ThatOneGuy July 28, 2012 July 28, 2012 The limited access is nothing but good, like it or not. So yeah, force away while the internet has abandoned you. Orange juice helps with concentration headaches.
Charles July 29, 2012 Author July 29, 2012 And back I am! Made some fantastic progress with the wonderland, I'd say it's about 90% as clear and vivid as reality when I'm in the right state of mind. I decided to essentially redo the entire thing using a real place I had intimate knowledge of as a base, allowing me to see things much more clearly. From there I made gradual modifications until I ended up with an entirely unique landscape. Visualizing Linda within it is becoming easier holistically and I can feel her fairly well, but work still needs to be done on the details. The hair is giving me trouble again for whatever reason, so I'm spending some time looking over reference material. Her mental voice is definitely growing more defined and consistent, but fluency still seems a ways away. I'm also having trouble with a foreign presence of sorts. Quite often when I'm just moving around, I'll get this sensation like I walked into a blob of energy. It doesn't have any proper form, just the concept of being there and a sort of distorted mass. Sometimes it won't occur for a few sessions, but when it does I'm completely unable to continue without it interfering. There's a real sense of... aggression I suppose, coming from it. I don't think it would bother me if it were something that was consistently there, but the way it just seems to vanish and then suddenly be there again... suffice to say it's not a very pleasant experience. My best guess is that it's either an accidental tulpa that's angry at having been ignored or a subconscious worry at least mostly unrelated to the tulpa phenomenon. Regardless, I hope it either passes or decides to introduce itself soon.
Charles July 31, 2012 Author July 31, 2012 Well, I managed to clarify that whole foreign presence incident somewhat. I realized that I only ever encountered it when I wasn't visualizing Linda in the area, which seemed a bit too odd to be coincidence. Possibly because she was sentient before she had a set form, she's defaulting to something else until her current form becomes ingrained enough to be subconsciously maintained. The negative emotions coming from her were because I was unable to recognize and was brushing her aside whenever she appeared like that. In retrospect, it was more of a harsh means of getting attention than actual aggression, which was then amplified by my own worries. It's a bit frightening to me that I didn't immediately know it was her, but at least I can now start to set things right. Other than that, we've been getting along very well.
Charles August 2, 2012 Author August 2, 2012 Finally finished gathering reference material for Linda's design. I'm making a few minor changes, but her overall appearance is roughly the same, perhaps a bit more feminine than before. Her conversational abilities are still progressing in bursts, but we typically have at least one proper conversation daily now. Wonderland has made for some great bonding experiences as well. Whereas I used to only have a quick narration session before sleeping, we now curl up in bed and drift off together. The hallucinations which occur shortly before falling asleep enhance the experience, making it hardly distinguishable from reality. Tulpaforcing in general has grown increasingly sensual, rather than narration-based. For whatever reason, I'm finding that I get everything I need to accomplished in 15-30 minute sessions as of late, with longer sessions feeling more bloated and unproductive. Probably going to switch to twice a day from here on out. In other news, I'll be gone again from Friday until the end of next week visiting friends and driving down to Georgia to take over my grandparents' old house for the next few months. I'll try to find the time to post a few updates before I finish moving in.
Charles August 3, 2012 Author August 3, 2012 Completely unable to think of anything to write, but I don't want to squander one of my last chances to update for a while. H-here I go... I decided to do a pure narration session for the first time in a while, which went quite well. While completely focused, we were able to converse fairly well over the course of ten minutes. After that, I kept getting distracted and we were back to where we were beforehand. I got the headaches that I used to associate so heavily with tulpaforcing for the first time in about three weeks, which was a bit nostalgic. We also celebrated Linda's 100th-day. Hard to believe we've been together so long, they grow up so fast, etc. etc. Good times.
Charles August 6, 2012 Author August 6, 2012 Back from one trip, with progress aplenty. Two 6 hour drives gave Linda and I plenty of time to chat and work on visualization. We managed to steadily converse (still not audible in the way a normal voice would be) for more than an hour at a time with hardly any issues. When we weren't talking, I forced her a selection of books to read. Throughout this, I bounced between visualization within wonderland and real-world imposition. We actually had to stop both a few times because she was becoming too vivid for me to maintain focus on the road. I haven't had a chance to settle in for a more traditional tulpaforcing session and am, unfortunately, unlikely to for the next few days. I'm aiming to post another update on Tuesday night, but may end up having to hold off until the end of the week.
Charles August 10, 2012 Author August 10, 2012 Halfway there! Should be back to regular updates on the 13th or so. Still working on visualization/imposition, now with a very consistent form. Small improvements made in vocalization. Now back to driving ;_;
Charles August 16, 2012 Author August 16, 2012 Sweet, sweet, sweet freedom. Completely moved in, all pests are taken care of, and my friend has flown back home. I now have more than three months of semi-isolation to devote to nothing but exercise, schoolwork, and tulpaforcing. If anyone has any experiments that require or would benefit from such an environment, feel free to request anything you like and I'll be happy to participate. It's been difficult to do any particular activity consistently, but I've definitely made headway everywhere. Linda is occasionally speaking with great clarity for short periods, before returning to the norm. I'm confident that being able to again perform full sessions is going to make those times more permanent in the near future. We're very close to a point where I can begin calling her vocal without needing an asterisk. I tried messing around with the vocal chord technique I used to do after seeing it posted around recently. While I was able to hear her more clearly while doing it, Linda would complain that she could already speak fine in an annoyed tone and have me stop. As far as visualization/imposition go, I'm not even close to seeing her in the real world. Despite this, I often have a very clear sense of her location and can feel her moving about. These moments are occasionally even accompanied by genuinely audible sounds. She also changes outfits without any input on my part now. Overall, I'm finding that skipping straight to imposition-style visualization is more effective in developing the holistic form, while a wonderland or otherwise "inward" approach may be more effective with the minute details. Seeing them (not literally) in the real world definitely makes setting things height and proportions significantly easier, and I feel that some might actually find detail work easier via this method as well. As such, this is likely the method I would suggest, with inward visualization being done either after or simultaneously.
Charles August 18, 2012 Author August 18, 2012 We are now hard at work on that comically long survey, about 50 questions in thus far. I noticed a pretty huge improvement in her audibility by the end, such that, assuming she maintains this state tomorrow, I can now say that Linda is fully vocal! The questions also gave me a great opportunity to discover more of the ways in which she's deviated. It's hard to put into words just how incredible it feels when you realize just how much more there is to your tulpa than you may have previously thought.
Charles August 19, 2012 Author August 19, 2012 We've finally made our way through this blasted survey. Too tired to go into detail, but here it is: http://pastebin.com/5tQxpJ2X
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