Sands and Roswell magic woooooah

[Sands]

If you're going to read all of it, I think I'm the one who has to wish you good luck.

[Kusihuora]

My body is ready.

[Sands]

Hm, well, I sort of woke up but was still in a rather dream-like and relaxed state, not fully there, but I did talk with someone. It was just in my mind and there was no external voice this time around. You could think it was me so easily, it was exactly like me but I wasn't really thinking about anything, especially not answering. But I was in such a weird state and what the conversation was about escapes me when I try to recall, it's almost like everything was a dream. I do believe it was a dream-related conversation with answers that also were related to it. I did ask him if it was him later when I managed to get up and he said yes via head throbs, but if it really was him and not just a dream, you'd think he tries to pick a moment I can believe easier! But trying to ask questions and let him answer internally doesn't really seem to work now that I am awake, I just have too many thoughts in my head. So I suppose there's not as much going on in my mind when I'm out of it and I'm not thinking his answers and as such, it's easier for him to get heard. I suppose I should try that centering method Guy posted at some point and see if I can achieve same kind of state without being half asleep. Maybe I'll hear something, maybe I won't.

 

I do wonder why I even was talking to anyone in my mind after waking up. I can't remember what the dream was about, I am having hard time remembering dreams these days. I do question why he would even answer me, is he just trying to humor me or answering just because he can? Or maybe I have some other voice in my head now, but I hope not. Gotta believe I suppose.

[Sands]

I started this day with 30 minutes of visualization and some narration, just hanging around in the bedroom. He was sleeping when I went there so I had to wake him up. First time that has happened, but guess he's tired too. I didn't have any smell reference with me this time but I did try to smell him and what do you know, he smells like that. It's still a bit faint but it's amazing, he smells like something and I'm not smelling something else to fool myself into thinking that.

 

Then I did about an hour of imposition. I let him sit on my bed while I did things and talked to him a bit, mostly just tried to feel him. We did some singing too. We just tried Dialogues' extended hypnosis file and it was pretty neat. I went into pretty deep trance there. It is hard to explain, but cool. It had less background noises so it was easier to concentrate on everything and there was a lot more time given to do things, which was nice. We did things together and I talked, I feel like he talked too but I couldn't exactly hear much. I do think I heard him very quietly say what he saw the clouds as, but it was in a way that if I didn't see the cloud myself, I probably couldn't have said what it was. I guess it would be easy to parrot him into saying what I want even if he tried to say something else, but we're definitely getting there. It is still quiet and more or less unintelligent unless I can understand the context, but it certainly felt like he's talking somewhat. Well, I've never suspected that, it's more that I can't hear him well. Gotta practice. But I suppose we can add another 30 minutes to visualization and narration here, as the hypnosis file was long.

 

64 and half hours in total I think?

[Sands]

Started our day with some hypnosis. 30 minutes of that, it was a pretty casual session seeing that I didn't have one before it, so it had some visualization/narration/smell work. Then there was 2 hours of imposition, sometimes it was light, just trying to feel his presence behind me, sometimes there was more talking, interracting and trying to smell him, we did some singing and he put his hands on my shoulders at one point. Working on trying to hear him, sometimes I think I hear him, but I can't really hear that much. Plenty of work to be done there.

 

But possession is getting easier. Typing is a bit faster now but he still writes with only one finger so that's not too fast. I try to tell him to make his answers short so that he doesn't get tired, but I probably wouldn't even have to say that. A friend asked him the meaning of life. "Focus" was typed as the answer. So now you know.

[Guest applesauce99]

sounds like your tupper is an inner dalai lama lol

[Sands]

Right, had 30 minutes of visualization, narration and smell, as it's nice to start the day by visualizing him and have a little chat. I tend to first touch and visualize him well before I do anything else but today I asked if I should do that first instead of narration. No, apparently, so we had a chat first. It's nice when they disagree with you when it comes to what you think works the best.

