Tulpa Couple's thread

[Black Bane]

Wow, this is so cool.

[TulpaCouple]

Luke has been helping Nate develop a visual HUD for Nate for a while now, don't know why I didn't bring it up. Luke is excited about being imposed, but sometimes he likes to stay in the wonderland--I mentioned this in the IRC, but for him, the wonderland is like what Earth is to Superman. He has power there and can do the most good and feel like a superhero. Being out in our world is like going back to Krypton where he has lost most of his favorite abilities, though it's the best place to hang out with Nate.

 

The HUD is totally based on star fox, and he shows up in the corner to chit chat with him like a webcam. Mostly has been using it for fun and games and making jokes but Luke has been enjoying adding up statistics and other functions for Nate. Today they worked out, Luke was there on the inside being the best cheerleader ever while showing up a screen of the time he had been working out and various other little bits of information while they blasted music and just enjoyed themselves. He was a sweaty mess by the end, I have never seen him actually work out that hard and stay so motivated.

 

Jaden was very active today at work and I've started to notice some things. Nate reminded me that very early on I had wanted his voice to be similar to Vash's voice from Trigun, but maybe a bit calmer. I realized that I could very very vividly and easily hear Vash's voice in my head and even imagine him saying things that weren't direct quotes from the show. A skill I've never been proficient in. Also, since I had begun tulpa forcing I have been singing almost nonstop, and I am usually quite shy about singing if not in a choir. One of the reasons I chose Vash's voice is because the voice actor has quite a lovely singing voice and I wanted my tulpa to sing with me. I think he's encouraging me to sing a little bit and maybe even wanting to sing along, but I just can't hear him yet. I'll keep serenading the fuzzy guy, I do get quite a few feels from it.

 

When I visit the wonderland or imagine him around me, it's hard to focus on him because he's moving quite a bit. I can't wait for him to talk, because since he is a very animal shaped tulpa his movements are very animalistic and his ways of showing affection is too. So right now he mostly nuzzles and rubs on me like a cat to show affection and I can't wait to get some different types of interaction when we are able to have dialogue.

[TulpaCouple]

Luke told us this the other day:

 

"Thank you for following my suggestions. It makes me feel more...real when you listen to what I have to say and don't brush me off."

 

I thought that was sweet and something to keep in mind in the future. We've always had nagging thoughts telling us to do this or that, but it's just so easy to brush those thoughts off. Not fair to treat a tulpa the same way as a passing nagging thought.

 

Jaden is much more obviously sentient. He woke me up the other day when I almost missed work. Suddenly he appeared in my dream and all I could think about was that I was going to be late for work. I woke up just in time to get out of the house and to work on time. Thanks Jaden! Also when I go tulpa force I will find him doing his thing or even sleeping. He really likes the river that is in the wonderland and has apparently been planting seeds and gardening while I've been busy.

 

I have been working on my own doubts quite a bit to be sure that I am not stifling his progress. Went through just about every method to prove to myself I have no power of puppeting over Jaden and if he moves it is his own doing. It's been working wonderfully. It's fun to be surprised.

 

Sometimes I think I hear mumbling. His voice for sure. I wonder if he's trying to reach me but I just can't hear him yet.

 

Visualization is getting better. His face is still hard to focus on. Smell and touch are the strongest. I can see everything from his shoulders and beyond perfectly, the head just is a bit fuzzy.

 

 

Also, Luke successfully possessed Nate's arm the other day. It was easier than he thought it would be, but he used a different method than most others have tried. He claims that mentally it's similar to puppeting, but physically, it's like making Nate's body a mirror of his. He will move and Nate will move automatically. Nate described it like the pilots in G Gundam, how their bodies fully control the suits, but it takes no great difficulty to move them as it's no different than moving their own arm. The only struggle was getting Nate to let go.

[QB2]

 

It's like he's QB's long lost brother or something, haha.

Seriously, the resemblance is striking.

[TulpaCouple]

I do think I was influenced by watching--actually possibly you--discuss your QB tulpa early on when I was researching this stuff. The idea of a little fuzzy friend tulpa just stuck with me.

[TulpaCouple]

Today was fun. Went on my first little tulpa 'adventure', because I can finally visualize well enough to do more than sit there trying to visualize.

 

Went to my white space. Only this time it was dark. Imagined a light switch that I turned on which actually made everything go to normal. I was in a white hallway with many different doors. Jaden was in there with me and he ran up for hugs and adorableness. I realized I could feel his nose was cold, which was surprising. I talked for a bit and told him that these doors can take him wherever he wants to go and that we could go have an adventure today. He instantly ran ahead of me, stopping at a big metal door. Looked a bit foreboding to me, like a dungeon door, but when I opened it up I found I was at my work. I had been promising Jaden I would take him around my work for days now, but every time I am there I just can't focus well enough to do much more than some half hearted narration because it's so busy. So I took Jaden through a day at my work, showed him how to work all the machines and how a normal vet visit goes. Jaden played along and had a stethoscope around his neck and one of those weird metal circle headbands doctors in cartoons wear. To top it off, he even had a lab coat. He looked a little like doctor cat. Only fuzzier.

