Sands and Roswell magic woooooah

[Sands]

If this thread somehow manages to encourage or interest someone, then that's great.

 

Learning to talk in a way we understand seems to be pretty difficult for them, based on many reports. Might take a long time or might take a short time, we all are different and so are our tulpas. I could use with some more narration, but not much to talk about in my life. That's why I liked reading, at least! Plenty to talk about that way and talking aloud seems to help them with the whole talking thing. It's also very possible that he is talking already, but I just can't hear him. My head seems to be a noisy place.

 

Give it some time and don't get disappointed if it takes time, but don't think it has to take a long time either. Things happen when they happen and we should let them happen.

[Sands]

Had 30 minutes of visualization and hanging around just now, felt like I might wanna explain this session on its own while I still remember it well.

 

So I jump in my black void, he's just wearing his underwear so I guess he woke up recently. Or I woke him up, who knows, wasn't in bed at least. Took a good look at him while we weren't doing anything, asked him if he wanted to do anything. His lips move, but I can't hear anything and I'm afraid I have never been able to read lips in any way. So all I can do is apologize and try to be quiet and see if I can hear anything. Can't, but I get the feeling of fishing, which was weird. I haven't ever even gone fishing.

 

So I ask him if he wants to go fishing, but again, lip reading doesn't work and I feel like asking him to nod or shake his head feels like it's too easy to puppet. So I make us a whiteboard, I feel like that would help us if he can't tell me what he wants to say vocally. I show him that you can write on it and he too tries to write and probably writes something, but it's blurry and I can't read. Someone else had better luck with pictures, so I suggested he tries to draw something and I drew something there too to show him. He doesn't do anything for a while, but starts scribbling something for quite a long time. Taking a look at it in the middle of him drawing just made it look very confusing and me looking at him draw kinda made him just concentrate on me instead of drawing, so I would go hang around on the bed while he drew.

 

It too ended up very blurry and abstract for me, but now thinking back, it seems clearer. Hard to say if it's me trying to make it clearer or what, but it sort of makes sense now. It seemed like it was drawn backwards, usually you'd start with the stick figure and then draw what it's holding and the ground and such, right? So it was very confusing to look at when it wasn't finished.

 

Anyways, the picture was too confusing for me to understand at the point, and I knew he was trying to tell me something so why not go back to the thing I understand? Headaches. Haven't been able to puppet those. I asked him if he wanted to go fishing again and told him to make a feeling on the right side of my head for a yes and left side for no. I got a slight feeling on the right side of my head and asked for a stronger one to be sure, but I didn't get much pain even then. Feeling on the right side is more common again so it could've been anything, so I told him to do it again but this time left was yes. The feeling disappeared from my head for quite some time before getting quite weak feeling on the left side of my head. I do hope he's not losing his ability to do it, felt like he had trouble.

 

Well if he wanted to go fishing, then we have to go fishing, right? Gave him some clothes, made a lake and a boat and a fishing rod and chilled there for a while. Talked, he seemed to be more interested in the fishing rod, but I guess he listened anyways. It was relaxing, but he seemed very excited, like a little boy. He even managed to reel in a fish, I was pretty out there just chilling and staring at the clouds, I only noticed him having caught something as he was reeling it in. I guess I'm lacking a bit in the hearing department in my wonderland or something! Caught the fish in a net, was a pretty big and saturated perch. It was... Realistic looking I guess, but the colors on it were very vibrant. I asked him what he wanted to do with it, explaining him that he could take it with him or eat it or... he had already thrown it back... Well, just fine with me, live and let live, right? We went back to the black void room after that, I dressed him in less fisherman-like clothes and left.

 

It was fun. I don't care much for fishing and I never knew he did either.

[Sands]

Did two 30 minute sessions. In the first I again tried to figure out what he was trying to say but not much luck there, so I made him draw again. It was blurry again, but it had some green hills and shit so I started guessing. I was happy to notice that my guesses weren't always right, it would've been another reason to worry puppeting if they were. He didn't want to play golf at least, so instead we went hiking on some hills and had a picnic. We ate some strawberry cake. It was good.

 

In the other session something was already on the whiteboard but again it was blurry and took some guesswork. So we went to chill on a boat and drank/ate/whatever slushies. Somehow he got sunglasses while sunbathing. Went swimming after that and it was cool. There were like fish and stuff. It's interesting to imagine swimming tulpas, so you should try that at some point. Hair becomes a mess to imagine, but luckily his hair is short. Also found a gold coin in the bottom which I gave to him. Took him back to the black void after swimming. I got really painful headaches during this session but it was worth it.

