And with such passion as to chronicle one little mirror of myself in Vast

Am I truly wrong for wanting to keep her form like that?  

49 members have voted

  1. 1. Am I truly wrong for wanting to keep her form like that?

    • No, you're fine.
    • No, but...I hope it's censored.
    • Yes, but...I suppose desires can't be helped.
    • Yes, it's wrong.

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So...let's begin.


Her name, or at least what I'm Vespera. The evening star, et patati et patata. She's a colossus, or rather, a tiny version of what could have been.


I've been infatuated with the thought of Shadow of the Colossus after a decision to get Ni no Kuni over it at a near gamestop. It tore my heart up, and even though I enjoyed the little mage and his camaraderie, I still wanted Wander. So I thought about it and looked up everything I could from here to there, and ended up stumbling on...well, a doujinshi of the colossi.  Kumomori caught my eyes in more ways than one (I'm sorry, I'm a pervert, I know) and a form was there.


It's changed a bit now, but...she's still a colossus standing at about 6'11".

I talked to her for about 2 hours a day ago.

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Please, don't shun from perversion or any other topic for that matter if you're going to be this poetic about it. I like your expressivity already.

tell the rapper what i'm gonna do with all this money

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Before I lose myself to Tales of Graces F, I suppose another update might be in odor.

Malodorous odor, in fact. As in, it stunk.


So I decided if I was going to force, I'm going to be doing it at early morning times, after reading that some people enjoy that sort of timing. I wanted to force at sunset, but I'm feeling like a better option would be to do it when no one in my house is awake except for me and a few PSN friends to pass the time with and keep a little human interaction.

Then I thought- 'Wait, I should work on a wonderzone. That would be so cool to have somewhere to chat with her, somewhere I can forget myself in like I like to do' and I began to work. It began slowly, but clear; I wanted Hurricos from Spyro/2. hurricos.jpg.a16778a40fd4dd68e76d3a58e4c49a7e.jpg The music, the atmosphere...I mean, come on. It's a world of little electrotrolls and gear grinders, and I can't get over Steampunk like a bad high school crush (which, incidentally, her face ended up being...) so I thought to put 4 and 4 together and byte off more than I could chew. I looked up a few let's plays and even got around to finding my old broken disc just to try and get a clear picture.

The rain, thunder, the grass, I heard it. But it wasn't enough.


I fleshed it out, breaking physics. I applied logic everywhere I could, even strove to carve out the paths that wouldn't work by hand just so I could get that clear view. I don't want to sound boastful, but I've got a pretty good mind's eye, and I feel like that really pushed me along, just digging out the arches and pieces with my fingers and watching her lay out on the grass with her eyes on the clock. I tore down most of the machinery and added some Arabic architecture, arabic.jpg.b106083268dbd5faa7e0f80439b433c4.jpg with all sorts of monk statues and goddess reliefs in the walls. The roads weren't paved with gold, but I did my best to make a few bricks in the cobbles sparkle, just to catch my eye long enough to forget about the next part: the storm clouds started parting because in my real world, a clear night sky with minimal light pollution is just about the most glorious thing I could hope for.


I wanted that night sky, but I wanted storms and sunset too. Eventually, Ves decided she would do nothing to help me, or I may have made her stay in my effort to try and prove my pride was justified. The little world of Hurricos I had twisted was floating, just like in the game, so I decided to add a desert floor, almost 100 feet below. Somewhere in those silky sands, gold and scarlet, the stars shimmered, and I was pleased. I added radio towers in the distance, scraping skies and blinking out little morse code messages to me- (S-T-U-D-Y, S-A-M-U-R-A-I.J-A-C-K.I-S.O-N.R-I-G-H-T.N-O-W) and I was delighted. Everything curled back to the beginning, like a cocoon, and I hadn't made anything for Vespera.


So far, I've talked for at least an hour, collectively. I've tried to listen and see if I could guess some answers, but I'm still so over my head I don't know what comes next. Her form came fleshed out a little stronger, but I'm also torn between a few changes.


And worst yet, the reason Vespera is here...she's a collection of all the attributes I can't stand about myself, but can't stand to get rid of. I feel like some deity casting off sins, and she's better than that,'s the way I made her. I'm not sure I can make it up to her, so I just keep pushing along and hoping she'll change. Though, hoping my tulpa would change sounds pretty counter-intuitive, so I'm just going to work on her as she is now. I think I pushed a little too hard for Zone 7-1, so I'm just going to focus on her and try to keep my head out of work.


