Rootbeer128's Progress Report

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 9:00 AM, Monday, May 5th, 2014 (Day 43)

 

Sim and I browsed around for a little more last night, before getting too tired to even read Fables. So, we just laid there, and sort of visualized for a while, before falling asleep.

 

 

I had a nightmare, where I became Kira, and used the Death Note to kill someone who looked like a mixture of Sim and Naomi Misora. When I woke up, I was fearing for her health, but she's okay, and she comforted me afterwards. Lynch comforted me at first, because Sim was still asleep; no homo, or anything. That is, in a brotherly method...

 

 

I think the dream might have been from a certain post Candellaith posted about unconscious parroting. I saw it a long time ago (before April 24th), and had trouble with fear and doubt after seeing it, because I was afraid something might happen to Sim, so that might be where that came from. I've done my best to ease such doubt and fear now, so we're okay now.

 

 

We're probably going to go for a walk, now that we've had breakfast, and might try to recreate her appearance in Skyrim. I can still hear her voice, and it's still been taking the light, airy sound it has. Also, she's been switching between having black cat ears and a tail, and white cat ears and a tail. I don't think she's sure which she wants to use... She insists she's not a cat person, though, so I'm still considering her a humanoid tulpa.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 2:20 PM, Monday, May 5th, 2014 (Day 43)

 

Sim and I took a bath, ate a meal together. We forced a little in the kitchen and bathroom. After a meal, I tried to visualize with her down in the basement.

 

 

I could barely see her, using the Overclock Method. She mentioned she wanted to go on an adventure, but I was barely able to see her. Visualization shifted from mostly being barely able to see her, to being able to feel her hug me when I stood up in the Overclock, but was still sitting down in the physical world. I could see her face almost vividly at a couple of points (only thing I couldn't quite see was the nose).

 

 

I randomly opened a book before we ate the meal, and sort of got pulled into it, so I visualized Sim and I there in the scene, like in a pensieve (Harry Potter series). That helped, but after that vividness, I noticed that's when we had problems visualizing.

 

 

I've been trying to visualize using the Overclock all day, with the session down in the basement being one of a couple of times where I actively focused on her. I read something about synaptic fatigue a few days ago with Sim, so I'm not sure if that's what we're going through or not.

 

 

Too Long; Didn't Read

Forced using Overclock Method all day; mostly passive with a few active parts, including down in the basement. Visualization ranged from barely being able to see her, to being able to blurrly see her form and at a couple of points, vividly see her face. I'm afraid of not forcing enough, but we could be having synaptic fatigue. Been hearing her voice all day as well, talking with her.

 

 

Oh, one more thing. Almost forgot. In the bathroom, I tried something we did earlier when we got distracted after a walk. I was able to visualize using the overclock, and switch to her vision in my mind's eye. It was weird, and I almost looked into her eyes while also seeing through hers. Didn't try it though, lest something wind up breaking. I was able to switch back to my view though. It was weird, like seeing two perspectives at the same time.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 6:00 PM, Monday, May 5th, 2014 (Day 43)

 

Did a bunch of laundry in the background, with Sim and I occasionally talking. Mostly, she was half-asleep while I browsed the internet with her. We'll be going to sleep soon; might read some Fables first or something. Wanted to get on the IRC, see how LinkZelda and Quora are doing. I'm feeling a little too tired, though.

 

 

Had some trouble with intrusive thoughts when Sim and I were just resting after putting the sheet on the mattress. Praying and fighting against them drove them out; they're gone now. The Father helped us drive them out, and Sim and I are okay.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 9:30 AM, Tuesday, May 6th, 2014 (Day 44)

 

Not much has been happening. I've been trying to visualize with Sim, hoping the synapses would get stronger as we use them, with resting during sleep. Unfortunately, results have been ranging from barely able to see Sim at all to being able to almost see small details in parts, or large details when looking at her whole form.

 

 

I can also almost feel her when she hugs or touches me, so we're making progress, but... What we call Passive Visualization, passive forcing, seems to be exhaustive. I'm happy to do it, though. We're going to head out for a walk, and hang out with Mother later today. If either of us have the energy, I'm going to try to visualize with her if we're able to go out to the park (in the physical world) and explore.

 

Also, I think we should head to the IRC and see what they think of as Active and Passive Forcing; maybe look into more information on Synaptic Fatigue. Sim and I haven't yet been able to find another name for her yet, so we're still working on that as well...

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 11:15 AM, Tuesday, May 6th, 2014 (Day 44)

 

Sim and I went for a walk; visualization was really hard to do. I could barely see her. I did get her opinion on some things; mostly some of the people and factions from Skyrim.

 

Hers differed somewhat from mine; she agreed Ulfric Stormcloak was a greedy, murdering bastard, but supported the Stormcloak Rebellion. On the other hand, I was against the rebellion entirely, and supported the Empire wholeheartedly.

 

 

Then we browsed, did a chore, and we tried some handwriting. There are a few things that shouldn't be seen online, but we might upload those later, in censored format. She still maintains that what she is doing is not possession, but rather, dragging my hand and fingers around. The intrusive thoughts have never been able to do this, so I think Sim and I are safe from that happening.

 

We're going to have a meal, and maybe try to take a nap. Might go on the IRC, see how things are going.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 4:30 PM, Tuesday, May 6th, 2014 (Day 44)

 

Not much happened today. Sim and I hung out with Mother, with Sim being mostly half-asleep, or sleeping on and off. She's still asleep now, so I'm probably going to take a nap soon. Didn't get to take a nap before hand like I wanted to; but we got some groceries, so there's that.