 

 

Spent about thirty minutes showing him everything until he was getting bored and I had gone over most of the big stuff and we went back to the white space. This time I picked the next door, this one leading to a beach I know well. Jaden took off running again, showing a lot of interest in the sand. He drew little pictures in the sand and I forced a blanket for us to sit on while we watched the waves. After a little talking and doodling together we decided to build sandcastles. His was infinitely better than mine, little cheater. After we were done we smashed into the sand castles to destroy them(it's fun!) and just played in the water.

 

After a while he seemed tired so we went back to the white space and walked back to the door that leads to the wonderland. I took a little look around. The grass looks longer than when I first forced it, and Jaden has built a garden on the right side of the house. I didn't notice until I got closer, but he also had created a covered porch and little bench swing on the front porch. The seeds he found are in the garden, except one, which he keeps in a pot on the porch. He says it's special he thinks.

 

I did hear speaking this time, but it couldn't 'stick'.. It was a bit like a dream that you forget quickly, I know he said something, I know I heard it, but I am struggling to recall what it was.

 

 

 

Luke has decided his main voice is now Alphonse Elric's. A little older sounding when he wants to be serious, but when he is trying to be cute he will just sound like a kid.

 

He's getting closer to messing with the subconscious, but it's confusing to him. He's mostly just poking at it, basically.

[TulpaCouple]

Okay big update.

 

 

About half a week ago, I put Nate into a trance. We decided to go directly into the subconscious to help Nate with his own issues that are preventing further growth with Luke. Basically reinforcing certain tupper beliefs and such. Anyway, what happened was spectacular.

 

Nate appeared in his white space, Luke alongside him. I guided them by asking Luke to lead Nate to his subconscious. They walked, coming towards a ridiculously large spherical..building type thing. Looked like a death star made of gold that was intricately designed. Luke led Nate to the door that would allow them entrance. They noticed immediately that the inside was not as neat and pretty as the golden exterior, but was dark, dusty, and cramped. Wires were exposed, some were outright just unplugged. They crawled through a ventilation shaft. It was excessively claustrophobic and completely dark. Luke signaled that this air vent latch was the one they needed to go down. He kicked it open. When they landed, they were in the very first version of Nate's wonderland--except the lights were off. They had originally gone in looking for some type of computer console. They found one in that wonderland, but it couldn't provide them with what they needed. Luke signaled to Nate that he needed help opening the door to the wonderland. They opened it to find a two foot wide hallway. They began exploring through excessively narrow passageways, realizing all the walls resembled grungy 80s scifi technology. They kept searching until a room resembling a reactor core(think core of the death star) caught Nate's eye. He signaled to Luke to come over, realizing they had found what they were looking for. The core of his subconscious was in front of them, but there was a huge gap between them and the core. This is when they realized that the subconscious seemed to prevent them from using all the 'cheats' available in the wonderland--they couldn't simply teleport, Luke couldn't shapeshift, etc. Thankfully, a bridge appeared as Nate walked forward and they were able to cross the gap.

 

The computer there was a very small one, like an old analogue computer, resembling almost exactly the mother computer in Alien. Sounds and all. This is where we chose to type in specific logs--beliefs. This computer set the rules for the mind. We basically reinforced the golden tulpa rules in here. As he typed this in, he heard grinding metal sounds echoing from the room around them. Nate became nervous at this point with all the radical changes he could sense were happening. He decided it was time to leave and asked to be pulled out of trance.

 

I pulled him out and we went about our day as usual. Luke seemed pretty quiet, we figured it was a big day for him so we left him alone. A couple days passed and we realized Nate couldn't find Luke in his wonderland, or his white space, or anywhere. He sent out a ping towards his subconscious, and found Luke there. We figured Luke must be working in there, he's always been fascinated with the idea that he can help Nate from the inside. He seemed busy and agitated when we bugged him. We were a bit nervous, Nate was worried he hadn't spent enough time with Luke and Luke had become so bored with him that he would rather spend time in there than with him. It was almost impossible to even receive emotional responses, and his voice seemed distant, more like a text message than speaking.

 

Dialogues posted a hypnosis file and I used it with a lot of success--even hearing Jaden fluently speaking for the first time! I told Nate about it and how it could help him and Luke, maybe mend the possible hurt feelings by spending some serious family time together. So Nate went to ask Luke's permission. He stepped into the subconscious and asked Luke if he was interested. Luke appeared before him, confused. He asked why, to which Nate just sadly hugged him, just happy to hear his voice for real again. Luke interrupted him and told him what had been going on. What we didn't realize earlier is that when we took Nate out of trance, we had destroyed the door that had let them in originally. Luke had been trapped in there for days. He spent his time cleaning up the place and trying to make a gateway back home, but he couldn't do it without Nate's help. And unfortunately, the gap between them was so powerful he wasn't able to properly communicate it to Nate unless Nate were to go into the subconscious again.

