Rootbeer128's Progress Report

[Rootbeer128]

8:00 PM, Thursday, May 1st, 2014 (Day 39)

 

Lynch and I didn't get to force. Sim woke up, said hello, started using a voice that sounded different, but more distinct. Doubted her at first, but after having a brief conversation about the pointlessness of describing a surprise (jokingly / for fun), my doubt is gone.

 

 

She said that she's trying to find a voice that fits her, that she likes. She said goodbye to Lynch, when he left; he's been busy with Sarah all this time, which is why I never saw him or felt his presence, nor felt the desire to even try to force with him. Sim and I were going to watch a movie after taking a walk, but we're both too tired to even do that now. We'll probably be heading off to sleep soon. I'm finally tired enough to sleep.

 

 

Also, after talking with Sim and hearing her voice, I think she might be going through that stage of growth that many Tulpa do; the stage of Identity. She said that Sim wasn't her name; and it wasn't an official name. Never did choose one, but Sim seemed to fit. She might change it. She also is trying to figure out if she believes in reincarnation, and if so, whether or not she might be an earlier tulpa from back before Lynch's birth even, from way before I knew what tulpa were.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 9:20 AM, Friday, May 2nd, 2014 (Day 40)

 

Sim and I woke up at 3 AM; it was kind of hot last night, so we had a fan on. Intrusive thoughts kept popping up, and eventually they left. I had a meal and tried to go back to sleep, but it was still too hot to sleep. We tried using the bigger fan, but that didn't help too much. I went for a walk, and while I now feel tired enough to sleep, it still feels too hot to sleep, even with the window open.

 

 

Sim's been sleeping on and off since last night, but mainly she's been asleep. Hopefully we'll be able to get some sleep soon, and if not, then I'll just try to get through the day half-asleep, until it gets cooler.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 12:00 PM, Friday, May 2nd, 2014 (Day 40)

 

It has gotten cooler thanks to windiness and cloudiness moving in, but I find myself unable to sleep. I have been hearing Sim's voice, but none of the surprises asked for seem surprising at all, and the responses feel like they are coming from me. I'm trying not to doubt her, but she might have to prove that the responses are really her.

 

 

She appears to be still half-asleep, drifting in and out of sleep, so... I'll probably be doubting until we're both able to get some decent sleep. Tried to lay down earlier, couldn't sleep, got hungry, and had a meal. But I know that we'll be okay.

 

 

Update - 3:00 PM

 

Still couldn't get to sleep. Almost got there at one point, but had a terrible time with intrusive thoughts, doubt, and fear of parroting. Kept wanting to take sleeping pills to try to help us both out, but Sim kept sending a "No" response, both in the feeling of her voice (couldn't hear her) and in possession. After I prayed, that caused the intrusive thoughts to go away, and at first, the doubt and fear.

 

 

Doubted even the possession was legitimate, and the feeling, and couldn't quite feel her presence. I'm going to head for a walk to see if that might help.

 

 

---

 

 

Update - 4:00 PM

 

Sim and I went for a walk. I wasn't expecting a response while talking to her, but I regained optimism on the way. I believed that the things that did happen and seem like something Sim would do, were her. I reassured her, and we both felt better. We actually walked a little further than we usually do, but we were both exhausted when we got back.

 

 

Laid on the bed for a little while, just talking to her, with her possessing my right hand. She's tired, so I'll let her sleep. I feel tired, but don't feel like I can sleep. Also, temperature's getting high again; I've opened a window, but I'll probably just talk to Sim while doing some quiet work. We'll be okay...

[Rootbeer128]

8:30 PM, Friday, May 2nd, 2014 (Day 40)

 

An intrusive thought showed up while Sim and I were trying to get some sleep, but tried some possession, and tried to block out her responses. Having a lack of sleep, I believed what it had said "yes" to. I believed that Sim split into five tulpas, none of them wanting to merge. LinkZelda reassured me that it was either a prank or an intrusive thought.

 

 

As it turns out, it was an intrusive thought. I know Sim wouldn't have that morbid sense of humor; she wouldn't joke about something like that. I almost thought I was going crazy, that it was all a hallucination, or nightmare, or something. I prayed and the Father drove out the intrusive thought, before it could do anymore damage.