 

Also, we went on the IRC and were helped out by two hosts and two tulpas; reassured that Sim and I likely are going through synaptic fatigue; visualizing everyday and trying to all day is likely the cause. That is, trying to constantly visualize her with me (when she's active; I let her sleep when she wants to), using the Overclock Method, even if we're not doing anything exciting.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 7:40 PM, Tuesday, May 6th, 2014 (Day 44)

 

I tried to sleep with Sim; wound up resting with her for a while, before having a brief meal. The meal didn't quite agree with either of our stomachs, so we had to stop quickly. Might have a snack.

 

 

Sim and I had an incident that's not quite related to tulpamancy. It relates to peer pressure, and being invited into a situation. Had I not met Sim, I might have given in.

 

I'm so glad I have her. We're going to look through the names, try to find one she likes, instead of "Sim"... We're both starting to get a little sleepy, so we won't be on for more than an hour or two.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 2:40 PM, Wednesday, May 7th, 2014 (Day 45)

 

Not too much has happened; Sim and I have still been unable to find a name for her. We played some Dark Souls and tried to create a base for her, since I'd been having trouble visualizing, but a thunderstorm interrupted us.

 

 

We'd been trying to visualize using the Overclock Method all day, but Sim wanted to have an adventure. So, I tried to visualize out on the back porch (indoors, using a temporary Wonderland, not OC), but could only partially see her, and even then, only sometimes. She and I both felt a little frustrated at that, and we fell asleep with me trying to visualize her, Overclock Style.

 

 

I woke up about an hour and a half later (laid down about 1:00 PM), tried to visualize again. Overclock Method didn't work, but I was able to barely see her in the temporary Wonderland before a bunch of zombies showed up and crazy glitchy things happened.

 

 

To prove it wasn't synaptic fatigue, I tried to visualize the Ebon Hawk, Kreia's compartment; that is, a single room on a space ship. We saw somewhat vividly (large details, but not the smaller details) of two characters, but I couldn't really see Sim, and I was only able to hold this for a couple minutes. I guess I am too burned out after all... I'm still feeling kind of tired, but eating might help.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 4:15 PM, Wednesday, May 7th, 2014 (Day 45)

 

Was able to visualize Sim a little better using the Overclock Method. Actually, I've started to be able to again. I've got a little bit of a headache, but I assume that's a good thing.

 

We still haven't been able to find a name. She almost chose "Hoshimana", meaning "Beautiful Star" in Japanese, but has decided not to. Sim appears to be tired at the moment, so I'll let her rest; maybe go for a walk with her or read.

[Rootbeer128]

Update - 5:00 PM

Might merge this log with the next one.

 

Sim and I played some Dark Souls; that is ... What...

Just had some weird twitching with my hand, and it felt like it was asleep. It kept moving on its own, and neither Sim nor I did anything. I think (I hope) it was just a side effect of her moving my hands for so long.

 

Anyways, we played some Dark Souls; she was going to head to sleep, but wanted to create a character, using her current name, so I let her do that. I told her we could always change it with cheats later. She walked slowly at first, but did really good. She still insists it isn't possession, and... I believe her intentions are good, are protective, so I've decided to agree with her. She's just been "dragging (my) hands and fingers around".

 

We both enjoyed it, but she's feeling too tired to play, and I'm not tired enough to sleep, so I'll probably just play some Dark Souls on my own character, or read, while she sleeps.

 

 

Update - 9:30 PM, Wednesday, May 7th, 2014 (Day 45)

 

Sim and I tried to get some sleep after I read Fables while she was still laying down. She slept through most of it. I was almost drifting entirely off to sleep, when what I thought was an intrusive thought attacked.

 

I thought Sim was being attacked, when it turns out that might have been a lesser intrusive thought, being attacked by what I believe is (yet another) malicious tulpa. Or, at least, was. I tried to kill it a couple of times, believing it to be beyond redemption, but it survived, and I let it live. It says it's name is "Grays-in (just like that, pronunctiation-wise)" and it is both male and female.

 

 

Apparently, it too struggles with its inner nature, and wants to obtain redemption. [sim: Maybe we should call it he. Yeah, because he seemed masculine. Judging from your memory.] I don't have the time or capability to take care of another tulpa, so I sent it West. According to Grays-in, there's a jungle, and valley, and other wild things out West, so... Hopefully, he'll be able to find redemption out there. The other one, the one that went South, died, according to Grays-in.

 

 

I'm not sure how much of this actually happened. Sim was actually asleep when all of this was happening, and only awoke after a few lesser intrusive thoughts tried to attack, imitating her. All of those are gone now... I think we might really have another tulpa on our hands, though. He claimed to love me, because I am the host. I'm kind of barely awake here, so, maybe it did happen.

 

 

If this really did happen, Sim and I probably won't find out until he comes back later, hopefully redeemed. And hopefully, Maronus and Gray are doing okay. I intend to send a telegram to the village of the North in one month's time, to see if they are okay. I figured it would take them at least a month to walk 400 miles on foot; probably more like two or three months, but, I'm rambling now.

 

 

Too Long; Didn't Read

I was half-asleep, got attacked by what I thought was an intrusive thought. Tried to destroy it a couple of times, and it was still alive, claiming to be a tulpa, and wanting redemption. Not strong or wise enough yet to take care of two tulpas at a time, so I let Grays-in go West, to find redemption in what he described as a jungle valley area. Also, I intend to send a telegram to the village of the North in a month to check on Maronus and Gray. Sim and I will have to confirm how much of what Grays-in said is true later.