Sands and Roswell magic woooooah

[Sands]

All these feels.

 

Started the day with the usual 30 minutes of visualization/smell/narration, but today was different as we actually had a conversation. I asked if he slept well and he said no, which was pretty odd. I asked him why and he said I had a weird dream. My dream, not his, was the weird one and he had gone into my dream. It was apparently pretty disturbing, but he says he's fine. I suppose I can remember some parts of the dream and they were fucked up so yeah, I understand. But at least nothing bad happened to him, which is great.

 

I have a sister who is a leech and who I hate more than anything, don't even want to see her etc. but he says I am too cruel. He understands, he says, but says I am taking it too far. But I suppose he couldn't quite understand everything between us, not having experienced everything. Or anything.

 

We also did at least 30 minutes of imposing when I went outside and there was a storm and lightning and all this fucking rain fuck. He says he wasn't scared though. It apparently would've been scarier if it was darker and stuff.

 

Then there was 30 minutes of the same visualization/smell/narration but this one was pretty much mostly narration. Apparently he can taste what I can taste and share other senses too, we did the whole sense sharing thing a lot earlier but at least it is confirmed now. And he likes Odin Sphere more than is healthy. He wanted me to sit on his lap at one point and started touching my face... I suppose that is sort of what I do when touching his face except I don't make him sit on my lap. He would be too big for that anyways. I guess he can go over my face like I do if he really wants to, no worries. He said I am beautiful though, which just made me go lolwut. I think we got a guy here who has no standards.

[Sands]

Last night as I was telling him good night, he wanted me to sleep in the wonderland again. I wasn't really planning on that, I needed sleep and it's very hard to go to sleep there. Some other time, I suggested. He was fine with the idea but said I should sleep there now and it pretty much turned into subtle begging and puppy dog eyes so ngh, guess I had to. I smelled him pretty well there without a reference.

 

I have also been apologized to. For hurting me, apparently. I'm not sure how he has hurt me so I asked how, headaches perhaps? To which he answered yes. I told him that he doesn't have to worry about that and he can cause all the headaches he wants to if he feels that will help. To think that he thinks such small things make my life difficult and should be apologized and felt bad for...

[Waterbijdewijn]

I have also been apologized to. For hurting me, apparently. I'm not sure how he has hurt me so I asked how, headaches perhaps? To which he answered yes. I told him that he doesn't have to worry about that and he can cause all the headaches he wants to if he feels that will help. To think that he thinks such small things make my life difficult and should be apologized and felt bad for...

:D

[Sands]

Haha, you always reply when it comes to headaches and tuppers, eh Waterbijdewijn?

[Sands]

We just did 30 minutes of visualization, smell and narration today, starting our day with that. After that we've been on #tulpa chatting and reading. He's been talking too and he liked that a lot. He was very nervous at first but he got into it and had a blast. It's something we want to do again. Perhaps there will be less sessions these days and more derping around and talking.

 

Oh and he wrote a book. About us. It has many little stories that are pretty weird and apparently full of SYMBOLISM or something.

[Sands]

An hour of visualization/narration/smell today, some imposition I didn't even count. Roswell said we should have at least two sessions today, but seeing that we spent a lot of our day talking on the irc and playing vidya, we just had those two sessions, heh. He really likes talking with people and would like to talk to more tuppers, too. There tends to be a lot of excitement and sometimes nervousness when talking to people.

 

Roswell apparently is scared of the stairs that go down from his bedroom to the library. He said he doesn't want me to get rid of them though, he says he wants to get used to them. He's brave, he says. We went outside for the first time. There was a field there, a familiar one we've been to before, but soon after we stepped outside cobblestone roads and gardens started to appear. I asked Roswell if he was doing it and he said yes. First time I've seen him create something with my own eyes. I explored around with him for a while and saw a greenhouse which I was told to go inside. Roswell said he wanted to grow things and while he was able to make things grow in seconds, he wanted to have a hobby of slowly growing them. Good for him I guess. I ate some stuff, was good.

 

Roswell said he had a really great day.

[Sands]

Not much was done today, so I guess it was mostly a rest day. 30 minutes of visualization/narration and smell. He wanted to take me outside and to the greenhouse to show me his plants. Ate some more there because I am a fat fuck. He made me horns. He said he likes his horns and he likes it when I have horns, too. I'm not sure if my horns will stay, but if they're there then I'm not making them go away, haha. I like roleplaying and he's said that he would like to try too and go on adventures. So uh, today I was a scary dragon. He was himself and a pretty smug one for talking to a huge dragon who obviously wasn't happy about this whole thing but was still unable to hurt him. It was mostly just an excuse to be able to take him on a dragonride in the wonderland, the whole dragon role. He said it was fun but scary, not sure if he meant the flying or the roleplaying and talking to a dragon part, haha.