Vespera, to date, is a 6'11" colossus with cinnamon skin, arms that hang to her knees with earthen plating covering them, a bare midriff and lower body to her legs, which are strapped in the same plating. The magic sigil to strike is on her left breast, right above the heart and glowing. I assume that was me making some sort of failsafe if I ever wanted out of this 'tulpa business', but...I'm starting to regret ever thinking that way. Her face is fairly reminiscent of a high school crush I had, and her hair hangs like mine- long, black, and raggedy to her shoulders, where it stays flowing and the ends have gone brunette from sun bleaching. Her eyes have a fairly bright cyan tint (think grass under moonlight)1254889758_beautifulbluefallingstargrassmoonlightstars-32cfdb16ca946e5a5b20f129a8921fb1_m.jpg.eb77b28606ca0e7a61088ece7d548100.jpg and she's got long eyelashes. Her lips have this slight red stain on them, and she's fairly plump, though she's a bit flatchested. I don't really have a clear voice in head yet, so everything I get either comes in my voice or a speech bubble. She acts out, acts lusty, and has quite a few insults for me, but she's pretty knowledgeable about more than a few things.


And Proctor, I've grown pretty infatuated with your term forge. Be aware that it may be stolen.

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I've got a few thoughts, but don't worry, I'm good at keeping it brief.


Your Wonderland sounds quite exotic! You are excellent in describing it!


Sorry, I'm about to get all naggy up in here, but here goes.


Regarding your "attributes that I can't stand about myself," be careful. You don't want to end up with someone that's unbearable to talk to. Just a little caution.


Don't have a fail-safe. Don't. Good Lord, especially not one so obvious. She will resent it. Nothing good can come from it. It shows that you don't trust her, and that's a bad way to start your relationship.


As for her being lusty: don't build a relationship solely on sex. Hopefully you already knew that.


Sorry again. I hate to be "that guy," but I felt that I had to give cautionary advice.


Also, feel free to use "forge." I don't have a copyright or something. I'm not even sure if that's unique to me.


Good luck!


EDIT: Whoopsy, double post.

Niteo and Amber Take On the World


Amber speaks in italics right now.


Talk to Niteo on here or on discord


We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...



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Well, my art teacher used to say 'you can't paint with words' because poetry was a subsection of class that the curriculum didn't allow, so he wanted to keep students from messing up their grades. I told him he was wrong, and began to write until he accepted defeat. I subsequently almost failed.


Of course. I'm trying to give her a heart of gold, so no matter how wicked she gets, at least I'll know she means well. The sort of person you know you'll hear trash talk from in Mario Kart, but they'll at least keep the game fair.


Alrighty, then. I don't even know why I put it there, but...I think I'm starting to enjoy it as a tattoo.


Oh, it's not towards me. I'm just...well, if I may put my heart on my sleeve and try and romanticize this as far as words will go, a connoisseur of the female form. By lusty, I mean I was giving her the trait that keeps my eyes darting backwards and forwards when I'm walking downtown. I figure if she wants to do the looking for me, I can rest easy and let her stare.


Hey. 'That guy' is the one that kept me from barreling down the highway with one of my wheels broken and stalling, to where I could have been run over. People like me need people like you to keep applying physics, before we float into space and die in a vacuum.


Woo! forgeforgeforge

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Well, last night was positively charming.

I fell asleep while playing Tales, and when I woke up, felt fairly refreshed. Why not forge?


So I set to work, jumped into Zone and just started going for it. I began traitsetting and started with the 'paper in a box' method, felt so flimsy. I didn't like the idea of paper or spirits whizzing into Vespera, and I had just finished watching a marathon of How It's Made for 4 hours, so I ended up making belt buckles. Engraving traits into metal belt buckles.

It started out simple and I just took a rock, or a cone, or some spire shaped needle and dug out the first one on the buckle. L......U. I carved and carved, then hopped to my kitchen to put up some food I had left out. I came back, and I started on the last three. S-T-Y. It took a good minute, but I eventually had bold letters in the buckle, and I started to take another needle, which I can only describe as 'spatial rendering', because it started to tug at the letter and morph it along the buckle, like string in molasses. I shaped and dug out more until the letters looked the way I had wanted them to, and then I set to work polishing it. I let it shine and mirror me, and then I set it back on the workbench I was at before I finally went drifting off to sleep. 1 buckle down.


