Enny's new and (Probably) exciting adventures in Tuppermancy (Remastered 2022 ​😎​)

[Guest]

All fine, friend

 

So I fell asleep early yesterday, and have been at a friend's all night, but didn't sleep. So around thirty minutes ago, I decided to give it another go. Laid on the floor, with my knees kinda propped upwards, in a comfortable way, but so I wouldn't fall asleep, and started going with the count-the-exhales thing. Went like that for a couple minutes, but my head was still crazy, so I drew out the number in my head on the exhales, and thought "In" on the inhales. It's not blankness of the inhale like Shui mentioned, but it kept my attention a bit better.

 

Was still thinking about some random stuff, but the In's and Out's were keeping a lot more of my focus than they were the other night. Mostly fleeting trains of thought that didn't carry for more than four or five seconds, now that I think about it.

 

Felt kinda relaxed after ten or so minutes, and in the last five, I was getting this tingly, pulsey feel in my back and the back of my head. It wasn't unpleasant or anything, just don't know if that happens, or if it were my position. Can't focus at all while in any sitting-up positions, so screw those whatever the case.

 

Anyway, as well as the tingles, my mouth slowly made its way open in the last bits, but it wasn't irritating or anything, oddly enough. Also, the last few times I've given it goes, swallowing spit makes me feel like I'm bringing myself right back to the start, for some reason, but it just sort of happened without affecting me, this time.

 

Lasted twenty minutes. Could have gone longer, but I wasn't sure how much time had passed.

 

So yeah. Probably just that I tried going into it with a much less "Fuck this, it's gonna be the same as ever" outlook, but it was alright. Wasn't near falling asleep, but even so, when I came out of it, everything was pretty slow to get moving again. I'll assume that means I was at least getting there? Tried visualizing once or twice near the end, nothing took, but I probably shouldn't have expected anything either.

 

Anyway, napping now, it's been a long day and night, and I'm tired. Will do it again later today, probably after the sun's set or whatever.

[sushi]

Hey, that's pretty good. Your mind won't go blank immediately. It might take a few sessions. Definitely sounds like you're doing well.

 

Visualization won't come immediately either, but you're on the right track with that too. Do anapana until you feel like your mind is focused, and then move into visualization. If you feel like your mind is wandering, go back to anapana, but if not, just stick with visualization.

[Guest]

Just went for another twenty minutes. It was pretty awful. I think it's just my room. It's never a comfortable temperature, and I'm always running a fan/heater, cause we don't have regular temperature control stuff in the house.

 

Would just turn one or the other off for the time, but there are sounds all throughout the house at all times I'm awake, so eff.

 

Couldn't focus on breathing for the life of me, instead wound up accidentally carrying on some analysis of a game I haven't played in years.

 

Sigh, better luck next time. Will try to narrate for a while in an hour or two.

[Guest]

Aha, wow. So I'm reading through my first PR, and to say the absolute least, I'm kinda disappointed in myself. In hindsight, I remember doing a lot of worrying and shoddy narrating, but it's kinda embarrassing to see ten-twenty posts in a row of "Will do something tomorrow", and then "Okay, so I didn't do anything, I will tonight", then I update two days later saying I haven't done anything in days, haha.

 

I hope it doesn't get to that point here. I think I'm getting this whole 'consistency' thing down at the very least, so I don't think I'll just straight-up not attempt anything at all in any given day, anymore.

 

Still, it's nearly been two years since I first started, and I don't wanna be that one guy who complains about no results when he's not even working, anymore. I wanna be able to complain about no results after a week of hour-a-day forcing, gosh darn it!