 

The head pressures when asking yes or no questions aren't painful at all and that's weird. I've come to expect those painful stabs but instead I just get this weird pressure or feeling on one side of my head. I've noticed that if I concentrate, I can switch the side of the feeling somewhat but it switches back to the original place soon.

 

15 hours of visualization done now, maybe? 35 hours total.

[Sands]

Right, did my usual 1 and half hours pretty early today, but decided to write them this late. Because I can.

 

Today he was still in bed when I first jumped in. Last night before I said good night to him I could see that there was something drawn on the whiteboard and it was still there. A heart, how charming. He seemed to be pretty down though. He did draw me another picture when I asked him what he wanted to do but I couldn't see what it was about and I still can't. Had to cheer him up and reassure him before we went anywhere though. Not quite sure what worried him, but yesterday I mostly was with him during the day and didn't do much with him in the evening so maybe that. We did go canoeing after that and he seemed to be back to himself.

 

They do get affectionate fast, huh? Second session was started with a hug and the two sessions after the first one were mostly just hanging around with him and visualizing/touching his face. When I could actually visualize him, the prism and the feather at once without something getting blurry, either the prism or the feather was snatched away pretty fast. They're that annoying eh.

[Sands]

Today I did an hour of visualization and 30 minutes of visualization but mostly narration. Some doodle had appeared on the whiteboard during night, but I never figured out what it was. Maybe it was writing, I've never been able to figure out what anything he writes is but pictures are a bit easier, even though they too are blurry. We went to have some winter fun in a winter wonderland, which was weird as it's summer and nice and warm and winter sucks, but at least I thought that was what he wanted to do based on his picture. And why not, at least mental snow can be warm if you want it to.

 

We did some bobsledding there, too. Apparently going too fast or making crazy jumps is not quite his idea of fun. Poor guy seemed to be rather shocked, haha. Well, we took it slow after that and that was fine. And drank some hot chocolate.

 

It was nice to have a session that was mostly narration. Asking what he wanted to talk about made him point his finger up, which didn't really make sense in the black void as there's nothing there, but I told him about the sky and explained things about it to him. I got the idea to go into some wonderland place with an actual sky and looked at the clouds and explained about the things the clouds looked like. I didn't look at him much during that time as I was busy looking up, instead I tried to hold his hand or just feel him next to me there, sometimes looking at him.

 

Gotta go look at some clouds again in a later session, it was easier than to just talk about something random on your mind without some visual help.

[Sands]

Did two 30 minute sessions there, felt like I might as well write about them already even though there's at least one session I still want to do today.

 

I decided we should focus on narration today. First session was spent on the cloud thing. I noticed all the clouds looked like animals to me. I like animals and I guess I could explain about them much easier than something else, so it's fine to me. 30 minutes went by really fast and I jumped in pretty fast for my next one.

 

I've been telling him that he can make things himself too and I did run into a surprise during the next session. He was rather excited and I noticed there was a weird black thing in the black void. It looked like a trash can to me and I asked him if it was one, but he shook his head immediately while grinning. He was already showing me what it does by the time I managed to ask him to explain me what it was. He put in a piece of paper, a bunny jumped out. It was confusing, but I guess after a while I realized what it does and that was clever. I can't hear his speech, I can't read what he writes and his drawings take a while for me to become clear so obviously we needed to find a way for me to see his meaning without having to go through that.

 

It was pretty smart and I hadn't even thought about that, but I realized it then and there. I gave him another paper and told him to write or draw something on it, which he did, and put it in the container. A thing popped out again. So what you write or draw on the paper comes from the container. In miniature size if it's huge. Of course it doesn't really help much with talking, but it's like doing the watching at clouds and talking about them thing, except this time he gets to ask what he wants. And it's great. Plenty of animals this time too, so maybe he likes them and wants to know about them too? Or he just makes his questions easy for me. Or again I only see what I want, which doesn't make this easier at all.

 

It still looks like a trash can, though.

[Sands]

Did 30 minutes of visualization and narration just now. We continued using the weird black container that looks like a trash can and I explained what popped out after he put the paper in. Also did some visualization of his face as I haven't had too many visualization sessions that go very in depth lately. I was having a bit harder time concentrating on everything, but I got some headaches at least. If I didn't get much visualization done then at least I got more narration.