 

I went outside with the cat so I took my tulpa outside too and did some imposition. 1 and half hours of that, also narrated while doing that. Still just mostly concentrating on the presence or seeing parts of him in the corner of my eye, but the sunny weather gave me another challenge: shadows. It is very easy to snap back when you can feel them behind you but then you look down and see no shadow where they are supposed to be. So not only did we have to Solid Snake and keep him out of my sight, we also had to keep his shadow out of sight. But it is something that's pretty easy to see when you don't try to see the whole thing, so I saw more glimpses of his shadow than I did of himself. It's also nice of him to touch me now and then, without me telling him to. Overall, it was a rather nice session and he was there with me.

[Sands]

Today we were back to pretty normal sessions. No imposition, but started the day with 30 minutes of visualization/narration/smell like usual. Some time after we did some possession and I wanted him to try to speak through me. I thought it would be interesting to see how that would go and see if he's already able to or at least hear him practice. Well, all he could do was breathe and I guess I might know where his speech problems come from now. You can try to make sounds all you want but nothing's coming out unless you know how to control your vocal cords. Either mine are much different from him or he doesn't have them or can't control them. So I went to force him some and showed him the difference between open, closed and speech-mode vocal cords, also with some narration and visualization, making it into another session of 30 minutes. Now, either that did the trick or I was listening more, because I certainly was getting more... thoughts. But seeing that they are more or less identical to mine, there's no audible sounds and I can't exactly test it through anything as I have to focus on listening if I don't want the words to drown in my own thoughts, it's hard to say how much of that was him and how much of it was me. I suppose we'll explore that and practice. So another 30 minutes of just singing aww yeah, bringing us to a total of 1 and half hours.

 

He is saying that he's left-handed though, which is interesting. I have seen him hold a pen in his left hand but I have also seen him hold it in his right hand. Wasn't anything I forced him to have and I myself am right-handed. And uh, writing this, I think he wanted to say hello to you all. It is impossible to tell me and him apart. He's slower and sometimes he repeats things non-stop, I suppose, but I don't want to force any words into his mouth. This needs some getting used to.

[Sands]

I'm not the only one talking to myself or no one in particular in bed before I go to sleep, shut up.

 

"It all just is very confusing you know? His voice, it is like me, his answers I know before he even says them. Is he even saying them? It's hard to not worry."

"Stop. Worrying."

"Pfft haha yeah I'll try."

"Thank you."

 

Will I ever stop worrying? Find out in the next exciting episode of Tulpanauts.

 

Warning episode might not be exciting and you might not find out

[Sands]

So we started with the usual 30 minutes of visualization/narration/smell and then there was more imposition again. 1 and half hour of imposition when I went outside to do stuff. I think I'm even able to see glimpses of his shadow or simple reflections just by knowing he's behind me, following.

 

We did more talking. Apparently he feels lonely sometimes and he seems to like the idea of imposition very much. Some things I have suggested him he can turn down, but turning down imposition he does very rarely. He apparently doesn't know much math so I gave him a book that will hopefully help him with that.

 

I think I got an idea. A little background first, when I think, I think first which I sort of understand but I need to translate my thoughts into mindspeech before I truly acknowledge them. So my head is and always has been a rather loud place. I think that perhaps the voice I hear isn't quite his but it is mine. Yes yes they are identical and that's how it usually starts but it just... Well, I sort of get the idea what he says before he says it, yeah? Or at least that he is about to say something. They can very well be his thoughts which I then translate into mindspeech I usually use and understand better in my head. It's like the words don't come quite as easy and you have to sort of feel the words, y'know? So it feels like the origin of the words isn't me, but the voice is me.

 

Or then it is his voice but I don't want to ask him or he might say it is him and ruin all my speculation and dammit guess he can't shut up when I think about the thing. Come on, things are happening a bit too fast and I need some time to get used to this, at least let me believe this for a moment! I don't want to not believe but I just want to calm myself for a moment...

 

 

Let's end this with some tulpa-chatter while I played vidya:

 

"Booring." (him actually starting a conversation?)

"Haha well I guess this is boring to watch, what would you rather do?"

"Odin Sphere."

"We'll just kill this one monster okay? Can you forgive me?"

"Just this once."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"As in you wouldn't ever forgive me again?"

"No."

 

I'm not sure if it was a joke.