 

So Nate helped him power the core and light up a hallway leading to a door. They opened it, and Nate realized that they were back in the wonderland. Luke was very relieved and very giddy at this point. He began telling Nate all the fun stuff he was able to do in there--for instance, creating a dream for Nate to have tonight. I can't wait to see how that turns out.

 

But now, there is a permanent door from the wonderland leading to the subconscious. Luke can go in and out freely if he chooses and it is a much safer route.

 

We are very happy to have Luke back.

 

Nate still wanted to try the hypnosis file, but Luke is too damn hyper and won't quit talking enough for Nate to sit and listen to the file. It's ridiculous, but we are just thrilled he is alright.

 

 

And I'm just thrilled to have gotten to hear Jaden and chat with him. I can't wait to go hear him again.

[TulpaCouple]

Jaden is becoming more and more vocal by the day! I'm figuring out just how to listen to him. It's still mindvoice, but it's very much a different mind voice than my own and it is very clear. He can say full sentences and ask questions but mostly just answers with pretty short words. "Yeah", "It's fine", "I love you!", "Okay", etc. Some long sentences get jumbled, but it is more my mind mixing up what he says than him getting his words mixed up. He's a fairly quiet guy which really is one of the traits I reinforced in him. He enjoys just being around me, so he hasn't been quite as vocal about becoming vocal as some other tulpae have been. He's just chill and calm about it and enjoying the ride.

[TulpaCouple]

Having some serious trouble focusing lately. Used to always use tones, now they just seem to make things worse. Maybe I need a break from them.

 

I keep getting extremely distracted due to my job. Anything I do when I force starts to correlate to my work until suddenly I'm off daydreaming/focusing on random work scenarios.

 

Aka will be working on visualizing and feeling his form, suddenly I'm giving a dog a check up and going through a whole comprehensive exam and it takes me until I realize I'm talking to the pet's owner that I am TOTALLY not even focusing anymore, oh god what the fuck.

 

Sorry Jaden, I'm not sure what's up.

 

 

At the moment, passive forcing seems to be what I can focus on most. Narrating and spending time imposing him while I am fully awake. Getting into a meditative state or trance state is proving to be extremely difficult.

 

So much protocol to memorize in my work. It's really messing with my head.

[TulpaCouple]

Haven't been updating much. Mostly we are just staying the course. Luke and Jaden are doing well.

 

I did have a thought I discussed with Sock earlier, something that helped me and something I wanted to write down. I noticed something myself early on with Jaden that I did somewhat on accident that I believe helped immensely in his creation process.

 

Life.

 

I see it again and again in progress logs--tulpae described as doll-like figures. Unable to move and more like inanimate objects than anything. Creators even have mentioned in the IRC that they struggle to even think of their tulpa gaining sentience as it appears to be more of a mannequin than anything else. How could a doll gain sentience? And how could a doll moving on it's own be anything other than puppeting? It's a doll or..a puppet.

 

When I was doing personality work on Jaden, during the "Perceptive" trait, I also imagined things like senses--and bodily functions..A burst of life and energy was felt, like a first breath of air. Slight movements could even be seen at this point. No longer was he a doll, but he was a living being. Sentient or not, he was breathing and I knew he could hear and see me.

 

At this point I actually began to struggle. I myself was still prone to believing in hour counts and the sudden burst of movements so early on(simple things, his ears would flick if we heard a noise while forcing. His constant breathing, occasionally looking up towards me) made me nervous. I had to fight myself for a while to prevent the idea that I could be puppeting him. Looking back on this he thanks me for not preventing his movements. The time he spent aware of my own actions and my voice and being free to move gave him time to feel and think and realize his own sentience.

 

I can understand how it can be hard to imagine sentience happening in a day. Obviously it's best to believe they are sentient from the start, but some may still struggle with viewing a tulpa as sentient when the tulpa and the creator have not yet learned to communicate to each other. But it may be easier to at least believe your tulpa is alive and somewhat aware. Alive and able to learn and react to you and figure out just how to get his or her thoughts across to you.

 

A living being is harder to puppet than a doll. Have you tried to puppet a family member? Or even a pet? As a living being they are in control of themselves and you aren't in control of them. Viewing a tulpa as equally alive and separate helps your mind let go of puppeting and accept that the movements they make are actually them. Of course it may not surprise you, you may have even expected them to move that way. Does everything your friend does surprise you? Your tulpa is someone you know inside and out. You know them so well you are bound to know what they are going to do sometimes. Just because you figured they would agree with you(and they did) doesn't mean you subconsciously puppeted your mental doll into speaking or nodding. It just means you know your friend really well.

 

 

 

 

Since solidifying this belief in my mind, my process with Jaden has improved dramatically. In moments when he's not moving I don't have fears of him losing sentience or fears that I puppeted before, but I will look and realize he is simply sleeping. And things like that make sense and don't cause me worry about puppeting. I expect him to move. I know how capable he is. He's alive and well and any struggles in communication doesn't take that away. It's just like two people learning each other's language.