[Sands]

I guess two of today's 30 minute sessions were mostly visualization with some narration, trying to get down how he looks mostly. There was some use of the black container where I explained things. He also did produce a Rubik's cube which he apparently has been solving during the time I'm not there. He's managed to get pretty far, but I've never really solved Rubik's cubes or anything so I just feel like if you've almost got all the colors and there's some wrong in the middle, it's just harder to get it right at that point. That or he's cheating.

 

Just had another 30 minute session that was mostly narration, him using the black container to ask questions. He asked about some of the vidya I've been playing/watching or have been at some point in my life. They were a bit hard to understand at first when he pulled them out as I couldn't quite connect the look of them to anything as they were rather minor things in the games, but I guess they were rather obvious once I remembered. Some were games he has seen, some I haven't played in ages. I don't think a question about Pokémon was quite about what I was expecting there. Or well, if him suddenly pulling a Dragonair from the container means he's asking about it. Almost forgot that Pokémon even exists.

 

Right, I remember someone saying that emotional responses for them could also be this strange nervous feeling somewhere on their chest, which kinda made something in my head click. I've certainly had those these days, but never really thought much about them. Sure, there's not much reason for me to feel nervous about anything, but still, I've felt stranger things even before this whole tulpa thing. Last night when I felt it in bed, I just started talking to him and the feeling went away. Not sure if it actually was me being nervous for some stupid reason and talking just calmed me. This is why I like headaches more, they're not as confusing.

 

It's annoying when you're trying your best to hear your tulpa and then you hear something very faint... and it's just people outside being noisy. Probably. It's never quiet enough here, it seems. The city never sleeps.

[Sands]

You know, I should write my reports soon after the sessions or I just forget if something small but interesting happened.

 

Same old three 30 minute sessions done today. Did some visualization of his face again and some naked body work, haven't done that in a while so I might as well. It's surprising how everything was rather blurry and it was very hard to see many things at once at the start of this, but now it's easy to see and feel even the wrinkles on the soles of his feet while the rest of his body doesn't blur as he's on the bed. And his manly chest hair feels all the manlier, of course.

 

We haven't gone anywhere for a few days, instead working with the black trash can thingy. Easy way to get narration in I guess. It feels like I can trust him more these days, I'm not really even asking for headaches or pressure anymore, instead I believe him when he nods or shakes his head when I ask a question. Except it gets really confusing if you somehow see both actions at once. Mind, how do you work? Giving it some time seems to help, though. Are reactions to your questions supposed to happen immediately, I wonder? I should be asking him more questions though, I might be doing plenty of talking to him but not really letting him to be a part of the conversation.

 

Asking him if there's something I can do to help him talk just makes him place my hand on his cheek. I don't understand at all. But it certainly ain't touching him more.

 

Speaking of that, it is nice to notice when you're busy feeling or seeing their face so that you can see it better in the future and they leave in the middle of it, wanting to do something else as you've wasted enough time on it already for that session.

 

Also never noticed there's a small table next to the armchairs.

[Sands]

Things happened, I think.

 

I wasn't tired at all last night when I went to bed. Trying to sleep wouldn't have been easy, so instead I just listened. It was very loud... inside my head. I got some tinnitus, but the one I heard last night was deafening almost and much more than I have experienced before. But I kept listening to it, even though it got louder that way. Did my best just trying to be quiet and hear things, trying not to breathe too loudly or anything.

 

After some time I started hearing weird boops and beeps in my right ear - or in my head I don't know. Varying pitch and volume. It wasn't quite melodic enough to be an old video game tune but it sort of reminded me of those in a way. But the beeps at one point got a bit less beepy and got more timbre. Less like a machine and more like a human voice. Very, very quiet, but the beeps turned into them so at least they didn't get in the way. Hard to say if they were just sounds or if they were words, but each sound couldn't have been more than one word.

 

I felt so fucking happy yet strangely nervous there and talked to him, never quite got the same kind of sound though. Some beeps, but those too stopped at some point. My ears felt like they had a mild ear infection again for a while after that, but got better pretty soon.

 

If he's trying to talk already, we gotta find a way for him to get louder. Couldn't hear it much and I certainly couldn't hear it at all if something was going on around me.