 

 

Hmm. I'm not sure I've ever really treated any attempted Tulpa of mine like a person, when I think about it. A person would be upset that I'm not spending time with them when it's what I should be doing, and with Miriam, and Airy, and I wanna say there was another one but can't remember, I'd just

 

"Sorry for not working, I'll try to be better later", and then I would just skimp out later, and say the same thing, instead or what I'm trying to do now, which is more like "Oh fuck, I'm so sorry, lemme give you a bit of attention before I get back to what I'm doing." It's not much, but it feels a bit better. I've spent four or five minutes willingly narrating, after every twenty or thirty minutes today, which is much more than I can say for the "School is boring", "How are you?", "Ten words something something and not talk to you again for another hour" I used to be doing.

 

Still, to be quite honest, don't have much to say, but it's something.

 

All the same, hope it pays off sometime. I've spent a year on a non-vocal, seemingly non-sentient Tulpa already, albeit with minimal effort, and would be willing to again, but there is still that point of what I'm willing to do, and how much time I'm willing to put in without so much as emotional responses, and actual head-pressures, or anything, before I convince myself it's time to move on again.

 

At any rate, positive thoughts this time! Haven't too down and pissy yet, gonna try to keep it that way!

 

Taking an hour or two here in a little bit to focus on narrating, trying to think of easier ways to work on personality, and then I'm gonna see about visuals. Here's to hoping.

[Guest]

Did wind up doing all that. It was alright. Narrated twenty minutes, only zoned out once or twice. After that, attempted visuals. They were really bad, and then I decided to turn on my phone, load up a document, and stare at it while I tried getting back to that old house thing I was briefly able to visualize. It worked, kinda. I got one or two good looks at Peachy, I think, and was able to kinda see the little house, or how it was different. Imagined, in those RP's I was doing where Peachy was introduced, her home, and it was kinda similar to the one I made up for wonderland, so I just used that.

 

I still can't turn my head or anything in visuals, as it's still majorly still-shots with a bit of movement going on if I'm lucky. However, I think I got one kinda good instance where I was able to move my hands and scratch her ears, or whatever I was doing. I think she bit my hand. Might have done that myself, but I think I would have puppeted a nuzzle, personally. Not gonna assume anything right now, but yeah, was bitten, and it was kinda cute.

 

That all held up for another fifteen or twenty minutes, and then I settled down a bit, and casually narrated the rest of my time, falling asleep moments after I decided to stop, I think.

 

However, there's been this weird thing happening the last couple nights I fell asleep narrating. I wake up from sleep several times, for one, and it's like a fever dream. Dreams are kinda vivid, but repetitive, and when I wake up, any of the times, I'm confused, still mumbling like I'm in the dream, seeing things, and I think differently. It's been strange, I'm not sure if that happens to anybody else? Not fond of it, but if it's a positive sign, I'm not complaining.

 

Oh, right, meditation. Woke up, waited for my head to clear out, then went at it for maybe ten minutes, before experiencing a soul-crushing sneeze, and getting a headache. Cut my losses, going for an afternoon attempt here in a bit, probably.

[sushi]

Would just turn one or the other off for the time, but there are sounds all throughout the house at all times I'm awake, so eff.

 

You might try some white noise or binaural beats with headphones. Binaural beats are supposed to help you induce a meditative state more easily. I haven't really noticed a difference, but they are really good at blocking out noise.

 

I hope it doesn't get to that point here. I think I'm getting this whole 'consistency' thing down at the very least, so I don't think I'll just straight-up not attempt anything at all in any given day, anymore.

 

Definitely good to hear!

 

Hmm. I'm not sure I've ever really treated any attempted Tulpa of mine like a person, when I think about it.

 

Definitely helps. At one point I left Fenchurch in the kitchen and went to get something from my bedroom. By the time I got to the bedroom, I had forgotten who was waiting for me in the kitchen, but I had this strong feeling that somebody was there waiting for me. I think it was CreativeMind who offered her tulpa a cigarette before she remembered that he couldn't take it. It's really cool when that stuff happens. Makes you feel like you're really making progress.

 

At any rate, positive thoughts this time! Haven't too down and pissy yet, gonna try to keep it that way!

 

Also helps.