Now, it is of note that I did receive some flak for leaving in the middle of making a buckle, with her telling me she was more important and patata. I came back and apologized, and started to notice she was laying out on some chaise longue I made- velvet and gold leaf cushion, with gold metal marking where the wood would be, and cherry wood feet shaped like hers. There was a drawer on the side of it, cherry wood knobbed and shaped like a dresser's, but I didn't open it. It is her chair, after all.


I think the most important thing about last night was that I really enjoyed myself. I liked carving those letters out, I feel like it's more permanent than just paper she can hold. Those buckles are solid, and so shall she be.

Tune for That night's Tulpaforging Note- no lyrics. Just instrumentals, but I did listen to the lyrical version this morning. I think I'm beginning to shape her voice on that.

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The buckle idea is beautiful and unique. I find symbolism fascinating, but it doesn't feel as effective for me.


Good to hear you enjoy forging! It should be viewed as a way to wind down my opinion, and not as a chore.


By the way, I find your avatar mesmerizing for some reason. I just can't stop watching it.


Keep it up!


EDIT: I suppose I should clarify that I believe symbolism is as effective, or even more effective, than pure forging. However, I have never gotten it to be effective for me.

Niteo and Amber Take On the World


Amber speaks in italics right now.


Talk to Niteo on here or on discord


We share the body, we share a life. I'm not an accessory to his life...



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Before I lose myself in a a bath and a cup of cocoa, let's talk forging. Today was eventful for several reasons, both in and out of my head. But first..backstory.


I flunked out of my 4 year uni in the freshman year. I knew at the end of first semester that it wouldn't work, but I lied to myself and stayed second semester because it was already paid and I thought 'why not? Try.' The outcome was pretty much what I expected, and then I went home saddled with a loan and a crippling doubt of worth. Things got better, I got better, and eventually I got pretty hopeful in job searching. That bombed, so now I'm working on getting into the technical commune college near where I live, and things are really looking up there.


All of that aside, I had to go there today to turn in some papers and whatnot, and I took the bus. The first thing I remember thinking, or rather, thinking what Vespera was thinking, was that the people on the bus were absolutely filthy, and that we could have skated here ourselves. I checked myself and said that we would have been really tired, and that this was a good idea, and she was just fully insistent that they were dirty people.


From there it was a fairly long skate over to the college, and there were no sidewalks, so I ended up having to trek/skate certain paths to make the best time. That ended up hurting my legs on accelerated dismounts, and then I finally had to walk uphill with her on my back about plenty of things, and how I was going too slow. I walked up to a skate shop, marveled at everything, and just plainly forgot she was there until about the point I left, where she suddenly thought 'those were nice people'. I agreed, walked to the college, and began there.


She was pretty silent if I met another person to chat, but spoke up about my duties and whenever I would wait in line and read my book- Poetry for Dummies. She, or I, would just highlight sections here and there that correlated to her, words like beautiful or graceful...she got pretty vain.


I went through the motions and ended up doing pretty well, to which she told me we would need to go home so I could lie in bed again and help her forge, work on buckles, patata. I skated back about halfway and then got into a major fall going down a hill, and then had to make a dismount going with a little speed, and the whole way she just kept laughing and teasing. I'm used to it,, did that fall hurt. We get to the bus stop, and there's no one there. She bemoans our fate and the bus ride, and then I walk to a stop a little farther down. When we get on...


The first thing I notice is the smell. It was terrible, like a tennis team had just finished playing finals and hopped on the bus back home. I didn't want to look around, but she was absolutely furious about the conditions. The ride home, I managed to calm her down enough to get off 1 stop early and try to skate back, falling again. I manage it home, get inside, and she's ecstatic about forging. Then I want to walk the dog.


I didn't walk her far, but Ves kept nitpicking about how we needed to do it now and how it was a part of the day that I shouldn't skip, so I let my dog do her business and then take her back, Ves talking about how she'd like to chop the legs off of my dog and just drag her like a cardboard box with a leash, or a doggie worm. I was a little put off by the way she kept wording things, but once again, it's not like I'm not used to hearing these things when I have friends that are altogether weird and aggressive in their own day to day lives. (Luckily, they're all pretty much sweethearts, so none of that aggressiveness actually gets put to work.)