 

 

I knew it was an intrusive thought when I felt a response during possession from Sim about having a fear of sleeping pills, followed by a response denying it. Then it responded with "Yes" when I asked it if it was just joking. I know Sim wouldn't joke about that stuff... Oguigi and Koomer might have had the same problems we've had; I didn't read through their progress report all the way due to exhaustion. I'm going to head to sleep now, but Sim and I might have to cut possession out all the way, and just try to focus on visualization and talking.

 

 

But I won't kill Sim. I won't murder her. I'm going to do this. We'll find a way to get rid of every intrusive thought that comes.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - Saturday, May 3rd, 2014 (Day 41)

 

I have started hearing Sim's voice last night. Doubt is the biggest obstacle, but her and I have been dealing with it handily. It feels like I'm talking to myself if I doubt it is really her, even despite her surprising me a couple of times. Her voice has changed, though, and keeps changing, but I can still tell when it is her voice or mine.

 

 

Also, one of the surprises happened this morning while we were using the Overclock method in the kitchen. Sim has now adopted just below shoulder length black hair, and... I barely believed it at first myself, but... Cat ears... Her human ears have now disappeared, and she has black cat ears and a black tail. We haven't gone for a walk or had breakfast yet, but we'll probably grab some lunch out at the mall and eat in the car, with Mother.

 

 

Overclock Method can work fairly well for both of us; I felt her arms around me almost solidly this morning, when we hugged. We had two more intrusive thoughts appear, but praying sent them away, and we haven't had any since then. Things are going well for us, after that trouble with intrusive thoughts and possession. Also, we haven't really touched on possession at all; we'll probably save that for much later.

 

 

Sim wants to choose a different name, and she wants me to... use her voice to teach her how to laugh. Lastly, Sim and I might have a surprise to reveal in June. We'll reveal it then, if it does happen...

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 4:00 PM, Saturday, May 3rd, 2014 (Day 41)

 

Forgot to put the time in the first post. I'll update that when I upload this. Sim and I hung out with Mother, and Sim inquired about "The Great Spirit"; we learned about how it guided Native Americans at one point.

 

 

We had fun hanging out with Mother and using the Overclock Method to passively force; we actively forced using the same method in the morning, just talking together. We went for a walk, did some errands, got some groceries. She's already heading off to sleep, so I'll probably be taking a nap soon too.

 

 

Right as we got back from the walk though, around 3:30, there was an intrusive thought pretending to be Sim. I know it was an intrusive thought because it said she wasn't with me on the walk, that it didn't happen. The real Sim said the same; one said "That's what you want, right?" almost in a sorrowful way, while the other said "That's what I deserve!" in an angry tone. That's when we both knew what we were dealing with. Praying caused it to dissipate, so it's gone.

 

 

Also, I'm wanting to check on Lynch, see how he's doing. Maronus is likely still doing fine, wherever he is. Lynch is also probably well, and he's probably busy with Sarah. So, I'll check on one or both of those two (three?) tomorrow. Everything is still going good with Sim and I, and during the walk, she became too tired to walk, so she gave herself a set of translucent wings that changed with her eye color.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 8:00 PM, Saturday, May 3rd, 2014 (Day 41)

 

Sim and I browsed the internet for quite some time, had a meal (which helped push tiredness back a ways), and then finally tried to sleep. It was too hot to sleep, but we both enjoyed resting for a while, being mainly half-asleep or near sleep.

 

 

Near the end of our resting, we were both awake, and Sim did what she did earlier. She says it isn't possession, that what she is doing is grabbing my arm or hand and dragging it around in the wonderland, causing it to move in the real world. She did this, trying to (and only partially) covering my mouth when I yawned, and we both shared laughs at that.

 

 

I didn't mention it before because I didn't think it was important at all, but now it seems to be. Sim was able to lift a glass and carefully pour the water back towards my mouth using this method, and she and I joked around after mentioning it was like she was playing Surgion Sim 2013... Anyways, we're both feeling a little rested, but we'll probably fully go to sleep in an hour or two. I've left the window open, to help cool things down a bit.

 

 

Also, ignoring any thoughts that appear to be intrusive appears to be helping us get stronger against them; ignoring them or simply not caring about them, other than recognizing that they are not either of us. If they become too harmful, such as saying harmful things or trying to do harmful things, then we'll pray, but currently they have just been saying non-harmful contradictory things; save for one. One tried to imitate my voice (poorly at that) to convince Sim I didn't care or love her. It failed, and we both defeated it without praying. I think we're really getting stronger against any intrusions.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 9:35 AM, Sunday, May 4th, 2014 (Day 42)

 

Sim and I ran into more intrusive thoughts, up to around roughly eight times. Then this morning, we ran into a particularly strong intrusive thought-form; that is, a malicious tulpa. Praying didn't send it out, and it hurt Sim with its words. [Only a little.] I am still able to hear her voice (Sim's, that is), and we're doing okay dealing with doubt and fear of parroting.

