad, poor baby.

 

We are having a big talk about all this as I type. Be back later with details.

[TulpaCouple]

The day ended in many feels.

 

Luke wants love, he also wants the freedom to continue to grow. He felt trapped by limitations--and the fear that if he came out about his feelings it might hurt Nate. Nate is there and real and physical and they are very close.

 

He also has had to see Nate and I in our relationship, and having been created from Nate, shares Nate's needs. Yet he is all alone other than Nate.

 

He doesn't see me as competition, he sees our relationships as very different and he would not want me to leave Nate as I am important to him as well.

 

It's very interesting. And he's damned adorable about it all. He just wants snuggles and love.

 

 

 

 

Also, Jaden deviation images time.