Sands and Roswell magic woooooah

[Sands]

Man, why can't I hear shit when I'm awake. Today I woke up and instead just wanted to be lazy and try to get more sleep but someone keeps talking to me multiple times while I am trying to doze off. I'm not sure if I ever fell asleep and I guess the words kinda made sense somewhat, but you just can't trust anything when you're tired and about to fall asleep. Starting tulpaforcing has made me experience more of these weird auditory hallucinations when about to fall asleep, I don't think I've ever had them before.

 

We didn't do much narration today but we did have one 30 minute session that was pretty much just singing and that was fun and stuff. Two other 30 minute sessions were mostly visualization where I was drawing him in the wonderland and then some presence imposition and something new, smell. I guess I should spend time smelling him in the wonderland now, maybe it's weirder than touching his face but let's hope it's not too weird for him.

 

I did ask him things and it's like I almost heard a word... I think I heard it, but it was very, very quiet and could've almost been a sound caused by anything or perhaps he was about to say something else but my mind filled in the blanks and might've gotten things wrong. Or something. No matter, I did do what I heard so if he did say it, I'm hoping he's not too mad at me for not believing enough. I don't think I am able to parrot sounds my ears can pick up, I am more worried about other sounds around me sounding what I want them to sound like.

[Guest applesauce99]

singing in wonderland, hell yeah. What was this word you heard? 'Bird'? 'cause bird is the word. Haven't you heard?

[Sands]

No. We don't speak about that here.

[Sands]

Well I did get a rather loud squeak in my voice I didn't do, so I guess there's progress in this getting vocal and actually audible thing. He confirmed it was him when I asked about it later, too.

 

I suppose I sort of had my normal 1 and half hours done already, but an hour of it was imposition and being outside, not an actual sitting down and concentrating forcing session. Which is why I'm thinking I should probably have some more sessions today. I got a car ride from a friend and did notice he seems to enjoy sitting on the left side. Me, I usually take right if I can, but he had the whole back seat to himself so he could've picked any seat he wanted.

 

In the 30 minute session I went to the void and made it into a room with a door leading downstairs. I talked to him a lot and explained stuff. The door should lead into a library I have never seen that should have like my memories and stuff. I let him in there at the end of the session and told him he can read things if he wants to and they will hopefully help him with things and give him things to do if he's bored. He seemed to be pretty excited when I told him I will let him in.

 

Should work on his smell next session.

 

36 hours of visualization/narration/some imposition/whatever done! 56 hours in total. Man, it's hard to believe I've been doing this for over a month already.

[Sands]

Today we did things. 30 minutes of visualization and smell. It was pretty amazing to notice he actually did smell like something and I could recall it somewhat without smelling the thing I was using for reference. Then there was 30 minutes of some visualization and more imposition, seeing parts of him in the corners of my eyes is starting to get easier and his presence is always there.

 

And then there was like an hour of narration and filling that MBTI personality test. Let me tell you, it is very difficult to do when your tulpa doesn't speak, but the head throbs he uses to communicate were a great help as the questions were yes/no types. I have never asked him so many questions in a row before, I was pretty amazed he could just keep doing it question after question. The beginning was very slow and difficult, I guess he kept thinking too much about the questions instead of going with the flow and some of the questions were pretty tricky. He hasn't actually experienced many of the things the test asked about so he couldn't really answer them, but I just told him to go with how he feels he would react to the situations presented. Some answers were pretty interesting, some I could guess already but he apparently thinks a lot about the complexity of the life, which was one of the questions in the test. I would've thought he didn't, now I wonder what he actually thinks and knows about life and what else is inside his head. Guess he's a philosophical guy, huh?

 

It took long and it was really painful. I feel like he tried his best to talk to me too but there was too much going on outside to hear him well.

 

Oh right the results. He got ENFJ. All the answers which proved him to be judging kind of worried me, I never saw him that way at all, but the questions where he answered in a sympathetic way and him ending up feeling reassured me. Judging sounds so harsh, but I guess he is a sweet guy after all... I got ISTP from the same test, guess we are exact opposites eh?

[Sands]

Looks like I didn't lose any progress reports, that's great. Would probably just throw me off and I would be confused as fuck.

 

Today was sort of a resting day. I did have something I had to do and actually go outside, so I took him with me. So there was about an hour of imposition there, mind talk narration too. I've been mostly letting him dig through my memories and stuff, I have noticed that when he's busy, it's pretty hard to feel him. Especially on the first day when I gave him access, it was almost like he wasn't there at all. He seems to be in the library instead of his bedroom when I go there, I have to call him before he shows up. We also did half an hour of narration/visualization/smell, an actual forcing session woah yeah I know. Smell is getting easier, sometimes it's like you can really smell it, you know?