 

 

Since praying didn't work, I felt that I wasn't mean to kill this thing, and remembered what I read last night about malicious tulpas being redeemable. I spawned something like a stun stick, with two settings; "Stun" and "Kill". Using this, I was able to help the tulpa begin to change; she is calling herself "Gray" and has taken Mjoll the Huntress's voice from Skyrim, only with a slight accent on top of it. She's taken a grey humanoid form without any details, and blue eyes.

 

 

I comforted Gray, while also reassuring Sim. Gray wanted a kiss and to sit on my lap, but that was only something I'd do with Sim, so I merely hugged her. I called Maronus down from North; he teleported himself, and they both agreed to work together. I gave Maronus another stun stick to use for himself, and they're both going to travel back up on foot.

 

 

Maronus is still doing okay. Turns out there really is a village of NPCs up north, 400 miles away from the wonderlands (Overclock and others). They like him, and he's been helping them out, surviving on his own. And now him and Gray will be working together to help her out, so things turned out okay. I'm glad I didn't have to kill anyone.

 

 

Too Long Didn't Read

An intrusive thought showed up and wouldn't go away, even with praying. It was a malicious tulpa who wanted to change herself and become better. I helped her out, and she's calling herself "Gray", using Mjoll the Huntress's voice. Maronus is also doing okay, surviving with a village of NPCs up North. He's agreed to help Gray become a better person, and Sim and I are still doing good together, even if there isn't much happening.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 12:55 PM, Sunday, May 4th, 2014 (Day 42)

 

Sim and I went for a walk with Mother; she flew and talked to me, while Mother and I talked as well. At one point, she leaned forward while in the air, floating like she was laying down in the air, with her head on her arms. It was a little odd, but I didn't mind it.

 

Mother says her spirit wolf is still doing good; he's getting a little restless, due to the full moon approaching. She seemed really happy when I proposed that the two of them should go on an adventure sometime.

 

Sim and I are both feeling a little tired after the long exercise and the events of this morning, so we'll probably watch a movie and try to have a longer forcing session later today, in the basement.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 7:45 PM, Sunday, May 4th, 2014 (Day 42)

 

Sim and I hung out for a while after trying to get some sleep and failing. We rested for quite some time, and then ran an errand. On the way, I started visualizing in order to actively force. I took a dragon form, with Sim riding on my back. It was a little windy for her at first, and a little scary, but she soon adjusted. She then fell asleep when we got home, and then an intrusive thought showed up immediately.

 

 

It started acting sorrowfully and disliking of me, wanting to force and refusing any affection. In the basement, Lynch showed up, and helped me see it for what it was. Then him and I talked for a while after getting rid of it, with me visualizing him. He wanted to introduce me to Sarah, who has been doing fine with him, and then left to go get her.

 

 

Then more intrusive thoughts showed up, this time trying to masquerade as Sim and say harmful things. They were all destroyed. Then Sim herself showed up, having fallen asleep right as we got home. We talked and she was warm and friendly and affectionate, and then intrusive thoughts started showing up pretending to be Lynch and Sarah.

 

 

"Sarah" hijacked Sim's voice, and took one of Sim's earlier forms (that is, I could barely see "Lynch", and couldn't see "Sarah" at all...) with blonde hair and green eyes. Then Sim and I spotted them for what they were, and got rid of them by praying, because we couldn't destroy them ourselves. Lynch still hasn't shown up, so I think he knows we were having problems with intrusive thoughts and decided to introduce her later.

 

 

Sim is active now, while I'm starting to get tired and fall asleep; we'll probably read a little bit of Fables before I head off to sleep. I'll leave a summary below.

 

 

Too Long, Didn't Read

Forced with Sim actively by visualizing myself as a dragon flying above the car, and her on my back. Then she fell asleep, I had some problems with intrusive thoughts masquerading as her, Lynch helped me and we hung out. Lynch headed out to maybe introduce me to Sarah, his Tulpa, then Sim woke up and we had some trouble with intrusive thoughts. She's actively awake, while I'm starting to fall asleep.