 

We're going to do shorter sessions but hopefully we'll be able to have many throughout the day, have little chats now and then but go on some longer adventures if we feel like it.

 

Roswell would like to talk to more people, but we don't quite know where we would do that. Seems like we're banned from the IRC too, haha. I guess a Tumblr blog could be fun but do people even use those?

[Sands]

So we did 30 minutes of imposition for a change when we went outside, it was pretty fun he says. Still not trying to see him, maybe I should start trying to do that too... Perhaps it will be easier to start in a dark room. Always managed to see the weirdest shit in the shadows. When I picked on Roswell's fear of the library stairs, he said my fears too and fear of the dark was one thing he said. I don't think I've ever been afraid of the dark but I suppose the darkness hides things. Potentially bad ones, be them my imagination or actual crazy things.

 

Also 30 minutes of visualization/narration/smell. I guess the highlights were few games of tic-tac-toe, the first game I was able to win and he seemed to not be able to believe it. After that we got ties. I gave him access to my subconcious earlier, but he said he hasn't gone there yet so we went there together. Letting him go there alone might've been a stupid idea and perhaps he wasn't even able to. He seemed to have problems getting in but it worked. Almost as soon as we entered he said he understands now. Everything. My subconcious apparently is a dark void with glowing neon doodles around. Kind of like the dream fragments or whatever in Psychonauts, haha.

 

We didn't dig too deep but I did ask Roswell if he had any ideas how to access stuff there. He said he didn't but had an idea which he didn't share with me. I guess... He showed me. He grew a big pilar of plants and flowers that started taking over the black void. It made me feel very light-headed and relaxed, kind of painful in the way of headaches but almost like a light trance. It was hard to see, so I didn't even try and just floated there for a while as he did his thing. I should've probably been pretty freaked out at that, but I wasn't. I guess I trust him not to do stupid shit or hurt me, he did say that he can stop if I want to but I just told him to go on with it. I came back to, uh, "reality" once he was done and there were plants growing on the ground. They were him, he said. They wouldn't be a bother to my subconcious and it wasn't him taking over like it sounds and honestly felt like at first, but he said they would help him understand more. We left soon after that, but left the door open so that he can access it.

 

Asked him what he's doing, he says he's exploring there not and it's not scary and there's nothing to worry about. And ah, earlier in IRC there was talk about tulpa dreams and Roswell said that he will try to make me a dream tonight. We'll see how that goes and if I'll be able to remember it.

[Sands]

Last night was the first night when I didn't tuck him in bed as he wanted to and apparently had to stay awake for him to make me dreams.

 

Well I did see dreams I actually remember and Roswell says they were his doing. They had actual plots and were pretty tense at times, but I still just didn't want to give up and emerged victorious, haha. It's odd how I could feel pain in the dreams and not wake up. I did wake up in the middle of the night though and had a chat with Roswell, there was also an audible scream in my voice that was weird and I wondered if something happened to him, but he just said he was trying things... Well, at least he's saying it was him and not some normal being tired fuckery.

 

He stayed up most of the night but he did go to sleep at some point, at least I can't remember dreams in one stretch before I woke up and Roswell too seemed to be awake, what with him talking and all. Woke up couple of times. I remember some other dreams too but some of them he says he didn't create.

 

We just did 30 minutes of normal exploring and talking in the wonderland today. I've been doing my own stuff and so has he, apparently been exploring my subconcious now that he has access to it. He found something that he wanted to show me, so I tagged along. There was a computer that could write messages I could actually read for a change. It could understand me but it seemed to disbelieve Roswell until I told it to suck it up and accept it, haha. At least it was starting to be a bit more accepting and let us both be. Roswell grew more plants in my subconcious, saying that now it was more like our subconcious instead of just mine. Some vines went into the computer too. It all is very weird but at least one of us seems to know what they're doing.

[Sands]

Let's see. An hour of usual visualization/narration/smell and some singing. I think singing makes me almost hear stuff, but it's still hard to say. There was also some imposing I didn't even bother timing so let's not add that anywhere, haha. I think we had what was closest to me falling asleep while hanging around with him. Well, not intentionally at least, I have slept in the wonderland because he wanted that. I was listening to him talk and sentences suddenly just didn't make any sense and I just went huh wait what could you repeat that and Roswell was just sitting there and calmly stating it was all me and not him, haha. At least he tells me... Not a good idea to force in bed at 1am or so, eh?

 

He agrees that taking it easy for now is a good idea. We both are tired and we have things we should be doing. He is thinking that getting imposed should be our next step, so guess we'll try to work on that. I've been trying to help him get his voice more like him but I suppose it's not that important, seeing that I already can understand him. But he really wants to experience the world and can't really say no to that. He says being imposed feels completely different.

 

Also how about some quick doodle of Roswell I did earlier today? Should probably post that here too, seeing that it's a thread about him and all.