 

It worked, kinda. I got one or two good looks at Peachy, I think, and was able to kinda see the little house, or how it was different. Imagined, in those RP's I was doing where Peachy was introduced, her home, and it was kinda similar to the one I made up for wonderland, so I just used that.

 

I still can't turn my head or anything in visuals, as it's still majorly still-shots with a bit of movement going on if I'm lucky. However, I think I got one kinda good instance where I was able to move my hands and scratch her ears, or whatever I was doing. I think she bit my hand. Might have done that myself, but I think I would have puppeted a nuzzle, personally. Not gonna assume anything right now, but yeah, was bitten, and it was kinda cute.

 

That's cool. Sounds like progress.

 

However, there's been this weird thing happening the last couple nights I fell asleep narrating. I wake up from sleep several times, for one, and it's like a fever dream. Dreams are kinda vivid, but repetitive, and when I wake up, any of the times, I'm confused, still mumbling like I'm in the dream, seeing things, and I think differently. It's been strange, I'm not sure if that happens to anybody else? Not fond of it, but if it's a positive sign, I'm not complaining.

 

That's been happening to me too. I'll wake up in the middle of the night, completely convinced of something strange. A few times I even saw a doctor standing over my bed. Fenchurch has to reassure me of what's real and what's a dream. It's kinda ironic, but that's when she feels the most real to me. Even had this happen recently where I forgot that my girlfriend couldn't see her, and I was afraid I was already busted.

[Guest]

I've had varying levels of success focusing with noise---only Pink though, oddly enough, and with Binaural Beats, there are so many different kinds, I don't know where I'd even start. I definitely don't feel like trying out several for ten to twenty minutes each, before maybe or maybe not narrowing my search, testing a few again, and so on until I find one that I feel really works.

 

And that's actually pretty cool, the kitchen thing. I'm still having trouble really feeling like she's a person, but I'm trying, at least. Mindset.

 

Now that I think about it, Pink noise really was helpful to me back when I'd journal-narrate in school. So I might give that a shot, thanks for reminding me.

 

 

The more I think about the hand thing, the more conflicted I feel. Don't tell anybody, BUT I HAVE A BIT OF A BITING FETISH.

 

On one hand, could be that she knew about that and is secretly a vixen. On the other, maybe it was just a playful bite. Or it was totally aggressive and she's gonna try 2 kill me omg

 

When I said conflicting feelings, I initially had this sentience/puppeting thing in mind, but then I thought, and... There's still no way in hell I would have though to make her bite me I don't think. So.. Yeah, okay. Will take it.

 

And the sleep thing. Crazy. The most vivid hallucinations I've ever had, and I might have mentioned this before, were after a bout of sleep paralysis, of which I normally experience once or twice a year. Actually, got two in a row last year, trying to sleep at a desk at school.. I taught myself, during this bout, to very slowly move my body to one side, which I can still do while asleep I've found, and it's great for nightmares, so that my head would fall off of my desk, and I'd wake up. It worked, and to celebrate, I put my head back down, and went right back to sleep, only to fall into another bout, haha.

 

Anyway, was getting ready for school, and decided to lay back down before the bus arrived. Hit the bed, and the paralysis started. I started hearing like.. Nuclear-raid sirens, like you'd hear in movies. Those went on for a minute, then I was able to sit up, so I made my way into the living room, sat down, and my body went limp to one side, and my head hit the side of the couch.

 

...And then I woke up in my bed, unaffected. Was bizarre. Can't imagine getting more than these fever-dream, weak hallucinations frequently. Told your GF about any of them? Bet she thinks you're something else, haha.

 

Anyway, relevant tulpa stuff

 

 

 

I had intended to do a bit of meditation around four or five, but wound up sleeping instead. The weird feverish dreams only gave me three or four hours of sleep. Need to eat, and I'll resume all of that by ten or so tonight, I think. Plan on more narration, more visualization, and maybe personality, maybe not.

