Sands and Roswell magic woooooah

[Sands]

We had no personality sessions today. Instead, we had 1 and half hours of visualization. Two sessions of that, first session was one hour long and the other was 30 minutes. Not much in the way of headaches again. A bit, but mostly trying to visualize him just strained my eyes and made them hurt instead. I guess I got the familiar headache at some points during the visualization and throughout this day, but not as much or often as I used to. Eye strain headache and lightheadedness though, they're different feelings. Feels like he's not giving me quite as much attention as before, but maybe he's busy doing something else. Again, when visualizing him, it's hard to say if some changes in his expressions are me thinking about them or if the slight movement I saw was just him still being a bit blurry. It will certainly get easier to tell once I can always see him clearly. I am slightly afraid that me correcting him back to a neutral expression or pose is controlling him instead of the movements that happen.

 

I can see him pretty well sometimes and especially from the front and side. I guess the back views are pretty easy too as you don't have to focus on both the body and the face. While thinking about him, my mind always went back to some other character's look. Being a roleplay nerd and all, I got plenty of characters in my head that I think of now and then. Perhaps he wanted to look like that and while I would love to let him pick how he looks, taking another character's appearance would get difficult in the future. I told him that if they both looked the same, it would get pretty weird. Perhaps he got it, I think he's a bit different looking now, but it's hard to say how. Certainly not looking like the roleplaying character and looks more like how I have been thinking of him as, but slightly different. Perhaps he picked some parts of the character's face, he seems a bit kinder now. I hope we managed to do a compromise, but I do hope he's happy with it and not angry. Don't mind it if he changes it, just hopefully he wants something that doesn't look like another existing character.

 

Oh, we've started reading Terry Pratchett's The Colour (heh British spelling) of Magic together. Was the first book I grabbed and I never actually read this one so might as well. Didn't get too far, but it was rather painful. Some headaches there, but mostly just got tired from it.

[Sands]

Another day with just visualization. 1 and half hours again, in 4 different sessions somehow. I might've done a bit more than one and half hours, but meh, let's just list that, it's enough. Today he changed how he looks again. He's back to something like how I originally made him look, but better. Somehow. It just fits him better. Hope it's not just him frustrated at how I didn't let him have the other character's looks and he just gave up and let me have my way. He did make himself look better though, so I hope he likes it. He can change it if he doesn't like it, of course. I felt more during these sessions, right now I'm having this horrible headache but it doesn't feel like how tulpa sessions usually make me feel, so it's probably not him. Also don't think my eyes were hurting as much. But I've been getting familiar feelings throughout the day and while visualizing, so it's nice. Also got this one slightly new feeling on the back of my head after one session. On the left side, very tiny area, like the size of my fingertip, feeling weird and sort of painful there. Started feeling it after the sessions where he picked his newest look. I think I can see his face very clearly now and it's easy to recall, so we're making progress. Sort of hanging around with him in the black void and every time I think he does something on his own, my heart jumps to my throat, haha.

 

I am going to have to give him some clothes at some point, though I have no idea what I'll make him wear. I guess suggestions are always welcome. Something classy so that he can keep his dignity, mh?

 

We've been continuing reading that book. Can't get too far as it's painful, but it's pretty fun.

[ThatOneGuy]

Force him a nice crisp suit, but keep it comfortable. Actually, make him several sets of clothing. One for lazing about, swimwear, clothes for different weather.

[Sands]

I guess we'll be needing a wardrobe, then! I'm hoping he'll help me with his clothes so that he gets what he likes.

 

So haven't done anything with him today yet as I just woke up, but I got some stories to tell you anyways. So, yesterday I tried the alarm clock test, where you tell your tulpa to wake you up at some time and see if they do. I told him to wake me up at 4am and I actually did wake up in the middle of the night. Checked the clock, 4:48. Pretty close I guess, if he has to go by my internal clock, I could see it being an hour or so late. I didn't feel anyone waking me like some others have said, so I kinda doubted it and thought that maybe I just woke up by myself. Didn't tell about it yet as I wasn't sure if I got results.

 

So I did the same test last night, see if I can repeat it. Told him to wake me up at 5am this time. Of course first I had to tuck him in as he kinda kept jumping into my mind as I tried to sleep, even after I said good night. Right, so again, I wake up. But it was very bright outside, so I thought it must be really late already. For some time I just laze around in the bed for some time, thinking of going back to sleep. But I decided to check the clock anyways.

 

5:59.

 

That was curious. I wonder if the time had been closer to 5:48 if I had checked it as soon as I woke up? I suppose I should stop doubting him as much, he seems to be plenty aware.