We get home, I make food, and then more food on that food. I eat all of this food, and Ves is screaming about how I'm just pigging out and how I was doing better today with all the fruit and water I had at the college. I ignore her, finish gorging myself, and then finally get into bed...but then hop up again to lock the doors. She's livid at this point, but she's only threatened to leave me alone once, so I figured maybe she was just lonely with all the business I had today.


Finally, I get into bed and start to think.




Back in Zone, I start digging another buckle, saying 'passionate'. I get to it, then have to leave to check some things, then get back to it, check more, patata. She's getting madder and madder, and then finally just growls under her breath, pulls out a bucket and tells me to meet her by the cauldron. I didn't even know we had one.


I leap off and go to her, buckle in hand, and then realize what's in the bucket- buckles. There's at least 7 or 8, and she's engraved them all with things I can't read for the flowery way she did it, but they're beautiful. I figure that's why she had all these quirks today, and I really don't know what to say to her at this point. She just dumps them all into this big, cylindrical furnace, and more metal is peeling off the side and falling into the flames, dripping down to what looks like a massive drain. I ask her what she's doing and she tells me she's tired of her dirty colossus arms. She wants them to be a fancier affair, and this is what she planned up. I was a bit worried, but agreed.

Then she tells me she wants her arms in it now.


So instead of what I had pictured later, which was to dip her arm into this swirling pool of gold, she wants me to tear them off and just throw them into the furnace, and we can reconnect them later. I was pretty worried, but she just went on and on about how she can't die, and I finally did it. It was fairly gruesome, but over in a flash, and I chucked the arms into the furnace. She starts talking about how they'll be gold when I mention something about rose gold, and she starts looking like she'd like that better.


I remember in making the bottom of my wonderland, I made sands gold and scarlet, so gold dust and something red. On a trip with some friends, we saw a field of poppies in the median of the highway, and I think I had put that there for some red. I hopped off my island to the world below, and found out I was right; poppies and gold dust everywhere. It hurt horribly to land, and after picking one, I wondered how I was going to get back up. Ves couldn't help me, no arms and such, so I had to jump.


There is gravity in my wonderland. I eventually settled on running over to this giant chain that linked a pedestal with some sword in it, I didn't care to look, and clambered up the chain until it was too wide for me to climb a simple link. There were notches on the side of the links, and I was frightened to hang on the edge of a chain link, clinking in the wind, with a poppy in my teeth....I managed to get up somehow.


I ran over to the cauldron, threw the poppy in, and marveled at the plume of crimson that roared out and down the furnace, and waited for further instructions. She had me walk her to the underbelly of the island (which I had no idea existed) and waited for the arms to finish. They came out with little drama, and we strapped them on.


The act of connection wasn't as grand as one would expect, it was a simple placement, followed by metal and skin winding around like thread, which the arm seemed to be textured after- spun gold thread. She flexed them a little, and then the rosen scales popped open, one by one. I asked what they did, and then her fingertips seemed to pop out little slivers, like a plastic template, which a furious plume of flames spurted out of. As it turns out, the scales take in blood spilled by whatever she happens to strike down. I guess I had been thinking about Killer Is Dead for a while now. To be more scientific, the scales act like turbines, drinking in whatever blood gets spilled into the air, and the flames get more and more cherried as it carries on. She decided to test this out by slashing me in two, and I woke up.


We continued with her legs, tearing them off and tossing them in while I dove down, albeit with more grace than before, and gathered up more poppies...and a violet. I thought it was fairly pretty, and clambered up the chain again to toss them into the furnace. It blazed a shrinking violet, and she asked me if I had stuck any violets in. I said I did, but she didn't seem to like that. Her legs connected again, but she rejected the violet and only half of her legs were changed. It looks like some sort of armor, but I can't say what. She stretches and enjoys herself, and I try to coin a new phrase, then I wake up again and patata. I haven't been back since, and I'm wondering what she can do with these newfound powers. The last thing I said to her before leaving was a simple 'I guess we'll have to figure out what your new specials are'.


I think the only reason this all came about was the worry about Procron and his Shadowman. I think I'd like to be prepared, and Vespera isn't the sort of person to just wait to strike.


The attachment is, for the most part, what her arms resemble.

, and

I think the darker parts are what spurred the thoughts of fighting.


square.png.9517ce95576ac01be6bee23d900a4031.pngOkay, so I lied. I made her face with the square editor thing, and now I can forge a face! It's still pretty cartoonish, but at least I have a full figure.


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