 

Forgot to mention in the last post, but ideology on personality is kinda just that I already know her well enough, how she acts and thinks, from the RP, and from lightly studying the traits, and, as weird as it is for me, I'd be better off applying it in the way of imagining how she'd react, and think, to certain questions, and stuff. Not parroting, but slowly getting a better idea of who she is with each session.

 

But yeah, stuff.

 

 

 

Side-note: Wish I could remember the day I started on her. Kinda jealous of people who remember the Tulpas' birthdays. I plan on having her around this time next year, hopefully speaking and fantastically fun to live with, and I'd like to do something.

 

Maybe just the day she bit my hand. I guess that's good.

[sushi]

Yeah, I haven't even bothered trying a bunch of binaural beats. Back when iDoser came out, I tried a few of those and they didn't do anything for me. Since then, I've just used ones specifically for meditation or hypnosis or Fede's tulpatones.

 

Haha, I don't think she's trying to kill you. I'd be more inclined to guess that it was playful. Definitely don't think it was puppeting though.

 

I've still never had sleep paralysis. I've heard it can be a gateway into lucid dreams though.

 

I have been telling my girlfriend about these dreams. I just have to leave out the bits about Fenchurch, and any other girls I might dream about. It's not really that weird compared to the dreams my girlfriend tells me about. O_o

 

Forgot to mention in the last post, but ideology on personality is kinda just that I already know her well enough, how she acts and thinks, from the RP, and from lightly studying the traits, and, as weird as it is for me, I'd be better off applying it in the way of imagining how she'd react, and think, to certain questions, and stuff. Not parroting, but slowly getting a better idea of who she is with each session.

 

Definitely sounds like a good idea. I've used character worksheets in the past to get to know characters in my writings. It might work for you.

 

To tell you the truth, I forgot Fenchurch's birthday for a long time. I accidentally deleted my first post about her. I knew it was at the end of the month, but I thought it was the 31st for a while until tulpa.info made it so we're able to see our deleted posts.

 

But yeah, the day she bit your hand sounds like a good birthday. First sign of sentience.

[Guest]

Using a character sheet sounds like a good idea. Of course, internet is being really fuckin stupid right now, so I'm having trouble getting them to load up. Well, got the 100 question, other one is being fickle..

 

Last night before bed, I narrated twenty minutes. Way too tired to continue, so I passed out. Wanna say it was.. Idunno, nine or ten.

 

Woke up at two, browsed the internet, and finished out the session around four. Bar five minutes, maybe. Narrated ten or so minutes, visualized with Pink Noise for fifteen or so, probably less, and narrated again to the end. Visuals were mediocre, but the noise did a good job of clearing up some of the craziness going on upstairs, I'll consider using it more often.

 

Wasn't that good overall, but I'm getting to the point where I just enjoy speaking, regardless of how it feels during timed sessions. Although, I kinda plan on a break today. Maybe twenty minutes total, well before I go to bed. The messed up sleep is really taking a toll on me.

[Guest]

Good and bad.

 

First, great, I'm in a groove. I don't know why I couldn't before, but any time I don't have my attention avidly taken by something, which admitted, I still do for most of the day, I'm narrating. Before sleep, narrating, walking around, narrating. It's good.

 

Bad.

 

I've had a two-day, perpetual, and throbbing headache. It's more dull than anything, and it comes and goes, but I'm getting the feeling this is just how it'll go for a while. Or maybe not, I don't know. As well as that, even with my break yesterday, I'm still getting fever-dreams. They're starting to turn me into a polyphasic sleeper, just without the beneficially structured schedule.

 

So there's that. Holy fuck though, I really care about this one. I don't know why, or how, but I'm still managing to narrate more than I should with this headache, I feel.

 

Need orange juice. Maybe painkillers. Did anyone else get it this bad? I'd really, really appreciate confirmation that it's normal there, haha..

 

Since trying to relax doesn't stop any of it, back to an hour-a-day schedule for the foreseeable future.