[Sands]

So I had 3 thirty minute sessions of visualization as well as hanging around and talking with him. Made some clothes for him, it was nice to see that when I jumped back in during another session, the clothes were still on and looked the same. His face is giving me problems though, it's like neither of us are quite sure about it at the moment. Wasn't this hard in the beginning, but hey, if it takes time then it takes time. Not too many headaches, but I am feeling pretty lightheaded. Couldn't get any reading done today unfortunately, had to do things, but hopefully we'll be able to read tomorrow.

 

9 hours of visualization already? I've gotten his body down pretty well at least, and when I have his face clearly in my mind, it is pretty easy to recall and see from every angle. But there is plenty of work to be done, for sure.

[Sands]

Again 1 and half hours of visualization/narration/hanging around/whatever! Certainly easier to see him and talk to him at the same time. Perhaps I'll give give him some more clothes tomorrow. We read more together today and I also read the book as a bedtime story to him just now, as I had some time. Hopefully will stop him from trying to jump into my head when I'm trying to go to sleep tonight.

 

I wonder if it's a bad thing to drag him around and push him on a bed so that I can tuck him in? I dunno, I'd rather do that than just make him do it and he's certainly way too tall and heavy for my little girl arms to lift. At this point it's still rather hard to say if it's him doing it when I'm expecting him to do something so if he always followed me himself and went to bed, I'd just blame myself of puppeting and snap him back to his original place. But I guess I should try to trust him. To me, stopping him from doing things when I think I'm puppeting sounds just as bad as puppeting and believing he does it himself.

[Sands]

Did my usual three 30 minute sessions for a day this early already. Maybe I'll have another session later on or something. Should read some more. He's certainly easier to see now, that's for sure. Visualization seems to make me pretty dizzy and gives me some headaches mostly on the left back side of my head. Kinda like my early personality sessions. Sometimes my whole head hurts, though.

 

Still kinda hard to say if he's moving on his own or if he's moving at all and it's just like my hand or something. Don't ask. Unbuttoning his shirt at one point made him stop me so that he could do it himself, but that feels like something I might expect him to do. I did some visualization in the shower just now and he got pretty close and wrapped his arms around me, which was unexpected. Unexpected enough for me to probably just push him away and end thinking about him for a while before I could visualize him again. Not quite sure what happened at the end there. I should probably apologize, now that I'm thinking about it.

 

Did do some clothes for him today. Don't know why, but some stereotypical golf attire popped into my head. You know with those baggy pants that don't even go down all the way and the diamond print sweater vests and all that. I don't know, I don't even play or watch golf. But uh, I guess he can wear them for a while, if he wants. The silly hat is kinda weird looking with his horns there, but they grow from the back of his skull so there's room for a hat that shape between his horns and head...

 

I wonder what kind of a hat he could wear in cold weather. ...Earmuffs?

 

...Maybe he's just too classy for hats, even if it's cold as balls outside...

[Sands]

Right, was a nice, sunny day out, so I did some visualization on my balcony. Nice weather sure relaxes you, I was done with my usual 1 and half hours very early. Didn't talk much during it, just relaxed and mostly visualized and touched him. He seemed to be rather relaxed too. He's not a very active guy, but it seems like he's doing some movements at least. Placing his head on my lap while touching his face didn't prove to be the greatest idea; his horns kinda get in the way, but at least it was an interesting feeling. It didn't hurt, but I guess I didn't want it to hurt so it didn't. Still put some pressure on my thighs and it's nice to see that he actually has some weight.

 

It was pretty great. Very relaxing, starting to feel the summer vacation feelings of just being lazy and relaxing. Great time to daydream and visualize.

 

I've been worried of me thinking about him doing something and then him doing it, but apparently it's not puppeting unless I actually, you know... Make him do it? I've been rather afraid about thinking of anything while I was with him, really, but Avalanche told me to stop doing that. I guess my tulpa was a bit more lively today. I suppose I have to think about him doing something at some point, at least think about seeing him do it? I'm not quite sure. But my thoughts create images very easily, so it is worrying. But I was happy to see that he didn't do everything I thought about and he's done something I haven't thought about at all. So it gives me faith, and today everything was just so much relaxed when I didn't worry about anything, so I guess I'll stop worrying too much.

[Sands]

It is amazing how much a tulpa can do to calm you when you're upset just by being there and listening. Actually having somewhere there who listens and understands. Another person probably never could the same way they can.

 

We finished the book today. It was a fun experience and I feel like I should read more with him. Certainly felt good after we were done. Don't have any fiction here though, gotta get my hand on more books.

[Shmezmar]

im happy to see your tulpas progress . im surprised that he hasn't started talking to you yet. im begining my first step in creating tonight i was thinking of just focusing on personality and as soon as she starts to talk ill make her form and i want her to name her self. i just have to believe shes there and hopefully my progress wil go fast im trying to do as nest did with his 2 tulpae which he somehow got talking in a week 2 of them thats intense anyways best of luck to you i shall stock this thread every so often