 

Also he seems to really like apple soda. Every time it's a hot day and I feel like I could buy a drink, I seem to ask him what flavor he would like and present some options. Apple isn't normally what I go for but if I ask him, that's what I'm gonna get. Guess I shouldn't ask if I don't want apple.

 

I am going to need some more things to do with him, hopefully something that involves talking. I wonder if there's more quizzes or tests he could take which only have yes or no questions...

[Sands]

Heh, I always tuck him in bed every night and last night I again told him to get himself ready while I was getting ready for bed too. I went to bed and was thinking about everything else, slowly drifting to sleep... And then I started feeling head throbs, kinda like hey you forgetting something there bro? I sure did, went to tuck him in bed after apologizing, haha. I guess it's important to him...

 

Today I had 30 minutes of visualization/smell/narration and 30 minutes of imposition as I went outside again and I like to take him with me. I guess I probably got more than 30 minutes but I didn't really keep an eye on the time that much and I rather say I did less than more. After that I got a weird headache that wasn't like him at all... And I suppose it wasn't. It's still there and I'm not feeling good, so I guess I'm getting sick. I don't think I can force right now, so I guess we're going to have to leave this day's sessions to just one hour... I hope I'll get better soon.

 

There's an online friend who I have told about him, heh. My friend's reactions seem to range from "I always knew you were crazy" to "I am scared of him" to "he's not real", but at least he seems to humor me from time to time. I asked my friend if he wanted to ask a question and at first it was something along the lines of "how does it feel to not be real" but seeing that he can't answer something that complicated just yet, the question had to be toned down to "do you like being an imaginary friend". I suppose it was meant to be insulting, but in a way he is imaginary and he is a friend. But I suppose in a way he is as real as my personality. Nevermind that, he seemed to take it like a champ and answer "yes".

[Sands]

I suppose I needed to have a rest day. I did 30 minutes of visualization and worked on his smell some more. I let him take me to the library that's behind the door in his bedroom for the first time and spent some time with him there. Also talked to him about the hypnosis and possession things I wanted to try and he was rather excited about them too, so I did them later.

 

I do believe I managed to go into trance while listening to Dialogues' hypnosis file. It was interesting and I have no idea why I felt so happy to see my tulpa there with me, but I'm afraid I couldn't hear him. I tried to listen to him but all I got was white noise and ear pain. The background noises in that file were kind of distracting, I suppose there was someone speaking there and it just made me go "did I hear something wait no that's just some background noise damn". But my tulpa says it helped and I guess we should try it again...

 

And we did some possession. I'm surprised it worked. My hands, they were weird and tingly, almost like they weren't mine but they were. Almost like I couldn't feel them but I did. The movements were jerky and felt odd, to me it felt like my arms were relaxed and just resting at my side yet there they were, moving. I could tell once he let go of me and let my arms fall back, them becoming my hands again. We gotta do more of that, I'm thinking that maybe it would be easier to write the things he wants to say for now.

 

I did let him write. I'm not quite sure if I undestand... He wrote episode/period (not in English so the word has both possible meanings) then pressed shift, then control and then l. Then he tried to close the program once he got his hand on the mouse but clicked cancel as it asked if you want to save it or discard it. He also browsed around in the start menu. It was pretty weird and I have no idea what was going on. The only episode l I could think of after thinking about it for a long while was a batsu game titled with part l. It still doesn't tell me much though, I'm afraid, haha.

 

It was good to rest my head for a bit today, though. I'm hoping I'll get to do more tomorrow, but I do have some things I have to do... So maybe I'm not able to foce too much, but maybe I'll be able to do lots of imposition.

[Sands]

Yeah today was more or less some imposition day or something. It's hard to say how long I exactly kept doing that as sometimes I had to concentrate on other things, but at least he was fully there on the car trips so I suppose at least 3 hours of imposition was done today. Perhaps parts of it were boring for him, but he got to look around and listen to people talk. When I got home he seemed to want to stay really close to me and it was like he was really there, it was even like I could see him as he was so close but I still didn't actually look at him. But when it comes to imposition, it feels like we made a big step today.

 

Also had another go at the hypnosis. Worked better this time and I feel like I went pretty deep, but again all I got was a painful ear and buzzing and popping. I think I got a rather breathy "hey" that wasn't as external as the sounds I usually have been getting, but it certainly was the most speech-like and understandable thing I have heard this far. Perhaps I will try to hear that voice again and see if I can. Never got an answer to what the thing he wrote yesterday meant.

 

Also did some possession and it seems like his movements are getting a bit faster and he can actually close my hands in a fist now. He never does possession for too long though, doesn't he care to do it that long or is it just tiring, I wonder?

[Kusihuora]

Just dropping in to say that I am monitoring this thread. Going to read it from beginning tomorrow. Good luck lad.